Chapter One
by Hayley, 2001

*TAYLOR*

"Sure is hot."

"Sure is."

"Yep."

"Zzzzzzz."

"Zac! Wake up, you retard!" I jabbed Zac awake with my elbow and sighed.

"Excuse me for falling asleep", he said testily. "I didn't realize we were having such an exciting time out here. I thought the purpose of today was just to fuck around and be lazy."

He was right. We were laying in the hot sun in our backyard with the express purpose of doing nothing. A gloriously air conditioned house lay twenty feet away and we couldn't even motivate ourselves to move that far. I liked it though. There's something oddly comforting about feeling the sun sizzling on your bare skin. I can totally see myself dying of skin cancer at a young age. But hey, when it's your time to go, it's your time to go. I'm not gonna change my habits now. I love the sun.

"Why on earth does my eye twitch sporadically?"

I smiled. January's famous for saying weird things out of nowhere.

I looked over at her. Despite the fact that she was wearing wraparound sunglasses, she had her hands straight up in the air, blocking out any additional sunlight. January hates the sun. I'm surprised she's lasted this long. The four of us have been lying on our backs, side by side, in a nearly comatose state, for nearly an hour now.

"Hello, we're musicians. Why would we know what's wrong with your eye?", Isaac mumbled from January's right, keeping his eyes closed.

"Seriously, you guys. Is it really noticeable?" She sat up and took off her sunglasses. "Tay?" She looked at me, her right eye twitching rapidly.

"You're doing that on purpose, you dork." I grabbed her arm and pulled her back down.

"Okay, so maybe that was a bit exaggerated, but it does twitch. You guys had to have noticed it before."

"No, January, it's not noticeable at all." Isaac was using the patented "no honey, your ass doesn't look fat in that dress at all" voice that every guy is born with the knowledge of. Zac snorted.

"I wouldn't take his word for it, January. In case you haven't noticed, Isaac's left eye is pretty twitchy."

"Look who's rejoined the land of the living", I said as Isaac mumbled an angry "Shut up, Zac."

"You guuuuyyyss!" Great, Zac's using his whiny voice now. "I'm bored!"

"You guys are all still virgins, right?"

There she goes again, radically changing subjects without warning. Zac burst into surprised laughter. Isaac nearly choked on his own saliva. I remained quiet, feeling awkward and blushing furiously.

"Uh, hello?", she said after a moment's silence. "My eyes are closed, are you guys still here?" She seemed remarkably nonchalant about the whole thing.

"Yeah." My voice sounded unfamiliar to myself. "We're still here."

"Well? Are you gonna answer me?"

I cleared my throat nervously and wished I could see my brothers' eyes so I could know what they were thinking. See, we've been good friends--scratch that--great friends with January for 4 years, but that was just an area of conversation we never talked about with her. We never really discussed our romantic relationships with her(and vice versa), and we never asked her for advice about girls. I've never figured out why. We talk to her about absolutely everything else--our hopes, dreams, fears, all that good junk. Hell, she's the only girl I'm not related to that's ever seen me cry.

But why did we all avoid this particular topic like the plague? Zac and Isaac and I discuss it with each other but never with her, and we've never spoken about why we don't. It's just this unwritten rule that we all innately knew and never questioned.

And she chooses today to break that rule.

"You guys!", January said impatiently. But I couldn't answer. Instead of getting the wind knocked out of me, I'd gotten the voice knocked out of me.

"Why do you wanna know?", Isaac spoke up hesitantly. I breathed a sigh of relief. I didn't have to be the first one to speak.

"I dunno. Curious, I guess", she mumbled. She didn't sound so casual and confident anymore. More silence.

"I know we don't usually talk about this stuff", she continued.

"And I've always wondered why that is. I don't want it to be that way. I feel like I can tell you guys anything and I think you guys feel the same way, but we all stay away from this...area. And it doesn't have to be that way."

I felt Zac squirm uncomfortably beside me. I want to say something, I'm pretty sure I can retrieve my voice from wherever it went, but I don't know what to say. Something different for me. I'm not exactly known for being speechless.

"You're right." Isaac taking the lead again. "We've noticed that, too. And...we have no explanation. But are you sure you wanna change things?"

