Dawson sat on his bed staring out the window waiting for Joey. It had been several days since the camping trip, and he hadn't heard a word from her. The window looked so empty, Dawson felt empty. He needed her. Needed to explain these feelings to her. But she wasn't taking his calls. Her sister refused to let Dawson see her. If only he knew what she was thinking.
Dawson heard a rustle outside. It sounded like someone was climbing the ladder to his window. He held his breath as he waited for the intruder to appear. It was Pacey. "Dawson, the stud of the century. How's it going?"
"I'm not in the mood for you if that's what you mean." Dawson turned the other way.
Pacey climbed in the window and sat on Dawson's bed. "C'mon Dawson, we all know a super sex stud such as yourself wouldn't be sitting home on a Saturday night."
"I have nothing else to do but contemplate the terrible situation I have gottten myself and Joey into. Not to mention Jen."
"I wouldn't worry too much Dawson. Unlike yourself, Jen at least has a date tonight."
"With who?"
"Does it matter? Shouldn't you be worried about your de-virginized best friend?"
"You know what Pacey? You've finally crossed the line. The last thing Joey and I need right now is your big mouth telling everyone what happened. This is something personal, something between us. And I don't need you taking that away."
"Relax Mr. Boy who is now a Man."
"What does that mean?"
"Well, you know Dances with Wolves and Stands with A Fist. Now you are Boy who is a Man. Unless you'd rather be Boy who slept with Joey."
"You can leave at any time Pacey. Prefferebly NOW!"
"Fine. I, too, have a date tonight. Just thought I'd come by and let you know that Joey is working tonight, and you'll probably find her there."
Pacey slipped out the window before Dawson could say anything else.
Joey thought about Dawson the entire evening while slaving over the usual rough crowd. Joey found herself being especially rude to the male customers at work. First Dawson says we are just friends. So I focus all my energy into the best friendship I can have with him. I put up with his constant chat about Jen, about how sweet and nice and wonderful she is. I sit back quietly and let her destroy anything he had left in himself. I gave up my own personal feelings, held everything back, and suffered in silence while he gave her everything. Now he tells me differently. Now he says he wants more. Now the two best friends that have slept in the same bed for years decide to ruin it all and have sex. Not that the sex wasn't good, or incredibly romantic, or entirely inconvienent and caused a tremendous akward moment. "Joey, what are you doing?" Bess asked. Joey realized she was standing in the kitchen staring off into space. Her sister finally told her to take a walk before they lost all their business.
So Joey started walking through the paths her and Dawson took as kids. She came to a huge oak tree and sat down. "God Dawson, why is this reality so difficult?"
"I don't know, but I'd like to get through it with you," Dawson said.
Joey jumped up and turned around. "Dawson, you scared me."
"Sorry." Dawson held out his hand. "Let's go."
"Where?"
"Trust me?"
Joey bit at her lower lip, and finally took Dawson's hand. He took her down to the docks behind his house. They took the boat out onto the creek and Dawson rowed them far away from civilization. "What are we doing out here Dawson?"
"I decided we needed to talk. You refuse to speak with me, and this way you can't run from me. We are stuck together until we sort this mess out."
"I thank you for calling this a mess Dawson. I feel so much better."
"You know what I mean Joey. Ever since the camping trip you've been avoiding me. I don't know what to say, what to do? How can I make this better for you Joey?"
"Tell me what you want. No lies, no maybes. Tell me truthfully and honestly what you want."
Dawson thought for a moment. "I've been thinking about this since that night. That's the only thing I can think of. And there's so much I have wanted to say. But now that we're here, I don't know where to start."
Joey sighed. "You didn't bring me out here to say nothing. Whatever you've been thinking about, it must be pretty important. So just say it and get it over with."
Dawson looked at Joey. Really looked at her. All this time they've been friends, he never really noticed her. Now, surrounded by the sunset and the water, all Dawson could think about was the perfect picture he had in front of him. "First. No matter what happends, you must promise me that we will always be friends. No matter what fights we get in, or if I lose my head, promise me nothing will change our friendship."
