I check my reflection in the mirror. I cannot believe how nervous I feel. It’s the night of the AMAs and I’m about to see Brian for the first time in two weeks. Ok, two weeks is not long but it has felt like it! I miss him so much. I had called him a couple of nights ago and said I didn’t know if I would be there. So he will be completely shocked to see me there. After talking to Britney, I have decided to shock him before the ceremony. Both of us agreeing that total making out would be frowned upon during a ceremony! I smile at myself in the mirror. I’m wearing a long white dress which has a corset-like top. My hair is loose over my shoulders and I have a jade pendant around my neck which Brian bought for my last birthday.
I arrive at the AMAs with Britney. Her driver takes us round the back, away from the press and Britney climbs out of the car. She has to go walk down the red carpet and have her picture taken and I am going to wait for Brian here. Everyone who walks down the red carpet has to come back here to get their ID bracelets for the ceremony. Security is high at places like this. Britney smoothes down her deep red dress and looks at me nervously.
“How do I look?”
“Like a star,” I grin. “You’ll knock ‘em dead.”
“Cool,” she giggles. “I’ll see you later. With Brian,” she adds with a smirk.
“Where are you meeting Justin?”
“Just inside,” she grins.
“Justin side!” I giggle. “Get it?”
“Bad, very bad,” she rolls her eyes and walks away.
“Who the FUCK is SHE?!” Ali whispers angrily to Nick as Farrah climbs into their car with Brian.
“Farrah.”
“Fawcett?” asks Ali dirtily. “Why is she with Brian?”
“Brian’s ex-girl. Y’know, the one who dumped him for AJ.”
“Her?! Ugh. What’s she doin’ HERE?”
“She’s Brian’s date for the night,” Nick says unhappily. “She wants to get contacts for her modelling or something, so Brian invited her along.”
“I don’t BELIEVE this,” Ali splutters. “Jade’s gonna be there!”
“What?” Nick stares at her.
“Uh huh, she wants to surprise Brian. Looks like SHE’LL be the one gettin’ surprised.”
“Fuck. We need to do something,” Nick says.
“His problem,” Ali sits back and folds her arms.
“Hey Ali, this is Farrah,” Brian decides to introduce them.
“Hi Ali,” Farrah smiles sweetly.
“Whatever,” Ali looks out of the window.
“Sorry,” Nick shrugs.
“Do I gotta walk the carpet?” Ali whines as their car draws up outside where the AMAs are being held in LA. “I already did this for that MTV thing and it SUCKED.”
“It’ll be over before ya know it,” Nick reassures her. “You ready Brian?”
“Yup, sure am,” Brian runs his hand through his hair and follows the other two out onto the carpet. Flashlights go off all over the place and he has to work hard not to squint. Next to him, Farrah takes his hand and squeezes it. He feels weird but he just goes with it. He wishes it were Jade by his side, holding his hand. He knows now that Jade is the one he wants. Just seeing Farrah all dressed up and realising she was nothing on Jade. He had just had a dumb moment. He puts a big smile on his face and moves along the carpet, answering questions and signing a couple of autographs. Soon he is inside.
“Where now?” Ali asks.
“You gotta go out back to get ya IDs,” says a security guy. He leads them through and into a security area. “Just sign in and pick up ya bands.”
“Sure,” Nick says and the foursome head over to a table.
Ten minutes after Britney left, I finally see Brian walk into the security area. He’s a little behind Nick and Ali and is talking to a blonde woman. He looks damn good in a dark blue suit. I grin and climb out of the car, smoothing my dress down. Before I can decide how I’m going to make him notice me he suddenly reaches for the woman’s hand as she starts laughing. I eel like somebody just stabbed me and my head feels all light. I stand there, not knowing what to do. Do I just turn around and run away or do I go confront him? The blonde leans in to whisper in Brian’s ear and my shock turns rapidly to anger. I hitch up my dress and march over to him.
“Hey,” I say and he turns round.
“Jade!” his eyes widen and he quickly lets go of the blonde’s hand to step towards me. “What you doin’ here?”
“Surprisin’ you,” I step back from him. “But I guess I got surprised instead.” I look at the blonde coldly, “Care to introduce me?”
“Uh, Jade this is Farrah.”
“Farrah?” I repeat. “Farrah, I know that name… Oh yeah, your EX?”
“Uh, yeah, Jade…”
“No Brian,” I hold up my hand. “You can forget it. Good seein’ you guys,” I tell Ali and Nick before walking away as calmly as I can.
“Jade!” Brian runs after me and grabs my hand to turn me around. “You got this all wrong!”
“I have?”
“Yeah! I’m just helpin’ her out. She’s a model and she wanted to get some contacts and you weren’t here so…”
“So, you figured you’d replace me?” I finish smoothly.
“No! Jade, we’re just friends.”
