“I’m worried about Ali,” I tell Brian as the movie we are watching finishes. He shifts his position on the couch so that he’s facing me and reaches for my hands.
“She not doin’ good?”
“Nup,” I sigh heavily. “She won’t even talk to me about it. She has this weird idea I’m patronising her.”
“Nick’s the same. He just turns on me sayin’ I’m Mr perfect with my perfect girlfriend and my perfect life.”
“If only he knew eh?” I mutter and Brian chuckles.
“You ARE perfect honey.”
“Hardly,” I retort. “I’m scared of commitment. I get moody. I take you for granted. I cause problems between you and AJ…”
“Ok, ok…” he interrupts me with a soft smile. “So you’re not perfect, but you’re MY kinda perfect.”
“You are a sucker for punishment,” I tell him and he nods.
“I know,” he wraps his arms around me and kisses my head as I lean back against him. “And I am going to miss you so much next month.”
“Oh God, don’t talk ‘bout next month,” I groan. “Next month you leave me.”
“Only physically.”
“You’ll be off travelling the country and meetin’ all these beautiful women.”
“Yup.”
“Hey,” I nudge him. “Not makin’ me feel better here.”
“Jady,” he laughs and holds me tighter. “You know I love you. And you know I can’t even look at another woman. I’ve got too much to lose.”
“Well, as Jay always says – why settle for beef when ya got veal at home?” I giggle and Brian laughs.
“Very true.” We sit in silence for a while, just savouring each others’ company. “I can’t wait to have you see the show.”
“Me neither honey,” I smile at him. “I’m gonna totally do the whole girlfriend thing! I’ll be all “That’s MY man up there!” and gettin’ all hot…”
“Oh yeah?” he says amusedly.
“Oh yeah.”
I glance at Jade’s flushed face as we climb out of the cab. We’re about to go see the first show of the Backstreet Boys’ tour and I’m dreading it. It has been almost two months since I had last seen Nick. I had tried calling him and going by his place but had never had any luck. I found out via Jade later that he had gone to stay with his family in California. It is getting harder and harder to see Jade so loved up with Brian. In one way I am pleased for her, but in another I seriously want to smack her for being so damn lucky.
“Come on Ali!” I yell, dragging her up to the stage door. “We’re going to miss the start.”
“We won’t. Anyways I’m not sure I wanna go backstage,” she moans.
“Well I do and if we separate now, we’ll NEVER find each other again.”
“Uh, our seats are right next to each other,” she points out.
“Whatever,” I ignore her and grin at the security guard. “Hi, we have passes.”
He checks out our IDs and then waves us through into the backstage area. It’s a hive of activity and we head down several deadend corridors before finding Howie.
“Hey, you made it,” he gives us both a hug.
“Of course, like I’m gonna miss your show!”
“Of course,” echoes Ali, rather less enthusiastically.
Howie gives her a curious look and then smiles brightly at me. “C’mon, Brian’s been searching all over for ya.”
He leads us down a maze of corridors and into the green room where there’s a huge table of food and some game machines. Both Nick and Brian are in there. Nick is eating a Twinkie and Brian is pissing him off by continuously hitting him with a softball yelling “SCORE!” every time he makes contact.
“Hey Bri, Jade’s here.”
Brian turns around and grins at me. “Finally. Didja go to the wrong place?!” he laughs and swoops me up in a big hug and kiss.
“Whoa, how much sugar have you had?!” I tease him.
“You’re ALL sugar baby,” he replies with a goofy grin.
“You’re so corny,” I say with a giggle.
“I am NOT.”
“Are so.”
Before he can protest further, I kiss him and he picks me up, carrying me over to a couch in the corner of the room.
I shoot Jade and Brian a glare for disappearing on me. JUST what I want – to spend time in a room with a guy who I love but can’t even speak to any more and his embarrassed friend. I smile at Howie to avoid looking at Nick’s back. He had started examining the wall the minute I had walked in.
