A completed fic
By: NnM and SnM, comments by FnM
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
*Farfello walks into the room, wearing his straight jacket.*
Nagi: Farfello?
Farfello: *looking to Nagi* Guten Abend.
Nagi: *sweatdrops* What are you doing here?
Farfello: *tries to shrug but is prevented by jacket* Iye neaded some air.
Schuldig: *sweatdrops* How'd you get out?
Farfello: Uh...
Nagi: It isn't my fault. It isn't my turn to watch him.
Schuldig: Well, don't look at me! It wasn't my turn!
Nagi: Then it's Crawford's turn, ne? Where is he, anyway?
Schuldig: Well... um... *blushes* you see....
Nagi: Oh, god! *puts face in hands*
Schuldig: *blush deepens*
Nagi: Don't you guys see enough of each other during the day?!
Schuldig: Well.... *looks emabressed to death*
Nagi: Geez!
Schuldig: What? *gets angry* It's not like you don't sneek off to see that Omi kid all the time!!
Nagi: *blushes* That's different!
Farfello: *struggles with straight jacket and ignores the other two Schwarz members*
Nagi: I... I hardly ever see him!
Schuldig: How does that make it different?
Nagi: You guys see each other every day! Not to mention what you DO every day!!
Schuldig: *blushing* So? At least I'm legal age!!
Nagi: *blushing* What's that supposed to mean?!?
Schuldig: You're only 15, kid!
Nagi: So?!?
Schuldig: Crawford and I are LEGAL, ok? You shouldn't be sleeping with anyone, much less a 17-year-old!
Farfello: *gets out of straight jacket and runs off*
Nagi: *watches Farfello run out before returning to the fight* But he's 17! That's old enough!
Schuldig: No, it isn't! 17 isn't legal!! (hey, there's an idea--Omi gets arrested for having sexual relations with a minor.)
Nagi: Yes it is!!
Schuldig: Oh, I can see that inside you know I'm right--
Nagi: Stop that!
Schuldig: *pulls out law book and flings it at Nagi* Read for yourself!!
Nagi: *scans book* Oh... Urusai!!!!!
Schuldig: *smirks* There. You should learn to respect your elders.
Nagi: SHUT UP!!!
*screams come from elsewhere*
Schuldig: *looks around* Um... where's Farfello?
Nagi: He ran out the door.
Schuldig: Oh, crap. He's probably hunting for Weiss.
Nagi: *eyes widen and dashes for door*
Schuldig: *follows* You don't think he's found them that quick, do you?
Nagi: *running* If he... *grits teeth*
Schuldig: Gee... I hope he didn't hurt your boy, or anything. On the plus side, he could've killed Youji...
Nagi: *says nothing, but continues to run top speed* *thinks to self* D@MN IT!!!!! IF FARFELLO TOUCHES HIM...!!!!
Schuldig: *still following and keeping the pace* *winces* Oi, kid. I know you're really upset, but turn down the emotions. It hurts when you scream that loud.
Nagi: Stay out of my head!!!
Schuldig: It's not like i can help it, man!
Nagi: *glares*
Schuldig: *points* Look, Koneko. *stops in front of the flower shop*
Nagi: Well?!? What are you waiting for?!? *breaks in and runs for the upstairs*
Schuldig: *steps through broken door-frame, sighing, then thinks to Nagi* Hey, kid. We'll need something to restrain Farfello with.
Nagi: You get that! I have to--
Schuldig: *still thinking* Yeah, i know. *searches downstairs*
Nagi: *dashes to a door and creeks it open*
Schuldig: *thinking* What's goin' on, kid?
Nagi: *whispers* Huh?
Schuldig: You find Farfello or your koi?
Nagi: Guess.... *closes door*
Schuldig: ...nein?
Nagi: *heading back downstairs* Farfello would've made a bigger mess, right?
Schuldig: *shrugs* I guess... so where is he?
Nagi: *joining Schuldig, but still whispering* I don't know.
Schuldig: D@mn... you think we should get Crawford?
Nagi: I think so.
Schuldig: Ok... but I don't know if he's... functional.
Nagi: *eyes narrow* What do you mean, func-- Wait, I don't want to know.
Schuldig: *blushes (you think Schuford's the blushing kind?), pulls out cell phone*
Nagi: Um, ok.... But keep it down, ne? We don't want to wake them.
Schuldig: ....them?
Nagi: Yes, them.
Schuldig: You mean Weiss?
