This is my dad! He died when I was just 15 years old.
I miss him to this day, 27 years later. They say that
time heals the wounds, but it never really heals.
The pain may become less, but it is always there.

The night that he died, I had a dream that he had
died. I woke up crying and went into my mother's room
and told her of my dream and how worried I was.
She said not to worry, that everything was okay.
Well, I went back to bed, but I did not stop worrying.
I cried myself to sleep, and I prayed that my Dad would
be protected and be all right.

About one hour later, I awoke to my mother's screams!
No one had to tell me what had happened, I already
knew. The police were there and told of his wreck.
My cousin was there and asked if there was anything
that would make me feel better, and my reply was,
"Bring my father back!".

Friends and family arrived as expected. It was almost
like a dream, and I kept hoping I would wake up!
The sun was shining and the world went on. I thought
that everything should stop in its tracks. Why did
my father have to die? He was a wonderful father to
me, and I missed him so much! It wasn't fair!
I cried out to God, "Why?" "Why him?". I did not
receive an answer.

Everyone in my family was walking around in a daze for
quite some time. And everything changed. It's almost
like you are afraid to love. The pain of losing someone
so close to you! You sort of go into a protected state.
Your mind won't let you accept certain things. For
the longest time, I kept expecting him to walk through
the door and say, "Hi Kricket, you were just having
a bad dream. But my bad dream was in fact,
reality!

Unless you have experienced the loss of someone so
close to you, you will not understand these feelings.
You think of all the things they have missed in your
life. For instance, when I was married, I didn't want
a big wedding, because my Dad could not walk me down
the aisle. My wedding day was a joyous occasion, but
I was also sad because of that fact.

And small things can remind you of the one you have
lost. A laugh that sounds like his, his smell. You
remember these things. It may sound funny.
But you really do. And these memories are all you
have left.

I have many letters that my dad wrote to me, and I
had kept them all. I am glad that I did this.
I take them out occasionally and read them, I always
cry of course. I miss him so much!

And because of my vision or dream telling me of his
death before it happened, I have always felt as though
if only I had done something, he may still be alive.
But what I have to realize is that I was a 15
year old girl, and there was nothing I could have
done. But the guilt of that stayed with me
for the longest time. And the wall that I had built
because I did not want to get hurt again was
very strong, and it did not come down for a
long time. I was bitter, angry, upset, confused and
sad!

But I realized that if I kept out love, I would be
a very lonely person. And the people you let into your
life and if you love them, you will be richer
for it.

I hope that one day I will see my Father again.
But all I can do is pray and continue
to believe that everything will be all right.

My father had many friends, and I'm sure he had some
enemies too. Don't we all? But I remember
him always laughing and always loving me. He sang and
had a wonderful voice. I hope he is still
singing to this day in Heaven! I hope he will
be there to greet me, when it is my time.

I miss you, Dad! And you are with me every day.

DADDY'S DAY

Her hair up in a pony tail, her favorite dress tied with a bow.
Today was Daddy's Day at school, and she couldn't wait to go.
But her mommy tried to tell her, that she probably should stay home.
Why the kids might not understand, if she went to school alone.
But she was not afraid; she knew just what to say.
What to tell her classmates, on this Daddy's Day.
But still her mother worried, for her to face this day alone.
And that was why once again, she tried to keep her daughter home.
But the little girl went to school, eager to tell then all.
About a dad she never sees, a dad who never calls.

There were daddies along the wall in back, for everyone to meet.
Children squirming impatiently, anxious in their seats.
One by one the teacher called, a student from the class.
To introduce their daddy, as seconds slowly passed.
At last the teacher called her name, every child turned to stare.
Each of them were searching, for a man who wasn't there.
"Where's her daddy at?" she heard a boy call out.
"She probably doesn't have one," another student dared to shout.
And from somewhere near the back, she heard a daddy say
"Looks like another deadbeat dad, too busy to waste his day."

The words did not offend her, as she smiled at her friends.
And looked back at her teacher, who told her to begin.
And with hands behind her back, slowly she began to speak.
And out from the mouth of a child, came words incredibly unique.
"My Daddy couldn't be here, because he lives so far away.
But I know he wishes he could be with me on this day.
And though you cannot meet him, I wanted you to know.
All about my daddy, and how much he loves me so.
He loved to tell me stories, he taught me to ride my bike.
He surprised me with pink roses, and taught me to fly a kite.
We used to share fudge sundaes and ice cream in a cone.
And though you cannot see him, I'm not standing all alone.
'Cause my daddy's always with me, even though we are apart.
I know because he told me, he'll forever be here in my heart"

With that her little hand reached up, and lay across her chest.
Feeling her own heartbeat, beneath her favorite dress.
And from somewhere in the crowd of dads, her mother stood in tears,
proudly watching her daughter, who was wise beyond her years.
For she stood up for the love of a man not in her life.
Doing what was best for her, doing what was right.
And when she dropped her hand back down, staring straight into the crowd.
She finished with a voice so soft, but its message clear and loud

"I love my daddy very much, he's my shining star.
And if he could he'd be here, but heaven's just too far
But sometimes when I close my eyes, it's like he never went away."
And then she closed her eyes, and saw him there that day.
And to her mother's amazement, she witnessed with surprise.
A room full of daddies and children, all starting to close their eyes.
Who knows what they saw before them, who knows what they felt inside.

Perhaps for merely a second, they saw him at her side.
"I know you're with me Daddy," to the silence she called out
And what happened next made believers, of those once filled with doubt.
Not one in that room could explain it, for each of their eyes had been closed.
But there placed on her desktop, was a beautiful fragrant pink rose.
And a child was blessed, if only a moment,
by the love of her shining bright star.
And given the gift of believing, that heaven is never too far.

~Author~
Cheryl Costello-Forshey
Copyright 2000
Cannot be copied or reproduced in any form
without the written consent of the author.
"Daddy's Day" has been published in the books
"Chicken Soup for the Parent's Soul"
and "Stories for a Teen's Heart 2".