“Well, you’re lookin’ good Ali,” Howie says. “Isn’t she lookin’ good Nick?” He waits for a reply but doesn’t get one. He coughs awkwardly. “Well, you sure do look good Ali. Let me give ya a quick tour.”
He rushes out of the room and I follow him. A tour of backstage is not the most thrilling of things but it sure beats standing in a room with an atmosphere so cold that after one minute you’d probably die of hypothermia.
“Wow! Who did you KILL to get those seats?!”
I turn in the direction of the girl who has spoken and laugh. “Only an entire Ticketmaster queue,” I joke and she laughs. Brian had got Ali and I seats in the pit right in front of the security barriers but we had both preferred to get the whole audience experience. So he had swapped our seats for front row, centre. I glance over at Ali who has been pretty quiet ever since we got here. “You ok?”
“Oh sure,” she says sarcastically. “It was great fun standing in a room with my ex-boyfriend who now hates me, my best friend making out with her boyfriend and an embarrassed Howie who insisted on giving me the ENTIRE tour of backstage.”
“Sorry,” I mutter, turning my attention to the dark stage. “But he leaves tomorrow and I’m not gonna see him for MONTHS.”
“Yeah, I know,” she sighs. “Sorry. I guess I was just hoping for a miracle with Nick. The sooner I go back to NYC the better… For ALL of us.”
“What?!” I stare at her in shock.
“I’m going back to New York.”
“You can’t!”
“I can.”
“But what about me?! I’m your best friend! How can I live in Tampa without you?”
“You’ve got Brian.”
“Oh big deal. He’s gonna be away more than he’s there. Besides, he’s not you. Ali, please don’t go back to New York.”
“I’m just thinking about it, that’s all.”
“Don’t go.”
Ali shrugs. “We’ll talk later. I think it might be starting.” The stage is starting to fill with smoke.
I throw her a look and mutter, “Saved by the smoke.”
“Hey y’all!” Brian yells out into the audience as the other four guys disappear offstage. “Enjoyin’ yourselves so far?”
“YEAH!”
“Cool!” he grins at the audience and pulls a stool out into the centre of the stage. “It sure is good to be here tonight with y’all. I wanna slow things down a bit with a song I wrote recently. Would that be ok with you guys?”
“YEAH!”
“Ok!” he laughs and sits on his stool. A guitar player joins him. “This guy here is Dave Tomas and he’s gonna be accompanying me. I hope you guys like the song – it means a lot to me.” The fans scream and he grins widely, his eyes finding Jade’s as the music starts.
As Brian finishes the last note, the audience erupts into screams and applause. He grins and stands up.
“I guess y’all liked it?”
“YEAH!”
“Thank you,” he grins and takes a quick bow before backing towards the wings. “Now, I give you Mr Nickolas Carter!”
The fans scream as Brian disappears and Nick walks onto the stage.
“Hey guys!” Nick yells with a wide grin at the audience.
The response is almost deafening and he chuckles. He walks up to the front of the stage and grabs his microphone off the stand. He realises that Ali and Jade are standing directly beneath him and his smile falters. God, Ali looks so good. He had thought that backstage but now, with him about to sing a song that he knew she loved… Her loss hit him even harder and his smile fades as the music starts. He looks away from her as he starts to sing.
I groan to myself as Nick starts to sing. Why does it have to be that song? I remembered the night I had confessed to Nick that that song had always been my favourite BSB song. He had laughed and teased me for a while. But then, after we had made love, he had sung it to me softly before falling asleep. I close my eyes and see him leaning over me again. His blue eyes filled with tenderness and his soft mouth curving at the corners as he finished the song. I had kissed him and then wrapped myself up in his warm arms to sleep. It had been so perfect. I smile and open my eyes. He is still singing but he is so far away from me. And he hates me. I lower my head as the tears fill my eyes.