By mid-afternoon, the couple was on their way home. They both felt comfortable with Clay Thompson, and looked forward to their individual appointments. Prior to leaving, Rudy made sure Jan had her sleeping medication, a mild sedative to help ward off some of the dreams.

Pulling the car into the driveway, Jan was thrilled to see a hand made "Welcome Home" banner hanging across the front porch. Josh had been sitting on the front step, waiting. He bounded down to the car and gave his Mom a big hug. "Are you home for good?" he asked.

"Yes I am, Josh."

Steve grabbed most of the luggage, handing a couple of smaller bags to Josh. They lugged the bags indoors to the master bedroom. Helen and Jim greeted Jan as she walked over the threshold.

"Welcome home, Jan," Helen said, giving her a hug.

Jan turned to Jim, accepting his hug. "It's good to have you home."

They retired to the family room, seating themselves on various pieces of furniture. Steve and Josh entered a moment later. Steve sat next to Jan, putting his arm around her. Josh sat on Jan's other side, snuggling as close to his Mother as he could.

The rest of the afternoon was spent discussing past and current events, including plans for missed birthday parties. Steve, Jan and Josh were all a year older. They decided on one big party, covering all their special days. Steve, Jan and Josh started work on the guest list while Helen and Jim wandered into the kitchen to prepare dinner.

Later in the evening, Jan and Steve sat quietly on the couch, Steve lying down with his head in Jan's lap. Jan sat stroking Steve's hair, simply enjoying each other's company.

"I've missed this," Steve commented.

"Me too," Jan said.

After another half hour, the couple retired for the evening, falling asleep in each other's arms.

Unfortunately for Steve, he found out just how disturbing it is to have his wife wake up screaming. She was disoriented and stuck in the dream. It took him several minutes to calm her. Steve held Jan close as she cried herself to sleep. He eventually fell into a fitful sleep, dreaming once again of a child lost.

The following morning Steve let Jan sleep while he got up and prepared breakfast. Josh wandered into the kitchen with a worried look on his face. Steve could read the question on Josh's mind.

"Josh, we need to talk," Steve said. He set aside the grapefruit, washed his hands and guided Josh into the family room. He seated Josh on the couch, and then sat down next to him.

"Josh, you heard what happened last night?" Steve asked.

Josh nodded. "I was scared..."

"There is no reason to be scared. You know how you sometimes have nightmares and you wake up screaming?"

Josh nodded.

"Well, that's what happened to Mom last night. She is still having problems with dreams, and they are so real Mom wakes up screaming. She doesn't know where she is and it takes a while to calm her," Steve explained. "This is the one reason Dr. Wells wanted her to stay in the hospital. He knew this would be hard on us, but I feel that Mom will get well faster being here at home with us."

"We can help her?" Josh asked, brightening a little.

"Yes, we can. We need to help her remember stuff she's forgotten, to make her feel loved and welcome in our home. We've all been through a lot these past seven months, but Mom got the worst of it," Steve finished. He sat back on the couch, waiting for Josh to digest the information.

"How do we know what Mom's forgotten?" Josh asked.

Steve smiled. "Good question. I've learned what she's forgotten by listening to what she isn't saying. You can do the same. For all the times you've visited Mom, can you think of one thing she hasn't mentioned?"

Josh thought long and hard for several minutes. With a sad look on his face, Josh looked at Steve. "My Dad. She's never mentioned my Dad."

Steve nodded. "That's right. She knows you aren't her natural son, but treats you as one. Mom just hasn't thought everything out yet, and that's where you come into the picture. Dr. Wells wants you to help your Mom remember your Dad. You need to be gentle with her. Think of things the three of you used to do before the plane accident and ask her to do them with you. Mom's memory seems to come back a little bit at a time when she does familiar things," Steve explained.

"Is that how Mom remembered you are married?" Josh asked.

"Yes. I took her out to where I proposed to her and just let her look around. The memory of the area slowly came back to her," Steve replied.

"Can we try taking Mom back to Fishers? It might help her remember my Dad," Josh asked.

"That's a good idea, but we'll have to wait a little while. Mom and I will be seeing a special doctor for a while, a psychologist. We both need help with some of what's happened," Steve explained.

"Will the doctor help Mom get better?"

"I hope so, Josh, I hope so," Steve replied. "Now, why don't we go finish making breakfast so it'll be ready when Mom comes down?"

