Poor Carrie, caught between your men,
Your heart is torn in two;
Alas you say you love them both,
Whatever will you do?
Between the two we've seen you trot -
Please poop or get off the pot!

We've stood behind you all this time
Through all your ups and downs;
We've watched you waver back and forth,
And venture out of bounds.
We've seen you through an awful lot -
So poop or get off the pot!

One day it's Austin, next day Mike,
You can't have both my dear;
On top of that, you want your job,
Like that won't interfere.
You'll handle it? Oh we think not -
Just poop or get off the pot!

Your love with Mike was not a whim
That night you spun away;
Yet Austin's face filled you with guilt,
And you refused to stay.
You've got our stomachs in a knot -
Come on - poop or get off the pot!

Remember Vegas, think of Mike,
You gave your heart and soul;
Midst bubble bath, casino dreams,
The love you shared was whole.
You gambled then and played the slot -
Why not poop or get off the pot?

Save your marriage is what you said,
To both men in your life;
And yet you can't let go of Mike,
Which causes further strife.
Look closely at just what you've got -
And poop or get off the pot!

The time has come to make your choice,
And end this limbo state;
Don't let Mike think he has a chance,
Continuing to wait.
The poor guy's nerves are nearly shot -
Either poop or get off the pot!

We'd like to see you go with Mike,
If he should fly the coop;
And yet we fear it won't be so,
According to the scoop.
So hasten with this nasty plot….
And please just get off that pot.

July 16, 1999