everyone's sleeping right now, my wife, the world. I cover it slowly with some words now, singing good-night songs without melody, my throat aches so I can't really sing.
It is almost midnight, but I thought I will write. I didn't want to write because I thought...why should I share my deepest or simplest thoughts with this screen? but then when I went over something I wrote in January, I figured that I won't remember anything- I have such a lousy memory. So I will write, for the sake of my cells, and for this remarkable day of us.
The surprise of my amazing amazing AMAZING Odelya was herself! my real diary is actually in the letters I write to her every couple of days, there I share my feelings, the ones I can describe.. she brings me so much joy, she makes me live!, and oh how I live! With her everything fades away, flies away like puzzle pieces that don't want to make a picture, only us in our heaven, a private heaven..
Oh where do we go when we die?
An English accent is driving my mind, theatre makes it think with English pronunciations, and I watched with Odelya a lovely movie she has brought over, it is called "A midwinter's tale", a fabulous English personal piece, full of insanity, love and warmness.
It was surely one of the best days in my life! but of course!
In January I wrote almost every day, now I write when I have time or a willing power..and only some lines, some thoughts, in my honor.
Odelya brought me one of Shai Agnon's books a week ago, she also gave me today "the picture of Dorian Gray" (that's how you really say it...)- the profound vicious wile immoral fantastic book I've just read, some videocassettes for my hours of vain and a mix of Tori's "professional widow"(it's got to be big) with 5 different (or not so different but quite interesting!) versions.
She's the best wife ever!!!
Next week she has a birthday, she can't stay..it's on Friday so she'll come for the morning and the afternoon and then she'll go...that's a shame but well..it's better than nothing. I will think of a surprise..although I already made a birthday for her a month ago, for known or unknown reasons, but she said I made it the best birthday ever! I'm so happy!
How quiet it is outside..I wonder what everyone does...hmm...
I have to mention something really funny and savage I did 4 weeks ago..I think:
There was a stupid guy who called me and I didn't understand why because I didn't talk to him at school and I wasn't interested in any kind of contact with that..err..creature. So he called and I didn't know what to do, I said "call in an hour", and when he did me and Odelya planned a scheme and when he was on the "waiting call" thing, I answered and said "oh hi, my boyfriend is on the other line, wait a sec" he said "ok" and I didn't get back to him...hehhehh, I think I've ruined his whole self confidence...poor boy..hehhh, but he hasn't called ever since! I guess you gotta be bad if you wanna make it..that's a horrible moral, turn the computer off! it's not educative!
Tomorrow there's the movie "The wall" of Pink Floyd, Odelya told me it's shocking..I asked her to tape it for me, I want to watch it with her.
Everyone loses themselves..I chose to do it in the noble way..I don't fall for what they all fall into, it's only me and my morals in this mud. No one has morals anymore..
I just hope that certain people I know won't get into drugs. I just care, that's all..
If they do..what will I do really? I don't have the right anymore..
by the way- I'm reading "Crime and Punishment" right now..indeed a master piece. When I finish it I will write more about IT.
I guess I'll go now
"good night me, you were a marvelous companion this evening!"
"thank you almighty"
"anytime dear fellow..anytime."