Josh smiled. "Okay."

"And Josh? If you have any other questions, please ask me. Understand?"

"Yes Dad."

They wandered into the kitchen and finished breakfast preparations.

The following days were a little rough for all concerned, but everyone kept their spirits up the best they could. The day of Jan's first visit arrived, the appointment scheduled for 10 AM.

The morning was subdued, Jan being a little nervous about the appointment. Steve did his best to comfort her, but he was a bit nervous himself. His appointment was scheduled for 1 PM. Josh would stay at home with Helen and Jim, while the couple went into town.

The plan was for Steve to drop Jan off at the office, and then do a little shopping. When Jan was finished, they'd go to have a leisurely lunch and talk until it was time for Steve's appointment. Jan would then do some shopping during that time. The "Austin's Birthday Bash", as Josh had dubbed the upcoming party, was just around the corner so they both had presents to purchase.

Around 9:30, they couple said their goodbyes and headed for town. Steve tried to keep the conversation light, but Jan's mind was elsewhere. He parked the car in front of the office, and then turned to Jan.

"Do you want me to walk in with you?" he asked.

Jan shook her head. "No, thanks. I need to do this myself." Jan leaned over and gave Steve a peck on the cheek. "See you at 11." She climbed out of the car, closing the door behind her and walked up to the office.

Steve sat, watching, until Jan disappeared from view. He pulled out of the parking lot, heading for his first stop, the toy store.

Jan entered the waiting room, checked herself in and took a seat. She was too nervous to browse through the magazines, so she sat quietly, trying to calm herself.

Moments later the receptionist informs Jan she may go into the office. Jan thanked her and entered, closing the door behind her.

Clay Thompson stood to greet her. He is a few inches taller than Steve with broad shoulders, black hair with a shock of white at the temple, brown eyes and a welcoming smile. "Good morning, Jan." He rounded the desk and shook Jan's hand. He picked up a pad and pen from the desk, and then seated himself in a chair closest to the window.

"Morning, Doctor," Jan replied, taking a chair across from him.

"Let's dispense with the 'Doctor'. You can call me Clay," he said, trying to make her as comfortable as possible.

"How's life at home?" he asked.

"A little strained. Not the relationship, Steve's great. He's been very supportive of me. I'm fortunate."

"Why strained then?"

Jan sat silently, looking down at her lap. "The dreams..."

"Dr. Wells said you were having nightmares?" Clay had refrained from learning the details of the dreams, wanting to hear them from Jan.

"Yes, I have two recurring dreams. The most troublesome of the two involves the car crash." Jan hadn't told Rudy all the details of the dreams, unsure of how he would interpret it.

"Why don't you tell me about it from the beginning? Tell me whatever you're comfortable with now, and we can fill in the details later, if you want," Clay urged.

Jan let out a heavy sigh, tears forming in her eyes. "In my dream, we're going out to the base to see Steve off to Washington. I remember talking to Steve, but not the conversation. Then the truck hit us. We went off the cliff, and my first concern were for the kids in the back seat." She hesitated.

"Kids? Don't you mean Josh?" Clay asked.

Jan shook her head. "Kids. Plural. Sitting in the back seat with Josh was a little girl with golden hair, bright blue eyes and a brilliant smile."

Clay scribbled a few notes. "Jan, why would you dream of a second child?"

"I don't know, Clay, I really don't know." Jan started to cry.

"What happens next? Take your time..." Clay knew of the aborted pregnancy and wanted to see if Jan knew of it.

Jan swallowed hard. "The car comes to rest, upside down. I look to Steve. He's unconscious. I glance in the backseat, Josh is moaning. I next see the little girl. It's obvious she's dead."

Jan broke down in tears, sobbing violently. It was obvious to Clay that Jan had no clue that she had lost a baby.

Steve waited patiently in the parking lot, having arrived a few minutes early. He wandered around, looking at the flowers, sniffing a few here and there. He turned around in time to see a depressed looking Jan emerge from the building. Steve put on as cheery an expression as he could muster, and then walked over to her.

“Hey pretty lady, want to go get some lunch?”

Jan merely nodded.

The couple returned to the car, Steve opening the door for his loving wife. Jan climbed in without saying a word. Steve shut the door, and then climbed in the driver’s side.

“Jan? Are you okay?” Steve asked, concerned.