Nagi: No, I mean the frickin' Foo Fighters--of course I mean Weiss! (And the best thing about the Foo Fighters, no matter where they are, they're out there fighting foo.)
Schuldig: Why worry about them? What could they do to us?
Nagi: They're annoying... (in head: Especially when they barge in on you.)
Schuldig: *snickers* You got caught?
Nagi: *blushes* What are you talking about!?!
Schuldig: *grinning* Don't prentend. Now tell me, what happened? This sounds funny!
Nagi: *glares* No.
Schuldig: Awww...
*alarm goes off*
Schuldig: Oh shit! What is that?
Nagi: Huh?
*Weiss is heard from upstairs*
Nagi: Let's go!!
Schuldig: yeah!
*Schuldig and Nagi hurriedly run for exit* *Weiss reaches basement*
Ken: Hey! Who's there?!?!
*Aya in boxers and armed with his katana appears behind Ken*
Nagi: Ah! *hides behind a chair, to avoid Aya*
Schuldig: *eyes widen and he stops and cracks up at the sight of Aya's boxers... little SD Aya-chan's*
Nagi: huh? *peeks up from behind the chair*
Schuldig: *gasps for breath* Aya... Aya's boxers.... *falls over from laughing*
Nagi: *looks at Aya's boxers*......*tries not to crack up*
Ken: *also notices boxers* A... Aya-kun... *turns red* Aya-kun...
Aya: *eyes narrow* Nani?
Ken: *swoons* I love your legs....
Aya: *eyes widen and steps away from Ken*
Nagi: *can't hold it back...he cracks up*
Youji: *comes down* Ken! Aya! Cut it out! We have to fight!
A voice from the stairs: ...hm?... what's all the noise?
Omi: *enters, rubbing his eyes*
Nagi: *whispers* O...Omi.....
Omi: I have a chemistry test tomorrow, so if you... could.... Nagi-kun!!!
Nagi: *stands up* Omi...*smiles*
Omi: Nagi-kun! *runs to Nagi*
Ken: *steps inbetween them* Stay away from Omi!!
Nagi: *glares* Why?
Omi: Ke... Ken-kun?!?
Schuldig: *growls* No one talks to Nagi like that....
Nagi: *steps forward* Move.
Ken: No! Omi's mine!
Omi: Na.... nani?!?!
Nagi: NANI?!?! *glares at Ken*
Ken: Omi's mine!!!!
Nagi: *looks at Omi and then at Ken again... and starts to back away* Naze, Omi?
Omi: *pained expression* Nagi-kun... it isn't true! Nagi-kun, I love you!
Nagi: *eyes widen* O... Omi... *frozen in place*
Ken: Omi....
Omi: *looking into Ken's eyes* Gomen, Ken-kun. The one for you is Aya. *steps around Ken and runs to embrace Nagi*
Nagi: *Hugs him back holding on tight*
Schuldig: Aww... that's so cute....
Ken: But...
Aya: *grabs Ken's arm* Shut-up.
Ken: *tears in eyes* Aya-kun... *grabs Aya's shirt and cries his eyes out*
Youji: .... *sweatdrop*... guess I should just go back to bed.... *leaves*
Schuldig: *taps Nagi's shoulder* Hey, kid, I hate to interupt, but....
Nagi: Hn?
Schuldig: Um... we still haven't found Far-chan.
Nagi: Ah! I forgot!
Omi: Nagi-kun...? What's going on?
Nagi: Um.... Farfello got out.
Aya: What!? He's out?!?
Ken: *sniffs* Honto?
Omi: *eyes widen* That's horrible!
Ken: *still clinging to Aya* Why haven't you guys done something?!?
Schuldig: Easy for you to say! How in the world are we supposed to find him?!? Besides, what do you think we were doing here in the first place?
Nagi: You guys don't have to deal with someone like this everyday!!!
Schuldig: *nods* So true....
Omi: *flushes* Gomen, Nagi-kun...
Schuldig: This is a waste of time. I'm going out to find him. You coming, Nagi?
Omi: Cho-- chotto!
Nagi: *nods and starts following Schuldig*
Omi: Demo... Nagi-kun... *watches Nagi leave*
Nagi: *turns back* Nani?
Omi: *blushes* I... I'll help you!
Aya and Ken: Omi?!?
Nagi: *glares at them* Hurry, then.
Omi: *smiles and follows*
Ken: But Omi! You have school tomorrow!!
Aya: Does this mean you're leaving Weiss?
Nagi: Schuldig! Wait up!! *runs to catch up with Schuldig*
Schuldig: *waits a little* Hurry up, kid.