"I don't know if I can do that Dawson. Look at our friendship now. I'm avoiding you, you can't think of what to say. That's never happened with us Dawson. We've always been able to deal with anything. But when it comes to 'us', everything is lost."
"Are you saying because of one night we can't be friends anymore?"
"I'm not necessarily saying that Dawson. I'm just saying two friends have made that bond, a serious bond that no one can take away from us. However, in completeing that bond, we may have ruined the friendship."
"I don't see it that way. I think we've strenghtened it. Think about it Joey. What happened that night was something we both wanted, perhaps for a long time, and somewhere in our deep subconcious we've always wanted it. But because of society's role in our life and our own stubborness, we've avoided it. But now it's happened. There's no going back and changing it. And we can grow from this Joey, I know we can."
"Dawson, do you hear yourself? You can't even say it. There's a name for what we did Dawson. It's called sex. Say it Dawson."
"What do you mean? I know what we did."
"But you don't say it. You say IT. That's not close enough Dawson. It's like you're scared. Scared to admit even to yourself what we've done. We've had sex Dawson. You and I, we, we had sex. And if you can't say it, how can we grow and learn from it."
"It's not that I can't say it Joey. That has nothing to do with it. I'm saying why avoid what happened. Why can't we establish a relationship based on it."
"Come on Dawson. Listen to yourself! Now you're saying we build a relationship based on a night of sex. Isn't it usually the other way around? Have sex based on a relationship? Look at you and Jen. You guys had that relationship, she chose not to go one step further. With us Dawson it's deeper. We not only had sex, but it was a first for both of us. Whether we like it or not, this will change the way we see each other. And I don't know if a friendship can survive this."
"Joey, why can't you understand what I'm trying to say?"
"Because you're not saying it! What do you want to say Dawson, just come out and say it."
"I can't."
"Why not? It's not that hard Dawson. But then again you just proved my point."
"What point?"
"That we've already jeopardized our friendship. You used to tell me everything. Now something like this happens, and you are speechless." Joey stood up in the boat and yelled, "Hey world! For the first time Dawson Leery is speechless!"
Dawson took her hand and forced her to sit down. He kissed Joey, passionately on the lips. She responded.
Dawson pulled away. "I'm trying to say that I love you Joey. I love everything about you. I love us together, I love sharing the most important event of my life with you. You are the only person I would have wanted to have sex with for the first time. I want you Joey, I need you in my life. And I don't want to risk our friendship for it, but I'm willing to put our not-so-good friendship on hold to explore our could-be-great relationship."
Joey stared at Dawson. "You're serious aren't you? Are you saying you want us to have a relationship? I don't know if I can handle that Dawson."
"Why not? It's what you want isn't it?
"Yes, Dawson, of course. But I don't think it's what you want."
"I know it's what I want Joey."
"Dawson, think about it. The night we had sex, when Jen saw us, you were so concerned about what she would think. I was upset about my mom, and you were concerned with what I would think of Jen. You aren't even close to over her yet, and I refuse to be the rebound girl."
"I thought this is what you wanted Joey. Us together."
"Dawson, I want that more than anything, you have no idea. But I won't take advantage of you like that. Friends don't do that."
"So what do you want me to do? How can I prove it to you?"
"It's not something you prove Dawson. When we are together, and I don't see that look in your eyes when you see Jen, then I'll know. Until then, we can only be friends."
"But Joey, I know this is what I want. I need you Joey."
"Don't let your hormones talk for you Dawson. I'll know when you're ready. If you want, we can test you now."
"What do you mean?"
"I know where Jen is. If you are ready, we can go to her, tell her we're together, and I'll know if you're ready."
"I don't want to rub it in her face Joey."
"Dawson, if I remember correctly, she dumped you. So what's there to worry about?"
"You're right. Let's go."