Run for your Lives!
Yes, in their never-ending quest to bombard us with pointless reality television and half-beat gameshows, Channel Seven gave us Aussies a new show called 'The Weakest Link' (and yes, I *know* it originated in the UK). For those of you who have not yet been subjected to its evil wrath, the show is basically a cross between 'Who Wants to be a Millionare' and 'Survivor'. That's right, two of the lamest shows on Earth. The contestents earn money by answering questions, and at the end of each round, someone is voted off until there are only two left, and they go head-to-head for the moola. Sounds bloody boring, dosen't it? Well, just wait 'til you meet the host! To present this show, the network had to find a cruel, cold-hearted being with little warmth and compassion inside them, and even less facial expression. Someone who was so evil and ruthless, only someone like Channel Seven would employ them. After a long search of prisons, mental assylums and federal parliment, they managed to find a, dare I say person, with these qualities. That creature was...
CORNELIA FRANCES!
Yes, that's right! You can't get a more evil, wretched preson than an ex-'Home and Away' star. Indeed this woman is cold. In fact, I hear Mattel has designed an action figure of her that, at the press of a button, hurles random insults and gives the evil eye (disembowleing weapons sold seperatly).
So anyway, ol' Cornelia is certainly a bitch. C'mon, we all know it's true! But I always go for the bad guys in movies, so I reckon Cornelia's pretty cool. I keep expecting someone to whack her as they do the walk past her after being voted off, though. Insults like 'You're acting like you're on a nice little retreat for the educationally challenged' can't be good for boosting one's self-esteem. But do you know what's scary? There's another Australian who's physical appearence and emotions (or lack there of) resemble Cornelia's to a T. This woman is intimidating, heartless and cruel. Yes, you know who I'm talking about...
PAULINE HANSON!
Leader of the One (divided) Nation party and defender of our coastlines (even if the immigrants DO have a passport). And I say both her and Cornelia Frances are in cahoots! Their plan is to make us feel uneasy with sinister remarks and bad hair-do's, then take over Parliment House, the country, and the entire world! Don't believe me? Well maybe THIS will convince you!!
See, they've already started advertising! Oh yes my dears, it is true! We must take action now, or oneday, when you're ploughing the fields of Paulenia-ville in chains with Kim Beazly standing over you holding a whip, you'll look back on this day and think 'Gee, Suz said this would happen!'.
