"Oh my god!" I yelled, dropping to my knees. Gillian lay unconscious
on the cold tile floor next to me, her body twisted from the fall. "She's
never done this before...Anne, go get some cold water," I directed. I turned
around and glared at Anne. She was staring, bug eyed, at the five guys
standing in front of us. "Anne!" I shouted. She emerged suddenly from her
trance and looked down at me, still in shock.
"Water. Now." I repeated.
Anne looked at me helplessly, then back at the guys. I sighed impatiently.
"Come on, I'll go with you," Kevin jumped in. He took Anne by the
arm and headed for the sink. I turned my concentration back to Gillie,
trying to wake her up.
My friends and the five Backstreet Boys stood around awkwardly, not
knowing what to do. I was the only link between the two groups, and I was
rather occupied at the moment.
Finally, Brian broke the silence. He hesitantly asked, "Well, is
there anything I can do to help?" His slight southern accent made his
question sound warm, inviting.
I kept trying to revive Gillie as I replied, "Sure. I'm Becky, by
the way, everyone. Well, Brian, why don't you do something to keep the rest
of them occupied?" I referred to my friends. I glanced over my shoulder and
realized that the only one of my friends left to be kept occupied was Eilene.
Ryan had gone off with Nick, Gillie was lying on the floor in front of me,
and Anne had gone with Kevin to get some ice water.
Eilene was left standing in the doorway with a confused look upon her
face. "Rest of who? Where did everyone go?" She said, puzzled. "I don't get
it!" She started laughing hysterically, as usual.
"Umm, okay, I'll take care of this." Brian grinned and walked over
to Eilene. They both sat down at a table and before I knew it, Eilene had
Bri laughing just as hard as she was. Laughing was a gift with her. It was
like a contagion that spread to everyone she touched.
AJ came over and sat down cross-legged on the floor next to me.
"Well, that didn't really work out the way we'd planned, did it?" he grinned.
"Not exactly," I sighed, trying to reposition Gillie so that she was
lying on her back and not twisted around.
"I wasn't really expecting that," he said. "I thought your friends
would be as cool with it as you were."
"Well...I knew what I was getting myself into," I explained. "I
didn't warn her ahead of time. But then, I didn't know this would
happen... Oh God, this is all my fault. She's gonna kill me," I worried out
loud. "Hush," AJ said gently and put his arm around me. "Baby, you know
you couldn't have done anything to prevent this."
Finally, Anne and Kevin came back with a bucket of ice water. Anne
appeared to be back to her normal happy self, as she and Kevin were flirting
with each other like mad. I watched amusedly as she stood on her tip toes to
ruffle his hair, and he grabbed her hand and pinned it behind her back. In
the meantime, they were spilling water everywhere.
I slowly turned my head to AJ. "Why is it that all of my friends
hook up with a Backstreet Boy?" I asked under my breath. "Is it something
special about us? Some kind of weird magnetism?" We both laughed. It was
such a strange coincidence-never in my entire life would I have expected
anything like this to happen. Not only had AJ and I, Ryan and Nick, and Anne
and Kevin hooked up, but Eilene and Brian looked to be a likely couple as
well. They sat at the round table in the middle of the room, taking turns
being weird with each other. AJ and I looked at each other and grinned-they
were made for each other. Finally Brian had found someone even goofier than
he was. Anne made her way over to where AJ and I were sitting on the floor
next to Gillian. She handed me the ice water, which I proceeded to pour all
over Gillie's head. Her eyes fluttered open, and she gasped. Her eyes
darted about the room, taking in everything that was going on, but she
quickly closed them again in embarrassment.
"I can't believe I did that," she moaned, covering her face with her
hands. "Now look what you did, Becky... I'm all wet."
She sat up, and I saw tears glisten in her eyes. I reached over and
gave her a hug. "Gillie, it's okay," I murmured to her kindly. "Look, no
one thinks anything of it!"
Howie crouched down next to us. "Yeah... I mean, that's nothing,
Gillian!" He tried his best to make her feel better.
"Don't worry about it.
We've seen things happen that you would not believe..." He put his arm
around her waist and sat her down on the couch in the corner of the room,
telling her stories to put her more at ease. Gillian had never been so
embarrassed, I could tell. Her face was still a bright shade of crimson that
I had never quite seen before.
"Babe, I'll be back in a few," AJ said, getting to his feet. "I
gotta use the phone." He strolled out of the room quickly.
I sat on the floor in the middle of the room for a moment, taking a
deep breath. It had been a very eventful past ten minutes. I still had that
nagging feeling deep inside me, warning me-I concluded that it must have been
about Gillian's fainting. But then why would I still feel like something was
going to go awfully wrong?
I smiled as I watched Brian and Eilene sitting at the table. Brian
was laughing so hard he was starting to turn purple from lack of oxygen.
That must have been because Eilene was doing her N Sync impersonation-even I
started to giggle silently to myself at the thought of that. It was
hysterical, like everything else she did.
Then there were Anne and Kevin, who stood leaning against the wall,
deep in conversation. They looks they gave each other sent chills down my
spine...they conveyed want, desire, lust. I had never seen two people so
incredibly attracted to each other immediately. I could see the way Anne
looked Kevin up and down, over his tight shirt-even I could admit that Kev
had a really great body. Not as good as AJ's, though, I added to myself
protectively.
