Tread Softly On My Dreams

Tread Softly On My Dreams.

By Arian.

Author's note - This is a story about Raine, from her point of view (containing spoilers as usual). It is a sort of prequel to "Thoughts and Memories" in that the two stories connect up, but you don't have to read one to understand the other.

My thanks to Sarah, who went through this and picked out glaring errors and such. I've not put up her full name, she doesn't want to be associated wih me! *Grins*

(Thanks also to Amara Enid. Her 'fic "After the Rain" sort of inspired the format of this story. What can I say? Think of it as the highest form of flattery!)

This story, as are all stories I have or will write, was written for "the greatest storyteller in the world" who /generously/ allowed me time off from writing his story to write this one and helped me from time to time.

As always, your help was much appreciated! Enough talk from me, read the story and let me know what you think!

Raine Loire walked slowly up the hill, enjoying the warmth of the sun on her brown hair. It was a fine July morning and the sun had not yet reached its full strength. She walked slowly, but steadily, breathing hard and determined to reach her goal.

It would be quiet up there and that was what she craved. If she couldn't hear /those/ two voices, then she would hear none. Not today.

Winhill was never a loud place, but the way people would insist on coming to check on her, as if she couldn't do anything for herself, was beginning to irritate Raine. She wanted to scream at some of them, "You wouldn't help /him/ then, when he needed help, nor would you even help me look after him! Why make a fuss now when I have only myself to take care of? I've been taking care of myself for as long as I can remember." She didn't want to say it. They had always meant well in their own misguided way and they were not bad people. She didn't want to lose her temper, so here she was. Climbing this hill again.

She had always loved it up here. This was where she came to think, to dream or just simply where she could exist, without interruption or distraction.

She finally reached the top and sat down, legs stretched out in front of her. She had often come up here before Ellone had been a part of her life but once she had Elle to take care of, she simply didn't have the time. Not that she begrudged Ellone that. Not after all the poor girl had been put through. Then /he/ had turned up. An enigma to Winhill, at least until he was well enough to explain what had happened to him. Even then there was the mystery of just how he had got there from Centra.

Raine leaned back on her hands and smiled. How Ellone had loved him! And he had completely indulged her, answering questions and telling stories. Not everyone would have been so comfortable with a six year old monopolizing every waking hour, but it had given Raine time to sit up here again. He had started to use this place too. Somewhere to think and be alone for a while. Funny how they should both be drawn up here, but it was the most beautiful spot in the small village. You could look down on all the tiny houses and the fields of flowers and see the beauty of it without the mindless insignificance that Raine saw close up. Amazing really, how very important people imagined themselves to be and how vain, that they should think themselves special. Well, /she/ knew what was going on out there. She knew the chaos Adel was causing and was not stupid enough to think that little Winhill would play a part in bringing down a feared Sorceress.

She sighed and pushed them all out of her mind. She had come here to escape them for a while, not to let her thoughts dwell on them.

She twisted the silver ring on her finger and let herself smile again. He had asked her to marry him up here. Funny how things turn out.

Laying on her back to rest, Raine realised she was still exhausted from her long walk. /A pregnant woman shouldn't be hill walking/ they had told her. What did they know? It was better for her to be up here than it was to be cooped up at home. Up here she could believe anything but if she sat at home she knew depression would gradually creep in, like a mist. She stared up at the clouds, her large eyes reflecting the sky. She used to make pictures and stories out of the shapes of the clouds. Now she saw only faces, just as she had for months. Two faces eternally floated in front of her, whatever she was doing. Every waking moment she would find herself looking into a pair of brilliant green eyes, or soft brown eyes. She thought she would go mad at first, but now there was a strange comfort to it. There were times when she thought she could see a third face, unknown and yet familiar. The features were blurred and indistinct but she sometimes saw the eyes. Grey eyes that seemed leached of all colour. Such determination in those eyes.

/When would they return?/ She asked herself for the hundredth time. /What were they doing? Were they alright?/ Now and again that final question would creep in - /Were they alive? Would she even know if they were dead?/ No, she had to believe that she would know, that she would feel them die in her soul or something. They were alive and they would return to her. She told herself that every day, repeating it like a prayer. They would come back to her and for now she had her dreams, her memories. Even her most painful memories were welcome, even in those memories she could hear those voices, unimpeded by time or distance.

Raine closed her eyes and let her mind sink into the sea of memory.

/Yes,/ she told herself, /this was the beginning. This was when it had /really/ started./

The small woman sat at the bar, reading a book. There was still time to kill before she had to open the place, although it would probably remain just as empty for most of the day. It was quiet outside, as it always was here, but for a moment Raine thought she heard something. Something she couldn't identify, but silence now ruled again and Raine fell back to her book.

A few moments later, the still atmosphere of Winhill was shot to pieces by the steady drumming of footsteps. Many feet marching to a set rhythm. Placing the book carefully on the counter, so she wouldn't lose her page, Raine stood and walked quickly to the door. Her hand hovered over the handle as she heard gunfire and screams. The brutal sounds assaulted her ears and she winced. Just what the hell was going on out there? Realising it wasn't the smartest thing to do, but unable to stop herself, she closed her hand on the door handle and prepared herself for what she might see. She was never given the chance. The door was flung open and Raine was catapulted backwards, landing awkwardly on her side. She heard people trampling into her tiny bar and clambered quickly to her feet.

She recognised the light blue uniform of the five intruders almost immediately. Esthar soldiers. Who wouldn't recognise them with those silvery uniforms and strange bug-like helmets?

Suppressing the wave of fear, she stood her ground - waiting. She had heard the stories, just like everyone else. Stories that told of these mysterious foreigners that kidnapped or stole away small girls that were potential successors to the sorceress who ruled in Esthar.

"You have children?" One soldier asked, while the others searched Raine's house.

"No." Raine stared up into the bug-eyes, her gaze unflinching. The soldier stood in silence as the others returned and shook their heads. Nothing for them here. The soldier who had spoken before, the leader it seemed, said something and the other four left, but Raine's sigh of relief was premature and it turned into a gasp as the leader took her shoulder and more or less threw her out into the square.

Most of Winhill was here, gathered in the square, some being questioned by soldiers, others were hurt and being helped by friends who were doing what they could with knife and bullet wounds.

"Where are the children?"

Raine turned to face that persistent bug-form that had pushed her out of her home.

"The children of Winhill are in front of you." She answered, as scornfully as she dared. "There are no others."

"These are all male. Is there not one female child in this miserable dump?"

"None." Raine said firmly, hiding the knowledge in the back of her mind that there was one small girl. Just one. Ellone, a puzzling four year old who lived next door with her parents. The whole village knew her well and as the only girl she was spoiled rotten. Had any of them said anything or had Ellone already been found? Raine did not dare to glance towards the house the child lived in to see if it had already been searched. Then once more the choice was taken from her. From the direction of the house belonging to Ellone's family came the sound of voices raised in argument.

The square quietened down to listen and she found that standing where she was, she could hear the words clearly.

"There is a young girl living in this house. Where is she? We know she is here and we will find her in the end."

"No one else lives here, just us. I swear we're the only people here." Ellone's father, Raine guessed. She wished she knew their names but they had kept very much to themselves, although Ellone ran freely round the village. Unusual for people to be so set apart from others in a small place like Winhill but perhaps they just hadn't been very sociable, she thought.

"Then why are there children's toys upstairs? Why are there dolls and clothes for a little girl?" "Our niece. She visits from Deling City. It all belongs to her." Ellone's mother blurted out, her voice shaking with fear.

Raine heard silence for a long time and supposed that the house was being searched thoroughly. /They better not find that girl./ She thought to herself. /I don't know what I'll do if they find her./ She was scared, not just for the girl but for what her reaction would be when Ellone was found, as she must inevitably be. She would not stand here passively while they carried the girl out of Winhill. She didn't know what she would do but it terrified her.

"There's no one else here, sir."

"You're sure? Adel was certain there would be one here."

"Yes sir."

Raine held her breath. Would they leave now?

"I still think there is someone here."

"We have to leave now, Captain. If we don't go soon then..."
"I know! But before we do, I'll make damn sure this hellhole doesn't forget us. I'll teach them to try and lie to us, to try and hide what we were looking for..."

That voice sent shivers down Raine's spine. She hated them. Soldiers who thought they could do anything because they were soldiers.

The sound of rapid gunfire broke the stillness and Raine stood rigid in shook. Unable to move, she watched mutely as the soldiers exited the house and they marched away. The soldiers who had been in the square started to follow, but the one Raine had spoken to held back.

"I saw the reactions on your face. I read what you were thinking. There /is/ a girl here and if Adel thinks she is suitable, we'll come and get her one day. We'll come back and /I/ won't forget that you lied. We'll be back one day." He threatened.

Raine started visibly but the soldier had already vanished with the others. Managing to unfreeze her limbs, she ran towards the house and burst in the door.

Ellone's parents lay next to the table that stood in the centre of the room. Kneeling next to them, uncaring that she sat in a pool of blood, she checked for a pulse. Nothing. She hadn't expected that there would be. Riddled with bullets, the man and woman lay curled up next to each other, eyes staring open. Raine stared right back, hoping to find a clue as to where Ellone was, but even in death they didn't give away the hiding place of their daughter.

Raine carefully arranged their limbs and shut their eyes, as best as she could, before searching for Ellone. Her luck was no better than the soldiers and she found nothing. She was about to start looking outside when she thought she heard something upstairs. Quietly creeping back up the stairs, she heard the sound of a child, crying.

She /is/ here, Raine thought.

Following the sound to its source, the dark haired woman found a tiny door in the wall of Ellone's bedroom. It completely blended in with the wall and had she not had the sound to follow, she never would have found it.

"Ellone." She said softly, crouching next to the door. "Ellone, it's okay to come out now. They've gone. It's just me here now, just Raine, OK?"

Raine saw the door open slightly and a huge brown eye peered through the crack at her. After a quick glance about the room, the eye retreated and the door was flung wide open. A slender four year old ran sobbing into Raine's arms and Raine pulled her in close, whispering to her, grateful that Ellone was safe.