Omi: I'll be back!!! *runs after Nagi*
Ken: *still holding Aya* Ooooomiiiiiiiiiiiii!
Nagi:(in head) D@amn! didn't know his voice could go so HIGH.
Schuldig: *laughs drily* Really...
Aya: You need to forget that kid. *drags Ken inside Koneko, muttering something about the whipcream in the fridge*
Nagi: *smirks* Schuldig, where should we check first?
Schuldig: I don't know, but... why you bringin' your boyfriend along? Especially dressed like that...
Omi: *blushes*
Nagi: Nani? *turns to look at Omi*
Omi: *tugs nervously at edge of night clothes*
Nagi: *sweatdrops* Just go back.... we don't have time to wait for you to change.
Omi: *pouts* but Naaaagi, we never see each other anymore!
Nagi: I'll stop by once we sedate Farfello, ok?
Omi: *puppy eyes* But i wanna stay with you!
Nagi: *looks at Schuldig* (in head) Help me out, will you?
Schuldig: *laughs and thinks back* Your boy, kid. I don't know what to do with him. Crawford always knows what I'm thinking... I don't have to worry about stuff like this.
Nagi: (in head) You're no help.
Schuldig: *thinking* Besides, you could just bring him along. Far-chan is dangerous, but there are three of us, and that boy is an assasin.
Nagi: (to Schuldig) Now you're really not helping. (out loud) Omi, I'll see you later. I promise!
Omi: *sniffs* Promise...?
Schuldig: *smirks* Go home, kid.
Nagi: Yeah.
Omi: But...
Nagi: I promised you, Omi. We gotta hurry.
Omi: Fine....*blushes* kiss me goodbye?
Schuldig: *hides laugh behind a hand*
Nagi: *blushes* Um...
Omi: Ne?
Schuldig: (thinking) Hey, cut it out, I'm gonna call the cops.
Nagi: (looks at Schuldig) SHUTUP!!!
Schuldig: *sticks out tounge* *thinking* just do it, kid!
Nagi: *kisses Omi quickly on the lips*
Omi: *smiles cutely* Arigato. See you soon!! *runs back to Koneko*
Schuldig: Well, wasn't that cute... *smirks*
Nagi: *watches him leave* Don't breathe a WORD of this to Crawford!!
Schuldig: *raises eyebrow* Why not, now?
Nagi: *glares* You wouldn't!
Schuldig: *mock sighs* It's not like I can hide anything from Craw-chan.... tis a tragic tale indeed!
Nagi: COME ON!!! One thing!!!
Schuldig: *smirks* Just messin' with you. Crawford doesn't know anything I don't want him to.
Nagi: Arigato.
Schuldig: *smirks* Hai.... now then.... we need to go about locating Far-chan.
Crawford: *coming around corner* What don't you want me to know?
Nagi: *turns slowly* Ah... Cra... Crawford...
Crawford: Yes? What's going on?
Nagi: We... we... were looking for Farfello... he got out...
Crawford: *raises eyebrow* How did that happen?
Schuldig: *hits Crawford* It's your fault, idiot!
Nagi: Yeah! You were supossed to be watching him!
Crawford: *glares at Schuldig* Well, if a certain person hadn't jumped me....
Schuldig: *blushes* Na... nani?!
Nagi: *turns wide eyed at Schuldig* Ah...? *takes a step back*
Schuldig: *blushing still* I didn't do anything! I'm innocent!
Crawford: Baka, remember what your name means?
Nagi: *snickers*
*Schuldig and Crawford glare at each other*
Crawford: *breaks off glare* Well, we should find Farfello.
Schuldig: *pouts*
Nagi: Um... yeah....
Crawford: Where would Farfello go...?
Nagi: *thinks*....
Schuldig: *keeps pouting*
Crawford: The sooner you stop pouting, the sooner we find Farfello.
Schuldig: *eyes light up* Then we could go home and scr--
Crawford: *cuts him off* Yes. Now think!
Nagi: Isn't there a display at the Museum of Medieval Weaponry?
Crawford: *nods* Yes....
Schuldig: Well, then, let's go!
Nagi: Hurry!!!
Crawford: Should we take a taxi? It's faster than walking....
Nagi: True....
Schuldig: (to self) That is, if you can't run as fast as me... (then to Crawford and Nagi) Well, depends. Do we have any money?
Crawford: I have some...
Nagi: But... it's kinda late.... There aren't many out....
*taxi passes*
Nagi: *sweatdrops*
Schuldig: *flags taxi* I call front!
