The clock was striking two as the family gathered in the library after the reception. Victoria was sitting in a wing chair drinking a cup of tea, thoughtfully provided by Silas before she had sent him to bed, assuring him the mess could be cleaned up in the morning. Nick and Heath were sprawled on the sofa, jackets and ties long dispensed with and shirts partly unbuttoned as they propped their feet on the coffee table and nursed small glasses of whiskey.

Jarrod took the chair beside his mother and sipped his brandy while he eyed his brother's rumpled state. "Well, you two certainly look like you had a good time, although I must say that your clothing seems slightly the worse for wear."

Nick looked at him sitting there still impeccably dressed. He smiled to himself smugly and thought, 'I knew his clothes wouldn't dare to wrinkle.' He raised his glass to him and nudged Heath's arm. "Yes we did brother Jarrod. Why I do believe we danced almost every dance while you spent most of the night talking politics with those stuffed shirts from the town council."

"Yes well, I'm a little more fussy about who I dance with than you two." He raised his eyebrows questionably and asked, "didn't I see both of you take a turn with Sarah Purdy? I could swear you said you'd never dance with her again after that dinner party at the Claytons last year."

He frowned in thought, "what did you say again?" He nodded and held up his finger, "ah yes, I remember now. You said your horse could dance better than her AND he was better looking."

Victoria hid her smile by taking a sip of tea as Nick waved his hand in the air. "WELL HE CAN AND HE IS!!"

Heath nodded in agreement, "he's right Jarrod, I don't think my toes will ever recover. It sure was a great party though."

Victoria put down her cup and sighed wistfully. "It was a beautiful wedding, everything went so well but I still can't believe my little girl is married."

Jarrod reached over and squeezed her hand, "they make a lovely couple Mother, I know Carl will be a good husband to her and she'll be happy."

Heath smiled knowingly, "yes Mother, you don't have to worry about that."

She picked up her cup, "well we should receive a telegram from them sometime tomorrow. They told me when they left to catch the ten o'clock train to San Francisco that they'd wire us no later than tomorrow afternoon. I'm so glad they decided to go for a few days."

They all nodded in agreement. Audra hadn't wanted to take a honeymoon in case something happened while she was gone, but Heath had convinced her to go, telling her she couldn't live her life around 'what ifs?'. They would only be gone four days and when they returned they would still come over to the house often to have supper with the family and spend time with them just as though she still lived there.

Nick yawned loudly, closed his eyes and laid his head back, "Perkin's said he'd send his boy out with the wire when it comes in, save us a trip into town."

He yawned again and Heath stood up and reached for his arm, "come on big brother, I think it's time for bed." He hauled him to his feet, "I reckon you've had too much dancin' and bubbly, you're all wore out."

Nick scowled at him, "you'd be tired too Heath if I hadn't of made ya take that nap this afternoon."

He hadn't wanted to take a chance of Heath getting overtired, knowing it was going to be a very long day, so he had sent him to the quiet of the bunkhouse for a two hour sleep before the reception.

Heath put a hand on his shoulder as they made their way to the door. "I know Nick, and while I was sleeping did ya get that little job we discussed done?"

Nick let out a snicker and patted his brother on the back, "yep, all done brother Heath. Won't Carl just be thrilled?"

"Uh huh..."

Victoria looked at them suspiciously, "what did you two do?"

They turned at the door, both wearing identical grins and gave her an innocent look. Heath spoke for both of them. "Nothin' Mother, just gave them a little present is all." He gave Nick a wink and opened the door, "well goodnight Mother, Jarrod. We'll see ya in the mornin'."

Nick let out another yawn, "yeah, goodnight Mother, Jarrod."

Muffled laughter could be heard after they left the room and Jarrod turned to his mother with a frown, "what are those two up to now?"

She raised her hands, shook her head and gave him the 'I don't want to know' look she had adopted of late. She found it so much easier on her nerves if she didn't know what they were doing until the deed was done.