"It's alright, they've all gone. You're safe now. I'll make it better."

/How?/ She asked herself. "Ellone, do you know what happened?" Raine asked the question straight out, unsure how to talk to a child.

"I heard people coming in, they were shouting." She looked tearfully up at Raine. "I hate it when people shout. It scares me, so I shut myself in here.

Then... Mommy..." She started to cry again and Raine hated herself for asking the question. /So Ellone knows that her parents were dead. Poor girl, this room is right above the main room downstairs. If she hadn't heard the gunfire and realised what it meant, she would have seen it through the cracks in the floorboards./

She gently stroked the head of dark hair that was buried in her shoulder and wondered just what to do now. She had said she would make it better but what could she do? An idea leapt out at her and she was amazed she could have missed such a simple thought.

"Ellone, would you like to stay with me?" She held the small face away from her with careful hands, looking for a response. The brown eyes widened and started to cry again, half with relief.

Raine picked the girl up and let her cry. She certainly had cause to cry as many tears as she wanted to. Gently rocking the child in her arms, she made her way down the stairs, turning Ellone's face into her neck so that she didn't have to look at the bloodied form of her parents anymore.

A few of the townspeople had come in and were preparing to remove the bodies. They looked up as Raine approached, sympathy for Ellone written on their faces, but they said nothing.

As she stepped into the sunshine, she saw Millie run towards her from her house across the square.

"She's OK?" Millie asked anxiously, peering at Ellone. "She was in the house the whole time?"

Raine nodded and felt Ellone's arms twist round her neck.

"What'll happen to her now? Where -"

"I'm looking after her now." She cut Millie off mid-sentence. Millie stared at her friend, amazed.

"Raine, you can't possibly manage her. You're only -"

"It doesn't matter if you think I'm too young to handle this. I /am/ going to take care of Ellone." Raine said firmly, walking into the pub and closing the door behind her. Carrying Ellone upstairs, she sat down and sighed. The soldiers had practically wrecked the place.
"It's going to be alright, Elle. I'm here and I won't let anything hurt you again. I promise." She said softly.

It had been awkward at first. Raine had absolutely no experience of how to look after a child and although Ellone had kept her from making too many mistakes, it had taken a while for them to adjust to each other.

For two years they had lived together in peace, until the next disturbance of their tranquil world.

Raine stood at the bar, serving the handful of locals that didn't have anything better to do. She had already put Ellone to bed and with any luck the girl was asleep, although you never quite knew with Elle. She could be a strange child at times.

She looked up as two more figures entered her bar. She recognized one as Joe, the guy who ran the shop at the far end of town. The other was one of the soldiers who had been stationed in Winhill since the attack.

She was serving their drinks in silence, lost in her own thoughts, when some of their conversation seeped through to her.

"Poor sod." The soldier commented. "Wonder what happened to him? He looked worse than if someone had dumped him on the main line to Timber for a few days."

"He sure was a hell of a mess. It's probably a mercy." Joe replied indifferently.

"He's better off dead. If he ain't, he soon will be."

Raine looked up in shock.

"What did you say?"

"We're just talking about a body on the beach. Don't worry, we'll bury it tomorrow before Ellone has a chance to -"

"No." She cut in. "You said he would soon be dead. Don't you /know/ if he was dead?"

"Well, we didn't check..." the soldier said awkwardly.

"I don't believe you! I really don't believe I'm hearing this! You just left a man to die!"

"Raine, if you'd seen him, the state he was in...you'd have left him too. There's nothing we can do." Said Joe, without a trace of regret.

"No. I wouldn't leave anyone who needed my help. Even if it was pointless. If you think I would, you insult me and I don't think you'd want to do that." The bar fell silent as she raised her voice. "Where is he, Joe?" She glared at him and when he said nothing she turned to the soldier.

"On the beach." The man shrugged.

Raine nodded to him and walked round the bar, picking up her coat from a hook and wrapping it round herself.

Joe caught her arm.

"Where are you going?"

"You know where I'm going. I'm going to do what you should've done yourself."

"You can't. It's wrong, Raine. He's an outsider and you know the damage they can do! You, of all people, the one who found Ellone and looks after her, should know -"

Raine's hand flew towards his face and the sharp sound of the slap cut him off, mid-sentence.

"Get out." She hissed, between her teeth. "I won't have it, do you hear? I'll not listen to you tell me it's right to let someone die because you are too stupid to look outside this town. It was /Esthar/ that attacked. One country out of many. The rest of the world is not evil. Now get out."

Joe looked stunned, the red mark on his face glowing. He opened his mouth to talk again but he saw Raine glare at him and he slunk out without a word.

Raine stalked out into the night, seething. /Stupid old fool!/ She thought as she walked. /Why could no one in this town get over the attack? If Ellone has moved on, then there is no reason why they can't./

Yet Raine knew that it was unfair to make such a criticism when she herself was so badly scarred. The nightmares were only part of it, terrifying though they were. She would hear the screams and the gunfire and then she would see those bodies again, lying in a crumpled heap. The other impression that day had left was her hatred of soldiers. She despised them all. The only thing they could do was destroy, she had seen that for herself. Was there /one/ of them that knew about compassion? That wouldn't kill for the hell of it? She shook her head in disgust. No wonder there were so many skirmishes at the moment. Too many soldiers with time on their hands.

She finally reached the small cove and ran to the form at the waters edge.

Kneeling, she checked the man's neck for a pulse. He was alive, but unconscious. His clothes were soaked and torn, and his skin was bruised. She brushed the tangled hair out of his face and laid a hand on his forehead. It was cold, clammy and far too pale.

/He must've lost a lot of blood./ She thought, her mind working overtime on what she would have to do now.

A sudden flash of something caught Raine's eye. Something round his neck.

Dog-tags. /Great, just what I need, a soldier. Galbadian by the look of it./ She rolled her eyes, but took off her coat and covered him with it. That would have to do until she got back. She had to get someone to help her, there was no way she could lift him on her own.

Raine ran back to the square. Who should she call? The doctor? That wouldn't do any good. The doctor was of the same mind as Joe and would be loath to help her save an outsider.

Making a decision, she knocked on Millie's door.

"Raine? What's the matter?" Millie asked as Raine grabbed her arm and dragged her through the square. "Is it Ellone?" "No, Elle's fine. I need you to help me with something." Raine explained what had happened as she led Millie to the cove.

Raine could never remember afterwards how they had got him back to the square, or how they had carried him up the stairs of what was, technically, Ellone's house. The whole episode blended into a surreal dream. She had enlisted the help of others who were willing to aid someone who was not from Winhill and they had pooled their medical knowledge, setting the broken bones as best as they could. The larger cuts had been sewn up and as they changed the bedclothes around him, Raine sat in the corner with the shredded uniform in her hands. She searched the pockets methodically, taking out anything that had survived to keep it safe. He might want these few bits when he woke up. She watched in silence as the others left, having done what they could.

Millie paused at the door, then she turned back to Raine.

"Do you want me to stay?"

"No. I'll be fine. You should try and get some sleep." Raine knew why they had left. They knew her knowledge of healing surpassed their own and they knew that just as she wouldn't give up a life, she wouldn't share this burden with anyone, either.

"I'll take Ellone home with me. You'll need her out of your way for a few days." Millie offered kindly.

Raine nodded and moved her chair to the bedside. As she heard Millie shut the front door, she inspected her patient. It probably would have been quicker for them to identify the unbroken bones and then set the rest. What on earth had he done to get himself in this state? It was nothing short of a miracle that his lungs hadn't been punctured by the numerous broken ribs he'd sustained.

She looked critically at his face. It was still too pale. She hoped fervently he wasn't bleeding inside. She didn't have the knowledge or the equipment to deal with that.

/How old is he?/ She thought curiously. In his twenties, she guessed but it was hard to tell, the mess he was in.

Raine sighed reflectively. /A soldier. Well, it doesn't matter what he is, I had to help./ She /couldn't/ hate this one, not when he was hurt, even though it twisted up her ideals and prejudices. It felt like someone had switched on a blender in her brain and everything melded together, making no sense at all.

/Wait until he's better,/ a voice in her head told her. /Then maybe you can hate them all again. Maybe you can put your mind back to how it was, once he doesn't look so helpless./

It was a day before Raine's patient was conscious. She had sat there for a full hour, answering his questions patiently and then asking a few of her own.

His name was Laguna Loire and he had fallen down a cliff on Centra, he had informed her seriously. She had almost laughed in his face at that statement, until he had explained it.

Ellone had visited Laguna most days and, thankfully, he didn't seem to mind. Elle was overjoyed with her new friend and this spared Raine of some of her chatter.

Raine visited every day until Laguna was back on his feet, some six months later.

She had always been civil and polite, but her voice never really crossed the barrier into friendly. She wouldn't let herself. Her mind wasn't ready to deal with the change of principles that would involve, but deep down she knew it would have to one day. It was getting too difficult for her to be detached. Why did he have to be so damned /nice/ to her? Still her mind shied away.

/One day,/ she told herself, /one day I'll be able to change. I'll be strong enough to change. But not yet./

/When was it?/ Raine searched her memories. /When was it he noticed my state of mind? My barriers?/ She would never know that. Perhaps he had always known they were there. When had they started to break down? She remembered that day - the day she had finally won the battle with her psyche. The day the nightmares went away.

The room was unusually quiet for that time of day. After dinner, Ellone would normally chatter happily to Laguna and Raine until she either fell asleep or Raine insisted she should go to bed.

Today, Ellone sat in the middle of the floor, next to a small heap of white flowers. In front of her was another pile, but blue flowers this time. She hummed nonsense tunes quietly to herself while she folded the flower stems over a wooden hoop. Occasionally she would glance over to where Laguna sat and would offer advice sagely, looking for all the world like the Queen of the Flowers.

Raine watched Ellone's imperious manner in amusement, happy the child felt so secure. May was the only time of year Raine could get any peace. The impending flower festival meant that Ellone occupied herself with wreath making, more or less leaving Raine to her own devices.

