I want to die. not to live.
I can't threaten myself anymore with death, it is time to do something about it. is it better to die with will or with nature? is it better to live with a knife in your heart or with a knife in your dead heart that can't feel anymore?
and I wonder..

If someone loves someone, can he watch the other die infront of his face?
If someone loves someone, can he watch the other cry and ache and not do a thing?
first time in my life I know that I am nothing. I knew it before but I always hoped for a change,

now, there's no chance for me. Death is the only one, I'm just not sure if I can make it, I'm not sure if I can make it. I want to live, but then I want to die. Life for me is impossible.

if she died, I would die too.

if I die, only one person dies. maybe it is better this way.

no shoulder to cry on, it is over for good.

I love my dad and I love my mother, I even love my sister and her boyfriend, I love all the horrible neighbors, I love all the friends who betrayed me once, I love everything now when I look at them through my window.

"bye bye!!" I say, smiling at them. Tears are in my eyes, I love everything now that I'm dying, and I know that I am sad because no one loves me.

bye, I love you. don't feel guilty if you see it, I wasn't planned anyway, I almost died back then 16 years ago, I was almost not created. so it is ok

...