name:Natalie
age:16
status:married
religion:authentic

3 days ago..
tomorrow I'll be ageless no more count downs until I get myself a life. it's over, now time doesn't threat me, at least not in this case. I don't care how old I am, yes, society does. but me..I don't, I have my Odelya and for once I have some people who care about me, even if it's just a little, and like that I don't need anything else. I am complete.

so I am 16 tomorrow, or today..however you call it. When the clock strikes 12, it means I begin something new, but I don't- I only create more beauty in the present and future.
Age makes you wonder, "what should I do in this day? sum a year..? sum a whole life..? but if I sum a life every birthday, there's only one more year to sum..but on the other hand, my way of looking at things is different so I need to reexamine everything."
and what do I say? today I won't say much. I feel like I don't have to. all I need to say is:
I am so inlove with my Odelya, my wife. and IT will never change, our love is so strong, it can lead us only to each other.
The year began for me only when I met my wife, before her I was trying to find myself something built that I can seize on. I discovered my own worlds or music and culture, I made myself a new me that became the real me when I dropped it all and took what I want all over again. and then, my wife. my only treasure- my Odelya.

there is nothing different in the 27 of April, that crucial day I was born in. But on that day, every year I can see if I am loved, if I need to be loved, if I am different, if I want to remember the past year, and if I want to follow the days to the far future, to wake up for tomorrow.

This time I want to wake up, for good.

April 29, saturday.
It seems weird in my eyes, that I did not write in my birthday. but I had no time, I guess I actually lived that day.
Today is saturday and my family will come over for a meal or something, because of my birthday. But I can't handle people, no more. I need my wife, I yearn to be with her only, and I suffer while I can't talk to her, or kiss her, or...
I am 16 now, wow.
Tho it doesn't mean a lot to me..no. I can have an ID..but I have no time to go and have one. My future seems so black, I have my finals, my darned finals - and I feel at the gutters, I feel so so low. I need support, I need my wife. But I need to study the whole damn month...we both can't efford coming, but it's impossible- there ought to be a way!

9:45 in the morning. everything is so still. I need to do my papers, tomorrow is my renovated hell- school, whoooo hoooo. indeed.
And when I talk to people I sound so bitter and cynical, and they can't neutralize me because they don't understand that it's a result of frustration. only Odelya knows me that well, she knows my pieces, she knows why I put them together in that order, she knows there couldn't be any other choice.

Ayelet was at my place yesterday, the whole day almost. And I hope I didn't disappoint her as a person. god..sometimes I feel so horrible, when I speak and I can't stop the stupid words- I guess it takes time to know that the person infront of you will accept you anyway, but I hope she didn't think I'm that bad, argh..her eyes can't tell a thing, she's quite a mystery in my eyes, but such mystery should stay as one, it's only beautiful that way.

a lost friend wrote me yesterday, I was really shocked. someone really thinks about me from time to time, it's such a wonder..
but I can't offer a BLOODY thing to anyone now, I just can't. And I don't wanbt to be cruel- once I did need these relationships with people, but nw when I'm complete I just want everyone to leave me alone, I mean not alone- with my wife.. but they don't know about her..that's the reason I can't talk to anyone and tell them about my life, she's my life and she hath to be a secret, damn this, why? my pure beauty is a secret, because they can't handle it, and I can't expose us to the world, we don't want its foot on us.

When I extinguished my single candle's light 2 days ago, and I had to make a wish

I wished for...
the same, only better.

happy birthday to me, whoops. that day is gone..what's now? only time will tell...

X
I'm sorry it's not long...sometimes I just don't need to write..only a little.