It has come time...to talk about the NUMBERS on the counter. As we wait with anticipation for the numbers to click over to 1000, I just have to say that it is lovely how packed the Palace has been lately. You are all welcome to stay as long as you would like. After all, I am an Empress worthy of your service and most of all YOUR GUESTBOOK SIGNATURES! So you wait for the muse if you must, but everyone else will be giving me pleasure through their creativity. Hop on the boat.

The Wacked Lady I promised to talk about

I was coming back to Chicago from spending a couple days with relatives. (oy, not recommended) My aunt, who was driving me, dropped her car off at the Avis place of the airport...where she was catching a plane and I was going to ride back on the L... So we were on this "complimentary bus service" from the Avis Car Rental people back to the terminal and when the bus (A big red bus with big letters saying "AVIS" on the side) stopped a couple people got off and then this lady, with a southern-ish sounding voice got on and said (very loudly), "Is this the CTA?" I rolled my eyes...hello...read. The driver explained that you got to the L (what she was looking for) by going to the next terminal. The woman didn't understand so the bus driver gave her a ride. And so the woman got off in front of me and after I said goodbye to my aunt I went the same way. She was stopped and looking about in confusion...asking people (in the same loud, southern voice) "Where's the cta? I have to get to Harlem." Ok...people really don't care what stop she was getting off on... People were just looking at her oddly and she turned to look at me...I really did not want to speak to this woman that was annoying me beyond bearing...but I pointed out the sign that had "CTA...trains to the city" with an arrow that she was standing right next to and proceded to follow my own directions, hoping to put some distance between myself and her. So I got on the train and waited for it to leave. At the end of the line it stays for a long time, though, so I was LUCKY enough that she caught up to me. "IS THIS THE CTA???" The annoying voice soon echoed about car. I am convinced this woman couldn't read or something... People affirmed that this was, indeed, the CTA and that she was in the right place. "Does this train go to Harlem?" The same affirming people pointed out the sign above her head that said it did. The rest of the people just kind of exchanged glances like..."New to Chicago...oy." She asked at every stop if it was Harlem...despite the signs and announcements... She finally made it there...I hope she had someone picking her up or there would have just been more agony involved with, "IS THIS A TAXI?"

Still:

Yet again...the side kick and I have been up all night. The difference between last time and this time, however...is the sheer madness that went through our brains when we made the initial decision tonight. Why is this night different from any other? Well...we had ABSOLUTELY NO REASON TO DO IT!!! WE DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING!!! Until about an hour ago, when the sun shone across the face of Chicago and the warm wind smiled upon our campus. We made the executive decision that there would be NO MickeyD's for our royal selves THIS TIME. Indeed, only the faintly exotic would do. And so we ventured toward the mysterious realm of "Tre Kronor" (tray crone-r:yeah, it really does look better than it sounds) It is a swedish restaurant, I am not swedish. (nor is the side kick) Therefore, it seemed a suitably adventurous and exotic place for our choosing. And so we attacked the open plains of sidewalk and went forward in our journey. HARK! Our path was blocked by a green headed being. (It was a duck, fools) If you are not laughing at the mental picture...it must be because you are not properly picturing what we saw. We were walking toward Tre Kronor expecting nothing but the beautiful man-made cement and what do we run across?!? A DUCK! The HELL is a duck doing in the middle of the sidewalk...? No attempt to move, nothing to suggest it was on the go...it was just THERE. However, as we came within it's bubble (if only I had such a huge bubble) it ascended the skies like a normal bird...but it was a DUCK! IT was SOARING?!? It could not have been a NORMAL duck. But alas, the duck's flying ability had very little to do with us, so we continued on to Tre Kronor, watching the skies for a sign of the runaway quack. We were told we had to wait for a table outside. We were pretty much indifferent to everything going on around us unless it was funny...so we just shrugged and waited, trying not to fall over. And then we noticed it...IT'S A BIRD!!! IT'S A PLANE!!! Damn, closer the first time...it was a duck...in the very same place. Was it good old green head in the same place as before? NO!!! It was a female duck (barring all creative costuming possibilities)...this was decidedly curious situation. What the **** was it about the sidewalk that made it so absolutly facinating to ducks at JUST that spot? Side kick started out our theory...

"I knew I left him here...he couldn't be that stupid to fly away." says the duck.
"Men. Goes wandering off. If I stay here maybe he'll come back."
"They always go back to the scene of the crime."
the duck shifts from web to web and turnes to look at a girls' dorm
"He's probably in there with all the girls."
Several minutes passed in contemplation...
"If I just fly HARD enough at the door..."
"Oh look...there's Nate Windt...hmmm...he'd make quite the replacement..."
"Oh bother, he already has a woman with him...now WHERE is my man?"
Duck shakes all over and flutters her tail about
"He sure knows how to get my dander up."
She steps forward toward a passing car
"Did they snag him?"
She stepped forward hesitantly
"Is that...?"
She stopped
"Nope, never mind..."
"OH!!! THERE HE IS!!!"
And off she flew in the very same direction as Greenie

Picture no sleep...add hunger...and place 2 ducks in the situation...that is the result. If you aren't laughing now...you're just bizarre.

THE END