Tonight I had a surprise birthday party for the sidekick. It was quite last minute in planning, but it was a beautiful operation.

Step One: I went to the store and bought everything that seemed vaguely appropriate. I was waiting in line with the subject that had joined me for the ride when I realized that we didn't have plates, spoons, or cups...all of which were very much in need. So she held my cart in line and I went and grabbed them. When I got back there was this 60ish man behind my cart, affectively blocking me off from my stuff. "Excuse me, I said politely, I'm with her." He slid to the side and allowed me to pass, but not without the comment, "Would you tell me why women never want to wait in line?" I found annoying because I was only gone for about 20 seconds and had been waiting in line...but naturally, I do not ENJOY it...gracious...if I could cut all the time, I would. Naturally, I had the desire to ask if he could just tell me if men were naturally infuriating or it came with age...but I ignored such desires and merely clenched my fists. I am sure that he will die soon on his own with no need for an execution.

Step Two: I decided that the best thing to do would be to watch the sidekick's favorite movie, "The Very Thought of You." So I headed from the store to Blockbuster **note** I got a membership this Christmas with an expired Visa of my mother's...I just included that because I think it is funny **end note** and am going to get it when I look at my watch and realize I have 5 minutes until the party and the store is HUGE. Basically, there was no way I had time. So I left and went back home...where NO ONE had done as I TOLD them too...typical. So I decorated a different room than planned...got a different movie than planned...and got a pizza that was not at all planned... Total cost? Well...I don't want to count, but it was worth it, of course.

Step Three: Build webpage.

Step Four: Convince Danielle to come. She doesn't like surprises, apparently, and three people told her about it. I am not quite sure HOW that happened, but AGAIN...it had nothing to do with ME. So A, it is a surprise party and B, she knows about it. Oy. But I convinced her to come down...FINALLY and we had a quality good time.

Step Five: I bring out the cake. The Cake=Ice Cream with Candles...memorable quote, "Never let me call you normal." (repeated...repeatedly...)

Step Six: We all listened to a VERY entertaining war between subjects in which BOTH attempted to out-compliment either each other or Danielle. (Danielle is the Sidekick, yo...deal) At one point they were telling her what they predicted for her glorious future. The comment that had the most people choking on their ice cream was, "You're going to get laid a lot...by your husband." follow-up="You're going to marry a wonderful guy." Hmmm... My personal favorite was the following: "Danielle is the best in the UNIVERSE!"
"Danielle is the best in the GALAXY!"
"Danielle is the best in TEN GALAXIES!"
Empress interupts by-play"Uhhh...you guys...Universes are bigger than Galaxies..."
At this point, the subjects changed the subject.

Throughout the party there were three people that remained for the entire thing. One was Danielle (except when she went to get more food...oy, not exactly needed, but very tasty and most certainly eaten)...another was my roommate, the Princess Joanna, the Ballerina...last, and obviously far from least was myself, the Empress. **note** At some point during the evening Carlos appeared at the window...but did not enter the room...whoops **end note** Other than the regulars, there were about 20 people, we guestimate, that attended to eat and pay tribute to the Princess Bob of the Peasant Kingdom. (not me, fools, oy) Included amongst these royal guests were Erik, the McDonald's date of choice, and Bean...the ex-midnight stalker. (he has now moved on to other times of day) Neither was aware that the other would be there...despite their "best friends" status. That fact alone=classic. Bean showed up in record time...I think that he sprinted... Erik was extremely late...I think that HE crawled. I would very much like to have a picture of either scenario. Erik also needed to leave early, but, as with everyone else, we attempted to fatten him up first. We offered him everything on the table except what he REALLY wanted (besides me) but he managed to spot it anyway...in the dark, half buried under other things...from the back...where there is NO TITLE...from a good 15 feet away...and so, just as we had given up on him we hear the small request, "Are those...iced animals???"
"Why yes, " I replied, not having any particular liking for the creatures myself. His eyes brightenned (it was dark, I could tell) as I continued, "Would you...like some?"
"I would like an animal." he stated, walking over and plunging his hand violently into the bag. I smothered a laugh as he said his goodbyes and the room echoed back...he had not taken merely "an animal," or so I suspected. My theory was proven moments later when that same small voice echoed throughout the courts with, "I actually took two...can I have some more?" Tempting though it was to deny him...his hands were already in the cookie bag. And any man willing to return to a party of mostly women in order to get more iced animals...deserved those extra hippo, bear and monkey.

