Chapter 15
Time passes by
The only tears I cry are filled with disillusion
And the fears I have inside
Like a lost soul
I feel like I'm all alone
If only I could feel your pain
Within your heart of stone
If You Knew What I Knew
One night, I was waiting for Nick to come home. I tried reading the novel in my hand, but my mind was too cluttered to concentrate.
This was too much news to take in one night. It's the end of an era, the end of the Backstreet Boys. I should be more upset, but I had other things on my mind, something called Howie.
I can't face him after everything that happened. I didn't want to tell Nick, I was too scared to admit that I cheated on him. Also, I was angry at myself for tarnishing Angela's memory. How could I do that so soon after she was gone? It was as if I was just waiting...oh, I don't want to think about it anymore. It was as if Howie and I made a silent pact to forget about everything. He never mentioned it again, and I sure wouldn't want to be the one to bring it up.
I looked at the watch on the wall. Twelve 'o clock, and he still wasn't here yet. I closed my book with a thud and laid my head on the couch, only for a little while...
A rattle woke me up. I sat up, forgetting where I was. I saw a shadow fall on me.
"Cathy?" Nick asked, "Are you still awake?"
I glanced up at him, "Nick? It's four o' clock, you had me worried! Where did you go?"
"Nowhere, " he quipped. He took off his trenchcoat and tossed it to the table. He turned to look at me.
"What? Why are you staring?"
I shook my head, "You know, you could've told me where you were going and you smell like alcohol."
He threw down his fist on the table, "Damnit, Cathy! Why do you do this to me? I hate it when you boss me around and tell me what to do! You know I have a life besides you, and there are some things you aren't entitled to."
I shouted at him back, "I'm your fiancee, Nick! You owe me that!"
He took both of my shoulders and faced me, "How much do you want me to change, Cathy? You said yes, okay, so you'd have to live with what kind of person I am!" He raised his hand.
"Are you going to hit me?" I screamed.
He looked at me, then paused. "No, I wouldn't do that." He marched off angrily to the bedroom, and left me staring at him in awe.
Nick didn't remember anything from last night. It was the wine, I guess. When he asked, I just told him I fell asleep on the sofa when he came home.
The whole group packed up and left the following day to finish their tour. They were going to a few countriies in Europe for three weeks and then be back for Brian's wedding. I accompanied Nick at the airport and made sure that he was all set.
"Passport?", I asked.
"Check", he said.
"Tickets?"
"Check"
"Jacket? It can get chilly out there."
"Check"
"Hmmm.., what else have I forgotten?", I mumbled.
"Stop worrying. I promise I'll be fine. Gosh, I feel like we're married already," he said.
"I hope that doesn't scare you", I told in a whisper, fearful of what he might say after last night.
His lips curved into a smile.
Howie suddenly appeared beside us. "Guys, you have got to help me out," he said.
"What is it?" I asked with Nick's arm around my waist.
"I seem to have lost my carry-on bag. Can you help me find it?," he asked.
"Howie, we're not even on the plane and you've already lost your luggage", laughed Nick. I gave
him a dirty look. "Don't worry we'll help," Nick said.
We searched the entire room. Still no sign of Howie's bag. The flight was due to take off in ten minutes.
"Oh, man," said Howie," My tickets are in there."
"Wait", I said, "Maybe it's still in my car. I'll just run over there and be back in a flash."
I ran into the parking to my green Honda. I found the bag and went inside to find Howie sitting by himself in the waiting area.
"Thank goodness you found it!", he cried gratefully, "The other guys have already boarded the plane".
"Well", I guess this is goodbye. Take care of yourself," I said and gave him a hug.
"Bye", he whispered softly and gave me a peck on the cheek. His lips stayed on my cheek for more than a moment. I looked up at him quizzically.
"Has he decided where our relationship is right now?", I thought. He was probably as confused as I was.
We stared at each other for a while, before we heard AJ shout that they were closing the entry to the plane.
Howie hurried on the doors before they were closed.
