The Canadian Superiority Complex

This is the craziest phenomenon on the planet, and yet it exists. Why? I have no idea. Basically, Canadians are deeply proud of the fact that they simply are not Americans.

THIS is absolutely ridiculous. I mean, sure, I’m proud not to be a slut, but that has to do with my own behavior and decorum, not being born on one side of a line or the other. I mean, I would hate to have been born in Iowa, but I’m proud of my OWN identity, not the fact that I’m not Iowan.

There is such a thing as Canadian Pride and it is very strong, but what is it based on? Apparently, it is based on Hockey...and not being American. Sure, Canadians can be nice, I have some Canadian friends, but there is this obsession with America that is just ridiculous.

It is kinda like a college rivalry in which one school is huge and always wins everything, and this little tiny school is obsessed with the idea of beating them. Now, the big school couldn’t care less about the tiny one, but the tiny one talks trash about them anyway, simply because that school is bigger and better than they are.

Now, if you are Canadian and you are perfectly fine with the way things are and you couldn’t care less about the United States, I’m not talking about you. I am talking about the people that are introduced to an American on vacation in Canada and spend all their time ripping on America. I don’t know ANY American who would be that blatantly rude to a guest, but I know that there are Canadians who would because I have met them.

I tried to be polite and put up with it, but when they start saying things like, “Ugh, why would anyone go to the states?” “Oh, they’re nice? Can’t be American!” “You’re from America, don’t you get tired of the inbreeding?” on a minute by minute basis, it is hard to resist saying things like this, “So the age of consent in Canada is TWELVE?” And it is, there was a flyer about it on the fridge.

Now, Canadians really like how global minded they are. They travel the world with their little Canadian patches on their bags, trying to prove to the world that they aren’t American. “I live like an American, I talk like an American, and I act like an American…but look, I have a patch! Don’t hate me, I’m not an American!”

“Well, we know the name of your president, but you don’t know the name of our prime minister!” they whine.

The funny thing about this is that of course I don’t know the name of the prime minister! I even lived in Canada for a year and I’ve heard the name, but I still don’t know it! Is this because I’m a stupid American who just refuses to pay attention to the world around her? No, it is because I’m a lazy American who refuses to pay attention to petty details that make no difference in the grand scheme of things.

The prime minister of Canada is not on the list of things I need to know. It is hardly on the list of things Canadians need to know. Let’s be honest, everyone in the world knows who George W. Bush is and everyone knew who Bill Clinton was. No one knows who the Canadian prime minister is unless they like trivia. He has no weight on the global scale Canadians are so fond of.

“We’re peaceful, we don’t just go bomb people.”

Well, obviously not. The West Edmonton Mall has more ships than the Navy. Plus, you are surrounded by the world’s strongest military might. It would be a complete waste of time to even compete, and nowhere near necessary. We have your back and you know it, but somehow you feel that this position of dependence allows you to sit in judgment on the country that allows you to be the peace-loving, global minded non-power that you are.

So before you sit around and make fun of Americans because of their cocky arrogance, think about the fact that you are A. a hypocrite B. ridiculous and C. living in a country where the age of consent is 12.

Let’s get some perspective.