During the next 10 minutes, Jessica sat in a daze. She hardly realized that she had made her way over to the black leather couch that Taylor had leaned against and sat down. Her knees were brought up next to her, and she wrapped her arms around them. It was one of the many ways that she blocked herself off from everything...just to think. But maybe this wasn’t the best time to think.
The fact that Taylor was leaving in the morning just didn’t seem to get through to Jessica. Over the last month, he became so much a part of her life that she didn’t think she could let go. Besides that, she knew that they couldn’t possibly resume e-mailing each other like they used to. It would just be too hard hearing from him, and knowing that they could never see each other again.
Words of “how can I live without him?” came flashing through her train of thought. Now, she didn’t think it would be possible. This guy had taken up almost 3 years of her life. What would she do when he was gone? She didn’t know the answer...but she was sure that God would help her through. He always did. Besides, she believed that everything happened for a reason. If He believed that her and Taylor weren’t meant to be together, then so be it. God knew best right?
Suddenly, Jessica felt claustrophobic. The cool, airy game room didn’t even let her feel secure. Eyeing the exit on the far wall, she suddenly craved an open space. Knowing that the lake would be her best bet, she got up from the couch and headed to the door.
She didn’t even remember that Taylor said he would be back in a few minutes. She just kept walking to her favorite childhood getaway. Maybe the fresh country air would help her with her problems. Besides...she had some praying to do...
*************************************************************** *
“I can’t believe this Mark, I mean why didn’t we see this coming?” Taylor asked his manager of three years.
“I don’t know man...it was all kept under wraps I guess. But Mercury is getting sold to Def Jams. We can’t do anything about it, nor can we complain,” Mark replied to him. Taylor noticed that he sounded tired. Maybe it was because he had stayed up all night talking to Def Jam executives about their contract and upcoming events. “Better him than me...” Taylor thought, but kicked himself mentally afterward.
“So...we absolutely have to come in the morning?” Taylor asked him innocently. It was the last thing that he wanted to do. All he wanted to do was go back to Jessica and...
“Taylor? You alive dude?” Mark was asking him. Taylor cleared his throat. “Um, yeah, what?”
“I said that yes, you do have to come back in the morning. I already scheduled a flight for you guys at 6:30 tomorrow morning to L.A. As soon as you guys get here, we’ll head on over to their studio and talk about contract deals. Oh, and don’t worry...you guys are going to get a contract. Hanson was one of the biggest acts on the Mercury label...Taylor, are you listening to me? This is important you know.”
“Yeah, I understand that Mark. Thanks for taking care of things,” Taylor said, looking over at a worried Zac on the other side of the room. With his eyes, he tried to tell him that everything was okay. “But listen Mark, I have to ask you a favor. Could you tell the company now that we don’t want exactly the same contract as before?”
The other line was quiet for a minute. “Why, Tay?” Mark asked him, sounding confused.
Taylor sighed. “Mark, can you please just do it? I can’t talk to you about it right now.”
“Okay, okay, Taylor, I’ll do it. But they’re going to need a reason. Hey, look, I gotta go. Just make the flight tomorrow, k? We’ll talk more in depth tomorrow.”
“Okay, Mark, thanks,” Taylor replied.
“Bye.”
“Bye.”
Taylor hung up the phone slowly. He couldn’t believe what was happening. His whole life was actually turned upside down. At the moment, his career was in the balance, not to mention that his whole vacation was going down the tubes and his whole family was going to be affected by it. But the main thing that was looming over his head was that Jessica was in the game room waiting for him. How could he tell her that, yes, he did have to leave in the morning? “I can’t do it...” he thought.
“Taylor?”
As his mom called him, he turned around. The whole family was waiting for answers. But he didn’t want to tell them. He didn’t want to do anything but go to Jessica. But he knew that he had to.
Looking into his family’s expecting eyes, he sighed. “Mercury was bought out by Def Jam Records yesterday at about noon. Right now, they’re in the process of kicking tons of people off of the Mercury label. It’s not us though...Mark said something about us being the biggest group on the label or something, so that’s okay. But we’re expected to be at Def Jams tomorrow at 12. The flight is at 6:30 tomorrow morning...he’s faxing us the flight information. So that’s it,” Taylor finished, shrinking back onto the couch behind him. He looked over at his mother. The light immediatly had left her eyes. He knew that she was having the best time of her life here in Ohio. And now all of them had to leave. Sometimes, he was incredibly guilty for the toll that the band had on his family. He often told his mom and dad that they didn’t have to do this. But they would just laugh, and shrug it off. Not a lot of people would do that...and Taylor was grateful for it.
“I’m sorry mom,” he said.
Just as he thought, Diana laughed. “Honey, it’s not that big of a deal. At least you guys are still on a label, huh? We should celebrate just for that!”
“Humph,” Zac muttered from the corner. “Well, at least Zac isn’t very happy about it either,” Taylor thought. It had to be something big to get Zac in a bad mood. Speaking of bad moods...Taylor suddenly remembered what had occured in the last half hour in the game room with Jessica. Now he had to go back in there and tell her that he had to leave in the morning. He didn’t think that he could do it.
He left the room as soon as his mother began to explain again to his siblings why they had to leave their friends in the morning. It was enough to see the disappointment in his mother’s face...