"Yes. If I can't talk to you guys about this, then I can't honestly say that I can tell you anything and everything. I'm changing the rule. Right now. June, 5th, 2001." She looked at her watch. "2:48 pm. Sunny, high of 96 degrees, 10% chance of rain." Great, she's trying to lighten the mood with humour. "Let it be known that I have now changed the rule." Now she's doing her impression of Michael Keaton as Dogberry in Much Ado About Nothing. More humour. Just what we need. "And let it be known that Taylor is an ass."

"What?! Why?!" Good, I still have a voice.

"'Cause you're not saying anything."

"Well neither is Zac."

"True, but we're digressing. Now let's hear the dirt, and I wanna hear all the little ticky bits. ...that is, if you guys are okay with changing the rule."

Isaac sighed heavily but answered "Sure." Zac spoke up with a hesitant and slightly reluctant "I guess so." Great, I'm the only undecided one. I couldn't help thinking that this was only going to lead to bad things and I honestly don't know if I want to agree, but...

"Okay." I never was very good with peer pressure.

"Okay then." She seemed pleased. "Back to my original question then. Virgins, yes or no?"

I can't figure out exactly why I have such a feeling of dread about all this. All of a sudden the sun wasn't quite so comforting. The air around me felt suffocating. I took a deep breath from the vacuum of humid air and decided to answer.

*JANUARY*

"Yes."

"Yes."

"Yes."

Holy shit, I can't believe they actually answered me. I asked them to and they said they would but I think a part of me didn't actually expect them to....or maybe not want them to. I changed my mind, guys, can we change back and just forget the last 5 minutes? Not bloody likely. Oh shit. They're all waiting for me to say something. What am I supposed to say?! Think! Speak!

"Wow. That's actually kind of a surprise." Did I say that?

"Gee, I don't know whether to be flattered or insulted", Zac said testily.

"No, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it to be insulting." Are these words actually coming out of my mouth? "It's just...you know...there's no beating around the bush here, you guys are hot." Cue the protests of 3 very modest boys.

"Oh, come on--"

"No! We are so not..."

"We're dorks! You know that!"

"Stop, stop, stop. The modesty is cute but you guys are sex on legs and you know it." Sweet Jesus. I'm saying this?! I'm an outgoing girl but this is pretty ballsy considering that this subject was previously verboten. Well, might as well dive right into the deep end. "You're hot. You guys still may not think it, but you know that's what the average girl thinks of you."

"Fine, whatever", Taylor said. "So what's your point?" God, everyone's so testy.

"My point is..." Fine, I'll be testy too, dammit. "That you're beautiful, you're adored, you have legions of girls willing to sell their own grandmothers just to stand next to you--" Boy, I'm really on a roll now. "You're young, red-blooded rock stars leading the rock star lifestyle, yada yada yada, need I continue?" ...Silence. I swear I can actually hear crickets chirping like in a Simpsons episode or something.

"I thought you knew us better than that", Taylor said quietly. "And that you thought more of us than that." Shit. I hurt him. I really hurt his feelings. Most likely Isaac and Zac, too. Fuck. I'm gonna go over there and finish my other foot now.

"No. You guys, I'm sorry...I didn't mean that. I just meant.......what the fuck did I mean?" Don't mind me, I'm just gonna keep digging this hole over here.

"Good question, what did you mean?" Testy Zac.

"Look, I didn't mean to imply that you guys are cheap whores who think with your dicks." Okay, maybe I could've said that a little more tactfully. "Just...you guys have hormones and stuff." Now I sound like my 8th grade health teacher. "And they can be hard to resist...uncontrollable sexual impulses and whatnot..." God, shoot me now. Another silence. My kingdom for a little bit of eloquence. Crickets. God, I must have really insulted them this time.

*snicker*

What was that? Am I hearing...muffled giggling? "You guys are laughing at me!"

"No, we're not", Zac managed to choke out.

"Yeah, you are!

They couldn't hold it in any longer. It sounded like one collective guffaw, dissolving into helpless fits of giggling. I can't believe this. I'm mortified beyond belief and they're laughing at me! I screwed my face up into a scowl and crossed my arms.

