sweet little darling....
I don't feel so good so I didn't go to school.. actually we were supposed to go to the cinemateque and see a well-praised israeli movie.. my teacher will kill me for not coming.. but I just can't bear it.. plus- it's tremendously dangerous to walk in Jerusalem these days.. so I preferred staying in my sweet safe home..
Me and Odelya had the most amazing days at Yom Kipur, she spent 2 nights at my house and I felt so grateful for her coming..ah, is it a break through? I hope so.
I need to study for my math test tomorrow.. it will be hard, but math doesn't scare me.. I don't know why. It's so interesting in my eyes tho, because of the challenge, and till now I get great grades I think.. so I'm ok..heh, I am only happy because I'm not afraid of it, cause I've been thinking; I won't conquere the world eitherway, so what does it matter if I succeed or not? I must find a goal in life, it will make things a little more interesting.
My grandfather told me yesterday: " I am not religious, but Binca (my grandmother) is my god "
yes, another day, but yesterday was such a bright day in my life. I can never describe how much.
By the way...
I have some things to recommend those of you who actually care about my nonsense:
and again the walls are listening...
Yesterday was my father's birthday, he's 50 but it really doesn't matter.. it's just his special day, I think we should stop counting, because what do we care? respect and love should be there anyway.
so it was a pleasing evening yesterday, everyone came- my 3 little cousins and their parents, my vicious remote cousin (I like him tho), his parents, my sister with her boyfriend and dog and a couple of my father's friends. Of course my grandparents were there too. O how I love them! I was just thinking what does it feel like to see a whole family and know that they're responsible for these lives.. it's magical, don't you think?
my cousin borrowed 3 CD's from me, but promised to send them back till next week.. I hope he'll send me my Paul Auster book DAMN IT! :), "Mr. Vertigo", such an obscure book.. but I loved it..hmm...guess I'm back to American literature, I don't know.
I thought about it, it's so stupid to say "I want to be a writer"..either you are, or you're not.. there's no wishing process in there.. you can say "I want to be regocnized as a writer" but a writer is a writer in soul, and by that sentence you know that this person isn't really what he thinks he is. I came up with this thought after hearing a silly girl from my class saying that.. but all I can say is "let it be", of course I'm saying it to myself...err. heh.
It's chaos over here, and it's frightening to witness these horrors. And the thing is that this time it's not only "on T.V", it's real life, it's happening, actual time, actual place, actual deaths. Everyone's trying to play his manipulations on the public..and the thing is that the public is stupid enough to think with the heart and not with the mind. It's the media's war, whatever they decide to show, is what we know, they want tears, blood, revenge, and we're caught in the flow of anger, "we"..heh, I'm not a part of anything, but they become so unreasonable doing the same as the enemies do. And I think I understand the reason, it's because we can't take action. The world thinks that if they have stones as their weapons and we have fire guns, then we can't use them on the ones who throw the stones. So hey, what do they want us to do? just wait while they're smashing our heads with their innocent poor stones? oh god.. no one has morals.. I am against killing of course, but if they say that stones is the way of fighting, the street becomes the fighting scene and it gets uglier and uglier..
but what do I know really? sometimes I just want to get out of here.. people are too damn stupid, and all they want is war.. it's a funny thing, don't you think? cause one person told me yesterday that he's so tired because he threw too many stones.. yeah, spare his hands, they need the rest.
stupid humans, and I'm one too. they're falling- I'm falling.
That's when we need wings..
.
I smiled with such purity when he told me that sentence, it feels good when you look in the eyes of true love. He also told me " she's everything to me. I love her very very very very much. She's so wise and intelligent, I can learn from her, I can learn with her, she is my god"
and yet another test tomorrow..
and I also need to choose another book for my English book-report..
but life is not that bad ..
and I won't dare ruining this sentence with a cynical remark!
A book:"A doll's house"-Ibsen; which is the first feminist play ever written, I think it's an important book....mmm...
A movie: "Run Lola Run"- such a mind provoking, young, full of spirit, energetic and jumpy movie! restless all along, it's really something! the picture above is of Lola herself..:)
that's it I guess...but well.. I really want some gothic accessories.. if you have any, just ring , k? :)
