The miles fell away behind him as the two loped across the open pastures, Nick so lost in his thoughts he didn't realize where they were until CoCo slowed down to a walk and his heart gave a jolt when he looked up and saw they were at the base of Lookout Peak. He jerked the chestnut around harshly and dug his spurs in, heedless of the direction they were going, just so long as it was away from the place where he had lost his brother.

They had gone nearly two miles and the old horse was labouring badly but Nick kept digging his spurs in, trying to outrun the demons chasing him. CoCo finally staggered in exhaustion, stumbled and went to his knees tossing Nick over his head before regaining his feet. He stood there, head down, sides heaving, the sweat running off him in rivulets and foam flecking his deep liver coat.

Nick shook his head and a wave of dizziness swept over him as he pushed himself up onto his hands and knees. He sat back on his heels with his hands on his thighs and closed his eyes, waiting for his head to stop spinning before he looked up and saw CoCo standing a few feet in front of him, blowing hard, his knees skinned and blood dripping from his deeply flaring nostrils.

Nick rocked back and put his hands over his eyes in agony. He knew it was just some ruptured blood vessels, but it was his fault. He had ridden him into the ground, uncaring of the horse's welfare, only caring about what he needed. What was wrong with him? He knew he was hurting everyone around him, his mother, Audra, Jarrod, his friends ... even his horses. Where would it end?

He dropped his hands and looked up at the clear blue sky, his voice raspy and pleading, "Heath where are ya? I need ya brother, I can't stand this, I can't stand to be alone any more."

The only sound that came to him was CoCo's harsh breathing and he watched as a drop of blood splashed onto the dirt and was soaked up by the dry earth. Despair gripped his heart with icy tendrils and his hand went to his side and he pulled out his gun, cradling it in shaking hands before pulling back the hammer slowly. The wind made an eerie moaning sound as it blew through the pine trees around him - it sounded as lonely as he was.

His rugged face crumpled in pain and tears tracked slowly down his cheeks as he raised the gun towards his head and squeezed his eyes shut. "I hate you Heath, I...I...I... hate you...I hate ya for making me love ya so much..."

His voice was a tormented whisper as he finally let go of the anger that had been festering inside him for so long and he laid bare his heart, "why did ya have to go? Why did ya have to leave me here all alone? I loved you little brother ... I loved you ... do ya hear me?"

He felt a shadow pass over him and looked up through his tears to see a golden eagle swoop low above him and a quiet, gentle voice lightly caressed his mind.

"I hear ya Nick."

There was no one around when Nick finally walked through the iron gates and led CoCo over to the water trough in front of the corral to drink his fill before leading him into the barn. It had taken hours to get back and he knew his feet were covered in blisters, but to him, every one of them was no more than just penance for what he had done and he would not complain. He stopped inside and pulled off his saddle and bridle before slipping a halter over the old horses head and cross tying him in the aisle. CoCo stood there patiently as Nick got a bucket of warm soapy water from the bunkhouse and washed the dried blood from his muzzle before kneeling down beside him and cleaning the skinned knees. The chestnut shifted and snorted at the sting as Nick patted them dry and applied some blueing to the abrasions.

He stood up when he was done and CoCo nuzzled his chest in affection. Nick looked into the trusting eyes and slipped under his neck, wrapping his arms around him and petting him soundly.

"I'm sorry old boy."

He gave him a final pat then went and got brushes, spending the next half hour cleaning the sweat off the chestnut coat before putting him in his stall, making sure he had fresh water, hay and an extra ration of grain.

Nick took a deep breath and squared his shoulders as he made his way to the house. He had had plenty of time to think today and knew he had a few apologies to make, starting with the person he had hurt the most.

Jarrod heard the front door open and came from the living room to see Nick crossing the foyer, throwing his hat on the table on his way to the staircase.

"Where do you think you're going?"

Nick stopped on the bottom step and turned to look at him. "I'm going up to talk to Mother."

Jarrod crossed his arms and gave him a hard stare. "I think you've said enough for one day, don't you Nick?"

