jOkEz MaKez Da wOrLd Go rOuNd
sum u may find funnie, sum u may find corny, wuteva u dink, u can dink...
A bum asks a man for $2.
The man asked: "Will you buy booze?"
The bum said: "No."
The man asked "Will you gamble it away?"
The bum said: "No."
Then the man asked: "Will you come home with me, so my
wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or
gamble?"
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A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.
Then he decided to write GOD a letter requesting the $100.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to GOD USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton.
The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill.
President Clinton thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to GOD, which read:
Dear GOD,
Thank you very much for sending the money but, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those jerks deducted $95.00...
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Women's Bumper Stickerz:
* so many men, so few who can afford me
* if dey dun hav chocolate in heaven, i aint goin
* coffee, chocolate, men ... sum dingz are jus beta rich
* if u want breakfast in bed, sleep in da kitchen
* guyz hav feelinz too. but lyke ... who carez?
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An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.
"I have good news and bad news," the owner replied.
"The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would
appreciate in value after your death.
When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."
"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed.
"What's the bad news?"
"The guy was your doctor..."
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VIAGRA'S SIDE EFFECTS
An elderly woman goes to da doctor n askz him help to revive her husbandz sex drive.
"wut bout tryin viagra?" askz da doctor
"not a chance" sayz mrs. murphy. "he wont even tak an aspirin fer a headache"
"no problem," repliez da doctor. "drop it into his coffee, he wont even taste it. try it n com bak in a week to let me noe how everyding went."
A week lata mrs. murphy returnz to da doctor n he inquirez as to how her luv life has been.
"Oh it was terrible, jus terrible doctor."
"wut happened?" askz da doctor.
"wellz, i did as u advised n slipped it in his coffee.
Da effect was immediate. he jumped straight up, swept the cutlery off da table, at da same tyme rippin mai clothez off n den proceeded to mak passionate luv to me on da tabletop. it waz terrible."
"wut was terrible?" askz da doctor, "was da sex not good?"
"o no doctor, da sex wuz da best ive had in 25 yearz, but ill neva be able to show mai face in McDonaldz again!
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Three sonz left home, went out on deir own n prospered. Gettin bak togetha, dey discussed da giftz dey were able to giv deir elderly mother.
da first son said, "i built a big house fer our motha." da second son said, "i sent her a mercedes wid a driver."
da third wun smiled n said, "ive got u both beat. u rememba how mom enjoyed readin da bible? n u now how she cant see very well. i sent her a remarkable parrot dat recitez da entire bible. it took da elderz in da church 12 yearz to teach him. hez wun of a kind. mama jus has ta name da chapter n verse, n da parrot recitez it."
soon dere afta, mom sent out her letterz of danx:
"milton," she rote wun son, "da house u built ish so huge. i liv in onli wun room, but i hav to clean da whole house."
"george," she rote to anotha, "im too old to travel. i stay most of da tyme at home so i rarely use da mercedes. n da driver ish so rude!"
"dearest donald," she rote to her third son, "u hav da good sense to noe wut ur motha lykez. da chicken wuz delicious.
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dis guy ish walkin on da beach sum where in california. he seez a lamp, rubz it, n a genie comez out. da genie ish so happie dat he decidez to grant wun wish to da lucky guy. da guy dinkz bout it n sayz,"i'd lyke u to build a highway to Hawaii becuz im afraid to fly." da genie respondz dat dis cant be done cuz it be technologically impossible considerin the depth of da ocean n da distance to Hawaii. so he askz da guy to wish fer sum ding else. da guy dinkz bout it more n very enthusiastically wishes dat he would understand women. da genie den sighz n repliez, "do u want ur highway to hav 2 or 4 lanez?"
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