“Jess, your hands are still shaking...you have to settle down,” Taylor told Jessica when he noticed the tremble. Even from the other end of the couch he could see it. Her eyes were glued to the television like she was possessed. Obviously, she wasn’t paying attention to the episode of “Friends” in front of her. But it wasn’t like Taylor was either. Even Jennifer Aniston couldn’t keep his mind off of Jessica’s problem.
They had been sitting in the basement den for about two hours. After she had told him her story the day before, they went inside and Jessica just couldn’t seem to snap out of it. Either it was the fact that she had actually told somebody about her past, or the horrifying fact that her best friend was about to be hurt, and she was miles away from home. Taylor hoped that it was the second one. Not that he was angry at himself for even thinking that, but deep down he prayed that she didn’t think it was a mistake to tell him. He wanted her to trust him.
After his retort about her hands shaking, Jessica turned her head and promptly replied, “they are not shaking, it’s just cold in here, that’s all.” Taylor raised his eyes at her. “Are you sure?” he asked her. “No...” she murmured. Taylor pretended to not hear her, and pressed on. “What? I didn’t quite hear you...”
Jessica answered by shooting him an “I hate you” look, getting up, and plopping herself down again...sitting on her hands. Taylor chuckled. “Oh, yeah, that’s attractive,” he said to her, trying to lighten her up a bit. Jessica cracked a smile. “Oh, you think?” she asked him, turning her head from the television. Taylor grinned in response. Jessica shook her head and turned back to the TV. “How can you watch this crap?” she asked him then. Taylor’s eyes grew wide. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Did you just call the most entertaining TV show in the world, crap?” he asked her, incredulously. Jessica rolled her eyes. “Oh, come on...all the people on this are complete flakes. Your killing millions of braincells just watching it. Besides,” she told him, eyes twinkling, “I see the way your face lights up when that Rachel girl comes on. I think I’m actually jealous.” Taylor groaned. “What do you mean that my face lights up? It does not!” Jessica laughed. “Oh, yes it does. And what is your excuse for the enthusiasm over her sending you guys a poster of herself?” she asked him then, taking her hands out from under her and crossing them. “Uh, oh,” Taylor thought, “how did she know about that?” He cleared his throat. “Who told you about that?” he asked her, trying to get an innocent look on his face. But that was easier said than done. He kept on thinking about the rolled up poster in the back of his closet...
Jessica was grinning a bit more than she should have been. “Oh, just from this one girl...I kinda visited your official chatroom last night at around midnight, and this one girl’s screenname just sorta popped out at me...” she said, twirling her hair around her index finger. “Uh, oh...” Taylor muttered outloud. “I believe her name was something like: “I_Wanna_Mmmbop_Taybear” or something like that. So of course, I just had to talk to her, you know? She said some pretty interesting stuff...” Taylor groaned loudly and placed his head in his hands. He muffled the words “what did she say?” to Jessica.
Just then, Jessica took the opportunity to snatch the remote that Taylor had stashed between the cushions so she wouldn’t take it earlier. Taylor noticed this and looked up. “Hey!” Jessica giggled and retreated to the other side of the couch. “Hey, thief, give that back, or else...” he told her, and slided slowly to her. Jessica promptly stuck the remote under her. “Do you want to hear what she told me, or not?” she asked him, or face serious. Taylor narrowed his eyes at her, but stopped moving. “Okay, fine, what did she say?” Satisfied, Jessica set her head back on the back of the couch to watch the new channel she put on. “Well...” she started, “she seemed to have just a bit of obsession inside of her I think. All I did was ask her about her name, and she started “yelling” at me. She kept saying that you were hers, and that if you ever had a girlfriend, well...okay, let’s just say she said that bad things would happen to her. And then she started talking about Jennifer Aniston and how trashy she was that she actually sent a poster to you guys, and I just thought that that was interesting, that’s all...” she finished, pulling the remote out and pointing it at the set. Taylor just stared at her. She wasn’t smiling anymore...and he had an idea of why.
“Sooo...I guess you got the low-down on the whole girlfriend thing, huh?” he asked her quietly, moving closer. Jessica nodded, not looking at him. “Let’s just say after I had that conversation with Ms. Obsessive, I had to do my research. So now I know..” she finally turned to look, “everything. So were you going to tell me you couldn’t have a girlfriend, or were you going to wait until it wouldn’t matter anymore.” Taylor was shocked. Sure, the problem was stuck in the back of his mind the whole time, but he had never let it get to him. But now...he had to tell her the whole truth. She deserved that much.
“You are some actress, Jess...you had me going for a minute. I honestly thought we were only talking about the poster for a minute...” Jessica lowered her eyes. “I’m sorry, Tay...it’s just that I didn’t know how to ask you about it. I figured talking about the poster would get me going. I didn’t...” “No, no, it’s okay. You don’t need to be sorry,” Taylor interrupted, taking her chin and lifting it up and looking in her eyes. “But Jess, I don’t think we should talk about this now...you have other things to deal with.” Jessica shook her head. “No, Tay, I know how to deal with that I think...” she told him, her face getting more determined. Taylor grew confused. “What? How?” he asked her. Jessica took a deep breath. “I’ve known what to do ever since this morning...at least I knew the hardest way. I was trying to get around it, but that’s not happening I think.” Jessica looked at Taylor. “I think I have to tell my parents, Tay. It’s what I should have done since the beginning of it, you know? I guess I’ve been too afraid to let anyone know. But now I see that telling people actually helps the situation. Getting it out in the open is what I need to do...and besides, they can help Samantha more than I ever could.” Looking intently at Jessica, Taylor knew she was honest about her decision. That same answer about telling her parents came into his head as soon as he heard about the problem. But he didn’t even think about asking her to do that...he saw how hard it was for her to tell him. And when the time came to tell them, it would be much harder. He reached out and grabbed her hand.
