The obnoxious adventures of Vinceman and Highwindboy

by Kal

It was a quiet morning at Nibelheim. Vincent woke up in his coffin, with his teddy bear under his right arm. He walked into the bathroom, and began to brush his teeth. He washed his face, and was drying off, when a sound that sent chills through his spine surprised him.

"Hi, Vinny!"

It was Yuffie´s voice. Vincent just shut his eyes hard, wishing it was only noise made by one of the bats trapped in the fly paper.

"Vin, are you deaf, or what?"

No, it was Yuffie. That, or the bat was still trying to free itself.

"Hello, Yuffie. Goodbye, Yuffie." Vincent said, wishing it was enough to make her go away.

"What, don´t you like me being here?" she asked.

"As a matter of fact... No!"

"Hey, I didn´t knew you used red colored boxers"

Vincent noticed he was still in his underoos. He covered himself with the towel, entered in his room, and in a second he came out fully clothed.

"Now, could you tell me why are you here, apart from trying to steal my materia?"

"That´s so rude Vincent. You know, materia isn´t the only thing I steal. Altough is shiny... and colorful... and bright... and expensive... *drool*"

"YUFFIE! Snap out of it!"

"...huh? I mean, I´m ok. But now..." she said as she gave Vincent a box wrapped in brilliant paper. "Happy birthday!"

"My birthday isn´t until next week. But thanks for the gift."

"Now, shoudln´t you apologize? I gave you a gift, and you thought I was going to steal your materia. As if you had anything worth stealing in this place, anyway."

Vincent opened the box; and took out a red materia.

"This mastered Hades looks familiar... It´s my mastered Hades!" Vincent shouted.

"Hey, what counts is the intention!"

"Well, thanks, now go away."

"That´s, like, no way to treat your girl, ya know, Vin? A more considerated guy could take me away from you, ya know?"

"You´re not my girlfriend, Yuffie. How can you believe these internet rumours? Besides, I´m old enough to be your grandpa!"

"C´mon Vin, it´s been three years since I first noted how you looked at me." Yuffie winked at Vincent. He shuddered.

"I looked at you to make sure you wouldn´t steal my materia. So, now with that clarified, you don´t have anything to do here. Get lost!"

"Fine! I´ll go, but I´ll come back to your birthday party. See ya!"

Vincent sat at his desk, relieved Yuffie was finally gone. He began to check his fanmail bags, something that always took a lot of time to him.

At the Shinra building (now headquarters of Avalanche)

"Well, the last point of the meeting is Vincent´s birthday party. I say..." Cloud then was interrupted.

"Gold Saucer! Gold Saucer all the way!" Cait shouted.

"Shut up foo´! I say we take vamp boy to Costa del Sol, so he gets a tan." Barret said.

"No, no! We must take him to the Milennial Fair! Don´t you agree, Chrono?" Lucca said. Chrono just nodded.

"Alright, enough!" Tifa yelled. Everyone stared at her.

"Now, let Cloud decide! He´s our leader."

"Yes! Say something decisive, Cloud!" Aeris said.

"Something... fearless!" Tifa said.

"Something..."

"Enough! Silence!" Cloud shouted. Since Aeris came back from the death, she and Tifa where always bugging him. Suddenly he realized everyone was staring at him, waiting for anything to happen.

"So... what were we talking about?" Cloud asked.

"About..." Aeris started.

"...Vincent´s party!" Tifa finished.

"Right! I say we make a surprise party!"

"Yeah! We can have one of those giant cakes with a stripper inside it!" Cid said. Everyone stared at him.

"Cid, it´s a birthday party, not a bachelor´s party" Red XIII said.

"Yes. Besides, I doubt Tifa would fit in the cake." Aeris said.

"I heard that, you $%"$" Tifa jumped at Aeris. The traditional catfight followed up.

"What about Marlene!?!?!?" Barret yelled, arms raised to the roof.