He watched his brother lower himself to sit on the step, shoulders slumped in weariness as he shook his dark head. "I have to talk to her Jarrod. I know I can't take back what I said and I know I can't make it right, but I still have to talk to her."

"I can't stop you Nick, but if you say anything to hurt her again..."

"I won't, I promise." He stood up and reached out to touch his brother's arm, "I'm sorry Jarrod ... for everything."

The blue eyes studied him for a moment, gaging his sincerity. Jarrod could see the change in him, it was there in his eyes, an acceptance of what had been and what would be. He didn't know how or why but he was relieved to see it because it meant that now the healing could begin ... for all of them.

He tilted his head, the lawyer in him not quite ready to forgive and forget. "I'll take your apology under consideration Nick."

The dark head nodded and he went up the stairs slowly and stopped outside his mother's door. He was almost afraid to go in, not knowing what he would say but needing forgiveness and knowing he didn't deserve any.

He tapped gently, his hand on the door nob, "Mother? Can I come in? I...I want to talk to you."

"Go away Nick."

He leaned his forehead on the door at her words but refused to leave, "Mother? I'm coming in, I have to talk to you."

She was sitting on the chaise lounge in front of her window, staring out at nothing, a well used handkerchief balled up in her hand. He sat down beside her and turned to look at her, the red rimmed eyes and pale features telling their own story of the hurt he had caused her.

"Mother?"

"I said go away Nick, I have nothing to say to you. I don't even know who you are anymore. All I do know is that the son I knew would never have said those hateful words to me."

"Mother please."

His heart sank when she continued to ignore his presence, her stiff posture telling him plainly that he wasn't welcome but he knew he had to try and his voice came out hesitantly as he sought for words.

"I'm sorry Mother. I had no right to say that to you. I don't even know why I said it." He rested his forearms on his thighs and spread his hands as she turned further away from him. "That's a lie, I do know why I said it. I said it because I wanted to hurt you, I wanted you to hurt as much as I do and...and..."

"Do you think I don't hurt as much as you do Nick?" His stomach dropped at her quiet words and he watched a tear slowly trickle down her cheek. "Do you think just because I didn't give birth to him that Heath wasn't my son as much as any of my children, that I didn't love him as much as the rest of you?"

She turned to him, more tears spilling over in her grief. "Is that what you think Nick? That I couldn't love him as much because he wasn't a part of me?"

He reached over and picked up her hand, "no Mother, not ever. I know Heath was your son in every way that matters ... I know that, and you were his mother. He was so proud to be your son and so am I, you have to know that."

She pulled her hand away and wiped her eyes as he raked his hand through his hair. "I did a lot of thinking today Mother and I finally realized why I've been so angry, why I've been hurting everyone around me. It's Heath I've been angry with and he isn't here to take it out on, so I've been taking it out on the people who are here."

Victoria shook her head in confusion, "why would you be angry with Heath?"

He shrugged and his lips twisted in a wry grimace, "because he left me, because he went away and left me alone. He took my best friend, my brother, my partner...and he left. I guess I figured if I stayed angry, no one would be able to hurt me like that ever again and in doing that, I had closed him out of my heart. He was truly gone and I didn't know how to get him back. And then I got angry, at everyone and everything, and I couldn't stop myself from feeling that way."

"Oh Nick." She stroked his weathered cheek and held his tear filled eyes, "why didn't you say something, talk to us, we're hurting as much as you son, maybe in different ways, but just as much. You have to let go of this anger, I've lost one son, I don't want to lose another."

"I know Mother, but it's going to be all right now." He took a shuddering breath and let it out slowly, "I found him again, he was there when I needed him, when I didn't think there was any other way out of this misery except ... he was there just like he's always been there for me."

Victoria caught her breath, her heart hammering, knowing by the look in his eyes what he had been going to do, how close she had come to losing two sons.

He picked up both her hands in his and held her eyes, "I wish I could take back what I said, but I can't. It's like Heath always said, 'there's no sense wishin' for things that are gone'. All I can do is ask you to forgive me."

