Animorphs Uncovered 2
(Summer of 2001...)
Last fall, we brought you the special presentation "Animorphs: UNCOVERED" Part 1 - Behind the Morphs. This fall, we sink our spoon even deeper into the steaming custard that is... (dramatic pause) trachery. Once again, the announcer is in bold. And here he is now!
After the show was canceled, the actors formerly of AniTV swept across the nation in a terrifying murder spree, unlike the world had ever seen! We'll show you the facts, the footage, never-before-seen interviews, what the fans have to say, and much much more!! Find out what happens... When Animorphs Attack!
(cut to footage of Boris Cabrera)
BORIS: We all pretty much stayed away from any relationships with the characters, dude. It'd get mucho confusing, ci, homie? But one time... uh, Cassie and I drank a little too much root beer, y'know, homeboy? And one day she comes onto the set and she says she's pregnant? So I decided, okay dude, life's gonna change, and I gotta be a loving father. I gotta be responsible, for this chika and this kid. So I did the only thing I could do: I killed them. (camera begins to steer away) No! Wait! Come back! Hey!! See it my way, dude. Dude! The praying mantis, man: after doin' the thing, the female eats the male. Why can't it be the other way around? That's all I'm asking.
(cut to footage of Brooke, all covered in blood, literally eating a victim's heart out)
BROOKE: (licking blood off her fingers) See, while all of the others were just killing people, I wanted to be more original. You know? Express my rage in a more unique way, something that's more "me." So I wanna be the next Huizilopoctli.
(cut to footage of Shawn)
SHAWN: What the [bleep]?!?! What is this?? My God, when the producers of X-Men told me that being in a movie was going to take a lot of time and concentration, I didn't know that it would make me completely miss the killing rampage of my former co-stars!! (in whiny voice) I wanna kill people toooo...
(cut to an anonymous member of the online AniCommunity)
ANONYMOUS: Geez, I knew they couldn't act, but I didn't know that the AniTV stars had it in them to be homicidal maniacs!
CAMERAMAN: Actually, we're just making all of this up for ratings.
ANONYMOUS: Really? Then how'd you get Boris and Brooke to say those things...?
CAMERAMAN: They're actors.
ANONYMOUS: (after a long pause) Yeah, I know...
CAMERAMAN: NO, you misunderstood. We have actors playing Boris and Brooke for this spoof!
ANONYMOUS: Whooooaaaa. Actors playing actors. Cool. That's, like, a haiku or something...
(suddenly a man in an expensive suit bursts in, followed by lawyers with briefcases and papers in their hands)
MAN: I am a Scholastic Blue-Collar, speaking on behaf of Scholastic Productions and the cast and crew of Animorphs! This is an unauthorized spoof! It never happened! Mr. Cameraman, explain yourself or my lawyers will sue you like a red-headed stepchild!!!
CAMERAMAN: Y'know what's cool? The actor who played Brooke actually was Huitzilpoctli.
SBC: Really? Oh, cool! Think he'd give me his autograph?
CAMERAMAN: Yeah, I think so. He might demand a sacrifice of your brain, though.
SBC: (already with one foot out the door) Oh, that's okay, I never use that anyway!
ANONYMOUS: (after the SBC has left) Whew! Good save! You sure are good at killing off annoying businessmen!
CAMERAMAN: (shrugs modestly) It's what I do.
See an interview with a REAL homicidal maniac!
(cut to footage of Johnny the Homicidal Maniac)
NNY: These fruits make me want to live even less. And that's saying something. I mean, come on! These yuppies trying to pass themselves off as actors was enough - now they're trying to pass themselves off as murderers?? That's just pathetic!
CAMERAMAN: Yeah. It's really wacky, isn't it?
NNY: (eye twitches) What... did... you... say? (slowly draws out a knife)
CAMERAMAN: (quickly) Um, nothing! Nothing at all!
See Chris's secret -- dealing to kids on the street!
(cut to footage of Chris [played by a Keanu Reeves impersonator] on the street)
CHRIS: (to a passing kid) Hey! You. You wanna buy some BW?
KID: What's BW?
CHRIS: (coyly pulls out a small sheet of bubble wrap from inside his jacket) You in?
KID: (eyes widen) Oh yeah!! Yeah! (takes the bubble wrap, pays Chris, and runs off, popping happily)
OTHER KID: My mommy says never to do packing material.
CHRIS: Shut up, you little weasel! Your mom's a whore! No one likes a crybaby!
OK: (runs off, crying)
(cut to footage of Nny, pointing at a wall stained with blood)
NNY: (crazily) Blood dries! It turns brown!! I have to keep the wall WET!!! It must stay RED!!!
Ummm... okay, Nny, whatever you say. Find all of this and more by watching the FOX Special Presentation...
ANIMORPHS: UNCOVERED
Part Two: When Animorphs Attack!
Check your local listings for date, time, and probable (make that "almost definite") cancellation.