"You can bring her too." Cait said. "Kids love me. I´m cute, and marketeable."

"At this rate, Vin will be lucky if we can buy him a cake, least make him a party." Cloud lamented.

Anyway, after a couple of hours, it was decided, the party would be at the Shinra building. They were to invite everyone (even the Turks, since Vincent was one) and that Cid would keep him busy until it was time. Not wasting any opportunity to visit his friend, Cid jumped in the Highwind, and left Cloud in the middle of another Aeris/Tifa fight.

"AHHH! I love the smell of comics in the afternoon!"

Vincent loved few things. He loved Lucrecia. He loved his ultra cool red cape. He loved his signed CD of Metallica. And he loved his comics. The Shinra mansion´s library was full of them. He knew where each and every one of them were. He sat in his couch at the Shinra basement, ready to read "Darkman vs. Spawn" when he heard the music of the doorbell.

"It better be good!"

He climbed the stairs up to the hidden passage, climbed down the central staircase, stormed across the vestible, opened the door... and found Cid, smiling at him. He closed the door loudly.

"Maybe he confounded me with one of those $%"# salesmen" Cid thought, as he rang the doorbell again.

"Still here?" Vincent said as he opened the door.

"Aren´t you happy to see me, Vincent old friend?"

"Well, in any other moment, yes, but now..."

"Great! So, why don´t you grab your stuff and come with me to Junon´s air fair? You´ll have loads of fun."

"Thanks, but I was about to read a literary piece of epic proportions that stimulates both mind and spirit."

"Ah, you can bring your comics along! C´mon."

"Sigh. You won´t leave me alone, will you?"

"Not until October 13, 4:00 pm Midgar standard time."

"Why? What happens then?"

"Nothing! Nothing happens! I just want to be with you until then, that´s all" Cid ended with a grin.

"Are you sure? I mean, my birthday is that day. Maybe the guys are planning a party..."

Then it clicked in Vincent´s brain. Cid appearing wanting to be with him, no one telling him of the meeting at the Shinra building. But then again, nobody told him nothing ever. Like the time when they took the group picture without him.

"Aha! So you were planning a surprise party!"

"Maybe. I don´t know. Just $%#$" stop asking me those questions!"

"In that case, I guess I should go with you, just to keep the charade up. Come with me, I´ll get my comics, and then we´ll leave."

Cid followed Vincent down to the basement. He marvelled at how much comics Vincent had. So many, some of them were in gigantic piles that reached the roof.

"Help me found the Cerebus holofoil #301 and we´ll leave."

Vincent was deciding wether or not to take with him his gold foil edition of Spawn, when he saw Cid struggling to take out a comic from a huge, unstable pile.

"Cid leave that alone!"

It was too late. The huge tower of comics began to fall in top of Cid. The scene switched to a million dollar CG sequence in slow motion. Vincent pushed Cid out of danger, as the pile came down on him, burying him. Cid digged to find Vincent, when a golden claw popped up. He pulled it, and Vincent came out.

"Vincent!"

The CG sequence ended. Cid was slapping Vincent to bring him back to his senses, when he opened his eyes. He looked all around him, puzzled.

"Vince, you´re OK! The guys would kill me if they knew I killed you!"

Vincent then saw his gold claw. He saw he was clothed in red and black, with a red cape completing the picture, and a gun on his belt. He then thought the most logical conclusion.

He was a superhero.

"I´m ok Cid. Now, let´s go, we have a busy night ahead." Vincent said, getting up and striking a superhero pose.

"Umm, are you ok, Vince?" Cid asked him. Maybe all those years sleeping in a basement in a coffin have finally affected him.

"I am ok, Cid. And when we are here, at the Vincecave, call me by my codename: Vinceman."

"Vinceman?" Cid thought puzzled.

"Yes. Don´t you remember? We are partners in the eternal struggle of good vs. evil! chocolate vs. vanilla! rock vs. pop!"