Victoria dropped her head, "I'll be honest with you Nick, you couldn't have said anything that could have hurt me more than that and I think it's going to take me awhile to forgive you, in here." She pulled her hand from his and held it over her heart, "eventually I will, but it's going to take some time."

"I know Mother and I understand how you feel. I love you." He dipped his head to look into her eyes, "you know that don't you?"

"I know Nick."

Victoria held onto his hand when he went to rise, "Nick, Jarrod is going to San Francisco in a couple of days and he has asked me to go along. He thinks a change of scenery would do me good, get me out of the house and away from..." She waved her hand around.

"Away from the loneliness here? It's not the same without Heath here and I haven't been very good company have I?'

"It's not that Nick, I just need to get away for awhile, to think about things but I really don't feel like going to San Francisco while Jarrod spends all his time in court. No, there's somewhere else I'd like to go and I think I'll ask Audra if she'd like to go with me. Carl is leaving for a cattle auction tomorrow and won't be back until next week and I think Audra could use some time away too."

Nick heaved himself to his feet with a sigh, "speaking of Audra and Carl, I guess I best be goin' over to their place."

Victoria patted his hand and gave him a small smile, "I'll have the liniment ready when you return."

Nick went to the door and looked back hopefully, "can I punch him back?"

"I don't think so Nick, just go apologize and take your punishment like a man."

"Hrummmmmpphhh"

Nick walked into the living room and headed immediately for the drinks table, sloshing a liberal amount of whiskey into a glass before going and sitting down in one of the brocade chairs beside the empty fireplace. He looked around the silent room, the deepening twilight making it seen cold and gloomy. He threw back his drink and sank lower in the chair, his mood becoming as dark as the room. There was no one left in the house except for him and Silas, Jarrod was in San Francisco and Mother and Audra had gone to Sacramento. It had only been three days but it was starting to feel like an eternity as he awaited their return at the end of the week.

Silas came into the room and tsked as he set about lighting lamps in the ever darkening room. "Why y'all sittin' in the dark Mr. Nick?"

"I didn't even notice Silas, guess I'm just tired. When's supper?"

"Supper be ready in 'bout a half hour, would ya like to take it in here?" Silas knew Nick wouldn't eat in the dining room and had been having his meals on a tray in the library for the past three days.

"No, no. I'll eat in the kitchen." Silas watched him pick up the family picture from the table beside him and study it, his face taking on a sad look, "ya know Silas, it just isn't the same without Heath here. It's getting hard to remember what he looked like sometimes."

The elderly servant came over to stand beside him and he pointed at the picture, "what y'all talkin' 'bout Mr. Nick? Why, that be Mr. Heath right there."

Nick stared at the picture hard, everyone in it so stiff and formal, unsmiling in their suits, ties and fancy dresses, "that's just it Silas, this isn't Heath, at least not my Heath. It's like looking at a stranger, do ya know what I mean?"

Silas took the picture and set it back on the table, "I knows what ya mean Mr. Nick, but y'all don't need no picture to remember Mr. Heath. All's ya gotta' do is look in yo' heart and he be there. Y'all can't be sad when ya think of him, why Mr. Heath done told me that himself. He said, 'I only want ya to think of me with happiness Silas 'cause that's the way I want y'all to remember me', that's what he says to me Mr. Nick, 'think of me with happiness', and when I'm missin' him, that's what I do."

Nick thought about it for a second, then stood up and patted him on the shoulder, "thanks Silas, I'll remember that. Now let's go have supper, I'm starvin'."

The words were music to the old man's heart as he went out of the room with a broad smile, he hadn't heard those words in over two months.

Jarrod returned Friday night and Victoria and Audra came home on Sunday morning, laden down with packages and hat boxes. Jarrod perused the small mountain of parcels with a raised eyebrow.

"Well now, it would seem to me that you two fine young ladies have emptied out every shop in Sacramento."

Victoria gave him a kiss and Audra hugged him, her eyes sparkling, "oh, but we had so much fun doing it, didn't we Mother?"

