“I’m gonna go do it,” I tell Britney a few minutes later.
“Good luck,” she says as I head off in search of Brian.
I find him sat on a bar stool with Nick. He jumps up when he sees me.
“Hey, can we talk?” I ask and he nods.
“Of course,” he takes my arm and guides me over to a quiet corner. We both sit down and he looks at me, “Jady, I am so sorry about what I did. It meant nothin’ to me.”
“I know you’re sorry but I don’t know about that last part,” I tell him.
“Huh?” he stares at me.
“Ok, lemme see…” I start to count off on my fingers as I talk, “One, she’s the girl who left you for AJ. Two, she’s the girl who hurt you so much that you decided to use me to hurt AJ right back…”
“Hey, I told you ‘bout that!” he interrupts.
“Ok, ok, so you changed your mind after you met me. Still don’t change the fact that you THOUGHT it. She really hurt you Brian. Three, after all that, you still kissed her when you saw her again so there’s obviously some attraction there. And four, after kissing her, instead of going stay-the-fuck-away-from-me, you invited her here as your date!”
“I wasn’t thinkin’ straight!”
“You can say THAT again,” I mutter. “Look, I’m not throwing blame at ya here… I just think you need a little closure as far as that girl is concerned.”
“So what you sayin’?”
“Maybe we should have a little time apart,” I suggest and his eyes widen.
“I love YOU Jade, nobody else.”
“I love you too. But I’m on Britney’s tour for a little while and I think we should use that time to re-assess what we want from each other. And maybe you should finally get some answers from Farrah so that you both can move on.”
“I HAVE moved on Jade!”
“Well, maybe I need a little time,” I confess quietly.
“Why?”
“Just to think all this through,” I shrug.
“But you believe that I love you?”
“Yeah. It’s not about whether you love me anymore,” I tell him. “It’s just ME. I need to sort some things out before I can come back to being your girlfriend.”
“So, I give you a little space?”
“Yeah.”
“Like, I don’t call you and stuff?”
“Yeah.”
“But you’re still my girl?”
“Yeah,” I smile slightly. “I’m still your girl.”
“Ok then. You need space – you got it,” he stands up and walks away from me.
I breathe a long sigh and lean back in my chair. What the fuck do I do with this time now? How do I convince myself that I’m ready for Brian? How do I get AJ outta my system? It’s gonna drive me crazy.
“Hey girl, missed ya lately,” the guy in question sits opposite me.
“Missed you too AJ,” I smile. “You look tired.”
“Gee, thanks. You look good too,” he says dryly.
“Sorry,” I laugh. “You hear ‘bout Brian and Farrah?”
“What ‘bout them?”
“They kissed.”
“They did?” he looks surprised. “Nobody tells me anything!”
“It was only one kiss apparently,” I shrug.
“And he told ya?”
“Well, Nick kinda blurted it out.”
“Figures,” he chuckles. “So, you mad at him?”
“I was.”
“Not now?”
“We did worse,” I say and he blushes slightly. It’s cute.
“Oh yeah, I know.”
“Uh, Aje…” I start.
“What?”
“About that night we…y’know…”
“Yeah?”
“Do you ever think about it?”
“Fuck Jade, you can’t ask me that shit,” he mutters. “I have a girlfriend now.”
“Ok, fine,” I shrug.
“Why?” he sits up and rests his arms on the table, leaning closer to me.
“Nothin’. It was dumb. Forget it.”
“Ok,” he shrugs and we sit in silence for a while. “Y’know what? I don’t wanna forget it,” he suddenly says. “Yeah, I think about it.”
“You do?”
“Your turn,” he says.
“Ok, I do too.”
“Shit,” he mutters.
“But I still love Brian,” I add quickly and he stares at me.
“So, you wanna fuck me and love him huh?!”
“No! I just wanna get you outta my mind!”
“Oh, that’s just GREAT. What about ME?!” he yells and stands up. “I have been tryin’ to get you the fuck outta MY mind since you got it on with Brian! And now you tell me you might FEEL something for me too but you won’t give it a chance! Way to go Jade.” He walks away angrily and I sigh. I follow him outside and catch up with him by the cab rank.
“AJ, wait!”
