"Farfello! How many times do I have to tell you not to slam that door?!?"
Farfello stomped into the kitchen.
"Well, soo~oory, mum. Geez. Iye can't be pearfect, you know?"
Crawford looked down at his newly waxed floor, and shrieked in horror as he saw the tracks his... her? daughter had left behind hi-- er, her. Farfello rubbed an ear.
"Can you possibly be any louder, mum?"
Crawford frowned and looked at Farfello, then shrieked again.
"Your skirt! Its torn down the sides! And... is that a bruise on your cheek?!?"
Farfello rubbed the cheek in question absent-mindedly.
"Eh. Prob'ly."
Crawford sighed, then went to the refridgerator. She/He rummaged around, then pulled out an ice pack and put it against Farfello's darkening bruise.
"Were you fighting again?"
Farfello shrugged. "Aye. So?"
"Now listen here, young lady, how many times does your father and I have to tell you that--"
The back door slammed again. Crawford's frown deepened.
"Nagi!! How many times do I have to tell you not to slam that door?!?"
Farfello grabbed the ice pack and ran for her room under the distraction her sister had caused.
Nagi came into the kitchen and made a bee-line for the refridgerator, searching around for a snack.
"Stop that! Dinner will be in another hour! And aren't you late? You usually get home before your sister."
Nagi gave up on the 'fridge and grabbed a bag of chips out from under the counter.
"I was talking to my boyfriend."
Crawford's eyes nearly popped out.
"Your WHAT?!?!? And stop eating those things! They're bad for you. I don't understand why your father buys those things. I really wish he wouldn't... now then... your boyfriend?!?! Since when do you have a boyfriend??"
"What? What's wrong with that?"
"You are way too young to start dating, young lady!! You are not permitted to do so until your father and I say so!"
Nagi flung the chips onto the floor.
"What? That isn't fair!!!!"
Just then, the front door slammed.
"Hi, honey! I'm home!"
Crawford, too distressed to yell at him for not properly shutting the door, simply waited for her husband to come into the kitchen. When he did, Crawford and Nagi both raised their voices in a desperate cry for help.
"Schuuuu~uuldig!!!" "Daaaa~aaaddy!!!!!!"
Schuldig blinked.
"Um... ja?"
Crawford looked close to tears.
"First Farfello was in a fight, no one in this house knows how to close doors, and now Nagi is dating!"
"Ja?" Schuldich turned to Nagi. His daughter gave a slight nod. He grinned. "Zhat's my girl! Vhat's die lucky man's name? Are you going to bring him by die house to meet me? Maybe he could have dinner viss us sometime!"
Nagi looked a lot happier, but Crawford looked like he was about to kill Schuldig. Or at least make him feel a lot of pain...
The next evening . . .
Crawford was going back and forth between checking on the green bean casserole and getting ready for a visit from Nagi's boyfriend. S/he went back to look in the mirror to apply her makeup. He took out his eybrow pencil and drew her eyebrows in thick and spindling down to the corner of her eye. Then she took out the bright red lipstick and applied it in big swipes outside of her natural lip line. The oven timer went off and she called to Schuldig, "Honey, turn off the oven!"
Schuldig was watching soccer on TV (I would say he was watching football, but then again, Crawford would be the one interested in football . . .) He got up and turned off the oven and returned to his seat. The doorbell rang and he shouted at the top of his lungs, "Farfello!! Get die door! Schnell machen!!"
Farfello came out of her room, punk rock still blaring from the stereo, and bounded down the stairs. The doorbell rang a second time, and she opened it.
A girlish-looking teenager stood there in a blue buttondown shirt and dress pants. The guest gulped at the sight of Farfello.
"G-g-good evening, m-ma'am, I-I w-w--" he managed to sputter before Farfello cut him off.
"So yu're Nagi's boyfrien', ar' ya? Cum in then," the guest slid past the gruff doorwoman, as Farfello closed and locked the door. She turned around. "NAGI!!! Yu're date's here!" she shouted up the stairs.
Nagi came happily down the stairs. "Omi! I'm so glad you could come." She went over and hugged Omi. Farfello crossed her arms.
"You nev'r tole me ya had a girlfrien', Nagi," she went into the living room and began watching TV with Schuldig, who got up to welcome Omi. Crawford came down to join her husband, smoothing back her dress and hair.
A look of confusion, then displeasure crossed her face.
"Nagi, dear, I thought you said you were bringing your boyfriend." Crawford was trying to act as polite as possible, under the percieved circumstances.
"What do you mean, 'ka-san? Omi is my boyfriend," Nagi was getting nervous. Laughter came from the TV room.
Farfello leaned out of the doorway, looking Omi up and down. "Tha's a guy?"
Crawford burst into tears, hiding her face in Schuldig's shirt. "My little girl is a lesbian!!!"
Omi blushed. "Actually, I am a guy."
Farfello giggled. "No way! Yu're a girl!"
Omi sighed and unbottoned his shirt. "Look. I'm a guy, see?"
Schuldig tilted his head quizically. "You're avfully flat fur a girl your age, you know zhat?" Crawford's eyes widened.
"I don't know what this family is coming to! Nagi, why didn't you tell us this before?"
"'Ka-san! I'm not a lesbian!" Schuldig went over to his daughter and hugged her tightly.
"Zhat's okay, Liebling. I'll alvays lofe you, no matter vhat your sexual preferences are!" A vain nearly popped out of Crawford's head. Omi looked very uncomfortable. Poor little Nagi sighed and gave in to her fate; she was used to her family. Farfello pulled a nail file out of somewhere and started to work on her nails.
Later that evening....
"Farfello!!! I need some help in here!!"
Farfello sighed, turning towards the kitchen.
"But Mu~um! That Japanese socca' player Ken what's-his-name is about to stop an import'nt goal!!!!"
"I don't care! Get in here!"
"Why not Nagi? She's t' one with a boyfrien' over!"
Crawford played her trump card. "You can use knives!"
Farfello practically ran for the kitchen.
"What c'n Iye help ya with, Mum?"
Crawford glanced around the kitchen until her eyes fell on the salad bowl.
"I guess you can make salad . . . start with lettuce," she pulled lettuce out of the fridge. "Then carrots," she turned around to see Farfello holding a sharp cutting knife.
"Iye'll do the carrots, Mum." Crawford slowly put the lettuce on the counter, wondering if, perhaps, asking Farfello to help hadn't been the brightest of ideas (considering what happened to his last family...).
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Dinner was covered with a tense silence. Nagi picked at her food uneasily, half praying someone would say something, half praying no one would. Crawford was tense, and trying not to show it. The fact that nobody said anything was making it worse, so she stamped her foot on Schuldig's. He started, then tried to think of a good question.
"Uh, so, uh, Nagi . . . got any hobbies?" Schuldig glanced at Crawford to see if that was a good question. Crawford didn't look too annoyed, considering the circumstances.
"I take archery, and I like to play darts." Nagi eased up a bit; this wasn't going to be so bad after all.
"Darts, eh? I think I'd like to get a dart board for the basement, you know, like a rec room." Schuldig was pleased at the idea, and he smiled broadly.
by: SnM and FnM
Go back now, yes?
