My SUBJECTS...I am back at the PALACE. After a week in the cold snowy weather of the North a royal decision was made: Never again will the Empress reduce her royalty for the sake of those people traditionally referred to as parents. And with that thought, she left. Leaving, however, was a process much more difficult than anyone would imagine. There are certain steps in the process that are generally practiced in relatively the same way by the majority of people out there.

Airlines advise that everyone arrive an hour before the flight is scheduled.

This seems like an appropriate time to point out an observation I have made over the years... Law #3: "If you are in a hurry...no one else is." (Law 1 and 2 haven't been written yet...3 is my lucky number, don't bother me with your petty trifles, oy.) And I mean no one else. Particularly family.

e.g.
1. There is and hour and a half until my plane takes off...it takes half an hour to get there...my sister refuses to get dressed. (she is FOURTEEN, what the heck?) The Empress...turns to "command mode"...at the time when we picked up my dad...there was an hour left.

2. Enter Mother. She decided that it was necessary to sit in the car with me and explain that my father had a tendency toward slowing down when others want to speed up. She sat in the car telling me this with the slowest enunciation I have ever heard. I am LATE, not FOREIGN! It never fails to amaze me how people can do exactly what they, themselves, are complaining about.

3. She finally agrees to go get my dad who will, apparently, be furious beyond belief if he doesn't get to take me to the airport...understandable...me being my lovely self. So I got to wait for him...to talk...to ask my brother if he wanted to come...to get his junk from the car. (Apparently one never knows when there will be an opportunity to work on a lawsuit) **note** Having recently missed a plane...this made me a tad nervous **end note** Thankfully my mother informed me that there wasn't really any necessity to be there an hour before the flight...NOW they suggested and hour and a half...especially on busy days like Sunday. Thanks mom. *smack*

4. My dad decided to go by route of 35E. The best thing about the road, despite being the wrong direction was the speed limit. (70) My dad is a speeder. If you aren't...leave this site, I despise you. WUSS!!! Anyway...my father, the chronic speeder...thought that 60 would be a good speed with which to make the plane...riiight.

Continuing on...I made it...the plane was delayed. At the gate I saw a girl from my school. Regularly, that is not highly uncommon, it is big city and everyone is going back to school today...HOWEVER...I was flying to CINCINNATI...just shows that Delta gives everyone weird flights, not just me. Is that more or less disturbing?

My hope was that the plane would be cancelled, thereby allowing me to fly directly to Chicago. Did this happen? Of course not. The plane finally took off and I was inside... I was sitting with two people that were headed to San Diego... **note comment about Delta from before** The scenic route, I guess.

Thank you for choosing Delta...Believe me...I WISH I HADN'T
We apologize for the delay.Can't you just cancel next time!?!
We will reach our destination at approximately 4:10...Isn't that the very SAME 4:10 my ticket says my connection flight takes off...? Lovely...

Excuse me, ma'am?
Is this about a connecting flight?
*affirmative nodding*
Everyone has one...they know we're late...they might delay, they might not. *walks away*
Does everyone have a connecting flight at FOUR FREAKIN' TEN, though??? Thought not, bitch. **note** Last statement was thought, not verbalized **end note**

THE PLANE LANDS...takes an extrodinarily long time to get to the gate...and FINALLY the seat belt sign turns off **my seat belt had been off since landing and my bag was on my lap** Now, a comment about the seating arrangements...I had a window seat...in a group of three...in the back fourth of the plane. Everyone got up, and after a little bit my neighbors from California, knowing my situation...let me go ahead of them. The lady in front of them was tiny and taking up only have the space in the aisle...wasn't hard to step past her... The line, however, had yet to move. And so we waited. And waited. Finally, it began moving (4:13) and the plane was about 2 thirds empty....about four people ahead of me, however, there was a guy still taking down his bags... Fine, he has to grab his bag... still not going...grabs another bag...so he has two... takes down a garment bag...WTF, are we going or what? He finally left after about his fourth bag. Apparently it was inconvenient for him to move his bags during the tedious time before the door openned...a BETTER time to do it was when it was his turn to leave the plane... Not to be outdone...the lady behind him...I was truthfully somewhat amazed that she could walk freely down the aisle without getting stuck... had to maneuver HER bag from under her seat. She was laughing and joking around with the guy behind her in line...very bubbly like..."Oh, I'm not in any hurry, here. I can take my time. It isn't like the last time. I don't have a connection to make in 3 minutes." I partially muttered...partially BELTED "Well, I do." She didn't hear me...but the lady directly in front of me laughed. It is nice to get those small thrills out of the general stupidity of others.

The second I hit the ramp I bolted. I had to run carefully between the object of my scorn and her daughter (I didn't hit her, unfortunately) before I was home free and up the ramp. When I told the complimentary Delta rep where I was going she didn't seem at all surprised that I was heading BACK toward where I came from...not surprising in the least, of course. She gave me the first good news of the day: "Right down the hall." She did not give me a TIME however, so I beat it FAST to the moving walkway.

INSERT PET PEEVE: When on a moving walkway...it is like a street...STAND on the RIGHT (slow lane) and WALK on the LEFT (fast lane). DO NOT walk in very slow bunches. Do NOT stagger yourself while standing.

I arrived at the gate and TYPICALLY...Delta had delayed their flight a half an hour.

Closing Statement (for those who have not understood the moral of the story):

Do not fly Delta!