War: January 15, 1991

for my brother, Philip

there was no name for my brother - him & the other young men
who refused to go to war
by refusing to do anything at all -
refusing to work register take a bath
or even stay in one place -
hitchhiking to the Boundary Waters
the refuge of water and pines
then off to the commotion of New Orleans San Francisco -
refusing to do much of anything
except get high -

perhaps you wouldn't call them protesters
those white & black young men -
getting high as a way of life
usually means you forget what time the demonstration starts
but they were protesting in their own way
the path of nihilism
the path of despair
they didn't know that protest could be a spiritual path
like that of the Buddhist monks in Vietnam
who poured gasoline all over their shaved bodies -
the American kids did it without the Buddhism
their only consolation from Asia
was the opium which was a true and steady
consolation for a while

perhaps you wouldn't call them protesters -
the ones who refused to go to war
some of the neighbors said my brother was a coward
the skin-heads who beat him senseless said he was a faggot
the psychologists said he was acting out because of the family
some in the family said he was going through his wild phase
his great-grandmother Minnie said he was a sweet sweet boy
but we still don't have a name
for all the young men who refused to go to war
by refusing to do
anything at all

a woman I used to know
I don't remember her name
remembers my brother asleep in my apartment
one summer afternoon: you had a purple velvet
couch cover she said his hair was long
and curly he was such
a beautiful boy

war brings death to us all
to the ones on the street

to the ones in uniform to the ones forced to kill
death to all of us who see
the faces of the burned and bloody bodies
something in us dies

we will never get done missing them
how can they have another war when we haven't even
gotten over the last one yet?

when someone dies when you're young you don't know
how long time is
the time you're going to have
to miss them

--Roseann Lloyd

The Devil & The Stars