As the brother's climbed the stairs chuckling, a newlywed bride in the honeymoon suite at the best hotel in San Francisco let out a shriek as she lifted the lid on the box she thought contained a beautiful silk negligee and instead found a long flannel nightgown covered in big pink flowers!!

Nick stopped outside Heath's bedroom door and grinned, "she's not gonna' be happy with us ya know."

Heath eyes lit up and he laughed, "what about Carl? Bet he ain't expectin' her to be wearin' THAT on their weddin' night."

They said goodnight, secure in the knowledge that their night's work was complete.

March came in with milder weather and Carl and Audra returned from their honeymoon and settled in at his ranch. Upon her return from her honeymoon trip, Audra had given her two brother's a frosty glare and refused to speak to them and when Victoria found out what they had done, they were treated to another tongue lashing. Jarrod, fortunately, had found it amusing and so they were at least spared one of his long-winded lectures on acting like mature adults.

With March came spring calving and foaling and everywhere on the ranch it seemed like there was new life. Spring roundup would be starting soon and the ranch hands that had been laid off in the winter started to trickle back in and pick up where they had left off the season before. Charlie and Mike took each aside as they came in and explained what was going on. They all liked and respected Heath and were saddened by the news, but they were hardened cowboys, so except for a hardy handshake, slap on the back or a firm grip on the shoulder to show how they felt, they didn't talk about it. Charlie would watch these 'hardened cowboys' though and smiled, because anytime Heath even looked like he was getting tired, they were right there taking over for him and making him take a rest. If he argued, they quickly learned that all they had to do was threaten to tell Nick on him and he would give them a dirty look, ride his horse to the edge of the herd and sit quietly watching for awhile until he felt better.

Heath knew if they told Nick, his brother would drag him home and make him go to bed. He had come downstairs a couple of times exhausted from a restless night and Nick had taken one look at his pale face and sent him back to bed with threats of dire consequences ringing in his ears if he didn't stay there. Heath knew he was in a no win situation, the men threatened to tell Nick on him and Nick in turn threatened to tell their mother if he didn't do as he was told. Heath decided it was easier to just go back to bed than get on the wrong side of his brother's temper. The men had all had Nick's wrath come down on their heads a time or two for no apparent reason but they let it roll off, knowing he had to take his anger out on something or someone.

That someone happened to be in Annie's when Nick stopped in for a beer on his way home one day after going into Stockton to pick up the mail. Heath had just gotten up from his nap and was coming out of the barn with his horse when Nick rode up and dismounted.

Heath reached over, grabbed his jaw and eyed the bruise forming under his brother's eye. "What happened to you?"

The hazel eyes narrowed, "let's just say I ran into something."

"Uh huh, something like a fist Nick?" Heath released the jaw and shook his head. "Guess it can get pretty rough pickin' up the mail anymore." He swung into the saddle with an easy grace and winked, "hope the other guy looks worse big brother."

"They do."

"They Nick?" Heath frowned and tilted his head at the look of satisfaction on Nick's face.

"Just had a little disagreement is all. Nothin' to worry about, I took care of it. Now let's go." He hauled himself back into the saddle and wheeled around to follow Heath out the gate and back to the range as he thought about what had happened in town.

He had stopped at Annie's and was having a beer and talking to Harry when Emmet and Alan Kyles had come in and sat down at a table. They had bought a bottle of whiskey and were pounding it back as they glared at Nick standing at the bar.

"Hey Barkley, we hear tell that brother of your's is gonna' die soon." Emmett jostled his brother's arm and smirked.

Nick's finger's tightened around his glass as he tried to control his temper. He knew those Kyles' boys were just trying to get to him and he had no intention of playing their game.

Alan's voice cut across the room with a sneer, "can't be too soon for us after what he done to our brother Korby. Rottin' in some jail 'cause of the lies that bastard whelp of your daddy's said 'bout him."

Harry gave them a dirty look as he laid his hand on Nick's arm and felt it shaking with anger. "Ignore them Nick, they ain't worth it."

The Kyles boys were too stupid to know when to stop and Emmit got up, walked up behind Nick and hissed in his ear, "I hope the bastard rots in hell, it's all his kind deserves."

