well, I'm not going to write much (as always..err..it became as always anyways..)..
good night me, how are you?
fine, thanks.. well I'm going to be I think.. maybe, maybe not..who knows?


I watched T.V all day, even got to see a Dawson episode I missed, and it was beautiful and sharp as always. Nobody talks this way tho.. not in real life, and the ones who do, are only pretending it's real life, cause really- nobody talks this way...
and yeah, it's a shame, but if someone talked this way I would think he's only making a nice big illusion of what he wants reality to be- beautiful..
and it's not.. I think.

So I have decided that I'm sick of staying at home!
.SICK. SICK. SICK. SICK..SICK. SICK. SICK. SICK.!
yep, and I won't do it any longer,
I know it's dangerous... but I don't give a damn..
so tomorrow I'm going and nothing will stop me! I just need to go out.. to breathe some fresh air..ahhh...
but I'm afraid. don't worry..you'll get over it, no I won't. mmm..

I sent Odelya's friend, the one who I forbade her to talk to, a letter telling her that I'm sorry for seperating them up and that I want to take part in their circle and not to feel left out. I hope she'll answer, cause it's hard for me to do it, I see everything as a threat.. I'm horrible. but I want a world for me and Odelya only.. that's love in my eyes.
who knows, maybe it will change..
"thought we'll be flying.. not this time"

It's night, 22:30 to be exact,
my amazing wife is sleeping.. (or at least I hope she is.. trust.) and I'm here, trying to tire the hell out of myself..heh heh, but it doesn't work too well.

Heeeh, I recall almost failing once when we had a quiz on English short-cuts.. that was the only English anything I didn't do good at.. yeah, I suck, but who cares? :)

good night to everyone in the world,
on the day before yesterday I faced death face to face. but before it happened I faced life. And when death came around I forgot what does life mean, it seemed like everything I understood is gone, because death took it all away.
I have my memories tho.. few but beautiful. of a wonderful creature who got maximum love, but too late.
and then I also understood that I don't hate my sister. Sometimes I don't understand any of hedr actions, but when I saw her and her boyfriend trying to save with everything they've got the life of that heavenly creature, I realized that some people are lousy with people, but they're beautiful as far as it concerns animals. animals are the most important in my eyes, and they're beautiful.
Her boyfriend did everything he could, gave all of his heart and love, it was amazing to see that a person can give so much of himself to someone.. wow, I will always remember and will always see them now in a halo, she'll probably make me angry a lot but I will know that she's good. she really is good.
I wish I could share this with Diana.. oh well..

I stopped crying but I will never forget

no, I'm not giving up so just let me be.

X