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, God! When I saved you from the comics falling on you, you must have hit yourself in the head! Highwindboy, it´s me, Vincent!" Vincent said, as he grabbed Cid by the shoulders.

"$%#@%# off, Vincent! We are not superheros. Though we battled an evil megalomaniac and saved the world from a meteor."

"Ah, your memory is coming back. Do you remember how I guided us in the final battle against Sephiroth, the son of Jenova? How it was my shot the one who took him down?"

"You remembered it all wrong, Vincent! C´mon; we must go with the others at the Shinra building to try and fix this."

"You´re right, Highwindboy. Maybe they will help you to recover from your amnesia."

"I´m not the one with amnesia, Vin, it´s you! Now, let´s go!"

An hour later.

"Well, doctor?" Aeris asked him.

"Well what?"

"Is Vincent going to recover?" Cloud asked the doctor.

"How should I know? Ask a doctor."

"You´re the doctor, foo´!" Barret said.

"Oh, that´s right!" the doctor said, slapping himself in the forehead. "He will be ok. He seems to have delusions of grandeur. In other words, he thinks he is a superhero."

"So, when will he be again the goth, depressing loner we all have come to know and love?" Yuffie asked.

"Well, to fasten his recovery, we must give him time. Until then, you must do anything possible to make him more comfortable. I suggest that you all play along with his fantasy of being a superhero." the doctor ended.

"Cid, you will take care of Vincent until he recovers his memory." Cloud ordered.

"Pain in the ass. Forget it. I wanted to go to Junon with him, and now you tell me I must go roof-leaping with him in the nights?"

"You´re his friend. And he thinks of you as his sidekick, so you´re the obvious choice." Tifa said.

"And it was your fault he´s now like dat, foo´. Ya damn Shinra just cause trouble!" Barret said, banging his fist on the meeting table.

"$%#@$! Alright, I´ll take care of "Vinceman", but I tell you, we must have to think of something to have him occupied until he regains his memory."

"We´ll work on it. You better go talk to him now." Red said.

Cid entered the room where Vincent was.

"Highwindboy! What did the doctor say? Are you going to be ok?"

"Umm... yes, I´ll be ok. Listen Vin, how do you feel?"

"Ahh, Cid, I´ve been better! Obviously this all has been a trap crafted by my enemy, Professor Hojo!"

"What does he have to do with this?" Cid asked.

"He obviously took advantage of this situation, provoking your amnesia, so I would be slowed down in my fight against him. But you´re strong enough to not be affected by it, right?"

"Listen, Vin, the doctor wants me to be with you until... I regain my memory. I think we should stay here and see all the Die Hard videos. It´s a great idea, isn´t it?"

"But Cid, Professor Hojo is out there, lurking in the shadows, working to destroy what we most love. He must be stopped!"

"Someone else will do it. So, do we start with Die Hard 2 or Die Hard 1?" Cid said, taking the videos from a nearby shelf.

"It´s worse than I thought. You have forgotten your ideals of justice! C´mon Cid, let´s leave this place."

"Wait! I think Cloud had some info about it." Cid said.

They both went out of the room. Cloud and the others were talking, and then turned around to face Vincent.

"Vincent! We have an urgent mission for you!"

"What is it? Cid and I must part in search of my nemesis, Professor Hojo, inmediately."

"It seems Hojo has been sighted at Esthar! He goes by the alias Odine. Everything is ready for you to go there. You will contact our agent, Laguna Loire, there."

"Thanks, Cloud. Do me a favor, and you take charge of Avalanche while I´m busy with Hojo. I´ll take Cid with me. Luckily being on a mission will bring his memories back."

"Great! Now, you two should go now." Cloud finished.

"What was that about?" Cid asked Cloud, as Vincent was walking to the hangar.

"Well, you and he are friends with that Laguna guy, don´t you? Esthar is a quiet place, and he´ll stay out of troubles there."

"I begin to doubt this..." Aeris said.

