Navigator Vs. Master Swordsman; Sharpshooter Vs. Psycho

Touga: Not bishonen! How dare they?

SDF ROTC Student 4: Wait.  Did I hear that right?

SDF ROTC Student 5: These aren't bishonen?

SDF ROTC Student 6: We're fighting people who aren't bishonen?

SDF ROTC Student 4 (throws down shinai): Well that's no good.  I'm not fighting non-bishonen forces.

SDF ROTC Student 5 (throws down foil): They're probably from the DBZ universe.

SDF ROTC Student 1 (throws down shinai): Or Fist of the North Star!

SDF ROTC Student 6 (throws down trowel): Screw that!  I'm not hanging around to have my blood come out of my body like water from a high pressure hose!

All SDF ROTC Students: Yeah!

(There is a general stampede off the fortified walls of Ohtori.  The Student Council members are left to their own devices.)

Miki (yells after them): Deserters!  The glory of our empire will come down about you and your families, crushing you like the insects you are!  Your subversive ways will be punished, mark my words!

Saionji (to Touga, as Sonya): So three people on a poorly constructed defensive wall are going to save Ohtori?

Touga (as Raiden): Exactly.

===============

(On the street.  Nami and Zoro are facing off - Navigator Vs. Master Swordsman.)

Nami: I know your fatal weakness, Zoro!

Zoro: What are you talking about?  I don't have a fatal weakness!

(Everyone laughs hysterically.)

Zoro: Shut up!  I don't!

(Nami pulls out a wig that makes her look suspiciously like Kuina and places it firmly on her head.)

Nami: Let's go.

(Zoro twitches as his brain gets horrible conflicting signals.)

Nami (laughs evilly): That's right.  Fry, little brain cells, fry…

Usopp (still observing the wall): The fortress appears to be unmanned, except by the officers.  Should I take the rest of them out?

(Silence.)

Usopp: Should I take the rest of them out?

(He turns around to see Nami and Zoro in the midst of their standoff, Vivi watching the madness, Luffy grinning vacantly and picking his nose, and Shanks, still on his hands and knees with fear in his eyes.)

Shanks: …too much pressure…

Usopp (sighs): Right.  I'm making a command decision.

(He takes aim with his slingshot and is almost killed by a sudden flowerpot.  The Luffy Crew takes cover as the flowerpot rainstorm pelts them.)

Luffy (from behind a random Doric column): Nami, is this normal?

Nami (picks a bit of pottery out of her wig): Rains of flowerpots?  Maybe if we were on the Grandline.

===============

(Back up on the wall.  The officers congratulate themselves on implementing a secret weapon - Tsuwabuki.)

Miki: Good job.  You almost got them.

Tsuwabuki (picks up another flowerpot): Are you sure that this is going to help me gain the brotherly affections of Nanami?

Saionji: Most definitely, kid.

Tsuwabuki (hefts the flowerpot and looks pointedly at Touga): Are you sure there isn't a quicker way of gaining the brotherly affections of Nanami?

Touga: You little -

Miki (places his hands on Tsuwabuki's shoulders and steers him towards the wall): I think that this is the best way.

Touga (muttering): Little psycho kid, stalking my sister -

Miki (squats next to Tsuwabuki and whispers): And maybe later, Touga will suffer from 'friendly fire.'

(Tsuwabuki nods happily and prepares the next flowerpot barrage - but the pot explodes in his hands.  The next shot knocks Tsuwabuki flat on his back, unconscious.)

Miki (sadly): And he was going to be my fall guy for the 'friendly fire' accident.

Touga:  Nanami isn't going to be happy about her lackey getting killed.

(Saionji rolls Tsuwabuki's unconscious body behind them, off the wall, and onto the school grounds.)

Touga: I was hoping it wouldn't have to come to this, but it appears we will have to use our bishonen powers to stop the intruders.

Saionji and Miki: What?

===============

Random Quote Analysis:
Losing innocence.  Remembering heaven.  That is the essence of hell. - George Hazard, Heaven and Hell

Vivi (wisely): How true.
Zoro: Nope.  I'm pretty sure that the essence of hell is demons with pointy sticks and people screaming as they are tortured for eternity. Or being here.
Vivi (sweatbeads): Your soul has no poetry.
Zoro: Poetry is for hippies, Vivi.


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Terms Explained
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