"Okay, okay, you guys", Taylor said as he gulped for air. "Stop. January seems a little upset."

"Hell yeah, I'm upset! You guys make me feel bad and I try to apologize and you laugh at me because I can't articulate myself very well!"

"Okay, January, we're sorry", Zac said with a final giggle. Finally, they've settled down.

"Uncontrollable...sexual...urges", said Isaac with dead seriousness, which of course turned into more hysterical laughter from the three of them.

"It was impulses!", I snapped. Doesn't matter, they still think it's fucking hilarious. Okay, so it is kinda funny. And it did break the tension. Taylor and Zac composed themselves, but Isaac was still doubled over. I glared at him. "Laugh it up, furball." He made a Chewbacca noise in response. Okay. Time to regroup. "Okay, so you guys know what I meant, I didn't mean to be insulting, I didn't mean to imply that you have loose morals--you are good Christian boys, after all." Cue more protests.

"I hate that!", Isaac spat. The anger in his voice surprised me; he's very even-tempered. "It's not like we're locked up in chastity belts, waiting for our wedding nights!" Ouch. Some very bitter sarcasm here. "It's not like we're completely innocent, trying to stay utterly pure for fear of God's wrath!"

"Okay, okay!", I interrupted. You have to interrupt Isaac, he has quite the tendency to ramble. "God, I can't say anything right! You guys keep jumping on my ass every time I speak!" I'm getting really irritated here. Why on earth did I think this was a good idea?

"Sorry." Thank you, mumbly Isaac.

"Okay, everybody just relax. Lighten up." Taylor taking control. Not a surprise. "We just get a little mad when people define us by our faith and assume that it rules our lives. We're not necessarily waiting for marriage. If that happens, that's great, but we're all just kinda waiting for the right person, the right time."

"Yeah", Zac agreed. I could sense Isaac nodding beside me.

"That's cool. That makes sense." Quiet.

"Although...", Zac spoke up. "....to be...honest...I'm kinda getting sick of...being a virgin." He mumbled the last word, as if saying the very word 'virgin' caused him pain.

"Zac, you're only 15. Try being 20." Once again, the bitterness in Isaac's voice surprised me.

"So, you're unhappy with being a virgin, too?", I tentatively questioned.

"Well...yeah, kinda. I mean, I think waiting's a good idea and everything, but I'm 20 fucking years old." It obviously bothered him a lot. Isaac will listen to anyone's problems for hours but he's reluctant to burden anyone else with his, even me, even his brothers. Besides, he just swore. He hardly ever swears. Either this is really upsetting him or he's picking up one of my less flattering habits.

"Well..." I had no idea what to say to make him feel better. He looked at me and sighed. I breathed a sigh of relief. The look in his eyes told me that it was okay, that I didn't have to say anything. I decided to take the focus off Isaac.

"Well, what about you, Tay? Are you sick of it, too?"

"Yeah, kinda." It was barely above a whisper and he said nothing more. Thus began the umpteenth awkward silence of the day.

"Now, this brings us to the inevitable question..." Zac broke the silence with such glee in his voice that I instantly became suspicious. Whatever the inevitable question is, I get a feeling I'm not gonna like it.

"The question is..." Zac sat up and basically sprawled across Taylor to get his face only inches from mine. Pause for dramatic effect. "Are you a virgin?"

I knew I wouldn't like the question. Three pairs of eyes locked themselves on my face. Waiting.

*TAYLOR*

I will be eternally grateful to Zac for asking the question I didn't have the balls to ask. Now she was the one squirming. She obviously hadn't thought this whole thing out, otherwise she would've anticipated the question.

"Come on! Spit it out already!" The ever-so-articulate Zac.

"Hey, you guys kept stalling! I can stall too!"

"Tell us! Tell us! Tell us! Tell us!" Okay, Zac definitely doesn't have the maturity level to handle sex yet.

"Yes!" She literally screamed it. Crickets.

"Thanks!", Zac said brightly before getting off of me and flopping back onto the grass.

"You didn't have to be such a child about it, Zac. I was very considerate when I asked you guys."

