*here's how I wrote it in classs, word by word*
09 April
I haven't written for a while. I tend to use this line quite a lot lately but I have no time to sit, relax, and let my hands play. Every day I don't write I feel somewhat of missing because that day stopped existing and I can't open my book in that page and revive it. by not writing I slay it and leave nothing to remember it by. I have been through so much in these days. they were some of the most important days of my life and I didn't say a word on them. Is there a reason? Yes: I lived every minute of them - I could not take a break, from having pain or from being blissful. I have an important statement that came as a conclusion: I won't leave my wife, me and her are so tied to each other and leaving her is death for me. and most of all: I LOVE HER! it's amazing how my love is even bigger. "Love" is a weak word, so is "big"..well, that's why talking isn't everything in our word, there are also landscapes..of the eye and the lips and there are feelings above all. She is so beautiful in my eyes and I am hers with everything that is in me. - which is not much, but still it's all I am. Now I have 2 free hours, I am sitting in the auditorium with Marina and HER friend Iris, and we're watching the 9th graders' preparations for their big night this week.
We're bored, we're angry- they are making us stay here for 2 whole hours (the time now is: 10:39) and then we have 2 more hours of pure dullness: English lesson, ah...yuck. My hand writing is so awful, I guess that it's because of my nails that are as big as a house and as red as my pen right now. The Cow-Teacher of the 9th graders kicked us out so now I am back in my class surrounded with a bunch of fake psychos or just clueless kids. there's a girl I hate most in the world, I won't mention her name...she doesn't deserve that much of honor but she told me in the beginning of last year: " Everyone is making such a big deal out of the first kiss, but after I've experienced it- it's not that much of a deal"- this girl can never know what love is.
Every kiss I have with my Odelya is an entrance to heaven, it raids our hearts and spreads love everywhere, (Marina and Iris tell me "how is yoru love letter going?"..funny) but OUR own heaven, out own..ahh- I want to KISS my wife. My first and last kiss~with my lady (people are everywhere, I hope they don't see)- never last though, I am sure we will have an after-life. whoops, I have to go... ok I'm back. This morning I had an English test and it was..err..I don't know. All I think about is my wife. We took a picture together and I always look at it and sigh- I love my Odelya and I want her near. A girl came and asked Marina and Iris what am I doing and they told her "she's writing a LOVE letter". Bwah- my writing is horrible, am I that used to writing in a computer? - another hour of boredom, and another and another . . . . . .
I guess I will go now, I don't want to write anything BUT: "I Love my wife, for then, for now, and forever." That stupid girl is babbling in English, I hate her. SHOW-OFF of emptiness. - -" look what I don't have, a brain " - -
Ok, I'm going- I want to
S C R E A M
Natalie.