She turned back to her own wreath of white flowers. She almost always used white flowers. Ellone loved the colours and some of her creations were colourful to the point of being gaudy, but Raine loved the white blooms best. To her they seemed perfect, despite their lack of colour.

Hearing a sigh, Raine looked up and smiled. Laguna sat on the chair opposite, trying to follow Ellone's vague instructions. The hoop in his hands was almost bare and there was a growing pile of flowers with broken stems next to the chair. The few blooms that he had managed to weave round the hoop could no longer honestly be called flowers. Only a lucky few had retained any petals.

"C'mon Elle." Raine said, as the girl finished her wreath and placed it proudly on her head. "Time for bed."

"Awww! Just a bit longer? Please Raine?"

Raine shook her head solemnly. Ellone had tried this tactic every night for as long as Raine could remember and it had never worked. This hadn't stopped Elle from being optimistic about it, though.

"Can Uncle Laguna tell me a story?" Ellone looked hopefully at Raine. The small woman shot a questioning look at Laguna, who nodded.

"What do you want me to tell you about?" he asked, picking the girl up out of the flowers and carrying her out of the room.

Raine tucked her feet up into the chair and shut her eyes for a moment.

She knew she had fallen asleep as soon as she heard the footsteps and the screams. Her nightmare. It had been reoccurring almost every night for so long that she faced it now with a patient air. She waited, knowing that the door of the bar would open and she would see the soldiers. It all rushed past her again. All that had happened on that day, two years past but still fresh in her mind, swam past her in blurred fragments.

"Where are the children?"... "I'll make damn sure this hellhole doesn't forget us."... "We'll come back and get her one day. We'll come back and /I/ won't forget you lied." The harsh voices raced past her.

Did they find Ellone? No, she couldn't let that happen. They couldn't take Elle!

A hand shaking her shoulder. Someone calling her name, worried. Opening her eyes, Raine saw Laguna leaning over her, anxiously.

"Is Elle alright?" She asked instantly, worried in case the nightmare had become reality. She realised belatedly that her whole frame was shaking, her wreath of flowers having long since dropped to the floor. She could hardly even feel the tears that traced paths down her cheeks, she had become so accustomed to them.

"She's fine. She's asleep, I... Raine, what's the matter? You were crying in your sleep and..." his voice trailed off, confused.

"Nothing. Nothing's wrong." She wiped the tears from her face stubbornly and watched as he sat back down.

"Elle said this often happens. She said you wake up shaking. She was right." Laguna commented, glancing at Raine's hands.

Why couldn't he just drop it? She sighed and glared at him, indicating that this topic of conversation had ended, but he carried on, completely oblivious.

"Does this always happen? Every time you sleep?"

Raine rolled her eyes in irritation but answered the question anyway.

"Yes, it does." She retrieved her wreath from the floor and continued to weave flowers into it. She felt him watching her in silence and deliberately bent her head down over the flowers so that her face was hidden.

"A nightmare...The day Elle's parents died. /Your/ nightmare." The words were so soft she barely heard them. Glancing up quickly through her dark hair, she saw him smile faintly and she knew her reaction had verified what he had said. The unusual solemnity in his face surprised her, as did the show of something that resembled intelligence.

"I'm not entirely stupid." He laughed suddenly, guessing what she was thinking. He picked up his own sorry-looking wreath and didn't continue the subject of her nightmare any further, to Raine's relief.

She raised one eyebrow at his remark, but let it pass without further comment. Raine had finished covering her hoop with flowers in a couple of minutes and lifted her head to see how Laguna was doing. She stifled a laugh.

"It really was unfair of Elle to start you weaving without tape. This is the old-fashioned way to weave wreaths," she explained, "usually they're made with florist tape. Elle and I both learned with tape. It takes months to learn to make them without it."

"There's an easier way to do this? Why didn't she tell me?"

"Maybe she thought it'd be funny. Your guess is as good as mine." Raine walked to a cupboard and after rummaging in a drawer, returned to where Laguna sat with a reel of green tape in her hand. "Here, let me show you."

He handed her the wreath and she sat on the floor in front of him, her back resting against his chair. Laguna sat forward, watching Raine thread a white flower round the hoop, using the tape to hold it in place.

"You always use white, don't you?" He asked as she picked up another bloom. "Mmm." She nodded, occupied with her work. "They're like a field of snow without footprints, or an unwritten page. Flawless. There's a beauty in that and no other colour can match it." She handed him back the wreath and tape, twisting herself so that she could watch him.

Raine observed his struggles patiently for a few minutes before correcting him.

"No. Twist them, like this." She reached out to show him. His hands were not used to intricate work and his fingers were clumsy. She stopped suddenly, staring at his hands. A soldiers hands. /How many died at those hands?/ Her own hands, hovering above the wreath, started to tremble and they shot back towards her, almost of their own accord. Retreating back to her own chair, Raine sat, feet curled up next to her, shivering uncontrollably.

"Go home." She said quietly, a trace of fear in her voice. Laguna, startled and hurt by her sudden mood swing, didn't move.

"Your prejudices are showing, Raine." He told her calmly, after a while.

"What prejudices?" She knew exactly what he was talking about, but she'd be damned if she was going to let him know that. How much had he figured out? She didn't plan on telling him any more than he already knew. Why had he picked tonight to be intelligent? Of all the nights he could've chosen, why tonight?

"I haven't figured that out yet. It's something to do with me, isn't it?" Laguna paused for an answer, but Raine simply stared straight ahead.

"I don't think it's the outsider thing. You can't stand it when anyone else thinks like that, so what is it? What could possibly have happened in Winhill that would traumatise you... Ah." He nodded slowly. "Your nightmare - soldiers trying to take Elle away. Yes, I can see it now. You hate soldiers, don't you, Raine?"

At the mention of her nightmare, Raine's eyes flooded with tears again.

Unsure what he should do now, Laguna walked round and sat on the table in front of her.

"I'm right, aren't I?"

"You kill!" she hissed between her teeth in despair. "You're all the same. Why can't you just -"

"Raine, I'm not the same as them. You think I could take any child from their family? Fighting is necessary sometimes. Not everyone wants to listen. Not everyone wants to play fair and when that happens, you have to fight. If you don't, then they win and people like Elle suffer."

"I can't condone killing." Raine shook her head in misery, fighting a battle inside her mind, but still puzzled about which side she was on. Could he begin to understand this? She didn't want to hate him. Hell, she didn't want to hate anyone, but she hadn't been given a choice. Somehow it had just happened. How could she not hate them, though? Her whole life had been completely disrupted by what had happened, and Elle's had been more or less destroyed. Yet through her thoughts, she kept seeing images of Laguna, a soldier, sat playing with Ellone. If her hatred was justified, how could that be?

"That's fine, but please don't condemn every soldier because of the actions of a few. I wouldn't hurt you or Elle or anyone in Winhill." She heard his reply through her thoughts. Yes, that was what she had been doing, and it had made sense at the time, but did it now?

Raine nodded mutely, and Laguna got up to leave.

"If they ever do return, I won't let them take her away. Maybe that'll help you banish that nightmare of yours."

Raine heard him shut the door on his way out and she curled up in her chair. Her mind was in a complete mess, but for some reason she felt safer than she had in years. She had believed in that principle, that soldiers were there to be hated, when everything else had failed. It had become a peculiar sort of faith, but even though she had felt it was wrong, she had never had the courage to make that choice, to live without her hatred. Now the decision had been made for her. Searching her soul, she found her anger and hatred had left her. She was glad, it had been eating away at her, but what had he said that had made such a difference? He had said nothing to her that she hadn't already said to herself, nothing that she hadn't already known, deep down.

She smiled, realising what had finally made that choice for her. That mental picture of Laguna with Ellone. That was enough to show her stubborn soul the decision it had to make. It was enough that someone like him could exist. That had sent her prejudices flying out of the dark corners of her mind forever.

She knew when she slept that night, the nightmare would not return. It would never return again.

Time passed, and perhaps it was inevitable that they grew closer.

Raine felt an almost childlike euphoria in living without the barriers she had unwittingly built, two years previously. She had never bothered to rearrange her mind after he'd thrown it into chaos with a few words. She went happily from day to day, making decisions as and when situations required them, believing exclusively in Ellone and Laguna and their ability to make her laugh or cry.

She began to notice the strangest things. Simple things, like the fact that Laguna's eyes were green. It wasn't that she hadn't noticed it before, but she'd never really /thought/ about it. Now and again, she would look up from whatever she was doing and find him watching her. Then she would find herself staring straight back into those emerald eyes, trying - and failing - to analyse that colour. They were unnerving, pleasant but definitely unnerving. She would shake her head, puzzled, and remember what she had been doing. Laguna would give her a wistful little smile and wander off with Elle. If either of them were aware of their strange behaviour or what it might mean, they didn't say a word, not to themselves or each other.

"Elle, I don't want you to go outside without Laguna or me. It's getting too dangerous, there are too many monsters."

The little girl, sat in Laguna's lap, didn't even glance across the table at Raine. Raine sighed and rolled her eyes but Ellone was too involved in her drawing to hear anything. It was a careful depiction in red crayon of the monster she'd seen that morning. Adding the last details, she held it up to show her Uncle.

"That's what it looked like. Only bigger an' it was green." Laguna squinted at the picture for a while.

"Caterchipillar." He informed her, winking at Raine. "They especially like to eat little girls, so you'd better pay attention to what Raine says."

"You'll save me." She said with complete confidence, sliding down and wandering into her room.

"I wish that I could let her play outside. It's sad that the children have to stay indoors. Especially now it's summer." Raine put her head in her hands, mourning the loss of the children's unchecked rambling through the village. The picture caught her eye and she spun it round to take a good look at it.

"Do they really look like that?"

"Yeah, pretty much. Elle's not a bad little artist, only, like she says, they're bigger and greener."

"It's ugly." She shuddered.

"Now, Raine, how many /pretty/ monsters have you seen?" he grinned.

"I don't want to see /any/ monsters, pretty or otherwise." She laughed softly.

