...Outsider
Funny how my life never seems to want to stop.
It keeps on spinning and spinning till everything
was a blur. A new challenge greets me each and every day.
Whether it is how to get outta math class or deal with
another set of dimwitted retards. I welcomed them all
though, and dealt with them well, in my opinion anyway.
Not in my parent's opinions though,
"Colt, your becoming too hotheaded."
Not in the school counselor's opinion though,
"Young man, you need to think about what you've been doing."
Not even in my brother's opinions,
"Colt, you need to calm down."
I never listened to them. What do they know
anyway? (Pause) I should have though. Because if I did,
perhaps my life wouldn't have plummeted like it did . . .
***
It was when I was 14 that I had threw my biggest
tantrum. That was when my dad told Rocky, Tum and I
that after all the troubles we've gotten in. Ninjusu
is OUT. His words were like a bludgeon, thrusting into me.
"Your grandpa needs a rest anyway." He added,
trying to convince us.
That was bull crap and he knew it. Yet that didn't
stop him from moving us from the west coast of Cali.
All the way to New York City, on the east coast. He said
it was for FBI, but that was bull crap and he knew it.
He just wanted us to be far away from granpa. To this
day, I still couldn't fathom why.
Rocky didn't say anything, swallowing all his
emotions, that's what he's good at. TumTum was obviously
sad but didn't comment. As for me? I let it all out.
I screamed at him.
"You can't control our lives!"
He would reply, sounding stressed,
"Colt, I'm doing this for your own good."
I felt as if I were on fire. I would swore at
him, telling him I hated him and do everything from
slamming doors to broken china. It gotten so bad mom
didn't even care anymore. Usually she would ground me,
give me a lecture about neither responsibility or
another manner lesson, or at least yell at me. But all
she did then was staring hopelessly at me. Both Rocky
and TumTum tried to persuade me. Saying they know how
I feel but it's just not the way to go. I didn't listen,
as far as I know, they were as mad as me. Except I
can't bottle it up like they did, I just can't.
‘Mr.Judgemental
Thinks he knows it all
He runs, fast like wind
Not afraid of the consequences
He crashes, like a meteorite
Into a hole, never getting out'
As the years rolled by and away, my anger
eventually diminished. I lived and breathed through
three grewsome years. They weren't so gruesome to me
back then. I thought New York was spiffy as I made
friends. Your so-called, ‘bad friends'.
My parents would beg me not to hang out with
‘that kind of crowd'.
"Colt, they would only bring trouble."
My brothers would question me constantly,
"Where were you yesterday? Mom and dad were worried sick."
As if I couldn't take care of my self.
The house became a prison, as the school became an
escape to me.Ironic, I know, I lived a life of party,
partied till the wee hours. I didn't do anything too
bad though. No drinking, no smoking, or drugs, those
were too rough. But then came the big bang of my life,
and like the big bang, my new beginning was a total
chaos. Granpa passed away. Funny what three little
words can do to you. But when I heard those letters
forming those words, and those words forming that
sentence. I felt my heart torn out, crumpled, then
misplaced. I didn't even go to his funeral.
My parents thought I was totally disrespectful. But
the truth was, I couldn't take it. I remembered crying
so long till nothing would come out.
Then I took Keith's advice.
"A drink would help."
And so I drank, drank til I could feel nothing.
Nothing at all.
My parents were more worried then mad when they
found beer cans in my room. They would say,
"Colt, you can't do this to yourself."
My brothers would beg me,
"Colt please . . . "
But I blacked them out . . . out and away . . .
I ran away a couple of times. Only to find
myself back at my room after spending some gruesome
nights at Big D's.
I stole too, just little things, some CDs, cards,
and some knives. I still had my collection of knives.
They were the most valuable possessions of mine.
My prized one was the Surami sword granpa gave me.
"To an accomplished ninja warrior, a heart, mind,
soul and spirit!" He would sound so serious as if ninjas
had magical powers. Still I loved the thing. Nobody
can touch it but me. I had a special case for it.
Granpa would always grin then pretend to be serious.
He was so goofy and alive . . . When I was little,
I use to think he was magical. Like he would never die
. . . like that grin would never disappear from his
face . . . like his laughter would never fade away from
the forest, it would echo . . . and echo . . . god I
hated when people have to leave me.
‘Standing alone
Eager to just
Believe it's good enough to be what
You really are
But in your heart
Uncertainty forever lies
And you'll always be
Somewhere on the
Outside . . . '
Seventeen was the year when my life left me.
It felt like my inner self was watching myself.
Screaming yet doing nothing. I hung out with my so-called
friends 24/7. I didn't think that was wrong . . . why
would it be? So one day we were hanging out at a bar,
Big D. got us some favors. It was all cool, loud music,
good beer. Until an outta his mind dude started flirting
with Jemina. He was pretty stupid because when I told
him hands off, he shoved me and said,
"Oh yeah? And what are you gonna do if I don't?"
He glanced at Jemina then smirked back at me, "Pony boy?"
I flared. I kept my name Colt while Rocky and
Tum went back to Sam and Mike. I dunno, I personally
liked the name, and besides, granpa gave it to me.
The guy was half drunk, I could tell by his
nasty breath. But everybody knows it's not cool to
mess with Colt, ‘specially not about his name. You'd
think guys would grow out of immaturity. They don't.
