Most everyone is at Tifas bar, with the exception of Tifa and Aeris, who are shopping. The TV is on, but full of snow and static.

Cid: What the hell is happening to the TV?! Im going to miss the Dukes of Hazard! Yuffie!
Yuffie: How come I get blamed for everything around here?! First it was flooding the bathroom--
Red XIII: Which you did...
Yuffie: Shut up, you stupid dog-cat thing! Then I got in trouble for putting Vincents cape with the whites in the washing machine--
Vincent: (snickering) Although you have to admit, that was pretty amusing...
Yuffie: Dont you start! Then I got blamed for stealing Barret's lighting materia--
Barret: Hey! I havent told anyone 'bout that! Give me my materia foo'!
Yuffie: Catch me if you can, ebonics king! (runs out the door and Barret follows)
Cid: (stands up and starts kicking the TV) Damn piece of American crap!
Cloud: Stop kicking the TV Cid, youll break it. I guess we're gonna miss the Dukes of Hazard toady. (mutters) Thankfully...
Cid: What was that?!
Cloud: Nothing! (sweatdrop)

Suddenly, Reno runs inside and closes the door behind him.

Cid: What the hell are you doing here?!
Reno: Cloud, please help me! Scarlet got drunk and is trying to rape me again! Please, hide me!
Cloud: Fine, go ahead and hide somewhere, we won't tell.
Reno: Thanks! (runs into kitchen)
Cid: Are you sure that was such a good idea? That crazy Scarlet might come after us if she cant find Reno.

At that moment, the door bursts open. Scarlet is right outside.

Everyone: Aaah!
Cid: Shit! Shes in the house!
Scarlet: Kya, ha, ha! Look at all the men. Hmm...who should I choose? I know, I choose Reeves alter ego!
Cait Sith: Aaah! (tries to run, but Scarlet jumps on top of him) Get her off me!
Cloud: Um, Cid, go help Cait!
Cid: Who, me?! Hell no! Im not going anywhere near that hooch! You help him, Red!
Red: I would, really, but, uh, I have a cold, that's it! And I uh...don't want to get them sick...yeah!
Vincent: *Sigh* You are all so immature, I'll go help Cait. (walks towards Cait, but Scarlet sees him).
Scarlet: Hey baby! Want to join me? (lunges at him)
Vincent: Back! Back, you vile beast--Aaah! (he ducks and Scarlet misses him).
Scarlet: I love it when they play hard to get! (tries again)
Vincent: Aaah! (runs outside).
Scarlet: Come back! I want you, fang boy! (follows him).
Cloud: At least we got rid of her, poor Vincent...
Cid: That was pretty brave...
Cait: And stupid, but, oh well. I'm going to go lie down. (goes to his bedroom).
Red: I think I'll go take a nap as well. (goes to his room).
Cid: Hey, wheres Reno? (yells) Shes gone Reno, you can come out now!

Reno walks out of the kitchen.

Reno: Are you sure?
Cid: Yes, you stupid idiot!
Reno: Grrr...Thanks for hiding me Cloud.
Cloud: No problem, but where were you hiding?
Reno: The fridge, I hope you don't mind, but I helped myself to a piece of pie. Well, see you later. (walks outside, but runs back in, followed by Vincent. They both jump behind the couch and start whimpering).
Cid: What the hell?!

Scarlet appears in the doorway again, with a crazy look in her eye...

Scarlet: Come out, come out, wherever you are--(Yuffie runs in, knocking Scarlet down and running on top of her).
Cloud: Yuffie?
Yuffie: Sorry, cant talk, bye! (jumps into lower level).
Scarlet: (on floor) Ow! What the-- (Barret runs on top of her as well).
Barret: Where is dat little brat?!
Cloud: Downstairs. (Barret goes below).
Scarlet: Ow! I've fallen, and I can't get up!
Reno: Hey! She cant defend herself! Let's get her!

Everyone attacks Scarlet, but she manages to escape.

Vincent: At last, the demon threat has been neutralized...
Everyone: (staring at Vincent) ....
Vincent: What?
Reno: This is too weird, goodbye. (he leaves).
Cloud: Anyways, since the TV is broken, what are we gonna do today?
Red XIII: Lets go exploring!
Everyone: ???
Cid: Exploring?! What the hell do you mean, exploring?!
Red: *Sigh* We wander around someplace until we find something to do...
Cid: That is so stupid! You are such a retard, you know that? The day I go exploring--
Red: We can take the Highwind.
Cid: --Will be the happiest day of my life, let's go!
Cloud: (whispers to Red) And he called you a retard...

On the Highwind...