"Well, I might be able to do something about that." Laguna said thoughtfully. "You all took care of me, so I should do something in return."

"What?" Raine was puzzled.

"I'll hunt the monsters. Maybe it'll take a while but eventually the kids will be able to play outside again, and you won't have to look at any caterchipillars."

"You don't have to do this. You don't owe us anything."

"Perhaps. But I want to do this, for Elle and for you."

/Now what did that mean?/ Raine was about to say something when Ellone came back into the room and Laguna told her he was going to hunt the monsters for her.

"You can be the commander." He told Raine, laughingly.

"What?" she asked, suspicious, but he'd already turned back to Ellone who was asking why she wasn't commander.

"You'll be assistant commander, Elle. It's much more important. You see, all the commander does is sit around looking important. Now, I'm sure that if Raine practises real hard, she'll be able to do that." He grinned at Raine's indignant face. "But I couldn't trust her to do all the important stuff."

"What do I have to do?" Ellone asked excitedly.

"Well, you have to do the paperwork and make decisions."

Ellone frowned at him. "Paperwork?"

"Yeah. You draw all the monsters you can see from your window, so that I know what I'm looking for."

The little girl nodded happily and ran to fetch the rest of her crayons so she could start drawing.

"Oh, Raine, I meant to ask you...what did you do with my old uniform? The one I was wearing when I got here."

"We threw it out. It was a wreck."

"Oh, OK." Raine was convinced she saw Laguna breathe a sigh of relief.

"I did go through the pockets first. I thought the stuff in there might be important."

"Do you remember what stuff survived?" He was nervous now. /Why?/ She wondered.

"No, I didn't go through it. I'll see if I can find it, if you want."

"No! It's fine, I just wondered... Ah, well, it doesn't matter. I'll go and see what monsters I can find." He started to stroll towards the door but Raine caught his arm.

"You don't have to prove anything to Elle and me. Be careful, alright? I don't want to spend another six months nursing you."

"And I thought you enjoyed looking after me so much, you were just dying for me to fall down another cliff." Laguna smiled, leaving her stood alone in the room.

/Now what was all that about?/ She asked herself, reviewing the last part of the conversation. /What had been in the pockets of that old uniform he so desperately doesn't want me to see?/

Her curiosity immediately got the better of her and after searching her own house, she realised that she must have left those bits next door. What better time was there to look than now, when Laguna was monster hunting? Keeping a watchful eye out for Laguna she snuck next door and began to search the drawers. She was about to give up, when she saw something stuck at the back of one of the cupboards. She pulled out a few scabby scraps of paper. This was what Raine had been looking for.

She sat at the table and spread the pieces of paper out in front of her.

Faint traces of ink proved that something had been written there, before the sea sponged it out.

/What could I find in this that would worry Laguna?/

Something caught her eye. A photo, folded between two sheets of paper, that by an amazing twist of fate had survived the sea intact. Dog-eared and smudged, but Raine could still make out the image of a slender young woman in a crimson evening dress. She was stood in front of what might have been a piano, smiling shyly for the camera.

Raine flipped the picture over and read the single word written there.

"Julia"

There had been some kind of romance going on here, she guessed immediately. Why else would he carry a picture of a girl around with him?

She sat motionless for a moment, surprised at the force of the jealousy that hit her. She shook her head quickly to dispel that feeling.

/What right have I to be jealous? He doesn't owe us anything, he could leave and go back to the mysterious Julia anytime he chooses. So why doesn't he?/

Raine's mind worked quickly, putting together all the clues it had picked up subconsciously and she laughed quietly in disbelief.

"Oh no...he couldn't." she muttered to herself through her laughter. "How could he possibly be in love with me?"

After the initial absurdity of the idea wore off, she realised that it was entirely likely that he did love her and at the same time it struck her that she loved him back. Perhaps she had for some time.

She berated herself silently, /How could I not have seen it, especially since Laguna is so transparent most of the time? And what do I do now?/ The idea of telling him about the photo mortified her, as did the idea of asking him if he loved her.

Raine hurriedly shoved the photo and the crumbling paper back into the cupboard and scurried back to the pub, trying to forget about it.

She managed to survive tolerably well for three days, although Ellone and Laguna must have wondered why she was quieter than usual, not knowing that she was afraid to open her mouth in case she said something she'd regret. The fourth day, a stranger entered the bar, looking for Laguna. Ellone had raced next door before Raine could form the words to stop her. She turned to the dark-skinned stranger and asked politely why he was looking for Laguna.

The man shrugged.

"He was my commanding officer when we were in the army, but mostly he's my friend. I wanted to make sure he's OK. It seems like I've been looking for him forever, but you know I never thought I'd find him somewhere like this. It's so...peaceful, I bet he wrecks the atmosphere, from time to time." He laughed and Raine laughed with him, knowing exactly what he meant.

Ellone burst back in the door and Raine walked over to her, hands on hips.

"You shouldn't have gone outside. You know they're monsters out there. I don't want you to go out without an adult. You understand, Ellone?" she scolded the child as Laguna walked in. "Now go to your room and play."

She heard Laguna and Ellone whispering about something, she didn't catch what it was, but she heard enough to reprimand Laguna for mangling the language.

"Kiros!" Laguna exclaimed in surprise as Raine went back to polishing glasses, half listening to their conversation. "How long's it been? You know, our grand escape from Centra?"

"One would usually call that being chased out..." Kiros chuckled.

"I thought so..." Raine put in, amused by their banter.

"I'd say a year or so."

"I was bed-ridden for six months. It seemed like every bone in my body was broken."

/Maybe because it was./ Raine thought and seeing the faintly questioning look Kiros gave her she explained that she had nursed Laguna back to health.

Her mind wandered, thinking abstract thoughts, before she picked up the thread of conversation again.

"Life's pretty boring without you as entertainment, my man." She heard Kiros comment. "I think I understand what you mean." She smiled, letting her mind drift again. It did that a lot recently. She had never had time to daydream before, looking after Elle kept her busy, but with Laguna around to occupy Ellone she had much more time to herself. Laguna was one of the few privileged people she trusted with Ellone enough to let the girl leave her sight. There were not many others in Winhill Raine would bestow that kind of honour upon.

"How's Julia doing?" Laguna's voice penetrated her thoughts and that name nearly sent her reeling. She looked up with a peculiar intensity. /Now this I want to hear./

"Julia Heartilly? I don't know..."

/Julia /Heartilly?/ That was Julia Heartilly in the photo? She sings, she has a beautiful voice. I even know her songs./

"You mean Julia, the singer?" Raine managed to force out of her throat, her brain still trying to deal with the information it had received.

"That's right. Laguna really admired her and always frequented the night club."

"Shut up! So what if I did!" Laguna was getting distinctly uncomfortable with this line of conversation.

"Julia used to sing at a night club?" Raine persisted, despite a pleading look from Laguna to stop talking about Julia.

"No. She just played the piano."

Raine's brain finally kicked in and she remembered a bit more about the singer.

"The first song she released was "Eyes On Me"."

"H-how does the song go?" he managed to stammer.

"You don't know?"

"Well, you never let me hear it!"

Raine shrugged, the radio was there, all he had to do was turn it on. "I didn't think you listened to music." She pushed her hair band back, nervously. "The song's about being in love...I really like it."

"I heard she recently got married." Kiros commented in a neutral tone voice.

"Oh yeah! To some army general, right? General Caraway or something?" /You shouldn't have heard this from me./ She thought to Laguna silently. /I shouldn't have been the one to tell you this... but does it matter now? You could have gone back, if you wanted. You've been well for months now./ "I'm not too sure."

"I read in a magazine that her true love went off to war and never came back." Raine said slowly, making the connection. /He had the choice./ She told herself again. /He chose to stay here with Elle and me. Wonder why? Cynic, you'd know why if you let yourself./ Her mind accused. "General Caraway comforted her while she was feeling down. That's how they got to know each other."

"So she didn't wait for the soldier to come back...?" Kiros asked her curiously.

/She would have been waiting a long time.../ Raine mentally slapped herself and shook her head.

"So what! Who cares!?" Laguna burst out, edgy about what Raine might be thinking. "As long as she's happy, right? That's all that matters! Ain't that right, Elle?" he turned to Ellone, crouching down to her level.

"Right! Uncle Laguna and Raine are..."

"Ahhhh!" He interrupted her loudly. "OK, enough talk about this!"

Raine wandered upstairs while Laguna and Kiros went out "On patrol".

What did she do now? The identity of the mysterious Julia had been solved but Raine was still bewildered about /why/ Laguna had stayed in Winhill. Did he /really/ love /her/? Raine couldn't see another explanation, but, stubborn as she was, she wouldn't believe it until he said it himself. /She/ certainly wasn't going to say anything.

"Raine...Aren't you gonna marry Uncle Laguna?"

/Wonderful, trust Elle to pick up on the atmosphere in this house at the moment. The last thing I need is her running up to Laguna and telling him... what?/

"A guy like that?" she said out loud. "He was carried in here, crying like a baby, and I was the one who had to take care of him..." /Because you were too obstinate to let anyone else so much as help you./

Raine poured out a list of complaints, drawing them out of the air in a desperate attempt to make Ellone drop the subject.

"But he's really nice! I really, really like him! Raine, Uncle Laguna and Elle should all be together!"

/I wish I could give you the assurances you need, Elle, but it's up to him. I can't make myself say anything./

"...But you know...I think what he really wants to do is travel all over the world. I don't think he has it in him to live in a quiet country town like this one." She tried to find an excuse Elle would be able to understand and accept. Something that wouldn't get her hopes up. "Some people are like that. Ouuu, it makes me so mad." /What does? How do you know he won't stay? He /has/ managed to live happily here for a year now. Perhaps.../

"You don't like him?" Ellone asked with tears in her brown eyes. Raine gave up. She couldn't make Elle cry by lying to her. She gave the girl a truthful answer, the answer she wanted to hear.

"...I feel the same as you, Ellone."

Laguna and Kiros chose that moment to return from their patrol and anything else Raine might have told the child was left unsaid.