“Your doing the right thing Jess...I know that this is going to be hard.” he told her. Jessica nodded. “I know...I’ve been thinking about it for awhile now. At least until “Friends” came on...then my mind turned to other things.” She seemed to be waiting for an explanation. Taylor sighed. “Are you sure? Right now?” he asked her. “Please. I need to know the truth Taylor. Are we going to work?”
Taylor swallowed hard and looked away. He cursed himself for pushing all of his doubts into the back of his mind. And he hated himself for even hurting her the tiniest bit. How was he supposed to tell her that he had to probably leave her?
“Taylor. Please.” she prodded him. Taylor looked up at her again. Her jaw was clenched in such a way that told him that she was trying to be strong. Again, he cursed himself. “Jessica...I’m not allowed to have a girlfriend. Mercury had it put down in stone on my contract. Since I was only 13 at the time, I didn’t think it would matter. Then, nothing seemed more important than my music. Besides...I never had a girlfriend before...I wasn’t used to the idea of having one. And I never knew that someone like you would come along. I figured it would be years before I would...” he swallowed again, “fall in love...” he ended quietly.
He could hear her breathing beside him. He didn’t want to look at her, he didn’t want to see her face. “So...” she finally said, folding and unfolding her hands in her lap. “This is just a question, I mean, I’m just asking but...what would happen if you did have a girlfriend?” she asked him quietly. Taylor bit his lip. “Um...Mercury would probably do everything in their power to keep me away from you when they find out. Then, if that didn’t work...they would probably forbid me to go anywhere without security. Including my whole family...they would totally run our lives. I guess we could have a say in that if we wanted to...but that would probably mean breach of contract.”
Curiosity rising above everything else, Taylor finally turned to gaze at her. Her eyes were empty. For the first time since they had met, he didn’t know what she was thinking. “Okay,” she murmured, getting up from the couch and dropping his hand. An emptiness settled in the pit of his stomach. “Jessica, wait,” he pleaded, watching her walk across the room. Everyone would be back from the late movie they went to see soon. They wouldn’t have this time to talk about it...and Taylor knew they needed too.
She stopped at the window on the far wall, and looked out. “Taylor, it’s okay. I understand...your leaving after this summer, and I can’t see you again. I just wish you would have told me from the beginning that’s all...” she trailed off. Taylor stayed where he was. Besides, he didn’t even think he could stand up. He felt shameful and disgusting at the same time. “Jess,” he began, “when I first met you in that chat room, I didn’t think I would fall for you. In fact, for about 8 months, I kept telling myself not to fall for you. But now, I realize that probably the first second I talked to you, I fell in love with you. And it was selfish of me to keep it going, I know. But Jess, listen. Not that this is an excuse or anything, but I needed someone. I was stuck in a hotel room half of the time by myself, and the other half I was busy being somebody that I wasn’t. The only time that I felt myself was when I was playing music...or being with my family. When I met you, it was another way out. I held on to it tight, and it was wrong of me, I know. I shouldn’t have hurt your feelings in the process. If I would’ve known that I would have ended up meeting you, I would have stopped it the first minute it started. Jessica, I didn’t mean to hurt you...”
By now Jessica had turned around to listen to him. Her arms were crossed over her chest and she seemed to be thinking of something. “I knew that something was up, but I just didn’t know what,” she was saying softly, “I didn’t ask about it cause I thought it was none of my business...it was like you were trying to get away.” “I’m sorry, Jess,” Taylor told her quietly. She shook her head in response. “I don’t want you to be sorry, Tay. I’m not. I would never change meeting you, ever. You don’t know how much you have changed my life. Without you, I don’t know...” she broke off, and turned away again. At this, Taylor stood up and walked over to her. “I still love you, Jess,” he whispered to her back. “I love you too...and I always will. But we can’t still do this...it’s not fair to either of us, it’ll only make it harder when you have to leave.” Taylor nodded, his stomach dropping as he suddenly realized the truth. He couldn’t have her. He never actually did. “I know Jessica...I just realized that.”
Suddenly, a low roaring noise sounded as the huge garage door opened at the other end of the house. Jessica turned around to look and Taylor saw tears in her eyes. “Taylor, we have one more month...can we do this just being friends?” she asked him carefully. “We can try, can’t we?” he told her, stuffing his hands into his pockets. She nodded, and began to leave the room. “Where are you going?” he asked her. She turned back around. “I have something to do...” she told him, taking a deep breath. He realized she was going to tell her parents now. “I think I’m going to tell my mom first though...I think that would be easier,” she said. Taylor just nodded. Jessica began to leave again, but thought against it. “Hey, friend?...” she asked him. Taylor had to chuckle at this. “Yes, friend?” he answered. “Will you be here when I get back?” she asked him, an ounce of fright in her voice. “Of course I will...you know that,” he answered her. Jessica nodded again. “K,” she said, and with a brisk walk she left Taylor to the empty room.
