Take your head around the world
See what you get from your mind
Write your soul down word for word
See who's your friend, Who is kind
It's almost like a disease
I know soon you will be

Over the lies you'll be strong
You'll be rich in love and you will carry on
But no - Oh no
No you won't be mine

Lucky dropped his suitcase, letting it fall against the rug with a soft thud. His eyes slowly drifted from one space to another. Traveling from the tiny room that they could barely call a kitchen, to the living room that he now stood in. From the antique coffee table that she'd purchased at a flea market three weeks go, to the painting that hung over the hole in the wall that they liked to call a fireplace.

It was the first one she'd ever made to hang in their home. It made Lucky grin like someone with a wonderful secret every time he passed it. Opposed to the dangerous one he held now in his heart.

Miller's Pond in the middle of December. Frozen over. Two lovers kissing in the very center of the rink. With children gliding all around them. A surface he had fallen on many times, only a few months before. He laughed even now at the memory of her teaching him how to ice skate. 'More like "trying" to teach you,' he reminded himself. She'd been so incredibly beautiful that day it hurt to look at her. Earmuffs, red nose and all.

The plushness of their old couch sank under him as he sat down for one last time. Just for one moment. How was he supposed to live without seeing that face everyday? The face that stared back at him now from the other side of the room. A silver framed photo of the day they had started painting the walls of the living room.

Elizabeth, with her hair pulled up into a high ponytail, curling at the ends. She stood on the third rung of the ladder with pale blue paint smudge on the tip of her nose. She'd been so ecstatic that the landlord had finally given them permission to paint. It was the day that she'd begun to make this a home. Their home.

He remembered even now how it had felt to walk in the door and see her standing there like that. Paint brush in hand. He remembered what he had wanted to do with her. To her.

Lucky quickly shook the feeling off. He could not afford to let feelings like that distract him now. He had to get out. Life depended on it.

Standing from the couch, he rapidly lifted the single suitcase that lay before him on the carpet. Where he was going, he wouldn't need any more than that. God only knew if he'd ever need anything again. Anything but her. 'I can't do this now,' he thought, turning towards the table one last time to make certain that his note was right where he'd left it. He had to get out of the apartment before she got home.

Too late.

"Lucky?" Elizabeth asked, smiling as she entered their apartment, throwing her keys down on the small end table beside the front door. She spotted his suitcase immediately, and chuckled. "Ya goin' on a trip?" She joked, before pressing her lips to his cheek for a long moment.

She tried to contain her giddiness, but it was almost impossible. She felt like she was about to burst.

Lucky looked down quickly as she made her way into their home, stripping her jacket and throwing it on the couch. His eyes followed her as she quickly walked towards the answering machine. She turned around with a grin on her face when she saw there was no blinking red light.

"I have to go," he stated, watching the grin fade quickly from her face. His voice stayed hollow. Completely unreadable.

Elizabeth stopped in her tracks, turning around to face him. As alarm suddenly ran through her body. Concern caused her brow to furrow. "Lucky?" She asked, nearing him. "Is it Laura?...Luke?...Did something happen to LuLu...Nik-"


"No," Lucky said, looking downwards once again. His yes found hers a moment later. "I'm leaving...for...awhile," he said, nearly swallowing his last word.

She shook her head briefly, not understanding what he meant. "What do you mean leaving?...Where are you going? Is it something for Jason? Something for the new bike shop?"

"I can't tell you," Lucky stated, shifting the handle on his suitcase from one hand to another.

Elizabeth bit her lip. What was he talking about? He'd never had to hide the fact that he was doing something for Jason before. "What?...Lucky...what are you talking about?"

'Damnit!' Lucky thought. This hadn't been the plan. She was not supposed to be home this soon. Why of all days had she picked this day to get home on time? Of course today would be the day that fate would step in and allow her professor to cancel class, or she would actually catch the correct train home. 'How the Hell am I supposed to do this now?!...You do it just like you said you would if this happened Spencer...you go with Plan B...Ugh! Screw Plan B...You can't do that to her...you can't hurt her like that......................you have to.'

"I have to leave," he said quietly, hoping and praying that she wouldn't press him. Hoping she'd just let him walk out of that door. But when had she ever done a damn thing he wanted her to do?

"You said that already," Elizabeth stated, all traces of lightness in her voice disappearing. There was something very wrong here. "WHY are you leaving?"

Lucky sat his suitcase down and licked his lips, walking away from her. Away from her gaze. His feet came to stop right in front of Miller's Pond. Right in front of the representation of just how happy they had been. Just how happy they could still be. God, all he wanted was to be with her for the rest of his life. Why had this happened? 'Your own stupidity Spencer.'

"I've been thinking about this for awhile now," he began, his eyes never leaving the picture, never facing the woman who stood behind him. "I want you to know that...that this didn't happen over night or anything...it was gradual...but lately...I've been feeling really trapped. Feeling like I need to get out."

"Out of the apartment Lucky?" She asked blankly, trying to grasp his meaning. "What do you mean you feel trapped?"

"By you."

Two words. Plain and simple. Easy to understand. Difficult to breathe through.

They both fought to do so.