Kiros left after a few days to visit another friend who worked in D-District Prison. Laguna had talked with him frequently before he left but Raine had not been privy to a lot of their discussions, many of which stopped the instant she entered the room.

After a week of dealing with a Laguna who was subdued and reflective-to-the-point-of-irritation, Raine was edgy. He was up to something. What was going on?

When he vanished after dinner one night, Raine tucked Elle into bed and went up the hill, either to think about things or to vent her frustration on an unoffending tree, only to find that Laguna was already there.

He spun round and the worried look on his face made her forget her reasons for being there.

"What's the matter?"

"I'm OK. It's nothing."

/Then why have you been acting so weird lately? Are you so naive you think I haven't noticed?/

She frowned as he turned away and started to walk back to the village.

/Oh no. You're not going until I get an answer./

Raine followed, reaching out to catch his arm, to make him talk to her, when he spun to face her of his own accord and took her hand.

She watched in astonishment, completely speechless, as he slid a silver ring onto her finger.

"Marry me, Raine?"

So /this/ was what the plotting had been about. Raine had nearly all the explanations she needed now. She inspected the ring incredulously, tears gathering in her eyes, and then she held up her hand. /You really mean this? You love me!?/ She asked the question silently, already knowing the answer, and Laguna held up his own hand, smiling almost apologetically, and she saw the matching ring.

Still stunned, Raine flung her arms round him and smiled to herself.

/What a waste of time all those worries were. I should have known that this is what he'd do. But there is still that one question...I'll wonder about it forever if I don't ask.../ She leaned into him, enjoying the moment before she destroyed it with that one fatal, highly inappropriate, question.

"Why did you never go back to Julia?" No malice in her voice, it was just something she had to have an answer to. She was no longer jealous or worried and, although she suspected what his answer would be, she needed to hear him say it.

Raine felt him tense up as she voiced her question and then he pulled away, enough to see her serene face, but without his arms moving from her back.

"I love you." He told her, confused and trying to reassure her.

/Ah, I've hurt him. Look at the hurt in his eyes, Raine. You did that.../ she accused herself. /I never meant to.../

"I know you do and I can't question that. And I know that I love you, too." The words came to her easier than she ever thought they would. "I'm sorry, but it's a question I have to ask. It doesn't even mean anything anymore but it does satisfy my curiosity. I need an answer."

He sighed and looked up at the stars, presumably for inspiration. She reached up with one hand to brush the raven black hair back from his face, letting her fingers glide across his cheekbone as she did so. Laguna shut his eyes and a faint smile traced across his face.

/Now what did he go and do that for?/ Raine frowned to herself, whimsically. /I like looking at his eyes. It's almost become a pastime of mine./

"Sooner or later, you'll have to answer the quest -" She never finished that sentence. Unnoticed, Laguna's hand had moved lightly up to her neck while she had been busy being mad at him for preventing her favourite hobby.

Now, he had opened his eyes again and leaned down to kiss her before she could say another word.

Raine entwined her arms around his neck, kissing him back and temporarily forgetting what she had been talking about.

When her soul finally drifted back from whatever cloud it had been dancing on, she opened her blue eyes and found Laguna's face not an inch from her own, his forehead just touching hers. There was a smile on his face and something in his eyes that didn't quite belong there... /He's never been able to lie convincingly./

"You did that deliberately!" She cried, her mind jumping instantly to a conclusion.

"Oh, it was definitely quite deliberate." He grinned at her.

"You know what I mean! You did that to stop me talking! To make me forget!"

"Not /entirely/..." he raised one eyebrow, making her smile.

"You have to tell me." She laughed, tightening her arms round his neck.

"I'm not letting you go until you do."

"Who says I want to go anywhere?"

"Quit trying to change the subject. You know I can be /far/ more stubborn than you." Raine twisted her way out of his arms and sat down on the hillside, tugging at his hand to make him sit next to her.

She leaned back on her hands, one leg stretched out in front of her, the other curled up to her chest, watching the starlight play on the flowers.

After a while she turned back to Laguna, waiting expectantly for an answer.

He sighed.

"Raine, I don't know what I can say. I don't /have/ an answer, or an explanation. I don't /know/ why I didn't go back to Deling City."

"Just tell me as much as you know. Tell me what you thought. You must have /thought/ about going back. Tell me whatever you can."

He watched her for a while, then nodded slowly.

"Where to start... well, when I got here, I suppose. I always thought that I'd get better and go back to Deling. I had to get well and go and see Julia, that was the plan. I don't know when it changed, but it did. I found I couldn't think about leaving Elle behind. She'd be so upset and I couldn't bear that."

"What about Julia, didn't you think she'd be upset?" Raine interrupted softly.

"Julia? Well, yeah, I guess... but Elle's just a little girl and then I... I started to... I fell in love with you, Raine. I don't know when or how or why, but once it happened, well, there's no going back."

"That isn't one of the more romantic things you've ever said..." Raine said archly.

"Hey, you said you wanted an answer, not poetry."

"And that's as good an answer as I'm going to get?"

Laguna nodded.

"Why did you make all that fuss about it, then? If that's it?"

"Well, it /is/ kinda awkward."

Raine acceded that and looked up at the stars. /Masses of them tonight. A great chalky smudge across the heavens./ She sighed happily to herself, content, then she noticed the miserable look on Laguna's face.

"What?"

"You've ruined it now." He said, mournfully. "It was perfect. The stars, the flowers... and then you completely shattered the atmosphere. That's the sort of thing /I/ normally do."

"I suppose I did mess it up a bit..."

"A /bit/!?" Laguna objected. Raine smiled at his mildly outraged face for a moment.

"But, you know, the stars and the flowers are still here and the rest of Winhill is probably asleep... I think we might be able to piece together some of that shattered atmosphere." The ring on her finger caught the moonlight.

"Oh?" he turned towards her as she edged a bit closer.

"Mmm."

Raine lay in bed, staring vacantly up at the ceiling. Laguna had left a while ago, before Ellone woke up, to avoid the kinds of embarrassing questions a six year old might ask. The small woman chuckled quietly to herself, remembering the conversation of the previous night.

They had scurried back down to the square at what might have been very late at night , or early in the morning, Raine wasn't sure. She /did/ know that she had bits of grass stuck in her hair and she didn't give a damn. She was constantly on the verge of laughing out loud at nothing in particular and she knew from the look on his face that Laguna was, too.

He stopped on the doorstep, kissed Raine goodnight and started to walk back to his own house. He managed about five steps before she darted forward and grabbed his arm.

"Don't go home. You don't... you shouldn't have to leave."

"What about Elle?"

"She'll be asleep. She sleeps like a rock, but I think I'll get a lock for her door tomorrow, all the same."

"You can't do that!" Laguna exclaimed in a whisper. "Poor Elle, what if she has a nightmare or something and she needs you?"

"Nightmares? No nightmares in this house. I don't get them anymore, and Ellone never did." Raine murmured, remembering another conversation about the same subject. Then she considered what he had said and nodded.

"Alright, but if she..., well,... /you/ answer any awkward questions, got that?" she felt her cheeks begin to burn in the darkness and suppressed the urge to cover them with her hands.

"/Me/!? Wouldn't it be better if you..."

"/You/ don't want a lock on her door, /you/ answer questions. You're part of this unconventional little family now." She paused and reached down for his hand. "When I asked you to stay here... I didn't just mean tonight, you do know that, don't you? I don't need a ceremony to tell me what I already know. If you're with us then no little priest in his crumbling church is going to make a difference. I do want to marry you," she added quickly, seeing the look of panic on Laguna's face, "but you belong here with us /now./" Raine struggled to convey what she felt and was relieved when she saw he understood what she had been trying to tell him.

"You're getting nearly as bad at explaining things as me." Laguna laughed as she opened the door.

"Quiet." She warned "Or do you want to explain to Ellone what you're doing here?"

"Ahh... no. I don't think so."

Raine was making Ellone's breakfast when Laguna returned.

"Uncle Laguna!" Ellone yelled, waving at him from her place at the table.

Laguna dropped the bundle he'd been carrying into an armchair and sat next to Elle at the table.

"Morning, Elle."

"What're you doing?" the girl asked, trying to peer at what he had dumped in the chair without moving from her seat.

"Raine, didn't you tell her yet?" he asked as Raine set a dish down in front of Elle.

"Tell me what!?" she leapt about in her chair, nearly sending her bowl flying. Raine sat the other side of her and looked placidly across at Laguna.

"I was waiting for you before I said anything." Ellone was going berserk by this time and Raine simply held her left hand out to the girl, without saying a word. Elle looked bewildered at the hand she was offered, grasping it with her tiny hands, and then she saw the ring. Even a child as young as she was knew what that meant and she looked up at Raine, then turned her angelic face to Laguna.

"Yeah!!" she squealed with delight, leaping onto Raine's lap and hugging her. "You're getting married! Really?"

"Yes, we really are, Elle." Raine smiled as the girl scrambled back across her chair to throw her arms round Laguna.

"Can I be bridesmaid? Pleeease?" Laguna looked up at Raine before he answered and she nodded, amused. /Why did he bother? He should know my mind as far as Elle's concerned. It's much the same as his own./

After he had answered her, Laguna eventually untangled Elle's arms and lifted her back to her own chair.

"I bought some stuff over from next door." He said to Raine, indicating the pile in the chair. "I didn't think there was much point in leaving it there."

"Why?" Ellone asked, trying to peer at the bundle again. "What is it?"

"It's just my stuff, Elle. I'm living with you guys now. I'm gonna stay here and take care of you and Raine."

"I'm six years old! I don't need looking after!" she told him indignantly.

"Yeah, I know, but I think Raine needs looking after, don't you?"

The little girl nodded and they both grinned at Raine who sighed and rolled her eyes heavenward.

"Well, I'm gonna go and hunt some more monsters, before they come and eat Elle." Laguna joked.

"Wouldn't /that/ be a shame." Raine commented, smiling at Elle so that she knew Raine didn't mean it.