"I must admit we did," she put her hands on her hips and looked around. "I didn't realize we had bought so much though. Oh well, it doesn't matter, I believe a woman's entitled to indulge herself now and then isn't she."

Jarrod was happy to see the color back in her cheeks and the twinkle in her eyes. He held up his hands and shook his head. "Far be it for me to say she isn't Mother. Just as long as I don't have to go along, I am all for you indulging yourselves to your hearts content."

"Thank you dear." She glanced at him and murmured, "where's Nick?"

"He's out checking the levels in the waterholes, he should be back this afternoon." He caught her worried look, "he's fine Mother, I grant you he's not the Nick we're used to, but he's doing a lot better."

"Are you sure Jarrod?"

"I'm sure Mother."

Silas came down the hall and his eyes opened wide at the sea of boxes littering the floor, "welcome home Mrs. Barkley, Miss Audra. Would ya like me to put these boxes in yo' room ma'am?"

"Yes please Silas, Audra will show you which ones are mine and you can leave the rest here until Carl comes to pick her up." She pointed to a small crate near the door, "Jarrod, could you bring that one into the living room for me?"

"I'd be delighted to dear lady," the crate wasn't overly heavy and he carried it into the next room while Audra and Silas took some of the other packages upstairs.

Jarrod set the crate down in front of the fireplace and tapped the top, "what have you got in here Mother?"

She laughed lightly and took his arm as she went back to the foyer to help sort the packages, "it's a secret."

Victoria and Audra were having tea in the living room and telling Jarrod about their trip to Sacramento when the front door burst open and slammed shut.

"MOTHER??... MOTHER!!"

All three jumped and Victoria put down her cup with an exasperated click as she got up and crossed the room to the foyer.

"NICK...how many times do I have to tell you to stop shouting in the...in the..." She saw him standing there with a familiar scowl on his face and all she could do was throw her arms around his neck and hug him tightly before kissing his cheek.

He hugged her then pulled back to look at her in bewilderment, "what's all this about?"

"I'm just so glad to have you back." She laid her head on his chest, "and don't ever stop shouting in the house again all right?"

"I wasn't gone anywhere - AND I DON'T SHOUT!!!"

His scowl grew deeper as Jarrod and Audra came out to see what was going on and rolled their eyes at his words. Nick released his mother and she took Jarrod's arm and returned to the living room while Audra stayed and looked at her brother warily.

He reached out slowly and cupped her cheek, his eyes searching her face, "hey little sister. I'm sorry."

She went into his strong arms, knowing this wasn't the stranger she had last seen, but her brother, her lifelong protector and her tender heart could forgive him easily.

"I miss him too Nick."

He stroked her hair as he held her, "I know."

Nick went upstairs to wash and when he came down, Victoria beckoned him into the living room where the family was gathered. Carl had arrived to pick up Audra and he and Nick exchanged polite nods. Nick rubbed his still sore jaw before he held out his hand, the first olive branch to be extended in mending their small rift. Carl accepted the gesture and shook hands as everyone breathed a sigh of relief.

Victoria took her son's arm and led him over to the crate, "Nick, I brought you something from Sacramento."

He looked at it and shrugged, "what is it?"

Audra clasped her hands in excitement and her blue eyes sparkled, "well open it silly, how will you know what's in it unless you open it?"

Jarrod blew out a cloud of smoke and gestured at him with his cigar, "she has a point Nick. Open it up and let's see."

Nick shot him a dirty look and pried the top off with the fireplace poker. He pulled away the packing material and lifted out a brown paper wrapped object tied with string. He was standing facing them as he pulled the wrapping off and they couldn't see what it was he was holding. Victoria got up and went to him as tears gathered in his eyes. He stared at it, his throat so tight it hurt to swallow.

She wrapped her arm around his and looked up at him. "John brought these over as we were about to leave. He came across them just recently and thought you would like to have them so I decided to bring them with us instead of having them shipped."

He bent down and placed a kiss on her cheek, his voice a raspy whisper. "Thank you Mother."

She reached into the crate and withdrew an envelope, "he sent you a note."