“No, not really. Clay gave me a bit to think about,” Jan replied. “I need to mull it over before discussing it with you.”

Steve backed out of the lot, heading for a secluded restaurant just down the street. “Fair enough. How about we discuss the party while we eat?” He had some questions regarding a few toys for Josh.

Jan smiled slightly, turning to Steve. “Sounds good to me.”

Once seated in the restaurant and the orders placed, Steve pulled out a list he created while at the toy store.

“Being a new father isn’t making toy shopping easy. I could have quickly blown a few hundred dollars on toys alone,” Steve admitted. He showed the list to Jan. “Here are a few things I saw that I thought he might like.”

Jan glanced over the list. “A new bicycle is a must. He’s outgrown the old one. We’ll have to look over the options and get the safest one for him.”

“I was thinking of bicycles for the two of us as well, so we can go out riding together,” Steve added. Three parks were within a short distance of their house, so they’d have their pick for a family outing.

“OK, family bicycles it is,” Jan agreed. She glanced over the list again, trying to pick out the most likely items Josh would enjoy.

“The telescope is a good choice too,” she admitted. “It will give Father and Son something to do in the evenings while Mother tries to find some time for herself.”

Steve grinned. “Well, I wasn’t necessarily thinking about the time you could have to yourself, but it would be a bonus for you.”

Jan continued, “A resounding ‘no’ to the chemistry set; next year, maybe. The building blocks, yes, he’d enjoy them very much.”

She set the list aside as the waiter approached with their food. The couple ate in silence, enjoying each other’s company. Once the plates had been cleared away, they resumed with the list, selecting some smaller items, which would suit Josh’s fancy.

Steve’s appointment drew near, so they tipped the waiter and left the restaurant. The drive back to the office was quiet, each lost in thought.

Jan gave Steve a peck on the cheek before he departed. She drove into town in search of the perfect gift for her loving husband.

Steve nervously entered the building shortly before his appointment. He quickly found the office and entered, checking himself in at the receptionist. He seated himself, waiting patiently to be called.

Shortly after seating himself, the office door opened and Clay stepped out to greet his patient.

“Steve, nice to see you again,” he said, shaking Steve’s hand. “Come on back.”

Steve followed Clay into the office, closing the door behind him. He glanced around the room, noticing a few differences between Clay and Rudy’s office. For the most part, they were the same. Desk, chairs, couch, bookcases, and diplomas hung upon the wall.

Clay seated himself in the same chair as earlier in the morning, waiting for Steve to take a seat.

Steve, however, had no intention of sitting. “I think better on my feet,” he explained. He proceeded to pace a path between Clay and the far wall.

“I have a recurring dream almost every evening,” Steve started. “It’s the same every time, nothing changes.”

“Describe as much detail as you feel comfortable with and we’ll take it from there,” Clay said.

Steve nodded. “When the dream starts, I’m out in the backyard with Josh. We’re playing catch. A few minutes later, a little girl toddles into the scene. She has golden blonde hair, sparkling blue eyes, and a wonderful smile. She wanders over with a book in hand, wanting me to read to her. Josh says it would be okay, that he has some other things to do.

Steve hesitated a moment, trying not to cry. “I then take the girl's hand in mine and lead her over to a small tree, underneath which a blanket has been placed. I seat myself on the blanket, and then the girl backs up to me and drops into my lap, snuggling into my shoulder. I hold her while reading the book aloud. We sit, reading, for quite some time. She eventually wiggles out of my lap and announces she needs to go.”

Steve stopped pacing, staring out the window.

Clay sat quietly, waiting for Steve to continue while making some notes. When Steve didn’t continue, he prompted Steve by asking, “Did she say where she had to go?”

Steve shook his head. “No, she didn’t. I watched her walk away, toward the edge of the woods, and she faded out of sight, like a person disappearing into a fog bank. I get up and follow her, but once at the edge of the woods, I cannot find any evidence of her being there.” Steve stopped, tears forming in his eyes.

Clay waited a couple of minutes before asking, “Do you know who this child represents?”

Steve nodded. “I think I do,” he replied, not saying another word.

Once again, Clay patiently waited.

“I think she’s my daughter,” Steve finally said. “The baby we lost in the car accident.”