"I'll see you two later." He waved and headed for the door.

"I don't think I should let you." Raine retorted coolly, in revenge for that earlier remark about needing to be looked after. "Prospective husbands run off when they realise what they've let themselves in for."

"Hmmm. Maybe I should start running now, then. And maybe I should leave before you throw something at me." He added, seeing the look on her face and ducking quickly out of the doorway.

"Hey, what's this?" Laguna reached out to pick up the bundle of white cloth that lay on the table.

"Don't touch that!" Raine and Ellone yelled in unison and laughed as he jerked his hands away quickly, as if he'd been burnt.

"Why?"

"It's Raine's wedding dress. You're not supposed to see it yet." Ellone informed him gravely.

"Why not?"

"Because it's unlucky, Laguna. Honestly, sometimes you can be worse than Elle with all your questions."

"C'mon Raine, lemme see! Where did you get it from, anyway?"

She rolled her eyes. "I've been making it for the past week. I thought you'd have noticed before now."

"Been busy." He winked at Elle, who giggled.

"Ah yes. You and Kiros. What the hell are you up to this time?"

"Just stuff. You'll see." He paused, glancing back to the cloth on the table. "You're /really/ making your dress?"

"Well where do you think it'd come from?"

"Dunno. Most people in Deling buy 'em in shops, I guess."

"Not too many of those around here, if you'd stop plotting with Kiros long enough to notice your surroundings."

"I could -" he started, but Raine interrupted, already guessing what he was going to say.

"No. I /want/ to do this." She smiled. "When's Ward going to show up?"

"He'll be here in a few days." Laguna said confidently.

"The /wedding's/ in a few days."

"Relax, Raine. Everything will work out fine. Hey, Elle, where's your dress? You can't be bridesmaid if you don't have a bridesmaid dress."

"Millie's makin' it. Can I show him, Raine? Can I?" Ellone ran to the door, dragging Laguna behind her, waiting for Raine's answer.

"Pleeease?"

"Oh, alright." She gave in and smiled as Laguna managed to wave to her before being pulled out the door by an impatient Ellone.

Raine stood in front of the large wooden doors of the church.

/This is it./ She told herself, but no matter how she tried, she couldn't see how this day would change anything in her life. She was already happy and had everything she needed. Although this was an important day, Raine just couldn't see any necessity for it. That didn't mean she wasn't going to enjoy it, or that she wasn't nervous.

She looked down at Ellone, who stood next to her in a dark blue dress.

/Always blue with Elle, she'd always be wearing something blue./ The girl fidgeted with the circlet of flowers on her head, impatient to be inside.

The door finally cracked open, and Millie slipped out.

"You can go in now, Raine."

Raine smoothed down the front of her white dress and looked up at her friend.

"Do I look alright?" she asked, worried.

"You look stunning. They're all waiting for you." Millie straightened the white flowers in the wreath on Raine's head and gestured to the door.

"Ready, Elle?" Raine looked down at the tiny girl at her side. Ellone nodded eagerly.

Raine stepped into the doorway and paused for a moment, gripping Ellone's hand. She glanced around at the faces, to see who had turned up, and as she had expected, Joe, the doctor and the rest of the anti-outsider group were not present.

She released Elle's hand, so that the girl could walk in front of her, but instead the child half ran to the front of the church, where Laguna stood with Kiros and his bulky friend, Ward.

/That wasn't quite supposed to be like that, Elle. You were supposed to walk, like the young lady that you are. That you /sometimes/ are./ She corrected herself.

Raine watched in mild astonishment as Laguna turned and crouched next to Elle, talking with her about something, then pointing around the church.

She glanced about her and saw that the whole room was bedecked with white flowers. How could she have not noticed their fragrance?

Looking back to Elle and Laguna, she smiled to herself. /If that had been anyone else stood there, talking animatedly like that, the whole thing would be a farce. But with those two... it seems normal. Like no one would ever expect them to do this any differently./

As she started to walk forwards, Laguna stood and half-turned to face her. Then he froze.

/How interesting./ Raine was silently amused. /I've never seen anyone's jaw actually drop before. I didn't think it really happened. And he's wearing a suit. /That's/ something I never thought I'd see. Wonder how that happened? He's not really a suit sort of person. Ward and Kiros probably had something to do with it. Hmmm... I think I kinda like it./

She was about to look around, when she saw a hint of green and her eyes were drawn to Laguna's.

/No, no, NO!/ she mentally half-screamed at herself as her eyes moved automatically without any input from her brain. /I don't want to, I want to look around the church and see the flowers! I won't be able to see anything once I look at him. Damn! Too late.../

She didn't get to see anything else, just those emerald eyes that she wouldn't even try to look away from.

"So you like the dress?" she whispered as she reached him. When he didn't say a word, Kiros leaned over.

"I think he's still stunned. You look great, Raine."

All through the rest of the ceremony, Raine found that all she could see was wall-to-wall green and she was only just conscious enough of her surroundings to stammer out her words.

Everything blurred and she didn't remember much more until daylight hit her face and she realised they were stood outside the church. She felt the familiar feel of her ring on her finger and was pleased to have it back.

Today was the only day she had removed it and her finger felt empty without it.

"Did you see, Raine?" she heard Laguna whisper to her, having found his voice again. She turned to look at him, to see those eyes that were both a curse and a blessing to her, that shined now with exhilaration.

"See what?" she was still in a daze. /A child, Raine, you married an eternal child. He'll never grow up. But then, what's so bad about that? It's part of what you fell in love with, isn't it? And maybe if he can stay that young, then I can too. Why should either of us have to grow up? I guess none of that matters, though. He is who he is and you know you wouldn't change him./

"The flowers. Me and Kiros and Ward decorated the whole place with them. White flowers, the ones you like best. Couldn't you smell them?"

"Yes. They were beautiful. Is that what you were up to?"

"Yeah. I thought it'd be nice."

Raine couldn't get another word in before people started to pile out of the church, congratulating them on their way, and she suppressed a cynical laugh at the niceties. /Half of you are only here because it's something to do. Something to break up the monotony of days./ But half of them were there for genuine reasons.

Kiros, Ward, Millie and Ellone were soon the only people left. Elle darted forward to clutch at Raine's hand, a grubby angel, her dress already dusty in places. Elle could find dirt anywhere, she was like a magnet for it.

"Millie says I can stay at her house tonight! She says she's going to make a chocolate cake an' I can help and she's gonna tell me lots of stories! Can I, Raine? Please?" The little girl leapt around, clutching at the wreath on her head to stop it from slipping.

Raine looked questioningly at Millie and her friend stepped closer.

"Go on, Elle. I'll get Raine to agree, don't worry about that."

The girl nodded and ran off in the direction of the square.

"What's this about?"

"It's my present to you, Raine. I'm sure you'd rather not have her around for a while, however adorable she is." Millie smiled as Raine began to turn a faint pink colour.

/Dammit! I /hate/ it when this happens! Why the hell am I blushing?/ She continued to mentally yell abuse at herself until the colour faded from her face and she composed herself to speak to her friend.

"Thanks, Millie." She knew she didn't have to say anything else and Millie nodded and walked after Ellone.

Raine glanced to Laguna at her side. He might not have turned the same pink colour as Raine but he was looking distinctly uncomfortable.

/Oh good. If I'm not the only one then I don't feel so bad./ She snickered quietly at the look on his face, then Kiros interrupted her silent conversation.

"Well, I never thought this'd actually /happen/. I'm amazed you found someone to put up with you. Personally, I think that if Raine has an ounce of sense left, she'll get a divorce as soon as she can."

"When you've quite finished trying to wreck my marriage before it's even begun, Kiros, perhaps you'd like to congratulate us and tell Raine how captivating she looks." Laguna told his friend, dryly. Ward smiled and chuckled silently at the endless banter between the two.

"My, that /was/ a long word! Swallow a dictionary, did we?" Kiros ignored the sour look Laguna shot him and kept talking. "Anyway, I already told Raine she looks great when you were struck dumb in there, doing a great impression of Ward."

Ward gestured to Kiros, and Kiros translated for him.

"Except that Ward says he's not as dumb as you and would've married Raine months ago. But all joking aside, congratulations my friend. And Raine? Commiserations are in order I think..." He laughed as they strolled away, leaving Laguna and Raine alone on the steps of the church.

"That's it?" Raine asked. "What happens now?"

"Well, I think there's something about being carried over the doorstep, so..." his voice trailed off as he lifted Raine up. Raine was caught completely unawares and yelped, clinging to his neck.

"No! Put me down! You'll drop me!"

"Nah, I wouldn't do that."

"Well, try and find a soft bit of ground when you do drop me, OK?" she said nervously.

"Raine, I wouldn't drop you. What's the matter, don't you trust me?" Laguna laughed, somehow managing to saunter up to the square, while carrying Raine.

"Oh no. I trust you. I trust you implicitly. But I /know/ you and your concentration span isn't going to win prizes."

"You /really/ liked the flowers?" he asked, looking for her approval.

"See?" she chuckled.

"But did you?" he insisted.

"Yes. You know I did. I never thought you'd come up with something like that. You surprise me sometimes."

"Is that good, or bad?"

Raine thought for a moment.

"Good." She decided finally. "But only if they're nice surprises."

"Only nice surprises. I'll try to remember that." He paused. "A bad surprise...that would be...being dropped...?"

"Don't you dare!" Raine gasped, but Laguna just smiled and kept walking.

"Ah, I thought you said you trusted me?" he said, his voice amused.

"If you drop me Laguna, I'll make your life a living hell, and don't think that I can't." she thought for a moment. "And you'll find yourself sleeping in Elle's old house again." She threatened.

"For the thousandth time, I'm /not/ going to drop you." He sighed.

"Good. Because I would really /hate/ to have to carry out that threat."

"So," said Millie, stopping by the bar a few days later, "how's Elle doing?"

"Fine. She's found a new game, though. It's called "Tell-Laguna-that -Raine-told-me-I-could" and she thinks it's enormous fun." Raine chuckled good-naturedly.

