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Brow Motors
"Steam Cars For The Future"

Meet The Team!

Here at Brow Motors, we have assembled a top-notch team to assist with the development of the steam car of the future.

Hans "Mad Vlad" Tepes

Hans "Mad Vlad" Tepes, a not-so-recent graduate of the State Polytechnic University of Transylvania, is our chief production engineer. Hans has developed some amazing new production methods, including welding fixtures made from wood stakes, upon which the parts to be welded are firmly impaled, and a new case-hardening technique involving the use of a proprietary red liquid. A hard worker, Hans toils away far into the wee hours, then disappears just before dawn, to catch some Z's in his cool satin-lined bed with closing lid, an unusual habit he apparently developed as part of the radical "underground" in the 1960s. Though diligent in his work, Hans admits that the challenges of steam car development sometimes drive him "absolutely batty".

Nedrick "Ned" Kelly VI

"Ned" as we call him, is the head of our Australian R&D division, located in a remote disused opal mine somewhere in the outback. We haven't heard much from him lately, as the cost of heavily-armed camel couriers and bulletproof vests has made communication difficult. At last report, he had developed an interesting new drilling technique involving the use of high-velocity lead drill bits chemically propelled from steel tubes with shallow spiral grooves cut into the inner diameter. He has an amazing ability to scrounge up tools, materials, and other supplies at practically no cost, though we wonder about the ammunition, traffic barriers, and surplus Australian police uniform we shipped to him recently. Ned is reportedly working on a steam-powered body armor suit made entirely from recycled steel components, and promises to restore communication "as soon as trucks with satellite uplinks and computer equipment try to drive through here".

Edward "Dead Ed" Mortenson

"Dead Ed" is our senior R&D team member, having just moved here from Death Valley, California with the kind assistance of Dr. Mojimbo Laveau of Jonestown, Haiti. 168 years young, Ed knows more about steam than the rest of us put together, having worked with the Stanley Brothers after a long career that included riding for the Pony Express, a stint in the Confederate Army during the Civil War, and several decades as a locomotive troubleshooter for the Atchison, Topeka, and Santa Fe Railroad. Some say that steam cars went out with high-buttoned shoes; well, Ed went out with WOMEN IN high-buttoned shoes! Ed's design philosophy is "get rid of them durn newfangled gizmos and pump yer own consarned water by hand". Here Ed is shown quality-checking the cool retro-look steering wheel he designed for our forthcoming steam roadster. We don't know where "Doc" Laveau dug up a top-notch steam expert like Ed, but we sure appreciate it; corporate headhunters are really worth hiring. Keeping up with Ed has been a challenge to the entire staff, prompting us all to bone up on our steam knowledge. Despite his advanced age, it would be a grave mistake to underestimate Ed. He's always coughin' up new ideas. And Ed's dry wit and deadpan humor absolutely knock us dead!

Boozer T. Cat

Boozer T. Cat is our shop mascot, resident pest control expert, and relaxation advisor. Shown here inspecting our in-house foundry sandpit, his calm, laid-back attitude is an inspiration to us all. Though we wish he'd lay off the cigarettes and beer. This cat smokes three packs a day.

Crazy Drunk Guy

Crazy Drunk Guy, an Olde English fellow, wandered into our plant one day, having just taken the Night Train in from Old Milwaukee via 'Cisco. His plan to convert a Thunderbird to steam power really caused a Ripple of excitement around here. When not fighting Boozer T. Cat over a bottle of beer, Crazy Drunk Guy's duties include wheezing, staggering, barfing, and collapsing about the place. Current projects include developing a lung-powered method of carbureting ethanol fumes.

Happy McMonkey

Happy McMonkey is our Executive VP for Advertizing and Promotion. A primate of few words, his infectious grin and irrepressable enthusiasm have done wonders to promote the "spirit of steam" among prospective customers.

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