A black rage took control of Nick's mind as his fingers shattered the glass and all the weeks of anger, sorrow and guilt burst out. He turned so quickly Emmitt didn't even have a chance to move as the black gloved fist connecting with his mouth sent him staggering back three steps. Nick took one long stride, grabbed him by the shirt front and threw him across the room as if he weighed nothing. He landed on a table that collapsed under him like matchsticks and he tried to stagger to his feet before another punch had him sliding unconscious amongst the debris. Nick stood there panting as Alan came up behind him, spun him around and caught him with a right hook that glanced off his cheekbone. Everyone still in the saloon moved to the side of the room as Nick let out a growl, grabbed Alan by the shoulder and pummelled him until he slid down and collapsed at his feet.

Harry shook his head and picked up Nick's hat from where it had fallen. He handed it to him as Nick stood there, his chest heaving as the black rage retreated and he was able to see clearly again.

He reached into the pocket of his vest and pulled out some bills which he handed to Harry. "Sorry Harry, this should cover the damage."

"It's all right Nick, if you hadn't of done it, I might of." He patted his friend on the back. "You go on home now," Harry looked at the two brother's on the floor with disgust, "I'll clean up the 'mess'."

It was near the end of March and spring roundup was in full swing. Hundreds of bawling steers dotted the pastures as the men gathered them to be checked and branded. Except for Nick and Heath going home for a couple of hours during the day, everyone worked from sunup to nearly sundown. Long days spent in the spring sunshine had given Heath a deep golden tan that made him look the picture of health but Nick wasn't fooled. He noticed Heath rubbing his chest more often and getting tired faster, but when Nick asked if he was all right, Heath would assure him he was fine and it was just a little twinge.

Nick reined his horse in beside Heath's and took a long drink from the canteen his brother offered him. They sat for a few minutes in companionable silence watching Slim and Jesse throw and brand steer after steer as Nick tried to think of a tactful way to broach the subject he wanted to talk about. But Nick being Nick he didn't know how to be tactful so he just blurted it out.

"Heath, maybe you shouldn't come out here anymore," he waved a gloved hand at the scene in front of them. "Maybe you should stay home and do paperwork or somethin' easier."

Saddle leather creaked as Heath turned to look at his brother with raised eyebrows. "So, ya want me to die sitting at a desk ..." he winked to let Nick know he was funnin' with him, "buried under paper work?"

Nick scowled and made a disgusted sound. He didn't know how Heath could joke about it this way, like it didn't matter to him. "No, I just don't want ya over doin' it is all."

"Nick, I'm a cowboy. If I have to go, I want it to be out here with the sun and the wind in my face, doin' what I love, not cooped up inside behind some desk." The blue eyes twinkled and he threw his brother a wide grin, "this is 'The Last Roundup' Nick, and I don't intend to miss it!"

Nick reached over and slapped him on the back, "all right Heath, but just take it a bit easy will ya?"

"I will Nick," He looked up as a shadow passed over them. "Looky there Nick, it's one of those golden eagle's from up at Lookout Peak." He smiled as he watched the bird dip and soar above them, "that's where I want my soul to go when I die Nick."

Nick gave an involuntary shiver as he remembered back three years before when Jarrod had shown him the new handgun he had specially made for Heath's birthday. It had a golden eagle on the stock and when he asked Jarrod why he had the eagle put on, he said it reminded him of Heath, golden, wild and free, with an anger inside that was tempered by intelligence and caring, but also courageous and loyal to a fault. The shadow passed over them again and Nick pulled his coat about himself tighter to ward off the sudden chill.

Nick was scared, he had never been so scared in his life.

He had watched his brother cut a steer out of the herd a few days later, drop his lasso around it's neck and leap off his horse to throw the animal so Steve could brand it. Heath had pulled his rope off when they were done and walked back to his horse as Nick nudged his grey mare forward to go over and tell them it was time for lunch.