"You don´t like Cloud´s plan? I think is brilliant!" Tifa said.

"Of course not! It´s Cloud´s greatest plan ever! It´s just that..."

Aeris and Tifa engaged again in another fight. Cid then decided it was best to follow Vincent out of there. After all, a couple of days at Esthar wouldn´t hurt anybody.

At some creepy underground lab.

Hojo laughed. His experiment was about to end, and soon he would have the data he needed. A red light appeared on a console, and he quickly readed the data in a screen.

"Damn! It´s imposible to duplicate those conditions!" He said.

Hojo just turned to see in a screen the subject he was surveiling. Lucrecia smiled to the camera, and walked away from it.

"Computer, make the calculus again, eliminating the V factor"

The computer then ran again the program. For a second the message "Bill Gates is God" flashed in the screen. Then it produced a large paper roll filled with numbers

"To make her fall in love with me again I need a total realignment of the planets and their moons; and a pig flying; and a big, mako explosion in some large city. All at the same time!"

Hojo turned to see a checklist. It said:

Alignment of planets: Friday
Flying pig: Not done
Big explosion: Not done.

"I can make the flying pig, and the planets will align this friday. I just need the big explosion on a city. With all those once-in-a-timelife events ocurring at the same time, the time-space will be so altered, Lucrecia will fall in love with me again."

He took a photo of Lucrecia sticking her tongue at him out of a pocket of his lab coat.

"Oh, dear love. Destiny has made me able to find you! And you and I will be together again. And I will make sure you won´t remember that fool Vincent!"

He laughed for no reason, as all villains do. After a while he stopped laughing and began to work on the flying pig.

At the Highwind

"C´mon Cid. it will help you regain your memory."

"$#"#! I won´t do it!"

Vincent was holding a white towel. He and Cid were at the bridge of the Highwind (By the way, why it´s called bridge?) He was trying to convince Cid to use it.

"If you go out like that, people will figure your secret identity. At least people who know 2 plus 2 is four."

"I won´t use the towel as a cape! And anyway, people isn´t that dumb."

"Watch."

Vincent walked up to where one of Cid´s men was. He tapped him in the shoulder.

"Excuse me, how long will it be until we reach Esthar?"

"At least another hour."

"Thanks."

Vincent then took out of his cape a black handkerchief with two holes for the eyes in it. He put it on, and tapped the same guy in the shoulder.

"Excuse me, how long will it be until we reach Esthar?"

"Well, as I said to that other guy, it´ll take another hour."

"Thanks."

Cid was amazed. It seemed that somehow, people is unable to recognize you even with the smallest of masks. Vincent walked up to Cid.

"Will you use the towel now?"

Cid took the towel and wrapped it around his neck like a cape. He also put his goggles over his eyes, just to look more "heroic".

"Perfect! We are all set to capture Professor Hojo! Now, do you remember our battle cry?"

"Battle cry?" Cid asked.

"The seemingly idiotic word we shout to put fear in the hearts of our enemies. The word that inspires us to smash the villain into pulp!" Vincent said.

"Ahh... Why don´t you say it? Just to make sure I remember it right."

"Kkkknnnnniiiiffffeeee!" Vincent shouted, with all of his strenght. The Highwind´s crew stared at Cid and Vincent puzzled.

"Go back to your work, $#"@*!" Cid said. The crew turned their backs as if someone didn´t yell a nonsense word. Cid prayed in silence to whoever was in charge up there to make Vincent regain his memory soon.

At a small room somewhere in planet Earth.

Kal(that´s me!) stopped typing the story.

"Funny. I just had this desire of changing the story so Vincent regains his memory now. It must be that pizza I ate."

He began to type again, unaware he controlled the destinies of people in a place very far away in space and time.

Back to the fanfic.

"Hello, Vinceman. it´s a pleasure to see you again." Laguna said.

"Good morning, President Loire. It´s always a pleasure talking with you." Vincent said.