*taxi pulls over and Schuldig gets in front*
Nagi: *Waits for Schuldig to act his age* *thinks* I act more mature than him!
Schuldig: *thinks back* Whaaaaat?!? *gets out of front* Here, Nagi, you take it.
Nagi: *gets in the back with Crawford* Just stay in the front so we can go!
Schuldig: *sticks out tounge* I wanna be in the back!
Crawford: *rolls eyes* (This would have been a good place to stick a good Stooges routine.)
Nagi: Fine! Spoiled! *gets out*
Schuldig: *gets in back*
Nagi: *goes sit in the front* Can we go now?
Crawford: You are such a little kid...
Schuldig: Yep! Let's go!
Driver: ....Where to?
Nagi: The....which museum was it?
Crawford: *shrugs*
Nagi: Was it the Museun of Art History?
Driver: *sighs and thinks it's going to be a long night* I know what you're talking about.... *pulls away from curb*
Radio: *crackle* --and a theft has been made from the museum of-- *static*
Nagi: D@mnit!
Schuldig: O.o.... *thinks* You don't think it was....?
Nagi: *snaps back* Of course it was! Could you take us there? *looks at driver*
Crawford: *hissing* Schuldig, get your hands out of my shirt!!!
Driver: *nods*
Schuldig: But.... Craw-chan......
Nagi: Can you just stop!!!!! Save it for later!!!!!!! Schuldig: *stops and pouts.... again*
*taxi pulls up in front of museum*
Crawford: That was quick...
Nagi: *gets out*
Schuldig: *follows Nagi*
Crawford: *pays and gets out, too*
Nagi: *looks around, thinks* Where is he.....?
*The taxi screeches away*
Schuldig: ... I dunno....
Nagi: Crawford, any premonitions?
Crawford: I see.... I seeeee.... *passes out*
Nagi: *turns to him* Hm?
Schuldig: *rolls eyes* Oh, greeeeat.
Nagi: What just happened?
Schuldig: *picks up Crawford* He sometimes over-uses his powers... like now....
Nagi: Juuuuuust great!
Schuldig: *hefts Crawford over shoulder* Well, I guess that leaves us, again...
Nagi: Yeah.... *thinks* Handicapped.
Schuldig: *sighs* Hey, don't talk bad about Crawford. Now, if I was Far-chan with a bunch of new weapons, where would I go....?
Nagi: *sighs*......
Schuldig: Well.... Far-chan is Irish, right...? (Damn straight!)
Nagi: yeah....
Schuldig: There IS an Irish neighborhood around here.... (*Smacks forehead*)
(Authors note: O.o.... Are there Irish neighborhoods in Tokyo??)( Um... don't think so....)
(Oh, well. There is now.) (Hey, it's a fic...there can be.)
Schuldig: Maybe.... we should check it out?
Nagi: Why would he kill his own people?
Schuldig: *sweatdrop* I didn't mean he'd kill 'em.... I mean, he might have gone there to... relive old times.... (It was FnM's idea! Blame her!)
(Hey, I just said that Farfie would like to get out once and a while for a pint.)
Nagi: Oh....
Schuldig: *blushes* Or.... something. Dumb idea, I guess....
Nagi: What else do we have... let's go.
Schuldig: *shifts Crawford to different position* Ok.
Nagi: Do you know how to get there?
Schuldig: Of course!
Nagi: Lead the way.
Schuldig: *sets off* Let's go.
Nagi: *follows Schuldig*
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Schuldig: *looks around* I don't think.... I have the right place.... this... looks like.... *blushes* a place you are too young to be in.
Nagi: Where are we?
Schuldig: I think this is the red light district... (Why is the Irish district next to the red light district?!)
Nagi: Red... light... district?
*random man approaches Schuldig*
Nagi: *looks confused*
RM: Hey... buddy.... how much for the kid? *indicates to Nagi*
Nagi: What!?!?!!?! *offended*
Schuldig: *thinks about it* Depends.... how much you got? *in head to Nagi* Trust me, ok?
RM: What's that brat worth to you?
Nagi: *glares, thinks* You'd better know what you're doing!
Schuldig: *thinking* I do, I do!
RM: So? you wanna make a deal or what?
Schuldig: *looks RM up and down* I don't think you have enough to make it worth his while.
Nagi: *crosses arms, thinks* Nothin' like Omi!
Schuldig: *thinking* Really. And none of Crawford's class, either.
RM: Oh yeah? Two should cover him!