Kevin wanted Anne every bit as much, I could tell. I could see it in
the way his eyes roamed over her instinctively. For a second I wondered what
it would be like to have that kind of instant connection with another person,
but then I realized that I already had it.
I stretched my arms over my head and glanced around the room, looking
for Ryan and Nick, until I remembered that they must have gone off somewhere
to be alone. "Young love," I sighed to myself and smiled. They were so
perfect for each other. They acted like they could be with each other
twenty-four seven and still not have enough.
I straightened out my legs, working out the kinks I had developed in
my tired muscles, and got up from the wet floor. The sounds of everyone's
quiet conversations floated around the room softly, and I stood and listened
contently in silence.
"Hey Becky, come over here for a second," Gillie called to me. I
walked over to where she and Howie were cuddled on the couch. Tiny water
droplets shone like crystals on her forehead and dripped slowly, rhythmically
from her hair. She looked much more at ease, but the entire incident had
made her very shy.
"Do you think you could get Gillian a dry shirt?" Howie asked me, his
eyes never leaving Gillie's face. Her eyes, however, were down, fixed on her
hands resting in her lap. He wanted to help her, but she was still too
ashamed of her actions to acknowledge him fully.
"Sure," I nodded amiably. "Where would I find one?"
Howie thought for a moment. "Well, you can try in the dressing room.
She can put on one of my T shirts or something."
"You got it," I promised, and turned to walk back down the hallway.
I wandered around, trying to find the dressing room, but soon realized that I
was hopelessly lost-I had never been backstage before.
I heard a voice speaking quietly, and headed toward it. Perhaps they
could give me directions. However, as soon as I got within range, I
recognized the deep voice as AJ's, speaking on the phone. I realized I could
make out the words, and as soon as I did, I stopped and listened in horror.
I knew I shouldn't be doing it, but I was, and it was too late to un-hear
what I'd heard. "Yeah, you can come over tonight...No, she won't be here. She's
never even been to my house." He paused for a minute. "Baby, don't worry.
We can be alone." His voice was gentle and full of affection.
I was frozen...I couldn't move. My throat constricted, and suddenly
I found it heard to breathe. What was going on? I couldn't believe he would
do this...after all we'd been through. No, I wouldn't believe it. But what
other explanation could there be? My heart protested weakly-it begged to
simply stop beating, the betrayal was so painful.
And then suddenly, I wasn't frozen anymore. I was liquid fire and I
was burning inside, the red flames of anger and hurt licking at the inner
surface of my skin and spreading uncontrollably.
I spun around on my heel and ran, ran as fast I as I could, back the
way I came. I burst in the main room where everyone was talking and
laughing, and silence fell quickly when my friends, old and new, saw the look
of fury on my face.
"Come on, guys, we're leaving," I growled, my hands clenched into
fists at my side.
Anne, Gillie, and Eilene glanced at each other. "Umm...no, we're
not," Anne said slowly.
"Well then, I'LL FUCKING GET A CAB!" I screamed to no one in
particular and threw my car keys violently down on the table so that someone
else could drive my car home.
"Is she always like that?" Brian whispered to Eilene across the table.
"No," she replied quietly. "I've never seen her that mad before."
Kevin, always one to try to help, spoke up: "Hey, Becky, I know I
just met you, but...is there anything I can do?" His caring eyes exuded
sympathy, and under any other circumstances I would have fallen into his
friendly arms and cried. Now, however, I was too upset to let him comfort
me-all I wanted to do was leave, to be alone.
"Yeah," I snarled. "You can tell the sorry son of a bitch in there-"
(I nodded my head in the direction of where AJ was talking on the phone)
"-that he can stay the hell away from me." I took three half-running,
half-walking steps toward the door, but stopped and turned to face everyone.
Their faces were serious, worried. "I'm sorry to be like this," I said
apologetically, "I know I just met you, but...I can't take this right now.
Please don't think any less of me for it."
I hurried out of the room, leaving my friends to do what they
pleased. I was too distraught to think rationally, and my first instinct was
to run. All I wanted was to save myself from the pain AJ was bringing me
right now.
I stood outside on the curb and hailed a cab. I couldn't stop
shivering, though it wasn't cold outside. The moon frowned down on me,
disapproving, mocking. Even the stars refused to shine; they hid behind the
shield of my grief.
The whole ride home, I felt unbelievably empty. What went wrong? I
kept asking myself. Just days ago, what we had was perfect. Why would he
want to have someone else? Was I not good enough? Or did I just imagine
there was something there that never was?
I stumbled from the taxi and unlocked my front door, my hands
shaking. I thought that by now I would be crying, but I couldn't let myself.
To cry for him would be to admit defeat.
I fell into bed, the sheets cool against my flushed skin. My hair
fanned out on the pillow-I was too apathetic to put it up before I slept. I
turned over and breathed in the deep scent of sweat and perfume that was mine
alone. No one else's, I screamed inside my head. This place is mine, and no
one can reach me here...
I lay awake in anguish until finally I was too exhausted to care any
more, and I slept.
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Fifteen
Seventeen
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