After arguing with Nick, Jade and Brian I had thrown a few things around the room and punched a pillow several times to defuse my anger. After taking a long shower, I’m feeling a lot calmer. I’m not sure how long this mood will last when Nick walks in though. I sit on the bed and turn on MTV. TRL is on and Carson Daly says that the Backstreet Boys will be on the show after a commercial break. As far as I know, Nick is still in the building so I’m wondering what the hell is going on. He must’ve just left without even bothering to let me know they were going someplace. After the commercials the Backstreet Boys walk out onto the TRL set and I groan. They are all there and I am totally isolated. Nick doesn’t want to be with me anymore. Jade is mad at me. Brian is mad at me. When the other guys find out they will all side against me. Kevin’s never really liked me anyway. AJ will do whatever Jade tells him to. Howie will just keep quiet for the sake of keeping the peace. He probably thinks I’m a slut anyway. I sigh and turn my attention back to the TV. They’re all laughing.
“Ok, next question is from Sarah,” Carson is saying.
“Hey guys!” a blonde fan giggles “Do you guys all have girlfriends now? Cos there’ve been a LOT of rumours!”
“Well, I think most everybody knows I’m married,” Kevin states the obvious. “And my wife wouldn’t like me to have a girlfriend too.”
“I’m totally single,” grins Howie. “I don’t have a dog or a girl.”
I roll my eyes at Howie’s lame answer as, on-screen, AJ does the same.
“So if ya had a DOG, ya wouldn’t be SINGLE?!” he exclaims.
“Uh, I meant – I got no ties,” corrects Howie.
“Ok, whatever,” AJ rolls his eyes again. “I’m single too. I mean, I date but nothin’ long-term right now.”
“I’m seein’ someone right now,” says Nick, looking like somebody just threatened him with an axe to say those words.
“Great,” I mutter as Brian starts answering the question. Nick totally didn’t want to admit he is seeing me.
I stand up and head into the bathroom. I splash cold water on my face and stare in the mirror. He doesn’t want me anymore. He had said that himself. He is crushing on Jade for fuck’s sake! Why am I hanging around this dumb hotel waiting for him to come back and dump me? I might as well just leave, go back to Tampa and get on with my life. I make up my mind to do just that and head back into the bedroom to pick up my case. In a few months’ time, I will have forgotten Nickolas Gene Carter ever existed. Or at least I can try to convince myself of that. I turn the radio on as I start to pack.
“We got an exclusive for you guys,” the DJ is saying. “A new song by those Irish boys Westlife!”
The song starts to play and, as I listen to the words, I can’t believe how much it sums up my life right now.
I’m missing you girl even though you’re right here by my side
Cause lately it seems the distance between us is growing too wide
I’m so afraid that you’re saying it’s over, the last thing that I wanna hear
But if your heart’s not in it for real
Please don’t try to fake what you don’t feel
If love’s already gone, it’s not fair to lead me on
Cause I would give the whole world for you
Anything you ask of me I’d do
But I won’t ask you to stay
I’d rather walk away
If your heart’s not in it
You say that you love me but baby sometimes you’re just saying the words
If you’ve got somethin’ to tell me, don’t keep it inside, let it be heard
I’m so afraid that you’re saying it’s over, girl I’ll make it easy for you
If your heart’s not in it for real
Please don’t try to fake what you don’t feel
If love’s already gone, it’s not fair to lead me on
Cause I would give the whole world for you
Anything you ask of me I’d do
But I won’t ask you to stay
I’d rather walk away
If your heart’s not in it
How I wish I could take us back in time
But it’s gone too far now, we can’t rewind
And there’s nothing that I can do to stop me losin’ you
I can’t make you change your mind
If your heart’s not in it
But if your heart’s not in it for real
Please don’t try to fake what you don’t feel
If love’s already gone, it’s not fair to lead me on
Cause I would give the whole world for you
Anything you ask of me I’d do
But I won’t ask you to stay
I’d rather walk away
If your heart’s not in it…
As the last few notes of the song dies out I turn the radio off, wipe the tears from my eyes and pick up my bags. I’m walking away.
Nick walks slowly down the corridor to his hotel room. After TRL, he had eaten with Howie and Kevin in an attempt to avoid confronting Ali. He knows he has to tell her how he’s feeling right now but he’s not looking forward to it. He decides he will explain things to her as calmly as he can and then move into another hotel room. Ali will still be on the tour but they will have separate rooms for a while. He unlocks the room door and steps inside. It looks a lot tidier than usual. His clothes are strewn about the room but there are no things on Ali’s on immediate display. He walks over to open the closet and sees only his clothes hanging there. He sighs and walks over to the bed. She has gone and he’s not sure how to feel about it. He sits down and notices a note on her pillow.
I know we’re over and I’m so sorry. I’ve gone back to Tampa. I still love you. If you think we have a chance, please call me.
Ali
X
He reads it through a couple times and then folds it up, dropping it on the bedside table before lying down on the bed. He will call her in a day or two. When he knows what he’s going to say to her.