He took it from her, his hand shaking as he read the words.

"Nick,

I am sorry we didn't receive word in time to make it to Heath's funeral, Mother was very upset that she couldn't be there for your family and most especially your mother. I know how very close you were to your brother and how hard it has been for you, I hope these will make the pain a little easier to bear.

Yours as ever,
John Trent

Victoria hadn't told Audra what was in the crate despite her many attempts to cajole the information from her mother on the trip home. She could see that whatever it was had upset her brother and she sat forward in her chair with a determined look.

"Nick what is it?"

He shook his dark head and a tear crept down his cheek before he tucked the gift under his arm and left the room, his long strides taking him up the stairs two and three at a time.

Victoria wiped away a tear, picked up another of the wrapped packages in the crate and sat down. Jarrod, Audra and Carl looking at her silently, waiting for an explanation and she turned it around to show them.

Nick sat on Heath's bed and scrubbed his arm across his eyes. It was the first time he had come in the room since Heath left, but he needed to be near him, to feel close to him. The room was warm and welcoming and he could feel his brother all around him, soothing his overwrought emotions. He ran his finger over the beloved features and smiled as he studied the colored picture.

It was from one of the days when they had been breaking the wild mustangs and Heath had just been thrown by the Appaloosa mare. He ran his fingers over the picture again as he remembered the day so clearly.

He was sitting on the corral fence and Heath was standing between his legs, his forearms resting on his thighs, a huge smile on his suntanned face, his eyes a brilliant blue as he had looked up at him. He in turn was holding on to Heath's shoulders and looking down at him, a big grin creasing his cheeks. He would never forget that day, it spoke more loudly than any words of the bond he and Heath had shared and John had captured that moment in time forever.

He looked at the picture in the other side of the frame. It was of him and Heath, two cowboys sitting on their horses, hats pulled low against the glare of the sun, dusty and dirty after a hard days work, the joy in what they were doing evident in their smiling faces. His heart soared, this was his Heath, the brother he knew and loved, his kindred spirit and he no longer had to worry about forgetting him.

Nick finally placed the pictures on the night table where he could see them clearly and laid down. The pillows still carried Heath's familiar scent and a warm contentment filled him as exhaustion claimed him and he drifted off to sleep.

Victoria went up to check on him, knowing how upset he had been. When she didn't find him in his room, she knew with a mother's intuition where he would be. She crossed the room quietly, picked up a blanket from the chair and spread it over her sleeping son, looking down at the rugged face that, for the first time in a long time, was peaceful.

Nick had the best nights sleep he had had in months and he awoke late and sat up, his eyes going to the picture on the night table. It was time, he knew what he had to do and where he had to go. He went to his own room and opened the closet, taking down the wooden box Jarrod had given him the day after Heath died. He had put it on his shelf, refusing to even consider opening it because that would have meant admitting Heath was gone and he couldn't do that ... until now.

Victoria came into the foyer as he made his way downstairs and she glanced at the box he was carrying. She knew it contained the personal momentos Heath had left him.

"Where are you going Nick?'

Her expression told him of her concern and he gave her a small smile and spoke quietly, his usually loud voice noticeably absent as he struggled with what he needed to do.

"Don't worry Mother, I'm fine. I'm just going to go talk to my brother and I'll probably be back late so don't wait supper for me ok?"

She knew it wasn't Jarrod he was going to talk to and she reached up and gave him a quick hug, hoping he would find what he was looking for, what he needed to help him heal.

His steps were sure and purposeful as he went first to his mother's rose garden then on to the barn. They faltered when he came out a few minutes later carrying his saddle, bridle and a bucket of brushes and started towards the far paddock. He still hadn't been able to go near the horse in the past week but now he knew he had to - for both their sakes.

Charger stood in the far corner and watched the big man approach. He didn't bother running over to the gate anymore, the man had always turned away from him, ignored his welcoming nickers. His own man had always had a kind word and a friendly pat or scratch behind the ears for him before they went out to work together. He had looked for his man every day for a long time, waiting for him to come and get him but he never did.