“Just friends?!” I finally lose my cool. “Oh for fuck’s sake, spare me the ‘just friends’ bullshit! I don’t think ‘just friends’ hold hands like that or whisper and shit!”
“Don’t be so goddamn paranoid!” Brian yells at me.
“Hey, don’t yell at me!”
“You yelled at ME!”
“I have a RIGHT!” I yell back. “I can’t BELIEVE you did that to me!”
“Jade,” Nick joins us. “I know that Brian is real sorry about what happened. I know he didn’t mean for it to happen but she just kinda kissed HIM and you should just…”
“WHAT?!” I stare at Nick and he pales.
“He… Oh fuck, you didn’t tell her?” he asks Brian.
“Thank you Nick,” Brian says sarcastically and looks back at me. “It was ONE kiss Jade.”
“You KISSED her?!” my eyes fill with tears as he nods slowly.
“It didn’t mean anything,” he whispers. “I don’t even know how it happened. I was just feelin’ so scared that I was gonna lose you…”
“So you kissed another girl?!” I interrupt. “Well congratulations, you got what you wanted!” I turn and walk towards the back entrance of the venue.
“Jady!” Brian follows me. “I just get scared that you don’t love me the way I love you, and then you left me and…”
“You said you were ok with that!”
“I know what I SAID,” he replies. “But it hurt me that you were bored of bein’ with me and then Farrah turned up and all the old stuff came back and she said everything I wanted to hear you say…”
“So you love her now?!” I stop walking and look at him.
“No! I never loved her. And now I know I never could.”
“And you had to kiss her to figure that out?!”
“Yes! I know how dumb it sounds…”
“Stop talkin’ then,” I start walking again.
“Jady, I love YOU.”
“Sure,” I get inside and find Britney standing near the door with Justin and her security guy Rob. I walk over to her, Brian trailing behind and almost burst into tears when she smiles at me.
“God Jade, what happened?” she asks, reaching for my hands.
“Ask HIM!”
“Brian?” she looks at him.
“It’s between me and Jade.”
“He KISSED somebody else!” I tell her angrily, wiping away my tears. “And he brought her HERE as his damn date!”
“God,” she stares at him with wide eyes.
“Jade, you need to come talk with me,” Brian reaches for my hand and I push him away.
“Leave me ALONE.”
“Jade,” he grabs my arm and turns me round so that I look at him. “I’m not leaving you alone. It meant NOTHING. It was one little mistake. You can’t tell me you never fucked up.”
I stare at him, remembering my night with AJ. I really want to just tell him that – hurt him more than he just hurt me. But I can’t do that, so I say nothing.
“Just go away,” I say coldly.
“Jade, you want him to go?” asks Rob and I nod. “You heard her,” he steps between me and Brian, making Brian let go of me.
“She’s my GIRLFRIEND,” Brian tells Rob.
“Sorry,” Rob shrugs. “Go calm down.”
Brian stares at Rob for a while and then takes a deep breath. “Fine, ok.” He walks away.
“Thanks Rob,” I say a little shakily.
“No problem,” he smiles.
“Jade, what happened?” asks Britney, rubbing my arm gently.
“Brian really kissed somebody else?!” exclaims Justin.
“Apparently,” I sniff back my tears. “He wasn’t even gonna TELL me. Nick just let it slip…”
“Well, he probably didn’t wanna hurt you…” Justin’s defence of Brian trails away as Britney and I glare at him. He holds up his hands, “ok, ok.”
“And she is his ex-girlfriend and he brought her here as his DATE!” I continue telling Britney.
“God,” she drawls slowly, shaking her head. “Men.”
“Oh, I can think of worst words,” I say.
“Fuck, Jade, is that her?” Britney gestures over my shoulder and I turn around to see Brian and Farrah walk inside the venue together. I nod slowly, not trusting myself to speak. “Bitch,” Britney hisses.
“Oh yeah,” I nod and turn back to her.
“You wanna leave?”
“I’m fine,” I smile weakly. “I just don’t know where I’m gonna sit tonight.”
“You can sit by me,” she offers. “Justin, you go take Jade’s seat by Brian.”
“But I’m supposed to be by you,” he pouts slightly and she rolls her eyes.
“Jade needs me more. And she is NOT sittin’ by that fuck and his bitch.”
I start to giggle and they both look at me nervously, I guess they think I’ve turned hysterical or something. That makes me laugh even harder.
“What?” Britney asks.
“Oh God…” I splutter. “Just hearing God-fearin’-virginal-sweet-lil Britney Jean Spears say that! Fuck and his bitch?! It gave me a total movie flashback!”
“Lemme guess,” grins Justin as Britney starts to laugh. “Say my name bitch?”
“You know it!” I say as all three of us dissolve into helpless laughter. I notice Brian looking over and somehow that makes me laugh harder. I guess it’s true that there’s only one small step from laughter to tears.