"Hi, what´s up?" Cid said. Vincent smacked Cid.

"Highwindboy, you´re talking to a president. Show more respect!" Vincent said.

"I have your respect here, you vampire..." Cid muttered.

"What?"

"I said you should ask Laguna whatever you wanted to know, so we can go after Hojo."

"Yeah. Your friends called me, and told me everything. So, what can I do for you?"

"Tell me where is Professor Hojo. They told me it appears he is hiding under the guise of some "Doctor Odine"."

"Ahh, yes. Well, he is at his lab, of course. I can take you there. But first, accompany me. I have a little surprise for you."

Vincent and Cid followed Laguna. After a small trip in the flying seats, they eneded up in front of a large door. Laguna opened it. In there was a large group of reporters and cameramen.

"Laguna, what is this?" Cid said.

"Well, I decide to have a little fun of my own. I just LOVE this ceremonies" Laguna said. "Ladies and gentlemen, here they are: Vinceman and Highwindboy!"

The reporters began to ask questions, as Laguna guided Vincent and Cid to a podium.

"Good day. As some of you may know... Wait, you don´t know. Here is Vinceman and Highwindboy, two of the greatest heroes in the Squareverse. Now, I will present them with the key to the city."

Laguna then gave Vincent a large metal key.

"Don´t bother looking for the gate of the city. There is none, I double-checked." Laguna whispered in Vincent´s ear. "But I ordered for one to be built right away."

"Thanks, President Loire. And thanks to all you Esthar citizens for the support you have given to me and Highwindboy..."

"Quick! Everybody must see this!" A young reporter said as he stormed into the room. Everybody went to a window to see what it was. An Elnoyle was in front of the palace, causing mayhem. In the bottom, all the reporters were grateful for it, being tired of covering another of President Loire´s ceremonies.

"Quick, Highwindboy, we must help!" Vincent said.

"I dunno, Vince. I think the soldiers have it under control."

As he ended saying that, a soldier crashed through the window with a scream.

"Then again, we should go to a safer place." Cid suggested.

"C´mon Highwindboy, let´s go! Knifeeee!" Vince then leaped out of the window.

Cid just watched how Vincent landed in top of a car. He would surely be all right he tought. And they could always open the stomach of that thing to bring Vincent back afterwards. Then, the Elnoyle saw the Highwind parked at the Airport. With a roar, it flied towards it.

"No! Leave my ship alone, you $"#@@!" Cid then leaped out of the window.

Vincent was busy dodging the soldiers the Elnoyle threw like insects. He took out his gun and began to shoot at it. He could threw peas as well to the monster. Vincent then changed into the Galian beast. It´s roar called the attention of the Elnoyle. The Elnoyle roared back at the beast. Vincent transformed back to normal, deciding maybe he should try a different approach.

Cid threw his spear at the monster. It bounced in its skin, and it atracted the monster´s attention to Cid. He cursed using words I can´t type here, and ran like hell.

"Cid!! I have a plan, lead him away from president Loire!"

"No $&%# problem! Do you want fries with that order!?"

As Vincent was thinking what else he could do (apart from using brute force) Laguna approached him followed by Odine.

"Vinceman! I have a plan!"

"Iz not your plan, you fool! It´z my plan!" Odine said.

"Hey, you´re not Hojo! But you look a lot like him..." Vincent said.

"Hmmm... It seems the reports were wrong. Anyway, you must give this to the monster, and it will be the end of it."

Laguna gave Vincent a large pill the size of a basket ball.

"And how I´m supossed to give it to the monster?"

"Ahhh... well... I didn´t think of that..." Laguna said.

"VINCENT!!!!!" Cid screamed.

"Highwindboy! There is no time to waste in thinking, I must save him!"

Cid was beginning to tire. Altough he was champion in jumping and jogging in his high school days, his lungs reminded him that smoking 3 packs a day could kill him.