Elizabeth closed her mouth, her throat suddenly very dry from all of the air she had swallowed in that moment. "Wh - why? How....Lucky?....I don't - "

Lucky bit down upon his bottom lip, and moved away from the picture, away from her. He continued to look anywhere but in her eyes. "By you...by this apartment...Elizabeth, I can't handle it anymore."

Elizabeth moved closer to him. Her steps quicker than his as he tried to move away. Her voice shook with fear as she spoke her next words. "Ok," she began. "I understand that...you're right. We've got too many things going on right now...school, work...you're tired...You've got too many responsibilities...Lucky, it's ok...I know you've been working your ass off...you don't have to work all the time, you know?...I can do it. The job at the gallery pa - "

"It's not about that!" Lucky screamed, finally turning to face her. He wished to God he hadn't turned around. At that exact moment the tears that overwhelmed the brims of her eyes slipped down her cheeks.

He only allowed it to distract him for a millisecond. "It's not about work or school or anything like that! It's about you and me! I can't handle YOU and ME anymore!"

Elizabeth shook her head, her lips quivering terribly. This wasn't happening. Not today of all days. Not ever. She reached out for his hand, and she flinched when he pulled away. "Lucky...wha-...why...I don't....I love you....and you love me....and," she stumbled over her words. They didn't even sound like words anymore.

"No," he stated bluntly, moving away and rubbing the heels of his palms into his eyes roughly. 'You can't cry now Spencer...you're the one that's doing this to her...just get it over with.'

"No, what?" She asked, her voice soft, almost too soft to be heard over the harsh gasps of breath that struggled out of her throat. 'God...look at me please,' she thought.

As if hearing her thoughts, her faced her. Not because he wanted to. Not because she wanted him to. But because he needed to. Because it was the only way she would ever believe the words that were about to come of his mouth. Even when the deepest recesses of his heart begged her not to believe.

"No...I don't love you........anymore."

He saw her grimace, as if someone had just socked her in the gut. 'You may as well have,' he thought, as he watched her wrap both arms around her stomach in support. She nodded her head then, and once she began she wouldn't stop. "Ye....Yes, yes...you do...you do love me Lucky."

Lucky licked his lips once again and shook his head, denying it. "I don't," he said, once again moving away from her. His feet traveling anywhere, ending up in front of the couch, while she stood behind it. "Somewhere along the line...I just fell out of -"

"NO! She shouted, covering her ears and looking down at her feet. "No."

This was unacceptable. It simply wasn't happening. She'd wake up any second now, to his kisses, his hands. His soft, hushed, comforting words in the dark. Just like every other time she'd had a bad dream.

She wobbled for a moment, and it took every fiber of his being not to jump over the couch, not to wrap her in his arms and take back every horrible word he'd said since she'd walked through the front door. When she looked up, he let out a breath he had been holding. "You love me," she said again, nodding her head as she walked around the couch, even with him now. "I know you do..."

"I've been pretending," he said. "For awhile now...I've been pre - "

"No...no way...you can't pretend what we have Lucky...you didn't pretend last night...or the night before that...or the night before that..."

Lucky shook his head, looking at the ground. Knowing that if he ever heard any other man say the words he was about to say to her, he'd kick the living shit out of him. "I'm a man Elizabeth...I have needs, you know? You were here...you were willing."

He saw her sink to the couch out of the corner of his eye, and at that very moment he knew that he had succeeded. She was going to let him leave. It wouldn't be long now before he'd walk out that door and never come back. 'Please Elizabeth....just smack me...just hit me...don't just sit there...please....'

God, she looked like she was going to be sick. 'That was a real zinger Spencer...you proud of yourself?'

She was quiet for a long moment, as he turned around lifting his suitcase once again. "Tell me you don't love me."

Lucky turned around, her words hurting his ears. "I alread - "

"Tell me again," she said icily, staring up at him from her place on the couch. Their couch. "I wanna hear the words...one more time," she added, standing up to face him.

He ran a hand through his hair in frustration and moved closer. He wanted to reach out and touch her bottom lip, hold it steady as it trembled so furiously.

"I don't love you," he said. Clearly. No hestitation. No faltering of the voice. 'Check,' Lucky thought.

She lunged at him then, grasping the sides of his face as she smothered him with her kiss. Hungrily, passionately. Pleading with him to take it back, to make this all a nightmare. Continuing to plead with her mind to wake her up. "You know you love me...you know you do.." she mumbled against his lips, into his mouth, against his tongue.

Lucky allowed himself to drown for only a moment. Only a moment to live in the depths of her tears, before coming up for air and dying. But she wouldn't allow it. She wouldn't allow the air. Or his death. "Elizabeth..." he mumbled, her lips still ambushing his. "Elizabeth!" He wrapped his fingers around her wrists, pulling them off of his face, and pushing her away. A little more force than he had intended as she fell back, onto the couch.

He gasped, and reached out for her, appauled by himself. A split second later, he pulled his hand back. 'Show her you care. Show her how much you love her, and you're a gonner. Get out now.'

Lucky turned quickly and grabbed his suitcase in one move. Her sobs of his name, not doing anything to change his stride as he walked out the front door.

Lyrics from Matchbox Twenty's: You Won't Be Mine