Why Senshi and Future Villains Don't Mix

"SERENITY! REI! AMI! MINAKO! MAKOTO!" Selenity bellowed. "GET OVER HERE RIGHT NOW!"

The girls appeared out of seemingly nowhere, but no one cares about that, so I'll skip that. They were all dressed in their Sailor fukus, and Minako was dragging a poor cat along with her by the scruff of it's neck (no, it's not Artemis).

"What is it, you old hag?" Asked Rei irritably. "I was beating the crap out of Yuuchiro! This had better be good!"

Ignoring Sailormars, Selenity said, "First of all, my wings are missing. If you see them, please tell me. Second, you girls are going to live with my half-sister, Beryl, for a month. She's going to train you."

Mako-chan slowly raised her hand.

"Yes?"

"I think I saw some drunk guy from the Dark Kingdom wandering around the palace wearing your wings."

"Fool!" Hissed someone in the shadows, "You don't know about the Dark Kingdom yet!"

"Oh."

The person in the shadows stepped out to face Selenity. It was Beryl (do I really have to spend an hour describing her? We all know what she looks like, right?). "You never told me about this, Selenity!"

"So? I'm the Queen. I can do whatever I want!" Said Queen burst out into peals of laughter, then started coughing. Regaining her composure, she added, "PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE?"

"What was that you said about 'regaining her composure'?" Ami asked the author.

Julie-chan sweatdropped and said, "Okay, maybe not."

Beryl sneered. "Say pretty please."

Selenity begged her, "Prettypleasewithsugarontop?"

Beryl smiled evilly. "No."

Finally realizing that she WAS in fact the Queen and as such didn't have to take this from anyone, Selenity simply ordered her to.

* * *

"DAMN IT!! MINAKO, GET OVER HERE RIGHT NOW!!"

Minako bounded into the room enthusiastically, not understanding that she was in trouble. "Hello!" She called, running up and hugging Beryl around the waist.

Trying to pry the girl off, Beryl scolded her, "How many times now have I told you to leave that cat outside, or at least keep it locked up in your room?"

Letting go of Beryl, Minako replied casually, "Seven."

"WELL, NEXT TIME KEEP IT OUT OF MY ROOM! LOOK AT THIS!" She pointed to a pair of high-heeled neon green shoes that she never wore anyway, and shouted, "YOUR CAT LEFT ME A LITTLE 'PRESENT' IN THOSE SHOES!"

"Really?" Minako was amazed. "And it's not even Christmas yet!" (Ok, lame joke, I admit.)

"Not THAT kind of present!"

Just the Rei ran into the room. "Beryl-sama? Is it alright if I start a bonfire in the backyard?"

"NO!" She yelled, ushering both girls out the door.

Rei sighed. "Then you should have told me earlier," She said matter-of-factly.

"WHAT?!" Forgetting about the shoes, Beryl ran outside. Sure enough, there was a huge bonfire in her backyard.

Moonlight Knight (who henceforth will be referred to as "Bedsheet Man"), all four of the Shitennou, and the rest of the Senshi, Inner and Outer, sat around, roasting marshmallows and listening to Zoisite tell ghost...er, Nephrite stories.

"And then..." Zoisite whispered menacingly, "the monster jumped out of the woods. He chased our poor, defenseless, amazingly cute hero (which is of course, me) over the bridge. The boy decided to run and hide in your everyday, run-of-the-mill, naturally occurring abandoned cabin. Right as he was about to run up the steps, something caught a hold of his hair! The poor boy turned, horrified at what he saw. For there, standing behind him was an ugly, drunk, Nephrite!"

At this, everyone (excluding Nephrite and Beryl) screamed. Even Zoisite, who jumped into Kunzite's arms. Minako tightly grabbed to Beryl, Usagi--which Beryl had nicknamed her instead of Serenity (Usagi means "Rabbit")--clung to Bedsheet Man, Makoto, Rei, Hotaru, and Chibi-usa (don't ask me what she's doing here) cowered in fear, and Michiru started crying into Haruka's chest. Shrugging, Jadeite jumped into Setsuna's arms. Ami, who had been sitting next to Nephrite, slapped him across the face with her computer and hid behind Kunzite's cape (much to the dismay of Zoisite, who blasted her).

Appearing out of nowhere, Julie-chan sat down next to Ami and comforted her.

Nephrite was very angry, and he whacked Zoisite over the head with his wings (the ones he stole from Selenity, remember?). Minako's cat appeared out of nowhere and began to bite and claw random people. Then it decided that it particularly like Zoisite for some reason.

Zoisite shouted, "HEEEELLLP MEEEE! KUNZITE-SAMA!"

Kunzite bravely grabbed the cat, only to be clawed in the face as well. He threw the cat into the bonfire.

Minako screamed, "Kitty! He threw Kitty into the fire!"

"Mercury Aqua Rhapsody!"

The bonfire was put out, and "Kitty" jumped out unscathed.

Setsuna dumped Jadeite onto the ground because he was trying to flirt with her. Then she hit him over the head with her staff.

"Get him!" Shouted Rei, and since no one knew who she was talking about, they all began to fight with one another.

Nephrite managed to sneak away, but Kitty saw him and attacked him.

Beryl sighed. This was going to be a long month.

* * *

"MYHAIRCAUGHTONFIRE!!" Screamed Rei the pyro as she ran up and down the hall. She had been sitting too close to the fire, and obviously, her hair was now ablaze.

Beryl chugged down some type of alcoholic beverage that she had stolen from Nephrite. Finally, the fact that Rei was running around her in circles with smoke coming from her hair registered. Beryl dumped some of her drink on Rei in an attempt to put out the blaze, which of course only fueled it further.

Beryl shrugged, and went to sleep (something she'd not had enough of lately).

Finally, the author decided to take pity on poor Rei and dumped convenient naturally-occurring bucket of water on her head. For some reason, Rei's hair wasn't even burnt or shortened.

Rei, being an anime character, had a strange mood swing (like all anime characters are prone to) and decided she'd see if Kitty could be set aflame.

She went into the kitchen where she saw Usagi hungrily gobbling down a bucket of fried chicken.

"Usagi, have you seen Kitty lately?"

"Why?"

"I just wanted to see if it burns."

"Oh. Okay. I think Minako has it."

"Okay, thanks." Rei began to leave the room.

"Wait a second!" Usagi exclaimed. "Does burning Kitty involve setting it on fire?" She asked suspiciously.

"DUH! BAKA!"

"Oh." Usagi blinked. "Okay. In that case, go ahead."

While Usagi was wondering where fried chicken came from (maybe tofu...), Rei was tracking down Kitty.

She heard faint "meow"ing sounds coming from outside. When she walked to the site where her bonfire had been a few days ago, Rei found Zoisite torturing Kitty.

"Hey! Fem-boy!" Rei called, running over to him, "Want to see if Kitty burns?"

An evil grin lit up the small man's face.

"NO! KITTY!" Someone shrieked. Minako came bursting out the door and grabbed the cat. "Crescent Beam! Bad Zoisite! BAD BAD BAD BAD! And you, Rei! Venus love me chain! That'll teach you!" Minako ran back inside the house with Kitty in tow.

Rei sighed. What was she supposed to do now? "So, Fem-boy, want to start another bonfire? We can use all of Ami's books as fuel since we have no wood."

"Do I get to tell Nephrite stories again?"

"Why not."