Nick opened the gate and dropped his saddle beside it, looking over the distance between him and the horse. It was the first time in two months he had really looked at him and he felt Heath's disappointment wash over him at the state he had allowed the horse to get into. He walked over to the middle of the paddock and stopped, clearing his throat before he called to him, not realizing that subconciously he was trying to bridge the gap and asking the horse to meet him half way.

"Hey boy, come on over here. Come on now, it's gonna' be all right. Come on now, I won't hurt ya."

Charger pricked his ears at the wheedling tone. He had spent the past five years listening to this man talking so loudly that the soft voice he was using now got his attention. He watched him standing there so still and took a few steps closer before stopping a dozen paces away and stretching his neck out, breathing in his scent and deciding the man meant him no harm.

Nick lifted his hand slowly and let the horse smell it before he ran it down his nose. Charger snuffled him and moved closer, rubbing his head on Nick's arm in welcome before nudging him in the chest playfully and pushing him backwards with his nose. Nick laughed out loud and whacked him on the chest as Charger made low, whickery sounds of pleasure deep in his throat and butted him again with his head.

It took him nearly two hours and a lot of elbow grease, but when he was done, the big bay shone so brightly Nick could almost see himself in his coat. He took the halter off and gave him a good scratch before he slipped his bridle on and picked up his saddle as Charger champed the bit in excitement.

Nick could feel the pent up power beneath him when he mounted. This was a man's horse, big, tough, strong - a working horse. Charger had stayed in perfect shape running along the fence all day but he needed to get out and run hard, he needed to get back to work. Nick swung him through the gate and the gelding leapt forward, only a slight leg pressure needed to guide him as Nick remembered what Jarrod told him Heath had said, 'and he damn well better not use those spurs on him!'.

Mike, Charlie, Steve and Jesse watched them from the bunkhouse window and nodded in approval. "Those two needed each other, they weren't going to make it any other way." Mike slapped Charlie on the back at his muttered words.

"They'll be all right now, our boy is watchin' over them."

Nick approached the cemetery and slowed down as he took in the sight of someone kneeling beside Heath's grave. The figure in the long duster and beat up cowboy hat hadn't heard him ride up and froze at the sound of spurs coming closer. He leapt to his feet and tried to run but a black gloved hand reached out and snared his arm, jerking him to a halt and he lowered his head, his hat shading his face.

"Who are you and what are you doin' here?"

"I...I...I..." The voice trailed off into a frightened silence.

"Speak up boy, and look at me when I'm talkin' to ya." Nick's heart slammed against his ribs when a pair of light green eyes in a boyish face lifted to meet his stunned gaze.

"I saw the story 'bout Heath in the paper awhile back and I come to say goodbye and...and...to tell him I'm sorry. I guess I best be on my way now."

Nick studied the pinched features and ragged clothes, the evidence of a hard life right there in front of his eyes. The same life Billy had led before Heath took him in and turned him around. His brother had been willing to give the boy a second chance - could he do any less?

"Where ya plannin' on goin' boy? Ya got a job to go to?"

"No, I been on the road for six weeks now. I had to come and see Heath but I'll find somethin'. I'll get by till somethin' comes along." He tried to shrug off the hand holding his arm. "If ya would let go of me, I'll be leavin' now."

Nick stomach churned at the thought of the boy trying to make it on his own and knew Heath would have wanted him to help. He thought about it for a moment, knowing he couldn't find it in himself to have the boy on his ranch. It had been an accident and deep down he knew that and accepted it, but he wasn't able to forgive Billy for causing it. The answer came to him as if someone had spoken in his ear.

"I tell ya what boy, I won't hire ya myself, but my brother-in-law is lookin' for some good hands and I happen to know ya were trained by the best cowboy in these parts. You know Carl Wheeler, now head on over to his spread and tell him I sent ya and see that ya do a good job for him 'cause I'll be checkin' up on ya."

Nick gave the thin arm a little shake, "ya hear me boy?"

