Just Friends Grammar Special

(Recap: Party's bar.  Ben, Shanks' First Mate, has just informed Makino that she is trapped in 'The Smut Garden.'  Makino considers the possibilities.  They are beginning to dawn on her.)

Makino (frowns): I don't want to be here.

Ben: We don't have a choice.

Makino (reading more of the script out loud): 'Excellent!  I'll jello wrestle you for Shanks then!' (makes a face)  I don't talk like this!  And I certainly don't want to participate in jello-wrestling!

Ben: Does Party's even stock jello?  (shudders)  Jello-wrestling isn't as fun as it sounds.  The clean-up is wretched.

Makino: I'll pretend I didn't hear that.  Do you agree that we aren't jello wrestling each other for Shanks?

Ben: Totally agreed!

Shanks:  Don't I get a say in this?

Makino and Ben (unfazed by his sudden appearance): NO!

Makino: I imagine it is only a matter of time before the rest of them show up.

(Luffy's crew shows up, right on cue.)

Makino:  Do I even want to know?  Well, I'll go ahead and begin it anyway. (She finds the correct page on the script and clears her throat)  Sanji is mine! (She muses on this.) Actually, that would be a good idea to have a cook around here.  It would certainly make my work load easier.

(The pirates are unfazed by Makino's ad-libbing and move straight into their OOCs…)

Zoro:  No, he's mine.

Luffy:  I thought I was yours.

Zoro:  Well, you're mine too.  You're so damn cute.

Luffy: (smirking) Don't I know it.

Zoro:  But as the barwench pointed out, Sanji can cook.

Sanji: (pouting) Oh, so I'm just good for cooking now.

Zoro:  I didn't say that.

Sanji:  Well that's what you implied!

Zoro:  I didn't imply anything!

Sanji: (breaks out into another one of his psychotic episodes that involves verbally attacking anything in the immediate area that's male) You think you're so great!  You and your damn swords!  Well, before you start with three perhaps you should figure out what to do with one!

Zoro:  Goddam you, you're dead!

(Fighting ensues.  Nami and Vivi yawn, Usopp grabs a chair and starts reading the paper.  Ben and Shanks watch with amusement, and Luffy grins.)

Makino: (stating the obvious to Luffy) You don't seem fazed.

Luffy:  Yeah, they're always like that.

Makino:  And I bet you reap all the rewards.

Luffy:  Well, you don't see them beating on me, do you?

Usopp (raising his hand): Um, excuse me, author, is this entire spam-fic going to involve yaoi?  Because if it does, I would like to leave now.

Nami: Not to mention the fans.  Not all of them especially like the idea of Zoro and Sanji…together.

Vivi: It might alienate a segment of our fanbase if you continue with this plot line, Author.

(Everyone dissolves into raucous laughter at the mention of 'plot.')

[It's all OOC in this spam-fic.  Get used to it.]

Makino (clears throat): Perhaps the author should get out of the story and let us get on with it? (turning to Vivi and Nami): Well?  Have anything you'd like to tell me?  Anything…smutty?  Shoujo-ai?  Or, god forbid, slash?

(They shake their heads.)

Nami: Hold on.  (reading the script) That last line doesn't seem right.  Heads?  Or is it more grammatically correct to say head?

Vivi:  Perhaps 'collective head' would be the best?

Nami:  Then we sound like some Borg villain from Star Trek.

Vivi:  Yeah, I guess you're right.  So which one is it?

Nami:  Let's see.  I have a grammar dictionary from junior high English class. 

(Vivi and Nami become involved in this grammatical problem, leaving Makino to wonder all