Schuldig: Two...?
Nagi: Huh?
Schuldig: *pretends he knows what he's talking about* Whatever. Find yourself some one else for two. *hurriedly walks off*
Nagi: *follows*
RandomMan2: *to Schulidg* Hey, you availible?
Nagi: *thinks* What's with these people?
Schuldig: *points to Crawford* Sorry, this is my customer, buddy. *slaps Crawford's ass* C'mon, sweetcheeks.
RM2: Ah, maybe some other time! (to self) He was pretty cute...
Schuldig: *finds way out of redlight district, lets out breath* That was scary... (Just how many male whores do these guys expect to find?)
Nagi: I REALLY don't want to go back there!
Schuldig: Me, either... but I think we're lost...
Nagi: *glares* I thought you knew where you were going.
Schuldig: *sweatdrops* Well.... I thought so, too... and my back is killing me.... *glares at Crawford*
Nagi: *snickers* Not my fault.
Schuldig: Isn't mine, either!!
Nagi: I don't care, really... just get us unlost!
Schuldig: *sighs in frustration* How?!?
Nagi: I don't know!!! Go read someone's mind or something!
Schuldig: Hmmm.... *looks at a passerby* Well, ok. I should have done that in the first place!
*Random passer-by pauses and shakes head as if to clear it*
Schuldig: Its this way... come on!
Nagi: *sighs and follows*
Schuldig: I was close!
*the pair/trio turn a corner*
Schuldig: See?!? Here it is!
Nagi: This it?
Schuldig: *beams proudly* Jawohl!
Nagi: *looks around* Um....
Crawford: *stirs*
Schuldig: Finally awake...?
Nagi: look who decides to join us.
Schuldig: *sets Crawford down*
Crawford: Whatever we do, don't try to find an Irish neighborhood! We'll get lost and end up in a red light district!
Nagi: *sits down* too late.
Crawford: ....huh?
Nagi: *falls back, laying down* How much longer?
Crawford: Where are we?
Nagi: Guess.
Schuldig: An Irish neighborhood.
Crawford: ...oh....
Nagi: *rolls onto side*
Crawford: *looks at pub* Does Farfello like beer? (*Rolls eyes*)
Schuldig: *shrugs* Damned if i know...
Crawford: Well.... let's check it out, then.
Nagi: Can I wait here?
Schuldig: Um... ok... if you want....
Nagi: *closes eyes* Thanks.
Schuldig: *thinks* Unless you're gonna sneak off to be with Omi....
Nagi: *thinks* Shutup! I don't even know where I am!
Schuldig: *snickers* Whatever, kid.
Crawford: Come on, Schuldig. *drags Schuldig off*
Nagi: *waves* Have fun!
*five minutes later....*
*Schuldig and Crawford return, carrying a drunk Farfello*
Farfello: *purrs and is completely docile*
Nagi: *sits up rubbing his eyes* That didn't take too long... what's with Farfello?
Schuldig: Um... Far-chan gets really... "cute" when he's drunk.
Nagi: What'd he do?
Schuldig: He gets... affectionate....
Crawford: And... feline....
Nagi: *covers mouth* He... he....*cracks up*
Farfello: *purrs and rubs against Nagi*
Nagi: AAHH!!!!
Schuldig: Hmm?
Farfello: *goes over to Crawford and jumps into his arms*
Nagi: *taking deep breaths* That's scary.
Schuldich: *watches Craford holding Farfello* Aww.... I think it's cute....
Farfello: *reaches out and bats at Schuldig's bandana*
Nagi: Can we go back now?
Crawford: Yeah, lets go home... *dumps Farfello in Schuldig's arms*
Schuldig: ok, but I am NOT carrying Far-chan the whole way.
Nagi: He can walk....
Schuldig: Alright... *sets Farfello down, then thinks to Nagi* What about Omi?
Farfello: *bats at Schuldig's pants leg*
Schuldig: *picks up Farfello again* You're impossible, you know that?
Nagi: *remembering his promise* Oh, shit....
*The four head towards home, Schuldig struggling with Farfello, who refuses to walk*
*minutes of silence pass*
Nagi: *turns to Schuldig and thinks* What should I do? Crawford will notice if I leave....
Schuldich: *winks and thinks back* Don't worry, kid! I'll take care of Crawford... just wait till we get home; then you can sneak out, ok?
Nagi: *nods gratefully*
And thus ends Farfello's great escape... and another Schwarz tale draws to a close... for now! (mad cackling is heard)
(I'm offended)
