Day One
8:42 am--Lance arrives early bearing a pot of tulips to give the studio “a woman’s touch”
9:07 am--Chris rolls in on a BMX, tries to pop a wheelie and crashes headfirst into the wall
9:10 am--Joey steps over Chris’ unconscious body sprawled on the floor. Flirts with coffee girl. Makes mental note to make doctors appointment about that itch.
9:21 am--Justin cruises into the parking lot in Da Benz. Tries to get past security. Security doesn’t speak ebonics and refuses to let him inside.
9:25 am--Johnny arrives, translates and all is well
9:43 am--Johnny calls JC’s house for the fifth time.
9:45 am--Chris twitches sporadically on the floor
9:47 am--Lance reads The Horse Whisperer and drinks herbal tea
9:48 am--Justin’s keepin it real
9:49 am--Joey emerges from broom closet with coffee girl promising to call her later and assuring her that he “pulled out just in time”
9:55 am-- Johnny makes eighth phone call to JC
10:01 am--Justin attempts to bond with the african-american album engineer by talking about their “roots” and insists on calling him “brother” and “homie”
10:02 am--Album engineer locks Justin in broom closet
10:03 am--Justin privately wonders why closet floor is so sticky
10:08 am--JC arrives at the studio in his pajamas, eyes half closed. Makes beeline for coffee station...refuses the offered cup and drinks straight from pot.
10:10 am--Joey pokes Chris with a stick until he wakes up
10:11 am--Johnny lets Justin out of broom closet...and tells him for the last time to stop calling him “brother”
10:13 am--Justin storms off muttering about “da man” and “oppression”
10:20 am--Lance flips through the Ambercrombie catalogue wondering if he can pull off wearing winter shades
10:28 am--Chris says “knock knock”...no one answers
10:30 am--Chris tries again “Stop me if you’ve heard this one...”
10:31 am--Everyone “STOP!”
10:35 am--Chris sulks in chair...calls Busta on cell phone
10:38 am--JC takes pot of coffee and retreats to corner with laptop
10:45 am--Joey scours building for another female
10:50 am--No females to be found. Joey starts hitting on the album engineer
10:51 am--Album engineer locks Joey in broom closet
10:53 am--Joey wonders why closet floor is sticky
10:55 am--Joey remembers
10:56 am--Joey is relieved that he did, in fact “pull out just in time”
10:59 am--Justin returns and asks Johnny if he’s given any more thought to including his rap “Props to My Peeps” on the album
11:00 am--Johnny mutters something about Justin’s identity crisis and walks away
11:03 am--JC’s still on his laptop. Says he’s checking the stocks, but the boner makes it obvious to everyone exactly what he’s doing
11:04 am--Lance looks longingly towards JC’s boner, blushes and looks away
11:05 am--Johnny lets Joey out of the closet
11:06 am--Joey makes beeline for snack table complaining about how he’s wasting away to a mere shadow of himself
11:10 am--Chris dances around with a lampshade on his head, knocks over Lance’s flowers sending Lance into a fit of tears
11:11 am--Justin locks Lance in broom closet
11:12 am--Lance notices sticky floor. Thinks of JC’s boner and blushes
11:16 am--Joey complains about lack of snacks after having devoured everything on table
11:18 am--JC nibbles on a crumb that Joey missed. Is full.
11:19 am--JC jogs around studio to work off calories from crumb
11:22 am--Lance comes “out of the closet”
11:23 am--JC wishes Lance would stop staring at his ass
11:25 am--Justin starts ranting about the oppression of his “brothers” and how the white man “just doesn’t understand”
11:26 am--Everyone pummels Justin to a bloody pulp
11:27 am--Except for Lance who dusts to calm his nerves
11:28 am--Johnny suggests they call it a day