"And you still managed to insult us several times", teased Isaac. She smacked him in the chest in response.

"So, are you sick of being a virgin, like the rest of us?", Zac asked, quite content that he had managed to annoy the piss out of her.

"Yeah. I just feel like I'm getting on in the years--"

"You're 18, like me!", I burst out.

"I was kidding! I'm just sick of it. Period. No reason." Yeah, right. January has a reason for everything. Well, at least she would for something this important.

"Well, there's only one thing left to do then", Zac said with a sigh.

"Pray tell, what's that?", I asked, fearing the answer.

"We find a brothel and put an end to this virgin nonsense."

"Great idea, Zac. I hope you enjoy having your picture in the Enquirer." Leave it to Isaac to think of our career first when Zac mentions hookers.

"There is another solution", January spoke up. "God, I can't even believe I thought of this", she said, more to herself than us. "Only if you're very serious about this." Her voice sounded...different, somehow. Something's about to happen. My right hand started shaking slightly. It always does when I get a bad feeling about something or something weird is about to happen. I can't even begin to explain it.

"Hell yeah, we're serious! Let's pop these cherries!" Zac punctuated the word 'pop' with a fist in the air. How mature.

"Zac! I'm serious here!" My hand shook more. She sounded nervous and hesitant and scared and impatient all at once.

"I'm serious about it", Isaac spoke up quietly. Okay, his voice sounds odd, too. January and Isaac looked at each other, and it was like they both understood something that had never been spoken. What the hell is going on here?

"Tay?" Zac was looking at my hand. It was really shaking now. He knows about my hand shaking thing, so now he looked worried. January turned to me and Zac.

"You guys?" She was asking us if we were serious, but I think--no, I *know* that it's a much bigger question than that.

"Yes", Zac said firmly, not taking his eyes off my hand.

"Yes", I said, struggling to keep my voice steady.

"Okay", she whispered.

"What are you suggesting, January?" Zac's voice had a dark tone to it. What the fuck am I missing here?! January took a deep breath.

"We do it." Oh, God. She doesn't mean 'it' the way I think she does, does she? "You know what I'm saying", she continued. "We can do it. No hookers, no drunken one night stands, just some friends helping each other solve a mutual problem." My God, how can she speak so calmly?! My hand is like a fucking hummingbird, I'm sure my face is completely red, and I'm not sweating because of the sun anymore. I didn't wanna meet anyone's eyes, so I shut mine.

"Okay, I'm a bit weirded out at the idea of...sleeping...with a girl that my brothers have slept with." Jesus, Zac isn't even protesting this. He's seriously weighing the option.

"Well, remember that girl that said she liked you and kissed you and then the next day went and kissed Tay?" I wanted to scream at Isaac for being so sensible! Isn't anyone else freaking out about this?!

"Well, yeah, but this is kinda bigger than that, Ike."

"Look", January firmly took hold of the conversation. "I don't think this is a 'sleep on it' decision, no pun intended. This is something you trust your gut with. You already have the answer in your heads. So just say it." Okay, there was a kind of panicked edge to her voice. I feel better.

"Well, do you wanna do it?", Zac stalled.

"Yes. I wouldn't have suggested it otherwise."

"I'm in", Isaac said quietly. He knew what she had been getting at all along. Didn't surprise me, his mind-reading capabilities often frighten me. What did surprise me was that he wanted to do this. Calm, rational, sensible Isaac was agreeing to fuck one of his best friends, possibly after his brothers had fucked her. This is about as far from rational as it gets, folks.

"Me, too." Zac's whisper surprised me. He's the one I could've seen going for this immediately; he got the more daring nature of the family, but his earlier nervousness had given me doubt.

I knew all eyes were on me even though mine were still shut. It all rested on me. This was a contract that wasn't complete without all four signatures. I know that if I say no, it won't happen at all. They won't just cut me out of the agreement and make it a threesome, pun intended. It was definitely all of us or none of us. And I honestly have no idea where the quiet 'yes' that escaped my lips came from.

"Okay. We're all in agreement then. It's a deal", January said, her voice finally betraying her to reveal some of the fear she was feeling.

"A pact", I whispered.