HotBasic Compiler NEWS #1

Updated: Dec 30, 2003

Headline: Refugees Pour Into Compilewealth of HotBasic

[Transcript of live broadcast]

Maj. Hog:  I'm on the ground, Dan, at one of many refugee camps in the
HotBasic frontier territory.

Dan:  We see people streaming in across the border right now, Major.

Maj. Hog:  It's pitiful.  They are coming from the north, east and
south with little more than their computer hardware strapped to their
backs.  One man had to leave behind his partner, crushed under a basic
run-time .dll estimated at over one megabyte in size.  It was not a
pretty sight, he said.  Others are fleeing what they call "a tower of
babble" in C-Land, north of here.  This refugee hasn't recovered yet,
Dan.

Refugee:  ABC is defined as DEF is defined as GHI is defined as JKL is
defined as MNO ... but it's only a DWORD!

Maj. Hog:  Reports are that the government of C-Land was passing off
redundant definitions as something useful to the people.  But, if you
can hear that rumble from the south, Dan, it confirms horrific tales
from Java-Land, and neighboring domains, where the army has over 18
megabytes, much more when unzipped from their barracks, and there are
reports of heavy casualties among programmers and computers alike. 

Dan:  Major, is there enough food and clean water there for those who
made it to the HotBasic frontier?

Maj. Hog:  Yes, Dan, they arrive thirsty for the freedom of a good
compiler.  HotBabe has flown in with supplies and generators.  Many of
the refugees have already powered up and written their first programs
in HotBasic, even in this rugged frontier area.  

Dan:  Our viewers can see programmers sitting on the ground with their
keyboards, but they look happy.

Maj. Hog:  Well, these refugees confirm what human rights organizations
have long reported.  Many refugees here have never known freedom and
respect for their privacy and rights.  They tell of the feared OCX
squads that would enter their homes in the wee hours of the night to
inspect their computer registries.  In neigboring compiler nations,
even program users are not free from government OCX agents.  Unless
they submit to government goons, they can not even run a program.

With the revolution here in Hot-Land, they cross Migration Gorge
[camera pan right] to find a better life.  They can hardly believe that
users can run their programs without being arrested or registering
files with the system government.

Dan:  Will these programmers be allowed to stay in HotBasic?

Maj. Hog:  It is touch and go, Dan.  HotBasic officials appear happy
since once these refugees get cleaned up, they are, after all, 
professionals.  But there are complaints of a serious brain-drain from
governments of neighboring territories.  These strongmen -- known as
soft-warlords -- want their programmers returned.

On this diplomatic front, it didn't help when the HotBasic Secretary
of Immigration announced that all refugees could be registered
immediately without waiting the customary one year period.  If HotBasic
does not deport the refugees, several foreign ministers are threatening
to double the number of definitions in their include files.  But this
may only increase the flow of programmers into Hot-Land.

Dan:  Thanks for the update, Major.  Now in other news ...

Copyright 2003 James J Keene PhD
Original Publication: Dec 28, 2003