"And are you enjoying married life, Raine Loire?" her friend asked innocently, putting a slight stress on Raine's last name.

"Drop it, Millie." Raine said flatly, then regretted it. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bite your head off. It's just that I'm fed up with all the winks and nudges from everyone, you know? The whole damned village /knows/ that he has been living with us for weeks so why do they have this strange compulsion to throw snide remarks into every conversation? I wish they'd just leave us alone."

"Raine, you've said it yourself, before." Millie told her soberly. "Their opinions don't matter to you. Why let their comments bother you? But... from a friend... are you happy?"

"Oh yes. You simply have no idea." Raine sighed.

"I think I do. Looking at your face, your expression, perhaps I do, and I'm glad for you."

Millie stayed a while longer, and then made her excuses and left. The next day, Raine found that the knowing comments had stopped, at least while she was around, and though Millie never told her, she was sure her friend had something to do with it and she thanked her silently.

On the hillside, Raine started to fight her way out of her memories. /Ah, no. Please no. Not this one./ But in her desperation to hear and see them once more, she had opened herself to all her memories, even this one and it was too late to push it back.

Months passed by like days and, before long, the leaves fell from the trees and Winhill was left empty and desolate without its flowers. Raine sat on the edge of the bed, brushing her brown hair and contemplating the day ahead, when she felt a queasy feeling rise up to her throat.

/It's OK./ She told herself, swallowing violently. /I'm never sick./

But soon she found herself hanging over the sink, feeling wretched. She rinsed her mouth round with a glass of water, bemused.

/What's the matter with me? I'm /never/ sick. I'll wait until Laguna and Kiros get back then I'll -/

Her train of thought was abruptly severed by a shriek from outside. She froze for a moment and then turned and nearly fell down the stairs in her haste.

"Ellone!" she yelled as she ran. "Where are you?" /Please, please, please say you're here, inside, where it's safe. Please tell me that wasn't you screaming outside./

She hit the floor at the bottom of the steps and after the quickest of glances around the bar, saw that the room was empty, as she feared it would be. Moving swiftly to the door, she tried to open it, only to find that it was stuck.

Raine peered desperately through the tiny window in the top of the door and what she saw numbed her soul. The blue and silver uniforms of the Esthar soldiers blurred as tears filled her eyes and she pushed frantically at the door again, screaming for Laguna.

/Dammit! He's on patrol with Kiros. He can't hear me!/

She saw that the soldiers had pushed something in front of her door, which was why it wouldn't open, and gave up trying to shift it. They had picked up Ellone and Raine saw the tears trace clean paths down her grubby little face.

She watched helplessly as the tiny girl struggled but she was like a feather in the arms of the soldier who carried her.

/No! You can't let this happen, Raine! You can't let them take her away!/

She hastily wiped the tears away and as Ellone was carried from her view, her eyes fell on the beautiful stained glass windows at the side of the bar. They were easily big enough for her to climb through. Her hands reached blindly for something heavy and threw the first object they touched at the window. The colours scattered and cold, white daylight fell on Raine's face as she scrambled outside, the glass edges catching on her clothes and scraping her bare feet.

Raine fell to the ground in a heap and looked around the square for the soldiers. Not a hint of silver, but as she took a few steps forward she saw Laguna and Kiros racing across the bridge towards her. Relief touched her momentarily, she wasn't alone in this situation anymore, and she turned to see what they had fixed their eyes on.

The Esthar soldiers were on the dirt track out of Winhill and the moment she saw them, Raine started to run. She ignored the sharp stones under her feet, single-mindedly pursuing that one goal. Her mind was so fixed on Ellone that she even ignored Laguna and Kiros when they caught up with her, until Kiros pulled both her and Laguna to a halt.

"No." he told them calmly, still holding their arms. "This isn't going to work. There are more than twenty of them and all it takes is for one of them to turn round and see us. Then they'll shoot. That won't help Elle."

He released Raine's arm and she collapsed on her knees in the dust, remotely conscious of Kiros trying to talk Laguna out of this idea.

/I never expected this. Never. I didn't think they'd creep in so quietly, with so little bloodshed, with none of the noise that I heard before. I thought I'd get a chance to fight for Elle, at least. I never thought it'd happen like this./

She heard her own voice, from the vaults of her mind, talking to Elle long ago. "I'm here and I won't let anything hurt you again. I promise."

/You promised her. You can't let her down! You can't let her go like this!/

Determination filled her tear-stained eyes and she got to her feet and ran once more but this time she managed only a few meters before another hand caught her arm. It was Laguna this time.

"Kiros is right, Raine. Running after them is only going to get you killed." He shook his head, hating the helplessness of the situation.

"Let me!" she hissed back angrily. "They took her! I have /got/ to do something, I promised her that I would!"

Laguna stepped back slightly, startled at the tone of her voice, but he didn't let go of her arm.

"Let me go! We have to get her back! Ohh, damn you, why won't you let me go?" Her anger dissolved into tears and she fell against Laguna, crying for the child that had been taken from her. The girl that wasn't even her own, but she had loved like a daughter. When the tears eventually subsided, she spoke again.

"You said you wouldn't let them take her away. You told me you wouldn't let this happen."

The road was silent around her and she felt tears roll down her hair, but still she didn't move or add anything to her accusation.

"I know." He said at last. "Do you think I don't feel terrible about it, too? I should've been there. There should've been something I could do but... we'll get her back." The pain in his voice was more than Raine could bear and she knew he wasn't at fault.

"I didn't mean what I said." She told him, quietly. "It's not your fault. I just want to blame someone. Anyone. I'm so lost..."

"We will get Elle back." Kiros said from where he stood, far enough away to allow them their grief, but close enough to stop either of them from doing something stupid. "We'll go and get Ward, and then the three of us will -"

"Four." Raine muttered into Laguna's shirt.

"What?" Laguna asked, backing slightly away so he could hear her properly.

"I'm going with you." Raine told him flatly.

"You can't mean it, Raine. This is /not/ a good idea. You can't fight and you'd slow us down. You'd be a liability and that could put us all in danger." Kiros said to her, matter-of-factly.

"I'm going with you." She repeated, looking imploringly up at Laguna.

"Teach me to fight or to stay out of the way. I don't care which, but I'll not sit here doing nothing. You stopped me from trying to help her today, don't do it again."

Laguna nodded slowly and looked across to Kiros. "She's going with us."

"You can't possibly -"

"Our family has been split up enough already." He said simply. "If she's willing to come with us, well, what harm can it do?"

Kiros shook his head. "OK, but think about it, Raine. We've got a couple of days until Ward will show up, so use the time to think about this, and I pray you'll change your mind."

Neither Laguna nor Raine slept that night. Raine's mind was flooded with what if's and if only's. She remembered every time she had scolded Elle and remembered every time Elle had laughed. Comments the girl had made that Raine had never dwelt on before now stuck in her mind. All she could think of was Ellone, and after watching Laguna's pensive face for a while, she knew he was thinking the same.

The light of the sun gradually flooded in the window and Laguna gave her a wan smile.

"Hey, we're going to get her back."

"I know. I -" she broke off, that sick feeling in her throat again. She remembered how sick she had been the day before and dashed to the sink.

/I hate being sick./ She thought as she held her hair back out of her face. /Why? I didn't get to think about it yesterday. Why do I feel like this? I don't feel like it all the time, though. That's the funny thing. I only feel like this in...the...morning...No, I can't be right. I have to go to the doctor. It's probably something else. I have to -/

"Are you alright? Raine?" Laguna called.

"Yeah. I... just have to go out somewhere." She yelled back, pulling on her shoes and walking back into the other room. "Could you look after El... sorry." She sighed.

He bowed his head and let his hair fall over his face. /I know that trick./ She thought.

"Like you say, we'll get her back." Raine said softly, kissing his cheek before she walked out the door.

/I can't be right. I can't be. Oh, why now? ...I wish I didn't know that I'm right./ She walked carefully across the bridge and down the track that led to the other part of town, her feet still sore from the day before.

The doctor agreed to see her immediately and she sat down, describing symptoms and answering questions as best as she could.

"Pregnant." He diagnosed, with distaste.

"I can't be..." she muttered to herself.

"Can't be?" he overheard, and laughed. "Of course you can. Everyone knows you were sleeping with /him/ weeks before you were married. Quite frankly, I'm surprised it's taken this long."

"I don't like your tone of voice. I don't like your attitude towards Laguna and you've made your feelings on this matter quite clear. But if I find that patient confidentiality has been breached, then I'll do everything I can to get you struck off the list of registered medics and don't think it'll end there." She threatened and walked out, refraining from slamming the door, but only just.

/What now? Do I tell him? When? We have to go to Esthar soon. No. /They/ have to go to Esthar soon. I can't go. Not now. If I was enough to burden them before, think what this'll do. A child! I never thought about it... We had Elle. Ellone! I'm so sorry! I can't do anything to help you. I wish I could. I have to stay here, without you, without Laguna./

Raine's feet carried her mechanically back to the bar. Kiros and Laguna were inside, talking.

"If we follow them, there's no advantage, but if we find our own route, it may be quicker. There are some routes that a large group like that simply cannot take. And, of course, they'll be moving slower than us."

"If we follow them, we may be able to get into Esthar easier. No one really knows /exactly/ where it is. Getting there by ourselves is going to be guesswork and if you have anything to do with navigating, we may never get there." Kiros stopped and smiled at Raine. "Ward will be here tomorrow. We'll leave as soon as he arrives."

She nodded numbly and went up the stairs. Laguna gave Kiros an apologetic shrug before following her.

"Raine, what's up?"

She flopped heavily into a chair.

"Come and sit down, Laguna. I need to talk to you."

He complied and she tried to form her words into some sort of order. "I'm not going with you. I've decided to stay here." /It hurts!/ She cried to herself.

"Why? You were so sure, yesterday."

"Kiros is right. I would be a nuisance to you. I'd be more of a burden than you can guess and I don't want to be the one who puts you all in danger. I don't want to get you killed." /Do I tell him yet?/

"I... don't want to leave you here, by yourself, but Elle..."