"Lord, I promise that if you save me, I won´t ever look at anything tobacco related for the rest of my days!" He said, as the Elnoyle was closing in.

"Kkknnniiifffeeee!!!!"

Vincent leaped from a nearby building, hanged onto a street light, spinned to a flag pole, just in front of the Elnoyle and hanged there. The Elnoyle roared, ready to eat Vincent.

"Say aaahhhh!"

Vincent threw the pill in the Elnoyle´s mouth. The Elnoyle fell out cold.

"Fiuuu..." Vincent said.

"Hmm... Lord... about... that silly thing I said a while ago... You know I didn´t mean it, right?"

"Cid! Vincent!" Laguna ran to them.

"President Loire, I have great pleasure on informing you that the menace is no more." Vincent said.

"Great! I´ll call my boy and his friends to pick it up later."

Then, the reporters surrounded Vincent and Cid.

"Is it true? Did you two defeated the monster?"

"Did you feel any fear?"

"Is it true the rumours about you and Yuffie Kisaragi?"

"Let me answer. Yes, no, and TOTALLY NO!" Vincent answered.

"Highwindboy, any comments?"

"Hi Shera! I´m on TV." Cid said, as he waved to the camera.

Back at Rocket Town, Shera couldn´t believe what her eyes saw. Only her Captain could be chased by a giant monster, and the next moment, being interviewed about it on TV. She then turned her attention back to her tea.

After the reporrers left, Vincent began to walk to the Airport.

"Hey, Vince, where are you going?" Cid asked.

"Professor Hojo isn´t here, Cid. It was a trap; genially constructed to keep us away from our world, so he would complete any mad scheme he is thinking of now."

"Wait!" Cid ran to catch up Vincent. Up to now, things had ben very weird. He hoped this was the weirder it could get.

At Hojo´s Secret Lab. (no relation to Dexter´s Lab).

"Finally! The flying pig is ready. Now, I must find a city with a Mako reactor..."

He turned to see in a screen that Lucrecia was walking down a street in Junon.

"Junon! It´s underwater reactor must be still in good conditions! If I force it, the explosion would engulf the city, and then, Lucrecia will fall in love with me."

He took the cage in which the winged pig was, a clean lab coat and left the lab laughing.

At the Shinra mansion.

Vincent was reading through his mail. Cid was watching "Hot Shots" on TV.

"This is so funny Vincent! Come and watch with me!"

"Cid, I must find the obligatory challenge every supervillain sends to the hero, so I can know what his plans are, and how to frustrate them." He said, as he discarded many letters. "Another letter of that Queen Vera girl asking me to marry her, another letter from that wood elf Eregil asking me to act in his latest fanfic, a letter from Lucrecia, a letter from Glass Shard... Wait!"

Vincent tore open the letter from Lucrecia, as Cid got to his side to read along.

"Dear Vincent: I decided it´s enough grieving for my son Sephy, since he returned almost inmediately after your friends killed him. I´ll go to Junon to meet with him, and I hope you can join us. Love, Lucrecia."

"My beloved Lucrecia is alive! I must go to her side inmediately!" Vincent said, as he leapt and ran to his bedroom to change. He put on his old Turk suit and ran to the exit.

"Hey, wait, I´ll take you there!" Cid said, as he thanked the heavens for that letter. Now Vincent would stop playing the hero for a while.

At Junon.

Lucrecia was talking with Sephiroth in a small coffe.

"Yeah, now that you mention it, I always suspected I was adopted." Sephiroth said as he sipped down his frapuccino.

"Look, Sephiroth, the truth is... Jenova is not your mother. Your mother is..."

"Who? Who!?" Sephiroth asked anxious.

"HOJO!" Lucrecia screamed.

"What!? Oh, my God! That´s disgusting!"

"No, Hojo is coming over here!" Lucrecia said.

"Hi, how are you? How convenient you set up this little family reunion, my dear Lucrecia." Hojo said.

"Dad, I thought you were dead."