Steve finally seated himself across from Clay. “I can’t talk about this with Jan. She doesn’t even know she was pregnant. I can’t talk with Rudy, he’d think I’m nuts. I don’t dare mention it to my parents; they are worried about me enough as it is. I just don’t know what to do.” Steve cried. “It’s eating me up inside.”

Clay, unable to breach doctor/patient confidentiality, tried to figure out how to solve Steve’s problem.

“Steve, I know this is hard, but the only way you’ll make the dreams go away, or at least lessen, is if you talk to Jan. It seems to me that she deserves to know about the baby. She’s a strong woman, she can handle it.” Clay replied.

Steve shook his head. “I don’t know. She’s been through so much already.”

Clay cleared his throat, not sure how to broach the subject. “I’m not a believer in the supernatural, but I am a religious man. Could this be your daughter's way of letting you spend time with her, letting you know that she's okay?

"I just don't know. I never thought of the dream that way." Steve swallowed hard. "I suppose..." he voice trailed off.

"I know it's an unconventional suggestion," Clay started.

Steve stood, pacing again. "I've been through a lot in my life, so I don't think I could rule out your suggestion."

They spent the rest of the session, discussing the dream and a possible way to tell Jan the truth. By the time Steve left the office, he felt a little better. He wasn't sure whether he would attend another session, but promised Clay he would call if he felt it was necessary.

Steve exited the building to find Jan leaning against the car. He put on a lop-sided grin and walked up to her, giving Jan a peck on the cheek. Steve hugged her tightly for a moment, then let go.

"Let's go home," he said. Jan agreed, wanting to take a nap. Her shopping trip was unsuccessful, mostly due to her emotional state. Once home, they both decided they needed a nap, so the headed upstairs to their room.

As they lie in bed, cuddling each other, Steve musters enough courage to say, "Jan, we need to talk."

Jan squirmed out from under Steve’s arm, looking up at him. “What do we need to talk about?” she asked, concerned by his tone.

Steve cleared his throat. “Jan, there’s something you need to know, something that happened during accident.”

“What is it?” Jan asked, slightly concerned.

Steve hesitated, not wanting to hurt his love’s feelings, but not knowing how to avoid it. “Jan, did you know you were pregnant?”

Jan’s shocked look was all the answer Steve required. He held Jan close to him as she began to weep.

“I… I didn’t know then… but somehow I think I’ve known since the accident,” she sniffled. “The nightmares.” Jan’s crying shook her whole body. Steve held her tighter, trying to take the pain away. Steve’s emotions surfaced with a vengeance. The couple lies in bed, holding each other, mourning the loss of their child.

Steve rose early the following morning, wandering out onto the deck. He leaned on the deck rail, looking out toward the location of the dream tree.

He and Jan had spent most of the evening discussing their dreams and what they meant. Jan didn’t understand why she had the nightmare, seeing their daughter dead in the car while she came to Steve, alive and healthy.

They were both puzzled by the differences. The only suggestion Steve could offer is that he was aware of the pregnancy and Jan wasn’t. Beyond that, Steve was clueless.

Jan slept soundly for the first time is months, while Steve dreamed of his daughter once again. The only change in the dream was that Jan sat with them, reading the book.

Steve heard the door open and close behind him. Jim approached Steve, holding out a cup of coffee. “Here son,” Jim said, handing a cup to Steve.

Steve took the cup, “Thanks Dad.” He continued to stare out into the yard.

Jim leaned against the rail next to his son, remaining silent. Jim knew Steve would talk when he felt like it. He was right. A few moments later, Steve broke the silence.

“I told Jan about the pregnancy,” Steve said, taking a sip of coffee.

Jim sipped his coffee, waiting for Steve to continue.

“I told her of my dream,” Steve added.

“What dream?” Jim asked.

Steve filled him in on the details of the dream prior to last night, then the change in the dream.

Father and son were silent, lost in their own thoughts. Steve figured his father thought him a nut case.

“Steve, do you know what kind of tree was in your dream?” Jim questioned.

Steve thought for a moment. “Yes, I do. Why do you ask?”

“Well, it seems to me the both of you need a memorial of some sort. Why not plant the tree in her memory?” Jim suggested. “Either way, you are never going to forget the baby. This way you have a living memorial.”

Steve stood silently, mulling over the suggestion. He liked the idea. “I’ll have to ask Jan about it,” he said.

Jim glanced toward the house, spotting Helen watching them through the sliding glass door. Turning back to Steve, “Mom is up. Feel like some breakfast?”

