Dad-->Operates on a different plane than the rest of humanity.
Mom-->Is on the normal plane, but remains off balance despite this.
NakedVirgin-->Has her own superior plane, obviously.
Wilder-->This is not a nickname.
Robin-->Claims to be "the weird one" by the family's standards because she is the only normal one.
David-->Has the psychological need to move or make non-communicative noise 24/7. Often pounded by three immediately above.

The following are two stories that, unfortunately, do not involve Dad. However, most other characters are present.

Story #1

We were eating a nice lasagna dinner not long after I returned home for my Thanksgiving vacation. (that I created by cutting, for anyone who is curious) I shared with my mother, oldest younger brother, and sister the story that I related to all of you in the last commentary. My mother suggested that perhaps Jay's problem was that he was A.D.D. (no, it doesn't make sense, don't try to make sense of it) Since my mother thinks that everyone in the family is A.D.D. and I hate Jay, I was not pleased that she thought we had the SAME problem, no matter how senseless her analysis was.

"Hey, I represent that remark!" I said. My brother, too, had caught on and chimed in.
"Yeah, I resemble that remark." My mom laughed, agreeing that indeed, we were both A.D.D. She turned to Robin.
"How about you Robin?" Robin was staring at a forkful of lasanga and just said,
"CHICK-EN!"

As soon as we were able to breathe again...we decided that was answer enough.

A friend of a friend, named Andy...came over to my house for a movie one night. (we watched MI2, if you are curious--it was good) We argued with Andy for at least half an hour about coming over--because he was scared of my family. (he had heard stories) Finally, we get over there and Wilder was moonwalking (or what he calls moonwalking) across the kitchen floor. My mother was sitting around with headphones on and reading a magazine. Her headphones were partially falling off and David was trying to talk to her about football, which does not interest her in the least. So Sarah introduces everyone to Andy. Somehow, Wilder brings up Strip Clubs. A particularly nasty one in the Twin Cities is the Lamplighter. I do not know this from personal experience, but from Andy's response when it came up in conversation.
"Dude, the Lamplighter is nasty. All this girls there are all trashy. My sister worked there."
This was not the statement my brother was anticipating, but it was funny.

Andy, Sarah and I retired to the den, where the TV was about to show MI2. Sarah went to grab a blanket because my furnace doesn't always deem it necessary to work. During this time my mother peeks hesitantly into the room to see if the movie is going. She is still wearing her headphones in exactly the same fashion and carrying the cassette recorder she had attached to them. She was pleased to see that no one was watching yet and went over to dust the TV, an action I have not seen from her in at least two years. I was looking incredulously from her back to Andy, who was trying not to laugh. In the effort it took her to dust the TV, she lost the headphones from her head. She looked a bit disturbed by this. Did she pick them up and put them back at the ridiculous angle they had formerly enjoyed? No, she just held the cord up a bit so that they wouldn't drag on the cord as she left the room. Andy and I collapsed into laugher. He understood what it was like, then. And that night was mostly normal.

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