He sat in the chair by the bed, elbows on his knees, clasped hands pressed against his mouth as he watched the steady rise and fall of his brother's chest as he slept. He closed his eyes as his mind replayed the scene from this afternoon in his mind.

"Hey Heath, Mike, time to take a..." He had been about seventy feet away as Heath reached for his saddle horn and started to mount his horse. He had stopped suddenly and his right hand had clutched at his chesthis left tightened on the saddle horn to hold himself up.

"HEATH!!"

Nick's heart slammed against his ribs and he spurred the mare forward and leapt off as he ran to his brother. Mike turned from putting the branding iron back in the fire at the note of panic in Nick's voice and came running over when he saw what was happening.

Heath was leaning against the side of his horse, hanging onto the horn, his face twisted in pain as he laid his cheek against the saddle. Charger snorted and shifted a bit as Nick and Mike ran towards him and Heath's white knuckled grip on the saddle horn was the only thing that kept him from falling.

Heath knew if he let go he wouldn't get up again. The pain in his chest was an agony and he suddenly didn't have the strength to reach for his pills, all he could do was hang on. He dimly thought he heard Nick yelling at him, but all he could see was a great rolling blackness crashing through his mind.

Nick reached him and his face paled at the sight of his brother panting, eyes tightly closed as he gasped out small groans of pain. Mike took a hold of Chargers bridle and put a steadying hand on his neck to keep him still as Nick tried to help his brother. He reached up to pry Heath's fingers off the saddle horn but he had a vice like grip on it and wouldn't let go.

"Heath!" Nick stood behind him and put his arms around his waist to support him as he spoke urgently in his ear, "Heath, where's your pills?"

He wanted to answer him, tried to answer him but the searing pain snatched his breath away and the only sound Nick heard was the panting breaths and moans of pain. Beads of sweat had started to run down Heath's cheek from beneath the tan Stetson and Nick's heart was now pounding in fear.

Mike took a firmer grip on the bridle as Charger shifted again when Nick raised his voice in panic, "HEATH, WHERE'S YOUR PILLS?"

Mike knew they didn't have a lot of time, "check his pockets Nick, he must have them with him."

Nick held him up with one arm while he frantically searched his brother's pants pockets before cursing and pulling open the buttons on the denim jacket. They had to be there. He forced Heath's hand away from his chest and reached inside to find the little bottle in his shirt pocket. He used his weight to press Heath against the side of the horse and hold him up while his shaking fingers tried to get the lid off the bottle.

"DAMMIT."

He took a shuddering breath as the lid finally came off and he shook the pills into his hand. He picked one out and put the rest, along with the bottle into his coat pocket, his mind not even registering what he'd seen. Charger shifted again as Heath leaned more heavily against him.

"HOLD HIM STILL MIKE!"

Nick forced a pill into Heath's mouth and pushed it under his tongue, "now don't swallow that Heath, just leave it under your tongue like doc told ya to do."

Nick reached up and ripped one of the reins free of Heath's fingers and dropped it on the ground. Heath had trained the horse well and Nick knew he wouldn't move an inch now with the rein on the ground. His heart was racing in time with his brother's as he tried to hold back his panic, "Mike, the rest of the men are at the chuckwagon. Have someone go for the doc then come back here with help, we gotta' get him home."

Mike gave a quick nod, mounted his horse and raced off to the far side of the pasture where the chuckwagon was set up.

Nick wrapped his arms around Heath's waist again and laid his chin on his brother's trembling shoulder and whispered in his ear. "Take it easy Heath, just take it easy, I'm here, I won't let ya go, shhhh now, just breath, come on now little brother, don't give up on me now, just relax and breath ... ya gotta' listen to me, it's gonna' be alright, I'm here."

It seemed like hours, but was in reality only a couple of minutes until the blackness started to recede along with the pain and Heath could hear Nick's soothing voice in his ear telling him to relax. He felt the strong presence at his back holding onto him, giving him the strength he needed to fight back.

Nick felt the bunched muscles in Heath's shoulder start to relax and he lifted his chin to look at his brother's face. "Heath, can ya hear me?"