Billy's green eyes opened wide at the gruff words. It was a fresh start, a new page and he was eternally grateful for it. His friend Heath had told him many times that his brother was a good man and he was right. He nodded quickly, "yes sir, thank you sir. Ya won't hear of no trouble from me, ya can bet on that."

Nick released him and watched him go over and mount Mac. Billy tipped his hat and wheeled the little buckskin cowpony around, heading in the direction of the Wheeler Ranch. Nick waited until he was out of sight then dropped his saddle bags on the ground and gently removed the small deep red flowered rose bush from them. He planted it beside the black marble headstone with loving care and ran his fingers over the inscription.

Heath Thomson Barkley
May 14 1852 - May 1 1881

Beloved and cherished son, brother and friend
Gone but never forgotten in our hearts

He stood up and listened to the wind in the willow above him then nodded firmly.

"I'll meet ya up at the Peak little brother."

Nick pulled up in the meadow at Lookout Peak and pulled his saddle off, leaving his reins on the ground, knowing Charger wouldn't go anywhere while he was ground tied. He was still in awe of the horses speed and power, chuckling to himself at all the times he had told Heath that CoCo was faster. Now he knew that his brother had been holding his horse back not wanting to belittle the old horse.

He went over and sat down under the big pine tree where he and Heath had spent so many hours, talking, laughing and joking or just sitting quietly watching the sun set. There were only good memories here now, even the last day had been good if only he could have realized it sooner. They had been together and happy that day and that's how he would remember it from now on.

The wind ruffled the leaves in the surrounding trees and the warm summer sun played hide and seek with big, fluffy white clouds in the deep blue sky. Nick watched a pair of eagles take flight, swooping and diving as they rode the thermals above the canyon rim. It was so peaceful here and even though he was alone, he wasn't lonely.

He lifted the saddlebags onto his lap and unbuckled them, pulling the box out slowly, almost afraid to open it. He had no idea what was in it and was surprised to see a letter sitting on top addressed to him in Heath's flowing script.

Nick laid the box and saddlebags beside him as he drew his knees up and opened the letter, letting it rest on his thighs as he read it, his heart pounding.

"Nick,

I know what a hard time you're having right now because I've been there myself. You're angry and scared and you don't know what to do or who to turn to. I know you're angry at me because I was angry at my mama when she left me. You're probably taking that anger out on everyone around you and making them and yourself miserable. I did the same thing and it didn't help, it only made things worse. You have to believe me when I say it's going to get better, and it will Nick, trust me.

You have to know and I need to tell you that you are the best thing that ever happened to me, ever. I not only found a brother who loved me, I found my best friend and I'm grateful every day for that, for every word, every gesture, every touch - for just being you, my big brother Nick.

I've left you something in this box that meant everything to me - I know it will mean as much to you.

And when you feel sad or lonely and need me, just open your watch and read the words and I'll be there...right by your side.

I love you Nick, don't ever forget that.

Heath

Nick folded the letter and laid his head on his knees, his choking sobs carried away on the wind. It took him a long time to lift his head and reach for the box, taking the lid off slowly, red rimmed eyes widening at the contents. There were small note books, all numbered, the same ones Heath used to keep in his shirt pocket, always writing things in them at the oddest times. There were perhaps two dozen of them or more, and Nick took one out and opened it, the small neat hand writing covering every page, front and back.

He put the numbered book back and searched for the one that had a one on the front. He opened it and started reading, a contented warmth filling him even as he cried.

Each and every page contained conversations or things that had happened to the two brothers as they went on lifes journey, right from the first day they had met. It wove the story of their relationship from a rocky beginning to an unbreakable bond and to Nick it was like reliving the past five years over again, every joy and sorrow there for him to devour, to have forever, to bring Heath back to him ... to remember.

His hazel eyes blurred with tears as Nick looked out over the canyon, the setting sun painting the walls in a burst of colors, just as it had always done for time untold. Nick read the letter again and his deep voice hitched on his heartfelt whisper.

"I love you too Heath."

He wrapped his arms around his knees tightly and his mouth trembled as he watched a lone eagle soar above him, ".and I missssss yooouuuuu ..."