I grinned at the dude then heard Keith chuckling
and muttering,
"Somebody's gonna get hurt . . . "
And with that I grabbed the guy by his neck and
pushed him against the wall.
"You wanna say that again?" I asked, choking him.
He tried to talk but was unable to. I released
him after a while. He stood there rigid. I laughed then
made my way out. Then I felt a punch on the back of my
head. I turned around then came face to face with the
dude. Using my boku fist, I stabbed him in the ribs.
It was a ninja move, and I got my satisfaction a second
later when the guy howled in pain. But for some
unfathom reason, I felt guilty.
"A good ninja warrior knows when and when not
to use their skill." Those words kept on ringing in my
head. I wish I didn't have a conscience.
The guy wouldn't give up though, so he tried
to punch me again. Only this time, I grabbed his fist,
pushed his leg which caused him to lose his balance then
flipped him over . . . another ninja move. He still
wouldn't give up though . . . and he didn't . . . until
he had to.
I didn't kill him, didn't use any of the 1000
ways I could've killed him. He was hurt bad though,
with blood streaming . . . It was in matters of minutes
before someone yelled, "the cops are here!"
I thought that was kind of ironic. I grew up helping
the cops and became a hero once in a while. Now as Big D
shoved me to run, I realized somebody blabbed and the
cops were after me! It was kind of fun at first(I think
I was crazy), shoving everyone out of the way and made
my escape. That is, until I got caught. They did their
you have the right to remain silent stuff and I did mine
plead to the fifth. Apparently, I was illegally in the
club, illegal to drink, and I beat up the kid to half
death. It still didn't hit me that I was making my life
go down the drain. Not until the day before the trial.I
had a dream, it wasn't a nightmare, it was kind of void . . .
I was, I dunno, flying through the clouds. Rocky and
TumTum were there, actually smiling, smiling at their
brother who ignored them for the past years. It didn't
make sense. My parents were there, actually smiling,
smiling at their son who they ought to be ashamed of(I
mean, even I was ashamed of myself.). Then there was
granpa, smiling, beaming at me with a thumb up. It
didn't make sense, but I wish it was real. I'd give
everything to make it real.
"You never understood the world
So void and empty
You never were apart of the world
You watch it spin around you
Never stop
So you held your breath
And pray to last
Only to find out
You grew up too soon'
I glanced around in my room. It looked the same,
the same room since I was 14. With my ninja posters and
a Michael Jordan poster. I never bothered to redecorate
d it. And I'm glad I didn't . . . I dunno why, but it
may be the only innocent part of me left, and it's not
even really apart of me. SIGH. Then for a split second,
I saw a framed picture on my disorganized night stand.
I focused my eyes back to the picture. It was a picture
of Rocky, TumTum, me, mom, dad, and granpa, all smiling.
I think that was on TumTum's 10th birthday. If only
time would go backwards. I set it down gently then
tried my hardest to go to sleep. But I couldn't.
"Mr.Douglas. You do know what you have done?"
the judge asked.
The me yesterday would have shrugged, or say
something like, "I don't know, inspire me~!" But as I
stared into the eyes, the eyes of Rocky's, worried.
The eyes of Tum's, sad and wary. The eyes of Mom's,
disappointed and stressed. The eyes of dad's, strained.
The eyes, the eyes . . . of . . . granpa? It was,
he was, grinning as his almond eyes turn to a thin
slice of a half moon. I swear. I saw him!
I looked back at the judge. Her eyes were cold
and uncomforting, like two pieces of ice. I nodded then
cleared my throat.
"Yes, I shouldn't have been at the club,
shouldn't have drank, shouldn't have injured the kid."
I saw mom gasp.
The judge nodded, "All right, but you do know
it might be a little too late for I'm sorry." She puts
on her reading glasses then begin. "I sending you to
a program. Called T.T. troubled teens where you will
spend sometime talking to counselors. You are on
probation for two years, and must do a minimum of two
years of community service."
What she said basically, was, NO JAIL. I've
never been so relieved. And never been so glad that
I was 17. I felt good. Because I knew this is my second
big bang. Only unlike the big bang, perhaps I can
straighten out my life.
Before anything else though. I had another
place to go. I visited granpa. At his grave . . . I
read the epitaph . . .
In memory of Mori Shintaro(Tonaka)
A father, a friend, a teacher,
a great person . . .
And a great grandfather, I added silently.
I smiled then set a photograph down. It was a picture
of Rocky, TumTum, me, and Granpa. Smiling under the
sun . . . perhaps life passed too soon, perhaps I grew
up too soon. But whatever the future holds for me, I
will make the best of it.
Dreams never end
Until it you give it up
Perfection will never be meant
If you don't believe in youself
So as I write this peom
Or whatever you called it
Listen to your soul
And do what you need to do
~THE END~
Liked? Sucked? Email me! This one was difficult for me
to write because it just is. I dunno what it's like
being an outsider, so I don't think this story is very
truthful. I believe that the best writing comes from
experience, but that's just my opinion. C-YA EVERYBODY!
Oh, yeah, I do like writing from Colt's point of view
coz I'm a lot like him, and if not him, tumtum. I'm so
not like Rocky, he's too calm and smart! lol.
Email: acluva@chickmail.com