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(On the ocean, a very streamlined ship cuts through the waves - the most notable feature is the large sheep head attached on the front.  Large lettering on the side declares it to be the Millenium Merry.  Inside the ship, the occupants are preparing to take on the Seven Sea Lords - the greatest controlling force in the oceans of the universe.)

Luff Oceanfloater: Yippee!  I got off of that sandy island, met some really nice people -

(The camera pans to San Holo, dressed in his official smugglers outfit - vest, hair in his face, and patented sneer.)

Luff: - and now I'm off to save the world.  This is so much more fun than farming.

San (bored): So when are we rescuing that princess again?

Luff: I don't know.  When are we gonna save Princess Nami, Ben?

(The camera pans to O-Ben Wan Kenobi, dressed in a long shapeless cloak.  He's going for the hobo look this year.)

O-Ben: Patience, Luff, patience. 

Luff (irritated): Patience is for weenies - let's get to the action.

O-Ben: We can't start the action until I do something cryptic.  Hang on.  I had it here just a minute ago. (O-Ben rummages around in the pockets of his robe, finally pullling out a beaten and worn straw hat.)

Luff: We're delaying the action for that?

O-Ben: It was your father's.

Luff does a quick 180.  He gazes at the hat solemnly, then puts it on his head.)

Luff: I will treasure it always.  (A look of firm resolve passes over his features.)  This hat will help me in my inter-oceanic quest to rid the seas of the Sea Lords.

O-Ben: Yeah.  About those Sea Lords...I have some important information for you.  It involves who your father really is -

San (leaps from his seat and clamps his hands over Luff's ears): He isn't supposed to find that out until the second movie!

(San is thrown back across the room by an invisible hand.  O-Ben raises the 'People's Eyebrow.')

O-Ben: We're about to battle the greatest evil in the universe and I'm supposed to sit on information this important?  I think not!  Now sit tight ,Luff, because this is gonna be a doozy.

(The past. Some seedy bar. O-Ben Wan Kenobi is performing the Jepi One-Step Detox program.)

O-Ben: You will give up all your vices and join the Green Party.

Jepi Mind-tricked Innocent Vice Monger: I will join the Green Party…

(O-Ben grins as the Vice Monger walks away.)

O-Ben: Okay, where's that bounty hunter that was trying to kill the Alabastan tart we're supposed to protect?  Shannikins - dang it!

(Shannikin is at the bar and already sloshed.)

O-Ben: We're supposed to be looking for the person trying to assassinate that trollop you obsess on.

Shannikins (three sheets to the wind): Vividala is a baaaaaaaaaabe.

O-Ben: Yes.  You've told me.  About a billion times since you were seven.  Could you sober up?

(Shannikin uses "the Fruit" to sober himself up - just in time to dodge a kick to the head.  It seems that the assassin has found them!  As patrons scream and scramble for the exits, O-Ben uses his "Fruit" enhanced reflexes and pulls his shotgun out, plugging the Okama assassin in the chest.)

Shannikins: Whoa!  That was awesome!

O-Ben: Whoops.  I didn't mean to kill, just wound.

Bon-chan: …clones…

(Bon-chan dies.)

=================
In the present

Luffy (tears welling up in his eyes): He died? 

O-Ben: …

=================

(The Jepi only think Bon-chan is dead.  Later, when the Jepi leave, Bon-chan will get up and walk away, vowing to forgo his wicked ways and start a better life.)

O-Ben Wan Kenobi: Shannikins, shall we see what this 'clone' nonsense is all about?

Shannikins: O-Ben, my name is Shannikin!  No 's.'

(O-Ben raises the 'People's Eyebrow.'  Shannikin grits his teeth.)

Shannikin: 'Master' -

O-Ben: That's more like it.

Shannikin: And 'Master,' aren't I supposed to be getting my groove thang on with that hottie princess right about now?

O-Ben: Well, you could do that.  Or we could be "getting our groove thang on" with the action and make the story about 35% less boring.

Shannikin: Good point. Let's go.

=============

(On Alabastan.  Vividala is sitting in a gorgeous field of flowers in her bondage outfit and she is seriously pissed.)

Vividala: How the heck am I supposed to bear the heir to Jepi-dom if I'm not getting my groove thang on?

==============

Random Quote Analysis

"Wait. Am I supposed to say something?" - Skippy Mitchell

ShuShu (analyzing the quote): Wan.  Wan wan.  Wan wan. Wan.
Kohza: When I said I wanted to sit on the couch, this is not what I had in mind.
(Kohza is on the couch, cradling his injured hand.)
Kohza: Ahem.
(Well, he's on the couch in a general sense.  The cage he's in is on the couch at least.)
Kohza: Wouldn't it make more sense if the dog was in the cage?
(ShuShu slurps his beer and growls at the same time.)
[(annoyed) First you don't want to be mauled to death by a dog.  Then you want to sit on the couch.  Now it's blah blah blah cage personal freedom blah blah blah.  Give it a rest.  Anyway, I don't want ShuShu nibbling on you because - ]
Kohza (darkly): Just don't even start.
[(innocently) What?]



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Do I need to talk about Star Wars?  Shannikins.  Hehe.  Almost as good as O-Ben.  But wait - there's even more Star Wars spam to come!  Be prepared.  Lawdy, this is so much fun it's criminal.