Home
Home is where the heart is
My heart is here
My love is here
To leave would be a fate worse than death
Endless misery
Neverending downward spiral of pain
The tears overflow
Wet jacket
As I cover my face to hide the redness
My eyes are dry
No more tears
I have wept for years
Reminiscing
The one true love I've had is gone
Time is the enemy
My love has disappeared
Time has cast it's evil spell
A time apart would strengthen us
So said they all
But they were wrong
We lost contact
And now our love is no more
If only I had listened to my heart
I would still be with him today
And so I sit
Wishing things were different
Wishing I could turn back time
Back to that one cold fateful day in October
When I lost my love forever
I hear the doorbell-DING DONG
Who could it be?
I'm so scared.
Closer, closer, grab the doorknob.
No, I'm so scared.
I can't do it.
Stand on my tip toes.
Peer through the peephole.
I'm so scared.
No one is there.
Could I be imagining?
Oh God, I'm scared.
Open the door
and look, look
I'm scared.
Into my yard I trod.
I hear a noise.
I'm so scared.
Crack, rustle, crack.
What is that noise?
Help me, I'm scared.
The yard is empty.
My heart is empty.
I'm so scared.
Could it be?
Slipping, falling, falling
I'm so scared.
Falling into a trap
I can't get out of.
I'm scared.
Scratching, piercing, horrible pain.
Oh, this writhing agony.
Help me, I am so scared.
Fight, I must fight.
Fight back these feelings.
I'm so scared.
Oh, they are so powerful.
They control my very being.
I don't know what to do, I'm so scared.
God, I loved him so.
Still do, I cannot lie.
Why, why, why am I so scared?
Why has he moved on?
Why can't I?
I'm so scared.
Five months have passed almost
Nothing changes.
Tim's abhorrence towards I don't know what
It's still the same
Mike. What is his deal?
What did I do?
What can I change?
Why does he hate me?
It's the same.
And my love for Tim is still the same.
It will never change.
I'm still scared, alone, confused.
What did I do?
What can I do?
What can I do to get the love we once felt
back? Back in my arms. That's where I want you to be.
Or I in yours. It doesn't matter.
I just want to be close to you again.
I want to feel your bare hot skin touching mine.
I want to feel your strong calloused hand in mine,
ever so gently touching it, squeezing it.
Our fingers entwined.
When you held my head in your hands
during a passionate kiss.
That's the way I want it to be.
Passionate.
We were once that way.
Can't we be again?
I still love you.
God knows I've tried to stop.
But how can you stop the sun from rising
or the rivers from flowing?
You can't.
So too can I not restrain my feelings for you.
As I watch you work. As I watch you sleep.
It's all the same.
Your handsome face.
Your wild hair.
Your strong built body which you so humbly hide.
It makes me wild with lust.
I want you.
I need you.
The night, remember it? In your truck.
We sat and kissed.
Then you asked me out.
Right in front of Jaime's house.
Oh what an omen that would be.
Ironic isn't it?
When you asked me out, my heart
leapt for joy.
It was what I had been dreaming about.
You see, I knew it was meant to be.
That we were meant to be.
That I loved you.
Do you remember our first kiss?
In my living room.
You see, before that day things were different.
I didn't know you.
I didn't love you.
When we kissed that little peck.
I knew I wanted more.
The next day
In my bathroom.
Oh, that kiss.
I will always remember that kiss.
The passion. The yearning.
I pulled you in.
Then, softly, gently you placed your lips against mine.
Slowly, caressingly your tongue explored mine.
I remember my exact words.
"Shawn needs to take lessons from you."
The stupidest things come out of people's mouths.
After they've been swept away.
After they've been kissed like never before.
I knew then that I wanted you.
I needed your kisses.
Oh, you don't know how I needed you.
And still do.
As we grew closer.
Emotionally.
As I learned secrets about you.
And you about I.
Oh, there's so many things I didn't tell you.
Things I wanted to share with my love.
But I was scared.
How could someone love me when I couldn't love myself?
You gave me strength.
You gave me confidence.
You gave me love.
I just called you.
I tried to talk.
Tried to make polite conversation.
Your responses were vague.
Shower.
You always seem to be wanting to take a shower
whenever I call.
Do I make you feel unclean?
Or maybe just uncomfortable.
That's to be expected.
How can you be comfortable with me
when you can't even be
comfortable with yourself?
You were fixing to leave.
Mike must have called, maybe he was already there.
At your house
He must have radar.
He always seems to know when I'm around you
or even on the phone.
Or, maybe, maybe he's just programmed you.
Programmed to inform him when his plans
have been altered.
You see, his plans have always been
to keep us apart.
I don't know why.
I don't care.
I used to. I used to stay up at night crying,
trying to figure things out.
Trying to figure out this vendetta
Mike has against me.
But I learned, it's not me. I did nothing wrong.
Power. Control.
Adolph Hitler had that.
Look what happened.
Oh I wish he knew
what he just blew.
The love I gave
was strong and true.
The pains and sorrows
will be here tomorrow.
Oh so many fears
greet my many tears.
The tears I weep for him
are the tears that make me grim.
The words he said were so confused.
The thoughts he said made me feel used.
The rain that falls
silently calls
for the heart that was lost
at so dear of a cost.
The price that I paid
left me lonely and betrayed.
Shady
Never thought I'd use that word to describe you
I thought you were different
What the hell was I thinking
You seemed so sweet
so understanding
What a facade you put on
Cold
Calculating
Manipulative
Those are the words I'd use to describe you now
Like a vulture you swoop down
Picking my bones clean
Leaving not a morsel
You have left me with nothing
Here I am, left to rebuild, with
NOTHING
I have been bled dry
There is not a thing left for me to start over with
Yet, I must try
And I will succeed
Because I am stronger than you
You might have taken my heart, and
you might have taken my soul
but my spirit lives on
You cannot take that
for I will not let you
Wounded and battered though I am
I still have my spirit
And when I feel like there is nothing left
I remember that fact
I realize that you are just a man
A mere mortal
Not a God that has control over me
Guiding me
Teaching me
But just a man
A weak one at that
Though your body may be strong,
your heart is weak