His eyes were closed, cheek still pressed against the saddle and he took a shaky breath and nodded, "tired Nick ..."

The murmured words were barely more than a breath of air and Nick tightened his hold as he supported more of his brothers weight and spoke to him quietly. "I know ya are Heath. I'm gonna' get ya home and you can have a nice long sleep, but you gotta' stay with me, ya hear?" At the small nod, Nick took a deep breath to calm himself and reached up to pull Heath's hand off the saddle horn. "Let go now Heath, I've got ya."

Heath dropped the hand he was holding against his chest to cover the one Nick had around his waist as he whispered, his eyes still closed. "Don't let me fall Nick."

Nick laced his fingers through Heath's as he took them off the horn and wrapped both arms around the lean waist. He laid his cheek against his brother's shoulder as Heath's panting breaths slowed down and evened out and Nick closed his eyes in relief. "Just lean on me little brother, I won't let ya fall."

A small smile tugged at Heath's mouth and he squeezed his brother's hand and murmured, "I know ya won't Nick, ya always take care of me."

Nick opened his eyes and looked up as the bedroom door opened and Doctor Merar approached the bed followed closely by Victoria who went to stand at the foot of the bed, her hands gripping the brass rail.

Howard put his medical bag on the night table and nodded to the haggard looking man in the chair, "Nick."

"Doc."

They spoke in low voices so as not to disturb the sleeping man. Heath had fallen asleep almost immediately after Nick and Mike had supported him to his room and helped him undress and he showed no sign of waking since then. Jesse had ridden ahead to warn Victoria that they were coming and she sent Silas up to turn down the bed as she waited. She had stood on the veranda, her heart pounding as Nick and Heath had galloped through the gate doubled up on Charger, Nicks arm the only thing holding his brother on his horse.

Howard pulled his stethoscope out of the bag and gently sat on the side of the bed. He glanced at Nick as he slipped the instrument around his neck and put the earpieces in. "Your Mother tells me Heath had a bad attack today and you were with him when it happened."

"Yeah."

"Tell me exactly what happened."

Doctor Merar listened carefully as Nick explained how bad the attack had been, how Heath hadn't been able to help himself. He nodded as he placed the stethoscope on the bare chest and lightly picked up the limp wrist to take Heath's pulse. As he finished he sighed and turned to Victoria who had moved over and now stood with her hand rubbing Nick's shoulder.

"Has he had many attacks Victoria?"

She shook her head as she watched her son sleep. "No..."

"Yes."

Nick stared at the floor as he interrupted his mother. She came around to stand in front of him and he raised his head to look at her.

Doctor Merar got up and came around the bed to sit facing him. "How many Nick?"

Nick reached for his coat that he had hung on the bedpost, pulled the small bottle of pills out and handed them to the doctor. Howard took the lid off and shook the pills into his hand. He stared at Nick hard before he put them back in the bottle and handed them back to him. Nick's fingers squeezed the bottle that held the difference between life and death for his brother and shook his head. He was angry, he was so angry he wanted to wake his brother up and scream his rage at him. 'Why didn't you say anything, why didn't you tell me, why did you carry this burden alone? Didn't you trust me?'

He put the bottle on the night table and sighed deeply as his mother looked at Doctor Merar. "I want to know what's going on Howard. What aren't you telling me?"

He got up wearily and took her arm, "let's talk downstairs Victoria." He shook his head when she started to protest, "he'll sleep for quite awhile yet, he needs it and our talking might wake him up. Nick, you come too, you can get Silas to sit with Heath while we're gone."

Nick didn't plan on leaving Heath alone for even a second. "You go ahead, I'll wait here till Silas comes up." His mother nodded and followed Howard to the door.

"All right Nick, we'll be in the library when you come down." She closed the door gently as they left.

Nick stared at his brother, willing him to wake up and give him the answers he needed. He stood up as Silas came in and took the chair on the other side of the bed, his dark face creased with worry as he saw how pale Heath was beneath the tan.