“Not really,” Steve replied. “I think I’ll stay out here for a little while longer.

Jan awoke to an empty bed. She glanced at the clock, noticing it was still early morning.

She showered and dressed prior to going down to breakfast. On her way down the hall, Jan opened the door to Josh’s room, checking on her son. She loved him dearly, but every time she gazed upon him, Jan felt that something was missing. She quietly closed the door and headed downstairs.

Helen looked up as Jan walked into the kitchen. Jim rose to get a cup of coffee for Jan, placing it in front of her. He resumed his seat.

“Thanks,” Jan said, sipping the coffee. “Where’s Steve?”

“Out on the deck,” Helen replied. “He’s been out there for a couple of hours.”

“Thanks,”” Jan said. She rose from the table, taking the coffee with her out onto the deck.

“Morning,” Jan said, leaning on the deck railing.

“Morning,” Steve replied. “How did you sleep?”

“Okay, I guess. No nightmares for the first time in a long while,” Jan replied. She glanced at her husband, who was still staring out into the yard. “What about you?”

“I dreamed again. You were in it this time. The three of us sat under the tree, reading the book,” he replied.

Jan smiled broadly. “I dreamed the same thing.”

Steve looked to Jan. “Really?”

Jan relayed the details of her dream to Steve, including a few details Steve hadn’t previously told her. Steve was astounded that they shared the same dream.

“Jim suggested something that I think would be good for both of us,” Steve said.

“What did he suggest?”

“He suggested we plant the tree from our dream out in the yard as a living memorial to our daughter,” Steve replied.

Jan quickly agreed. “I think it’s a wonderful idea,” she said. “Let’s go find one today.”

“Sure thing. We’ll take Josh with us and make it an outing. He’s been so patient during our recovery,” Steve suggested.

“Why don’t we also go shopping for bicycles, since we’re going to get our own as well?” Jan added.

“Sounds like a great idea,” Steve replied. He gave Jan a big hug, which she returned. “How long has it been since I’ve told you how much I love you?”

“Oh, about twelve hours or so,” Jan replied, looking up into Steve’s eyes.

“That’s way too long,” Steve said. He leaned in close for a kiss and whispered “I love you beyond life itself.” The couple engaged in a passionate kiss. When they broke apart, they smiled. “I think we are truly home,” Steve said.

“Let’s go get some breakfast,” Jan said, leading her loving husband indoors.

By Noon, Jan, Josh and Steve headed into town. Steve stopped at the first nursery they spotted. Exiting the car, the trio went in search of a tree. A nursery specialist approached them a short time later. Steve explained what they were looking for and the specialist lead them right to it.

“That’s the one,” Jan said. She remembered a much larger tree in the dream, but this one would suffice.

“You’re right. It’s small, maybe a couple of years old, but it’s the right shape and the right kind.”

“We’re buying a tree?” Josh questioned. “With all the trees we have in the backyard we’re buying a tree?” Josh was baffled. He knew they were going to look at plants, but didn’t know they were getting a tree.

“Josh,” Jan started, “this will be a very special tree. Dad and I will explain why when we get home.” She and Steve had decided that Josh needed to know about the lost baby, but wanted to wait until the right time. The purchase and planting of the tree will be the perfect time.

Steve returned a short time later with the specialist in tow; the specialist attached a “sold” tag to the tree, thanked Steve for the business and headed for another customer.

“They’ll deliver it tomorrow and will help with the planting. The tree is perfect for the spot we’ve selected,” Steve explained.

Tears formed in Jan’s eyes, which she wiped away. “That’s great,” she said. “Now, shall we head to our next destination?”

“Sure,” Steve replied. Within minutes, they were back on the road.

“Where are we going now?” Josh asked. He thought they were going to look at plants, then out to eat.

“You’ll see,” Jan said, smiling back at her son.

Josh kept watch out the window, trying to spot where they were going. He saw a bicycle store ahead of them; he let out a cheer when Steve turned into the parking lot.

“I’m getting a new bike?” he questioned.

“We are getting new bikes,” Steve corrected.

They spent the next hour searching for the right bikes. Josh was ecstatic when he was permitted to get the bicycle he wanted and not one selected for him. Once the bikes were loaded into the back of the car, Steve announced they would head for a park and try them out.

...Continued