Don’t leave me

  You don’t see

What every one else does

The laughter and cheer

When you are around

You put yourself down

Over and over again

Rejecting happiness

That couldn’t possibly be real

You would rather

Not have the pain

That only you can see

So you let it all go

Leaving me alone

Alone with all the pain you left

Without you I feel the pain

I miss the smiles

Now there are only tears

I want to be with you

In a pain free paradise

Silver and Shark

We had called ourselves the Girls; we just liked the sound of it. Since we always hung out with each other, we were also called that at school. There was Sue who we called Rose (we all had fake names) she was that person that everyone knew, she seemed to always be happy and hyper, kind of a drama queen, and wasn’t sure quite yet who she was. She was tall, thin, blue eyes and long blonde hair. Joan we called Faith, she was also a person that everyone knew, because she was different. She had no problem saying it like it is, very sarcastic but so funny, always wore black. She had straight black hair, tall, spiked necklace and black nail polish. Then there was me, I was nick-named Casey. I was kind of the betweener of Rose and Faith. I was a little bit of both of them, kind of the realistic one and the leader. We all had our differences but one thing we had in common, we would never forget singles night at the Bronx. The Bronx was basically like THE hangout. It was like a dance club for high school student. We went there every Friday, it was tradition.

            I wasn’t having the greatest day, or life for that matter, so I was really looking forward to having some fun. My life was basically like this big shit hole that just seemed to get deeper, and deeper.

            Rose and Faith were turning on the charm with their new boy toys for the night. The boys were about 2 minutes from drooling and their eyes popping out. So I figured what the hell, I might as well start up a conversation with someone. Then I saw “scooter” talking to his friends (that wasn’t his real name, when one of us had a crush on a guy we gave him a fake name so that we could talk about him,  without others knowing who we were talking about) so I decided that I would got for it. What a mistake that was! I started walking in his direction, walking in a kind of provocative way. Slowly I went up the stairs to where he was then…SLAM…I tripped on the stairs, spraining my ankle. Everything was going in slow motion as if I was watching my life end, I saw him start to laugh, then his friend leaned over to him and said “what a freak”. I was so mortified that I couldn’t move. I just sat there, frozen while they laughed at me. Then I finally stood up, and ran to the bathroom, running through the dance floor, bumping into all the couples. I tripped again, and started to cry. Don’t cry I screamed at myself, DON’T LET THEM SEE YOU CRY! I jumped back up, hearing words whispered like freak, and loser.

I finally make it to the bathroom, and took a look in the mirror. My makeup was ruined and my mascara is running down my cheeks with my tears. I splashed a little bit of water on my face. When the water hit my face, it felt relieving. I wanted to get my makeup off so I got a paper towel and started to scrub, my face started to burn so I stopped. Just then some girls came into the bathroom, they took one look at me their faces light up, excited that they had found someone to pick on. The first girl says ooh, look its tripping beauty! Then the other one replies yea, the men always sweep her off her feet. The laugher got louder and louder, then into shrieking, I remember thinking that they find such joy in other people pain, that shouldn’t hurt me, but it did. The words slowly ate at my insides, and ripped them apart. I felt so insignificant.

I picked up my purse and dumped its contense onto the floor. Then I saw it, silver, shinny and sharp. I quickly picked it up, looked at it and pressed it on my skin, a little bit of blood escaped from under the blade, it felt good, so I slowly pushed down into my skin, father and farther. A sharp pain pulsated through my body, I let go of a tiny scream. Then I gained back my composure, it took me away from my life, from my pain. I took my other wrist, using the tip of the knife, I found a vain, and pressed into it, a small yet deep cut was made. The pain was so intense, yet reliving. It made me feel like life was better, that it would not last forever, that one day the pain would be gone and my life would be over. I just watched the thick dark blood come through the cut. Slowly it starts to drip down my arm. I just watched it. I looked at my knife; it was once silver and shiny, and now it was stained in my blood. I started to see black spots, they came slowly, and then I started to get dizzy. I saw Sue and Joan run into the bathroom, their faces drained until they were entirely white, they started to come towards me. The black spots were coming faster and faster…then black.