Chapter 20
You are my world
What can I do
My heart belongs to you
Back To Your Heart
The dream was not the worst part. The day before the wedding itself, I got a letter. A letter from the one man who could change the course of my life around.
"Dum..dum, dadum..., "hummed Sam as she packed my dress back into its big box to be taken to the church tomorrow afternoon.
I looked around the house to gather anything that I might have missed.
"Are you excited about your wedding night, Cathy?" she asked.
"Yeah, of course. I heard Niagara Falls is beautiful at this time of the year."
She shook her head, "Leave it to you to pick something like that for a honeymoon. You should've gone to Aruba like you planned."
I laughed, "I can't exactly wear a swimsuit in my condition."
She stared at me incredelously. "Are you kidding? For two months, you're not even showing yet. You're just too paranoid."
"Maybe."
We turned to leave and I grabbed the handful of mail I left on the counter on my way out the door.
Of course, there was the bill for the flowers, and the catering, and the tickets for Niagara Falls the next day. I stopped looking at the others, because Samantha was looking anoyed while waiting at the car.
As I remembered to read my mail that night, one solitary envelope with a familiar scrawl caught my eye.
With a shaking hand, I lifted the envelope off the table. "This can't be", I thought, "He's gone."
In plain, black print, the name on the letter said, "Nickolas Carter".
I had to leave in a few minutes to pick up my dress, so I hurriedly opened the envelope and started reading:
Cathy,
You know I've never written you a letter before, and I didn't want to start now. But lately, I can't stop thinking about the circumstances in which I left you, and how unfair and selfish I was. I owe you an explanation, but right now, I don't think I can give you one.
Leaving that one night in London was a stupid idea, I admit it, but I can't go back and change what I did. Don't ever think that I left just to get away from you and from our engagement. I loved you, and would never hurt you intentionally. However, things were happening so fast, and I could not think straight. Maybe I was too scared or too immature, but all I know is I couldn't handle everything that was happening, and my only option was to leave.
You were always the rational one in the relationship. Never in a million years could I imagine you doing this to me.
At this point I stopped reading. Nick trusted me, I can't believe it. That poor, naive boy...I said to myself and continued reading:
I would understand if you think I am now lower than any scumbag you ever met. I'm just saying I'm sorry and maybe ask you one favor. I'm asking you to wait for me. I have been exploring Europe, trying to figure out myself, trying to figure out what I really want. Maybe when I can finally say that I know who Nick is, I can go back and find you.
This is asking a lot, I know, but we had some good times, Cathy, you know that. Remember that night we went camping, and I pointed out a star to you? Well, I still look at that star every night, and you're that star, you're my star. It might be night, but it's a night of light for me. Think about it, Cathy, and I'll see you soon.
Love,
Nick
I threw the letter down on the floor and grabbed my car keys. I ran out of the door, not really sure where I was going.
Somehow I ended up at my old apartment, Nick's apartment. I curled up in the old swing on the patio, and swung myself back and forth. I cried, my body racked with sobs with each swing. My hair fell stiffly across my face and I drifted off to sleep.
I didn't hear anyone arriving. Suddenly, I could hear this soft voice, whispering softly in my ear.
"Do you want to come home now, Cathy?" Howie said softly.
I lifted my head and looked him in the eye, but I didn't give him a reply.
I could see the sorrow in his eyes. "I saw the letter, Cathy", he told me, "But I don't want you to explain."
He sat back and looked in the distance. "The wedding's tomorrow, Cathy. I know you're still having doubts. I just want you to know that...that you can still back out. I don't want a loveless marriage. I love you, but if you're not sure, then...."
I started to sob again. This time, when Howie looked back at me, he also had misty eyes. I still didn't give him an answer.
"Can we just go home now?"
I nodded weakly and he wrapped one arm around my shoulder and led me to his car.
The night had fallen. I looked up to the sky to look for my star and I couldn't find it.
I married Howie the next day. As I walked down the aisle with my father, I saw Howie in his white suit. And when he took my hand, I looked at him and knew that I wanted it this way.
Kevin was the best man and Sam was my maid-of-honor. After the ceremony, I saw they seem to have hit it off, better than when they first met.
At the reception, the first dance to the tune of "All I Have to Give", Howie's favorite song.
After that somebody, I have a feeling was AJ, put on "Everybody" and Howie grabbed my hand and led me to the dance floor. I was laughing so hard, but I followed him. Even though I had a hard time in my dress and Howie was limping a little, I had fun.
The tabloids weren't really kind to us. Even though we had a private ceremony in Howie's backyard with only a hundred guests, tons of reporters showed up, uninvited. We didn't let them in, but they pretty much figured out the story.
The next day, headlines read "Girl Marries the Wrong Backstreet Boy" or they would show an aerial shot of the wedding with the caption "Where's Nick?". It was annoying, but I didn't mind because I was with Howie.