Cid: Alright, so where do we go first?
Yuffie: How about Wutai?!
Cid: Hell no! You just want to go home so you can steal our materia!
Yuffie: No! (thinks) I just want to borrow it....
Vincent: Why can't we go to Wutai?
Cid: How come you want to go?
Vincent: It's my hometown...
Yuffie: Yeah right! I know every family dynasty from Wutai and Valentine isn't one of them!
Vincent: How about the Knightblood dynasty?
Yuffie: *Gasp* Youre a Knightblood?
Cloud: What are you saying Vincent? Do you mean your name is really Vincent Knightblood? Not Vincent Valentine?
Vincent: Thats what Im saying...(thinks) Or should I use smaller words?
Yuffie: So you belong to those psychos?
Vincent: Hey now!
Yuffie: Sorry, but its true!
Cid: Psychos, ehh? Tell me more....
Vincent: Our family consisted of mercenaries, bounty hunters, a whole bunch of stuff. Thats one of the reasons I was chosen to be a Turk.
Cid: Well, do those crazies still live in Wutai?
Yuffie: Not anymore, they were driven out a few years ago.
Vincent: Doh!
Cloud: So where are we gonna go then?
Cid: Why dont we go to the Northern Crater and see what we can find?
Yuffie: Yeah! Maybe Sephiroth left some materia or something!
Cid: *Sigh*

Later, at the Crater....

Cloud: There is absolutely nothing here!
Vincent: (looking at the wall) Hmm....
Red XIII: What do you see Vincent?
Vincent: I think there is a door or something here...help me find the switch...
Red: How?!
Vincent: Oh yeah, I forgot you dont have hands....(feels along the wall and finds something) Bingo! *Click*

A section of the rock wall opens to reveal a furnished room....

Everyone: ???
Vincent: Lets go in...(he walks in first, the others follow).
Yuffie: Hey, lookit this! (holds up a picture of JENOVAs disembodied head).
Cid: Is this Sephiroths room?
Cloud: Impossible, we killed him last month.
Red: Yet everything looks clean, there are no signs of dust.
Vincent: I wonder whats behind that door...(walks to it and opens it) Whoa!
Cid: What happened?!
Cloud: (pulling out his sword) Is it Sephiroth?! I'll kill him again!
Vincent: Nope! Check it out, Seph has a whole entertainment center. (opens the door more so the guys can see a big screen TV, a stereo, about 500 CDs, a VCR, some video tapes, and some nice couches.)
Cid: Hey! That guy knew how to enjoy himself!
Yuffie: What CDs does he have? (runs into the room)
Red: (thinking) Hmm...if he has all this set up, Im sure he would have some sort of food around here as well...(wanders in).
Cid: Does he have any Anime?
Vincent: He has Akira, Final Fantasy: Legend of the Lost Crystals, Tenchi Muyo: In Love, Dragon Ball Z: The Movie, Plastic Little--
Cid: Plastic Little?! The one with all the babes?!
Vincent: *Sigh* (nods).
Cid: Woo-woo! (runs to the leather couch).
Red: Look! I found some popcorn!
Cloud: Cool, but wheres a microwave?
???: To your left...
Everyone: ?!?! (Sephiroth appears)
Seph: I see you have found my secret room...
Cloud: We werent gonna do anything, honest!
Cid: Yeah, its just that you have a lot of cool stuff!
Seph: Really?
Yuffie: Yeah! Especially your Golden Oldies!
Red: And you have popcorn with REAL butter, not that fake stuff.
Cid: (watching Plastic Little) Hot...babes...OoooOoo....
Vincent: Cid!
Cid: What?!
Vincent: Youre drooling....ewww....
Cid: Whatever. (watches PL)
Seph: So you like my secret room?
Yuffie: Yes! Hey, can we stay over?!
Seph: I guess...
Cloud: Woo-hoo!
Seph: Move over Cid, I wanna watch too!

Later....

Cid and Seph: (drooling) Duh........................
Yuffie: Ewww......
Vincent: Come on everybody, I think weve overstayed our welcome, lets go home.
Everyone: (sad) OK....
Seph: (like Apu in Simpsons) Please come again!

At Seventh Heaven....

Yuffie: Sephiroth had some really cool stuff!
Cloud: I wonder when we can go over again...?
Cid: And he let me borrow "Plastic Little"! Yay!
Vincent: "Yay"? Are you alright Cid?
Cid: Of course!
Vincent: .....
Red: Look! "Baywatch" is on TV!
Vincent: Um, Red, since when do you watch "Baywatch"?
Red: Since always!
Vincent: Something seems wrong...

At Northern Crater...

Sephiroth: Mwahahahaha! My wonderful popcorn will keep them under my control!
Vincent: Hey Sephiroth....
Seph: What? You didnt eat my popcorn?
Vincnet: No, too much sodium gets me homicidal....anyways, listen, if you dont turn everyone back to normal, Ill be forced to take your "Plastic Little" tape and destroy it.
Seph: You monster!
Vincnet: Better believe it!
Seph: Aaah!
The end that make NO sense! It was late when I finished it, OK?! Argh! ^_^