"Go after her. Go and find her and bring her back. I can look after myself, I didn't always have you and Elle around. I can manage without you." /I can't do it./ Raine realised. /I can't bring myself to tell him.

The worry in his voice and his eyes is painful enough. I can't put more there. He'd be so happy if he knew, I'm sure he would, but once he leaves he'll start to worry about me, about the baby. I can't do that to him. He's already so frightened for Elle I can't make him frightened for me, as well. It hurts. It all hurts so much. Lying to him like this and not telling him what he should know. What I want him to know. And staying behind, that hurts too./

She smiled to reassure him and once he'd left to talk with Kiros some more, she buried her face in her hands.

Raine didn't sleep at all that night. She couldn't. Did Laguna? She wasn't sure. He had wrapped his arms around her so tight she couldn't move enough to see his face. She didn't want to move anyway. She lay with her cheek pressed against his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heart.

/Don't leave me./ She wanted to tell him. /Don't leave me. I'm so scared. So frightened to be on my own./ She held him a little tighter and pushed away the compulsion to tell him about the baby.

/You can't keep him here. You want Elle back, don't you? Think of her, all alone, crying. No one to look after her. You cannot keep him from rescuing her. How would you live with yourself? And how would he?/

/But I'm so frightened. What if something happens to him and I lose them both?/ She argued back at herself.

/You can't tell him, in spite of all that. You simply can't, Raine. Just hold it all in for a little while longer. Just a short while and then you can let it all go./

She watched the light in the room grow gradually brighter and she knew that despite all her prayers, the sun had risen.

Raine sat upstairs, making up packs for the three men to take with them.

She kept busy, trying not to think too much and being excessively practical as she loaded the packs with everything they could conceivably need. She folded the map and placed it in the pack furthest from Laguna, who sat beside her. Kiros had been emphatic not to let him anywhere near it.

She glanced over to the spidery man who was stood at the window, watching for Ward. What was this thing about Laguna and maps? Shaking her head, she turned back to where he sat.

All their conversation that morning had deliberately been very light and easy going. Neither had mentioned that he would be leaving today. They both knew and there would be enough tears later, no need for them yet.

"Do you carry a picture of me?" she asked suddenly, curious. "Like you did of Julia?"

He shook his head, a little surprised with the question, and a mildly disgruntled look appeared on Raine's features.

"Why not?"

"Raine, I don't /need/ a picture of you. Your image is engraved forever on my memory." He told her extravagantly. Kiros laughed from the window and Raine chuckled, her hand lightly brushing back Laguna's hair.

"Now that /is/ nice." She said approvingly. "Very nice, very poetic."

"You liked that one, huh?" he grinned.

"Oh yes. Remember it because I might want to hear you say it again."

"Ward's here." Kiros called softly and Raine stood up.

"Come and get me before you leave." She felt the words rush out of her mouth as she walked to the door. She couldn't stay here while they talked about what they should do and when they should leave. She couldn't bear it.

"Yeah, alright Raine." Laguna smiled gently.

She climbed the hill again. He'd know to find her up here, when the time came. She sat up there for an hour or so, her blue eyes staring vacantly into space, legs pulled up to her chest.

Her mind was blank, thinking of nothing until a familiar figure came into her view. Laguna sat next to her and put an arm round her curled up form.

"We're going now." He said quietly.

She nodded faintly in reply and buried her head in her arms.

"I wish... that I could go with you."

"You still could... You don't have to stay here. You wouldn't be a problem. Don't listen to Kiros, he's just worried in case you get hurt, but I wouldn't let that happen."

"No." she sighed. "Don't ask anymore. It's hard enough as it is, without you telling me this."

Laguna fell silent. After a moment, he spoke again. This time, the pain in his voice made her look up.

"I can't do it, Raine. I don't have the strength for this. I don't have enough heart to endure this. How do I manage without you there, without Elle?"

"It's only for a little while." She managed, knowing how lame she sounded. "Then we'll all be here again and everything will be fine. You have enough heart for all of us. You'll manage, just like I will." They both sighed this time, and she smiled, weakly. "I love you. Always. And you better come back here in one piece."

They walked to the edge of town, where Kiros and Ward stood, waiting. Raine hugged them both, making them promise to be careful.

"And take care of him for me. Don't let him do anything stupid."

"OK, Raine." Kiros smiled. "Don't worry, we won't let him fall down any more cliffs."

She thanked them and turned back to Laguna. Her soul weakened for an instant, and she started to spill what she had tried to keep from him.

"I don't know how to say this, but -"

"Hey, I know what you're gonna tell me. You'll say that I'm not to do anything dumb and that I shouldn't worry about you, right?" he interrupted, misinterpreting what she had said.

/No! It's not that!/ But those words never reached her mouth, her brain cutting in and making her simply nod in reply. /Don't you dare tell him. Not now. Let him think... let him think whatever is easiest for him. Let him go./

"You don't need to say any of that. I know you well enough by now that I can guess some of what you're thinking and you don't need to tell me that you'll miss me... I already know that."

/You don't. You have no idea.../ She flung her arms about his neck. "I wish I was going with you."

"Yeah, me too." She heard a tremor in his voice and stepped back a little.

"Oh no. Don't you dare start crying. Don't even think about it. If you cry, then I will too..."

He nodded and she kissed his mouth.

"Go on." She said softly. "Go now before the tears start. And don't worry about me. I'll be fine."

"I /knew/ you'd say that sooner or later." Laguna joked weakly as she shoved him gently in the direction of the road.

Ward and Kiros started walking and Laguna followed, then turned back to Raine.

"I love you." He yelled back at her. She smiled and nodded.

"Yeah, I know." She watched until they disappeared into nothing, then she ran for Millie's house, unable to bear it anymore.

"Millie! Let me in!" she shouted, thumping at the door, tears beginning to streak down her face.

"Raine, what's happened?" Millie asked, concerned about the state of her friend. She led Raine in the door and sat her at the table.

"I'm pregnant!" Raine half-screamed through her tears. "A baby, can you believe it?"

"That's good news though, isn't it? Laguna must be over the moon."

Raine shook her head miserably. "He doesn't know."

"When are you going to tell him then? They're leaving soon, aren't they?"

"They left today! Just now." She bit her lip, drawing blood. "How could I tell him, Millie? I couldn't give him that to worry about too." She burst into tears again, hating the lies and the reassurances she had given Laguna. /Too late now to make another decision. I just have to hope that I made the right choice./

Millie listened as Raine poured out all she had though over the last day or so, everything she had wanted desperately to spill to Laguna but hadn't let herself.

"What's done is done, Raine. You have to wait now. It's all you can do."

She said at last, and comforted her friend until the tears stopped and Raine was still.

Raine struggled to free herself from the dreams but there was still something more. Something unreal but tangible lurked behind a door in her mind and she knew the only way out was to open it.

She found herself stood in the doorway of a house. Ellone's old house, exactly the same as it had been the day she had run in and found Ellone's parents dead.

Two bodies, on the floor in a crumpled heap, just as it had been then, only something was wrong. Something was different. She crept closer and knelt in the blood beside them.

The bodies were wrong. One was far too small and the other... No.

/Turn them over. You have to see their faces. You have to make sure./ An insidious voice inside her head whispered.

Her hand reached out to touch black hair, and then stopped. /No, I won't. I won't look at their faces. If I look at their faces, I'll believe this is real and I know it's not. It's just a nightmare. If I turn them over I betray them and that I will not do. They are not dead. I /know/ that to be true, to be real./

She forced her eyes open, and sat up, scanning the scenery around her. She took a couple of deep breaths, managing to make herself breath normally, and put the image of the nightmare out of her mind.

/It's not real. It's a lie made up by an overactive imagination. Made up from all the gossip that's been flying round the village./ She persuaded herself.

A voice called to her from down the hill, and she struggled up and walked to its source. Millie had come to check up on her. That was OK. As long as it was her friend, she didn't mind.

"Raine! I was wondering where you'd got to. What have you been doing up here?"

"Take a guess." Raine told her, slightly bitter. "Trying to get away from people who just cannot leave me alone. I don't mean you, I mean the rest of them. I've been dreaming up here for a while now. Dreaming, remembering...and waiting..." Raine's voice trailed off and she looked longingly beyond her friend to the horizon.

"It's been a long time, Raine. I'm not so sure..." Millie hesitated, hating to voice such an opinion, knowing what Raine's response would be.

"What? Not so sure they'll return? Is that it?" She shook her head. "I know that's what they're saying down there. They're wrong. They've always been wrong about him. He'll be back one day. Just you wait and see. He'll bring Ellone back, and Kiros and Ward will be with them, and everything will be alright again."

Millie nodded, mainly to placate Raine, and inquired if she wanted to walk back yet.

"No. You go on. I'll be down in a minute." She watched her friend walk down to the village and turned her face up to the sky.

/Come back. I miss you./ She watched the sun dip below the curves of the hills, trying desperately to send her thoughts to Esthar, to Laguna. Trying to bring him and Elle back to her. /Come back and prove them wrong.

Come back because I want you to see our child, when he is born. Because your stubborn wife needs you more than she ever admitted. Because I'm frightened and I have nightmares again and I know you can make them leave, like you did once before. Because my soul is not whole without you and Elle. Because I love you.../

Author's note - This story is what happens when a cynic like me allows her hideously romantic soul out to play. Still, it was fun!

Just a short poem that I thought was kinda like what I was thinking when this was written.

Last part of "La Figlia Che Piange." by T.S. Eliot

So I would have had him leave,
So I would have had her stand and grieve,
So he would have left
As the soul leaves the body torn and bruised,
As the mind deserts the body it has used.
I should find
Some way incomparably light and deft,
Some way we both should understand,
Simple and faithless as a smile and shake of the hand.

She turned away, but with the autumn weather
Compelled my imagination many days,
Many days and many hours:
Her hair over her arms and her arms full of flowers.
And I wonder how they should have been together!
I should have lost a gesture and a pose.
Sometimes these cogitations still amaze
The troubled midnight and the noon's repose.