Nick walked into Annies for the first time in nearly three months and threw his hat on the bar.

"Gimme' a beer Harry."

The portly bartender turned from arranging glasses on the back counter, a pleased smile lighting up his face.

"Well now, if it isn't Mr. Nick Barkley come to finally say hello again." Harry whipped the towel off his shoulder and wiped the bar, his voice dropping to keep the conversation private, "how are ya doin' lad?"

Nick shrugged, "it's gettin' better Harry." And it was, the house didn't feel so cold and empty anymore, the pictures of Heath scattered about the rooms bringing a warmth back that had been missing for a long time. "I haven't felt much like socializin' lately, just came into town to mail a letter and thought I'd drop in and see ya."

Harry gave him a wink and set a beer in front of him, "it takes time Nick, just give it time. We all miss him."

"Thanks Harry."

The beefy hand waved away the two bits Nick pulled out of his pocket. "Put your money away Nick, it's already paid for."

"Now you can't afford to be buyin' me beer Harry..."

"I'm not. Heath paid for it and then some. Said he owed ya that and more and I'm thinkin' he didn't mean the beer."

Nick could only nod as Harry drew himself a beer, gestured at Nick and clinked their glasses together in a toast. "Here's to Heath Barkley, wherever he may be, God rest his soul ."

Nick put down his mug and patted his chest, "he's right here Harry." He stared into the dark, amber brew and smiled, "he was a good man my brother."

Harry looked at him, his face serious, "that he was lad ... that he was."

Jarrod came from the library just before eleven and went over to where his mother was standing partially hidden behind the draperies at the entrance to the living room. He placed his hands on her small shoulders and dropped a kiss on her hair. He remembered another time they had stood like this, watching the occupants of the fire lit room sitting together on the sofa, talking and laughing, their stockinged feet stretched out towards the fire.

"You know Mother, as much as I hated them playing pranks on me, I'd give anything to find whipped cream in my boots tomorrow." Jarrod's heart ached as he watched Nick sitting on the sofa, staring into the fire. "He looks so lonely sitting there all by himself."

Victoria looked up at him with glistening eyes and patted his hand, "oh no Jarrod, no. He's not alone, all you have to do is look closely ... his brother's right there beside him."

May 14 1888

Nick sat under the pine tree near the edge of the canyon and watched the sky start to lighten across the horizon. He leaned his head back against the tree trunk and contemplated how good his life had been in the past few years. He would always be grateful for the promise he had made to Heath that he wouldn't waste his life. He had a beautiful wife in Layle and was always grateful that she had waited for him and loved him as he did her. She had given him three wonderful children too, two year old golden haired, blue eyed Katy and his boys, six year old Andrew Heath and five year old Thomas Nicholas.

His cheeks creased in a grin as he thought about his two little cowboys. They were a couple of rough and tumble boys, less than a year apart in age and always into some sort of mischief - typical small boys. Their long suffering Uncle Jarrod was more often than not the recipient of their well planned pranks, just as he had been of his brothers.

From the blond hair and blue eyes, to the lop sided grin that could make his heart ache, Andrew was a mirror image of the picture Nick had of Heath when he was Andrew's age. Heath's features and mannerism's had been passed on to his nephew just as Heath's had been passed down to him from his paternal grandfather. Thomas's features and temper came straight from his father though, his temper kept in check by his older brother's quiet patience, just as his had been by his younger brothers.

As the sun peaked over the horizon and a new day came to life, Nick pulled out his pocket watch and flicked open the lid. He could feel Heath's presence all around him as he read the treasured words and thought back to the first time he had heard them. His hazel eyes closed and he felt his brother next to him as his mind drifted back in time to a dusty corral and a promise that would last forever ...

"You be more careful, ya hear? You're making me old before my time...I don't wanta lose ya."

Heath had reached up to grip the back of his neck and given it a small shake, "don't worry Nick, I'm right by your side."

"For how long brother?"

Serious blue eyes met hazel and Heath had answered quietly ...

"Till the Weeks Second Sunday."