"You were also dead too."

"Good point. But this woman was about to tell me who my real mom is, so, if you excuse us..."

"Actually, son, your mother is right in front of you."

"Agh! So you´re my mother! How disgusting!" Sephiroth said.

"No, Lucrecia is your mother." Hojo corrected him.

"You´re my mom?"

"Yes, Sephy."

"Mom!"

"Son!"

"I hate to interrupt this beautiful moment, but right now, I´m trying to make us a family again."

"I´ll never go back with you!" Lucrecia said.

"Son, isn´t that what you wish most? A family?" Hojo said with a smile.

"Actually, mom, dad has a good point..."

"I even brought you a pet!" Hojo said, as he gave Sephiroth the flying pig.

"Ohh, great! I´ll call it Pigy!"

"Now, let´s go to the highest point of the city, so we can watch there the explosion of the reactor. Mwa ha ha ha ha!" Hojo laughed, as Lucrecia wondered where Vincent was.

This was not an easy choice. Vincent needed all his concentration and will power to decide.

"Will it be red roses, or white roses?" the flower girl at Aerith´s Flowers asked.

"Well, red ones are more romantic, but she loves white roses... Cid, can you help me here?"

"Pick yellow roses! I gave Shera those afer she bought me a Valentine´s Day card. She acted a bit distant since then, though." Cid scratched the back of his head.

"Yellow roses simbolize friendship, sir." The girl said.

"Damn! Then... well, why don´t you give her the two?"

After Vincent paid for the roses, he walked down the street to the cafe, thinking on what to say to Lucrecia. Then he heard Lucrecia screaming for help.

"Lucrecia!" Vincent shouted.

"Vincent!" Lucrecia said, relieved.

"Let her go, Hojo! This is between you and me." Vincent said.

"Actually, this has nothing to do with you. But I anticipated your interference. Son, take care of them."

"Yes, dad." Sephiroth drew his Masamune. It didn´t turn out good, so he scrapped that drawing, and took the real thing out of its sheat.

"Sephiroth, we don´t have to fight. I was your mom´s friend." Vincent said.

"Her friend?"

"Yeah! If it wasn´t for Prof. Psycho here, he would be your dad." Cid said.

"Do you mean, you and my mom...?" Sephiroth´s eyes glowed with rage.

"Well done, Highwindboy." Vincent said. "Time out, Sephiroth. Before we jump into action, we must change into our battle uniforms."

"Uh, OK."

Vincent entered a nearby phone booth. Almost instantly he came out in his regular clothes. Cid tried to do the same, but he came out in his underwear. Cursing, he tried again, and this time he came out with his "cape" on and his goggles over his eyes.

"Now, let´s battle mindlessly, while the villain takes away the innocent victim. Knife!"

Vincent shot at Sephiroth. Sephiroth deflected the shot with his sword, and charged against Vincent. Cid just tripped him with his foot, and Sephiroth landed headfirst in a trashcan.

"Those super-mega-villains... They´re not so tough after you defeat them once." Cid said.

"Well done Highwindboy! Now,let´s go after Prof. Hojo and rescue Lucrecia." Vincent said.

At the top of the Sister Ray, Hojo was doing the final adjustments before blowing up the city. Lucrecia was tied up nearby.

"Hojo, what are you trying to do?" Lucrecia said as she tried to free herself.

"Lucrecia, my love, all I´m trying ot do is to make you fall in love with me again!"

"Never! I´ll never love you again, not after what you did to me!"

"Oh, but I have flawless plan! Soon you and I will be a happy couple again!" Hojo then laughed.

"Stop right there! I don´t mind what you´re doing, as much as the idiotic way you´re doing it, Hojo!" Vincent said.

"Ah, Vincent, my nemesis! It´s too late. Soon, the planets will realign, the flying pig will fly, and the city will explode, allowing me to go back with my loved Lucrecia. And you can´t do nothing to stop me!" Hojo said, as he shielded himself with Lucrecia.