Walking down the shaded hallways, he thought of how Jessica reacted in the game room earlier when she heard that they were maybe leaving. She looked lost, and it wasn’t the type of look that Taylor wanted to see. But the truth was all that he could tell now.
Finally reaching the game room, he opened the door and immediatly felt a slight breeze. Looking around the room, he found no Jessica, but instead eyed the open door leading to the porch on the West side of the house. “Crap...” he murmured, and headed for the door.
Slamming the door, his instincts immediatly told him where to go. Turning his walk into a jog, he headed to the childhood paradise of Jessica’s...the pond, praying all the way that she would be okay.
*************************************************************** **
“It’ll be okay,” Jessica thought, “I can handle this, I’m stronger than I think I am. Besides, he may come to tell me that he got everything worked out and--”
“Jessica? Are you okay?”
Jessica jumped about a mile in the air off the ground where she was sitting. Turning around, she spotted Taylor walking slowly towards her near the pond’s edge. She immediatly saw the look in his eyes, and her heart sunk in her chest.
“Yeah, I’m okay,” she murmured, and looked back over the pond. There was only a hint of sunlight left reflecting off of the blue water. The sun had almost disappeared behind the fields. “Just like he would be...” Jessica thought. Shaking her head to clear her haunting thoughts, she realized that he had settled down beside her on the grass. She reached out for his hand and grasped it tightly.
They just sat there for a minute holding hands before anyone spoke.
“Jess, I--” Taylor started. But Jessica cut him off before he could say anything else.
“Don’t, Tay,” she whispered, “I know, and I understand. It’s okay.”
Taylor squeezed her hand tightly. “I don’t wanna go,” he told her just as quietly.
Jessica stared at him. “Yes you do.”
Taylor looked confused. “No, Jess, I don’t, I--”
“Taylor, you can’t sit there and tell me that you don’t want to start playing music again. I see the way your eyes light up everytime you talk about it. I also see the way you tap out keyboard notes on everything you touch...” Jessica said, smiling a bit.
But Taylor didn’t smile back. “Yeah, Jessica I admit I miss playing. But playing means leaving you, and right now I want to do anything but play.”
Jessica looked away. “Everything happens for a reason. We just have to find out what that is, Tay. If it means that we can’t be together, then it’s okay. Obviously, we have strength to deal with it, cause it was meant to be that way.” She shrugged, telling herself not to start crying. She looked at his face. Hurt shown upon it.
“What?” he asked her, “are you trying to tell me that you don’t care that I’m leaving?”
Jessica sighed. “No! What I’m saying is the truth, and it’s better to regard it than to keep it inside,” she said, pulling her hand away from his and standing up. She heard his stand up too as she started walking along the edge of the pond.
“Okay, wait,” he was saying, “so if we weren’t meant to be together, it wouldn’t matter to you? You wouldn’t be hurt?”
Jessica turned around angrily. “I didn’t say that! You know Taylor, if it means so much to you, I’ll go with my first instincts and drown myself in the pond! How bout that? Or wait! How bout this? Cry myself to sleep everynight! Would you enjoy that?” Suddenly, she couldn’t seem to stop the tears cascading down her face.
“No,” Taylor aswered quietly, “but if it helps, I think I may do that anyway.”
Jessica crossed her arms in front of her chest and looked away. “Me too...” she murmured.
Time passed, and neither knew that to say.
“Jess...” Taylor said suddenly. Jessica looked at him. He took about two steps closer.
“You know that if you told me not to go, I wouldn’t...right?” he whispered to her.
Jessica felt the knot in her throat. “Yes...but I wouldn’t,” she said, letting the crying come naturally. She couldn’t hold it anymore.
“Come here,” Taylor said. And Jessica took the step between them, and threw her arms around his neck. His arms wrapped around her tightly, and at that moment, Jessica hadn’t felt so safe in her life.
“I...don’t know what....I’m going to....do...without you,” Jessica said between gasps. Taylor started rubbing her back. She started crying even more. “Did you know that I was this much of a sap on the computer?” she asked him, trying to laugh, but couldn’t.
“Did I mention I loved saps?” he asked back into her hair.
This time, she did laugh. Pulling away from his arms a little, she rested her forehead against his. He stared into her eyes. “We’re going to be okay,” he whispered to her, and kissed her on the lips. “We just have to remember what you said earlier. About letting God handle it. It’ll be okay, I promise.”
Jessica nodded and sniffed. “You know, I’m going to remember that for the rest of my life,” Taylor continued.
“Remember what?”
“To let God handle things. To let faith guide you. I learned that from you...” Taylor trailed off.
Jessica nodded again. “Well, it’s true. Sometimes it’s hard to deal with, but it’s true.”
“Yeah,” Taylor ended, and looked around them, “hey, it’s like pitch black. We should go inside...”
Jessica sighed and layed her head down on his shoulder. “Nope, I’m fine right here.”
Taylor grinned. “Well, you are the boss.”
Jessica was smiling too. But she wondered how she could be happy when her heart felt like breaking into tiny pieces. There were just too many questions...
“How will I know, Tay?” she asked him, pulling away and looking into his face, hardly caring that she was breaking the mood.
“You’ll know,” Taylor said, immediatly knowing what she was talking about.
“Promise?” she whispered back.
“I promise,” he vowed.
“K,” she said softly, and laying her head back down...wishing that he could hold her forever. “God only knows...” she thought, and hugged him tighter.