“Why?!” he turns round and glares at me.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that stuff to you. It’s MY problem and I’ll find my own way outta it,” I turn to walk away but he grabs my arm and pulls me back into him.
“It’s my problem too,” he murmurs, kissing me softly.
“Whoa,” I step back and lay my hands on his chest. “This isn’t the way to deal with it.”
“I know,” he steps away from me. “Sorry.”
“God Aje, what do we do?”
“I wish I knew,” he sighs. “Look, Jade, wanna come back to my hotel room? We can talk through it all.”
“Come to mine,” I say. “I don’t wanna risk Brian seeing me.”
“Ok,” he agrees and opens a car door for me.
We climb inside and around twenty minutes later we’re sat in my hotel room.
“Ok, so tell me – what’s the situation with Brian?” AJ asks and I sigh.
“He kissed his ex-girlfriend and then he took her to the awards as his date.”
“He told her to leave though.”
“He did? Well…” I shrug. “He needs closure.”
“Maybe. You tell him that?”
“Yeah. We agreed to give each other space while I’m with Britney.”
“He was ok?”
“Yeah.”
“He doesn’t know about us?”
“There IS no us AJ,” I remind him.
“I meant, about us havin’ sex.”
“No and he’s never goin’ to know. Even if we break up. It would hurt him.”
“Yeah,” he agrees. “Do you love him?”
“Yeah. I do.”
“So, why are you thinkin’ ‘bout me?”
“Maybe because Brian is so serious. I just remember bein’ with you and how passionate it was and how much fun we have…”
“If you dated me, I’d get serious too,” he says. “That’s what relationships are all about.”
“I know. I’m bein’ dumb.”
“Yeah, you are,” he says and I look at him. “Jade, nothing’s gonna happen between you and me. Not EVER. Sure, I like ya and stuff but… I regret what we did together cos you were still with Brian.”
“You still did it though.”
“I was a different person then. I was drinking and stuff… I was fucked up. And you were a part of that.”
“You can’t blame me for your shit!” I exclaim and he sighs.
“I don’t. But it didn’t help. I hated myself Jade. I can’t go back there. I need to find somebody who will love me unconditionally. Not somebody who’ll love me because her boyfriend is too intense for her to deal with.”
“I know. You deserve a lot better than me.”
“You love Brian, Jade. It’s so obvious when you guys are together! You need to get over your dumb issue and get on with bein’ with him. You don’t feel ANYTHING for me, you’re just using me as an excuse.”
“AJ, I…”
“Jade, just admit it to yourself!” he says angrily. “He kissed a girl, you fucked me. I think you can forgive him.”
“I already have.”
“Jade, I’ve had enough. Either be with him or dump him, but just make up your mind.”
“It’s hard,” I whine.
“Oh yeah, I can see that. You got a guy who worships the ground you walk on. THAT’s hard,” he says sarcastically. “C’mon Jade, the only person makin’ it hard is you.”
“Don’t you want me?” I pout and he groans.
“We’re not right together Jade!”
“Fine,” I declare and stand up. “I’m goin’. Goodbye AJ,” I say dramatically and march to the door, throwing it open and stalking out, banging the door shut behind me. I get halfway to the elevator before realising I have just stormed out of my own room. Feeling incredibly dumb, I walk back and knock on the door. AJ opens it pretty quickly. “Uh, it’s my room,” I say sheepishly and he tries not to laugh as I brush past him into the room.
“Very dramatic girl.”
“I tried,” I shrug.
“Look, Jade, you don’t want to be with me. I’m just your excuse. And you don’t have me anymore,” he walks back over to sit by me. “But I’m your friend and if you want to talk things through with me… I’m here.”
“Thank you. I don’t deserve you.”
“I know,” he grins.
“I don’t deserve Brian either,” I add. “He deserves way better.”
“Maybe he does, but he wants YOU.”
“Maybe he wants Farrah now,” I say sadly. “I told him to go talk to her. I can’t BELIEVE I told him to do that! What if he talks to her and they work things out?!”
“Call him up right now then,” AJ suggests.
“I can’t. I’d rather KNOW.”
“You’re your own worst enemy ya know?”
“I know.”