Nick reached down and rubbed his sleeping brother's bare arm lightly before taking the work roughened hand in his, squeezing it gently and murmuring. "You rest easy now little brother, I'll be right back."

Silas pulled his chair closer as Nick left and started to murmur quietly to the sleeping man. "Now y'all listen to yo' big brother Mr. Heath, y'all gonna' be just fine. Ya just rest easy an' get better, 'cause ol' Silas he be a prayin' fo' ya now, ya hear? Don't ya be tryin' ta leave us, ya gotta be strong and fight back, that's what I always say." He sat back and said a silent prayer as he watched Heath sleep.

Nick came into the library to find Doctor Merar and his mother sitting silently on the sofa.

"Did you tell her Doc?"

"Not yet Nick, I'd rather do this all at once."

He looked over as Nick sank wearily into a chair opposite them. He crossed his ankle on his knee, propped his elbow on the arm of the chair and put his hand to his forehead, his fingers hiding his closed eyes.

"Did you know Nick?"

"No." His voice was low and ragged, worn out and he couldn't look at them, "he never said a word, never complained. I didn't know until I took them out of my pocket to put them back in the bottle."

Victoria snapped at them, "I want to know what's going on and I want to know now. He's my son, I won't have you keeping things from me."

Nick didn't say a word and Howard let out a sigh as he picked up her hands and started to explain. "This is far from Heath's first attack Victoria. The bottle was full when I gave it to him, now it's almost empty. He looked at her intently and tears welled in her eyes as his meaning became clear.

"How bad is he Howard?"

He shrugged as he watched her grey eyes pleading with him, begging him to tell her her son was going to be all right, that it wasn't as bad as she feared.

"I'm not going to lie to you Victoria, this attack was severe and has done more damage." He glanced at Nick who was rubbing his forehead where a tension headache pounded unmercifully.

"It had nothing to do with him working, it would have happened even if he just sat around here all day. As a matter of fact it would have happened sooner because he wouldn't have been as strong as he is now. I'll be honest, I never expected him to hang on as long as he has. That son of yours is a fighter though, he's young and strong and he doesn't intend to go easily into that good night."

"Is there nothing you can do?" She shook her head as she tried to make sense of what he was saying, "a different medicine perhaps...something?"

"There's nothing Victoria, no miracle, no easy cure...I'm sorry." She looked so small and helpless, he hated taking away the hope in her eyes. He squeezed her hands gently. "I know it's not fair Victoria, but bad things happen to good people sometimes, and that's life. I believe there's a reason for everything and I would like to think that a good man like your son is needed somewhere more important than here."

Nick pushed himself out of his chair and strode from the room, slamming the front door as he left the house.

Victoria stood as the doctor rose to take his leave, he held her cold hands in his as she apologized. "I'm sorry Howard, Nick's just having such a hard time. He and Heath are so close and ..." She stopped as her tears threatened to spill over.

He held her arms and bent down to look at her, "don't apologize Victoria, I know how hard this is on Nick, on all of you. Nick is angry and scared right now, don't let him blame himself because he didn't know about the attacks."

She shook her head in confusion, "why didn't he tell us, why didn't he say anything? We're his family, we have a right to know."

His pale blue eyes held her's, "I'm sure Heath didn't say anything about this not because he doesn't care, but because he cares so much that he's trying to protect all of you from hurting anymore than you all ready are. Try to make Nick see that Victoria."

She straightened up and tried to pull herself together. Both her son's needed her, she would be strong for them when they couldn't be.

"I'll go talk to him Howard."

"Good, he needs your steady common sense advice right now." He put on his hat and made his way to the door."I want you to keep Heath quiet for the next forty-eight hours, after that he can do as he likes within reason. I'll have someone bring another bottle of pills out tomorrow. "

She looked at him hopefully, "what if we keep him inside, don't let him work so hard, maybe..."

He touched her arm gently as he interrupted her."Would he be happy, Victoria?"

The silver head gave a negative shake. "No."

"All right then, let him be happy for the time he's got left, it's his life after all."

....Continued