Step Seven: At some point during the night the ice cream became...soup. Still quite tasty of course, but a different texture altogether. As later guests arrived (believed to be attracted by random "free food" calls out the door, but this is not yet proven) several decided that they would like to have a "shake"...and the chocolate cookie dough soup started to disappear. I do not think I can properly express my joyful surprise at this event. I will try: "&:)>-3=<" Yeeeahhh...anyway...

Step Eight: The Movie. We chose the epic film, "The Matrix"...if you need more details and haven't heard of it...hit Alt F4, I won't allow you here. If you haven't seen it...do. During two parts in this movie the sidekick and I anticipated what would happen...and laughed. The rest of the room was quiet...however, we had a difficulty NOT being amused...up until the point of anticipation actually happened. Gotta love that...

Step Nine: Movie ends, clean-up begins. There seem to be much fewer people around all of the sudden... 3=boobs When I say that, I am talking about the balloons that Mike put into his jacket...I may never look at him in the same way again. The most amusing part was when he tried to take them out and the static prevented them from leaving him right away. He was quite proud of his new acquisitions and paraded in front of the doorway to the lobby. In the lobby was a friend of his...a teammate, even. They play football. I hope you understand why this is funny. I believe it was then that he unzipped and the static came into play...

Step Ten: All extras left and we were down to the three faithful yet again. We cleaned up in fairly short order considering the gihugic mess and it must have been quite entertaining to watch the sidekick and I attempt to carry everything (this included 8 balloons) up to her room. The best part was when she dropped the plates and napkins down the stairs. It was only made further classic by the fact that a subject picked it up and followed us up...only to discover us staring in dumbfounded shock at the locked door of the sidekick, which had been open when she went to the party, having left her keys hanging in visible sight...if you saw this key chain you would realize that you would have to be Stevie Wonder to miss them. **note** If sidekick threatens to hit you with aforementioned keychain...run **end note** Within the last week, the sidekick has been locked out of her room three times, thanks to her swedish roommate's habit of leaving the room at 2 am...and not returning until 8 or so...odd? Only when you consider that she has never been locked out before... **Bette Midler is singing in the other room...shoot me**

But funny things still happened...we were, after all, still awake.
4. The RA on duty that opened the sidekick's door for the 3rd time this week had no interest in our offer of Iced Animals.
3. As I began to record the nights events sidekick said, with a self-satisfied sigh, "I rock, don't ever tell me different." and pushed back her chair in confidence...only to flail about wildly as she lost her balance and came perilously close to wiping out hard core. Naturally, I found this hilarious.
10. The sidekick, in order to prevent such things from happening in the future...brought out more chairs to create a fool-proof system in which she could lean back in full trust that she would not fall. The Empress tried this system, but decided that she did not have enough faith.
777. The Empress was wise in her lack of faith, for later flailing by the sidekick proved that there is no fail-safe method of leaning back on one's chair due to human error in calculation. (Meaning: sidekick screwed up, yo...and it was funny)
13243546576668787967859784.23 The egg pen. I considered leaving just that sentance for you all to scratch your head and wonder about...but I shall enlighten you. Today, at dinner, we had an egg dying party. I dyed an egg...and I planned on going to class right from dinner...except that I didn't have my books and more importantly...had no pen. So I took a pen from the table with the eggs and dye. They had another one. But then I changed my mind about going back for my stuff and the pen was never used. Just now I rediscovered it in my back pocket, found a piece of paper and wrote the following message, "I stole this pen from ARA. This was an EGG PEN!! mwahahahahaha..." Then, because I really don't like the pen...I left it with the note.
5. The past week was announced, by the environmental club, to be recycling week. It reached it's conclusion on the sidekick's bday. Coincidence? Yup, but she doesn't think so. Read on in the commentary to find out why this is funny. Today, at 3:30, I missed the Campus Clean Up Contest...travesty.
Good night...sleep tight...don't let the bed bugs bite (ha, like you could stop it...) PATHETIC FOOLS!!! Anyway, I need sleep.