"There´s only one way to get out of this." Vincent said.

"And it is...?" Cid asked.

"... I don´t know."

"I will triumph! Hahahaha!"

Sephiroth then walked near Vincent and Cid. "Sorry, dad, I..."

Vincent then grabbed Sephiroth and pointed his gun to his head.

"Let go of Lucrecia, Hojo or I will kill Sephiroth!"

"Dad!!" Sephiroth said.

"Go ahead. Kill him. I don´t care."

"But... what about our family?" Sephiroth asked.

"Fool! You´re a failure! I don´t want to see you ever again."

"I hate you! I wish I wasn´t artificially created!" Sephiroth then teleported away, crying.

After that Austin Powers-esque moment, Hojo was expecting for the realignment of the planets. He never noticed when Lucrecia got her hand free, and punched him in the nose. Cid ran to help her, and Vincent saw how Hojo lost balance, and ended up hanging on the edge of the cannon. Vincent grabbed Hojo by the arm. As he was pulling him up, Hojo attempted to bring Vincent down with him. Cid grabbed Vincent by the waist to pull him up, and his hold on Hojo slipped.

"I´ll be baaaaaacccckkkkk!" he screamed as he fell to the sea below.

"Well, I´m sure that´s the last we have seen of Hojo." Cid said as he lit up a cigarrette.

"No. I´m sure he will be back. They always come back. Now, if you excuse me, I must go to the end of the cannon and strike a cool pose."

Vincent walked to the end of the cannon. He thought about the day he decided to become Vinceman to pay for his sins; how he had recluted Highwindboy after his parents died in that air-fair accident. And now, life had given him another chance with Lucrecia. Everything seemed well.

A squeal distracted Vincent from his thoughts, as the pig fell in top of him. Lucrecia and Cid ran to check if he was all right.

"Vinceman! Talk to me!" Cid said.

"Ohhh, my head!" Vincent moaned.

"Vinceman, how do you feel?" Cid asked him again.

"Vinceman? Cid, have you been drinking your home-made alcohol again?" Vincent answered.

Sephiroth then appeared.

"Oh, there he is. Come, Pigy." Sephiroth took the pig on his arms, and teleported out of there. Vincent was puzzled.

"What was that?"

"You wouldn´t believe. But, there´s someone you´ll be glad to see." Cid said, as Lucrecia walked to Vincent.

"Lucrecia!"

"Vincent!"

Cid walked away, as Vincent and Lucrecia embraced each other. The sun was setting behind them, and it made Cid wish he had a camera handy.

October 13

4:00 pm

Vincent and Lucrecia had been in Junon, having fun (not that kind of fun, you perverts!) and catching up. Vincent could believe it had been a week already. But it felt good to come back home with the woman he loved. And now, they could spend their time with each other. He was really happy.

"SURPRISE!"

Everyone was there. Vincent had this really surprised look in his face, until he remembered that day was his birthday. Lucrecia just smiled to everyone.

"Happy Birthday, Vincent!" Cloud said, as he gave him a new gun. Tifa hugged him. Aeris also hugged him, and gave him a jar full of flowers.

"Hey, Lucrecia, can we, like, talk a little?" yuffie asked her.

"Sure! What is it about?"

"The best woman won. I just want you to take good care of Vinny." Yuffie said, then she ran to hug Vincent, much to his disgust.

Vincent then went to the table, where Reno, Rude and Elena where drinking.

"Happy...hic!...Birthday, V-man!" Reno said.

"Ugh! I hope he doesn´t sing this time." Elena lamented.

"But that´s the best part of him getting drunk." Rude said.

The Turks then gave Vincent a bottle of wine, misteriously half empty. Then everyone began to sing as Vincent sat behind a giant cake with one candle on it. As he was about to blow the candle, he felt someone touching his shoulder. As he turned to see who had been, Cid blowed the candle.

The End.