There is an attitude that seems to have infiltrated every aspect of our culture and I, for one, am disgusted by it. What is this attitude? It is the idea that no one is wrong. Everyone is right. That is…unless you don’t agree with this pansy-assed excuse for a belief system. The fact that this contradicts the essence of the original belief is not important, of course. All I’m asking for here is a little honesty and openness, so I will give the same thing to you:

I am not open-minded.

I am right.

If you think that makes me wrong…you are not open-minded either.

I am here to rip on all the fools of the world who are blaming their depraved, weak and otherwise ridiculous beliefs and practices on the idea that everyone should be open-minded.

I did a search on ‘open-minded’ and I got 19 pages of sex, porn, general homosexuality and of course, the gay male escort. Everything was for ‘open-minded adults’ and it made me wonder at what time in history opening one’s mind and opening one’s legs became synonymous.

Feel good. Be happy. Blah. Blah. Blah. Stop letting your brain fall out of that open mind, and do some thinking for me.

Two beliefs that contradict each other cannot both be true. They can both be false, but they cannot both be true. Do not attempt to say, “Well, everyone’s right.” I realize you want everybody to be all happy and stuff, but let’s face it, not everyone is right. (I am positive that right now, there is some kid in California yelling, ‘Yeah, and it’s YOU!’ at their computer screen. And to that person, I say, “There’s a camera over your left shoulder, stop throwing things.”)

They base the whole court system on this principle, so it should not be unfamiliar to you. If one witness says one thing, and another witness says something that contradicts it then guess what, one of them is lying. It is shocking how obvious this is.

And so I address the statement, “Well, that may be true for you, but it isn’t true for me.”

Well, guess what kids…This is wrong. Yes, I said it. It is incorrect. It is a lie. It is ridiculous. It is hamster shit. Dear me, that wasn’t very open-minded, was it?

There is not any possible way something can be true for one person and not true for another. Now, I am not talking about opinions such as, “Chocolate is good.” While, clearly, chocolate is good and anyone who disagrees is doomed to a miserable life, it is possible for one person to like it and another person not to. That is not what I am talking about, so don’t be gay.

Here is a good example:
Character A, who we will call Bobby, disagrees with Character B, who we will call Idiotface. Bobby contends that there is a test on Tuesday. Idiotface is certain there is not any such horrendous thing. Tuesday comes around. Idiotface screams, wails, throws his books, pees in his pants…but ultimately, he fails the test, even though he was completely positive that there wouldn’t be one. He said to his teacher, “I didn’t think there was a test today!” Bobby rolled his eyes at this, of course, but let his friend make a fool of himself. Why not be entertained, after all? As Idiotface choked back his tears, his teacher said what any intelligent person would,

“Well, you were wrong.”

Contrary to popular belief, even if you are 100% sure of something, you can be wrong.

Annie Sue was positive her boyfriend loved her, and sure of her mother’s support in their relationship. I guess she was pretty surprised when Jerry Springer told her the sad truth.

Now, before you say it, I will mention that annoying question that always comes up:
“So…according to what you just said, you could be wrong.” But the great thing about it is, folks, is I CAN’T. There is no such thing as two (or more) contradictory truths coexisting. If you think that there is such a thing: cruisefortibet@yahoo.com I would love to hear an example.

For example, here are a few pairs of contradictory statements that cannot coexist as truthful:

There is no God. There is a God. (Both of these statements cannot be true.) My boyfriend is faithful. My boyfriend is currently banging my aunt. (Both of these statements cannot be true.) Truth is relative. Truth is absolute. (Both of these statements cannot be true.) I am right. I am wrong. (The last statement cannot be true.)

And finally: “We disagree. Luckily, we are both right.”

There are bigger issues in the world than to get hung up on a stupid issue like absolute truth. It is just the way it is and you can’t do anything about it. So pout, send me hate mail, turn red and stomp your feet, but it won’t change the truth.

You see, kids, I am not telling you what to believe. If you choose to believe that Rudolph created the Earth, I will defend your right to believe it. I will not, for a moment, entertain the notion that you might be right, for I will believe you are what some call a fool.

If you don’t agree with someone, you disagree. This is not the end of the world. No one cancelled Friends. Breathe. In such a situation, either you are wrong, they are wrong, or you are both wrong. But please, do the world a favor, and if you realize you disagree, don’t bend right on over, ignore the ridiculousness of what they saying and take it up the ass with “Yeah, its all about being open-minded.”