Path To Damnation

Winter 1998

"Again!" The muffled sound of an object being hit resounded through the dimly lit library. Buffy and Giles were training, or at least attempting to from the Watcher's point of view. Sweat was running down the librarian's face but he didn't bother to wipe it off as he impatiently fixed his Slayer with a stern glare.

"Buffy where's your concentration? You're not even trying."

Pushing a few sweaty strands off her face, Buffy placed her hands on her hips and looked up at the ceiling. "Giles you tell me to hit, I hit. You tell me to kick, I kick. How can you say that I'm not trying?"

"For one, I've had to tell you more than once to, as you put it, hit and kick. You are completely lacking in focus." Pulling the protective gear off his hands and arms, Giles stated in exasperation, "With the way you're training, it won't be long before a fledging gets the upper hand---"

"Giles, I'm sorry but I don't see how I'm training any differently than before. I'm here for every session, right?"

"Yes, well---"

"I'm here on time for every session, right?"

"Yes, actually---"

"Then how can you say that I'm lacking in focus?"

Giles stood there, seemingly trying to find his words, when his leg suddenly shot out and swept her feet right from underneath her. Buffy hit the ground with a stunned "Oof!" Reaching down to help her up Giles seriously stated, "As you can hopefully now see, these training sessions are extremely important Buffy. I cannot stress to you how important they are, especially now that Angelus..."

Buffy had been staring off to the side, feeling a little embarassed that he had so easily knocked her down, yet even so, finding it hard to pay attention to Giles. It was something that had been happening a lot lately.

When he mentioned Angelus, her head jerked before snapping her full attention back to Giles' mournful expression as he realized his faux pas. Uncomfortably he apologized "I'm sorry Buffy...I can only imagine how painful this is..."

Gently smiling Buffy forced herself to say "No Giles, it's okay. Really it is. You're right, I haven't been focusing like I should, but I promise I will."

The librarian just stared at her for a few moments before hesitatingly saying "If you need to talk...um, about Angel...I'm here to listen."

Bravely she said "What's there to talk about? He's not Angel. Angel is gone. I've accepted that."

"Have you?"

Sadness darkening her eyes, she quietly said "I have because I have to Giles."

Staring at her for a few moments Giles didn't know what to say. Even though Buffy tried to hide her pain, how could it not be evident when she lost the love of her young life? How could it not be evident when a monster dwelt within the body of the man she loved?

To say he was worried about her was an understatement. She was holding all her grief inside; any time she was in a verbal confrontation, she backed down like she just did now. She was not acting like the Buffy he knew. It was as if she were slowly folding down within herself.

As much as he wanted to help her, he knew that Buffy didn't need for him to push the issue with her. God how he ached for her though! Giles just nodded and said "Very well Buffy. That will be all for now." But on the inside, he wept the tears she wouldn't show.

Buffy turned from him and walked over to behind the counter. Squatting down she reached for her bag. She was so close to breaking and pouring her heart out, but she couldn't. She deserved whatever suffering she had. She didn't deserve to share it with anyone, she didn't deserve the weight of it to be shared. It was her fault that Angelus was on the loose and that Angel, her eyes began to water at the thought of his name, was as good as dead now.

Her mind shied away from thinking about him. She couldn't break down now. She would not break down now. Standing up and walking around to the front of the counter with her bag over her shoulder, Buffy was about to leave the library when Giles called out to her. He came from his office and asked "Um, Buffy, are you going on patrol tonight?"

Shrugging her shoulders she said "Yeah. You know me, I'm patrol girl."

"Yes, well, please be careful." His warning of concern communicated a wealth of more meaning than just the simple words. Buffy could understand and hear all that he could not say to her.

Smiling she promised "I will." Turning away from his worried expression she walked out of the library. As she walked down the hall she thought about her upcoming patrol.

She dreaded it. Just as she dreaded every night that she patrolled. She dreaded seeing HIM.

Even though she hadn't seen Angelus in about a week, since she totally blew up the Judge, she didn't know what was worse: seeing him or not.

Because she hadn't seen him, it worried her. What was he up to? To be more specific, what evil was he planning to do against humankind? It was too much to hope that he decided to leave the pleasantly warm climate of the Hellmouth and go elsewhere.

Still, as much as it shouldn't bother her, the thought of never seeing Angel's body again saddened her. Logically she knew that Angel wasn't here anymore, but her heart still hadn't yet figured it out. At times she still felt as if she could go over and talk to Angel. If she had a problem, her first instinct was to tell Angel.

Only Angel was permanently out of town.

And it was her fault.

No, she definitely didn't look forward to patrolling tonight.

Reaching outside, Buffy squinted as the sunlight pierced her eyes. Heading for home she thought about Willow and Xander's suggestion about going to the Bronze that night.

At first she had said that she had too much homework, which caused Willow to snort in disbelief. Then she had made the excuse that she was too tired, which they obviously didn't really believe either, but they let it go.

Now she felt as if maybe the Bronze wasn't such a bad idea afterall. Maybe she needed some socialization other than her nightly 'dates' with the undead. Deciding to call Willow when she got home, Buffy felt better.

Only slightly.

But it would have to do

*************

A few hours later, Buffy was sitting at a small table between her best friends and feeling absolutely miserable. All around her were couples.

Couples, couples, couples.

There were happy couples, groping couples, fighting couples, and dancing couples; every combination of couples known to civilization were all at the Bronze.

Willow and Xander had both tried for the past thirty minutes to be their most upbeat and cheerful but even they were running out of steam. During an uncomfortable silence, Buffy turned her melancholy gaze away from a blond girl happily slow-dancing with a tall, dark man and apologized to her friends. "I'm sorry you guys. I know you're both trying to cheer me up, and I'm just bringing you down."

Her smooth brow wrinkling in concern, Willow said "You're not bringing us down Buffy. We don't mind doing all the talking, do we Xander?"

"Huh? Oh, no we don't mind talking. In fact, we like talking. Talking is good. It's something we choose to do alot of.

"Just what Xander said. We don't mind it at all."

Weakly smiling Buffy thought about how she really lucked out in finding these two friends of hers. Just them being there with her throughout the last few weeks meant so much to her. "Will, Xander...I know that I haven't said this to you, but I just want to thank you both for being here for me."

"Oh Buffy, that's so sweet,"Willow softly stated "but you don't have to thank us. We're friends. That's what friends do for each other."

"Really, thanks for listening to me, even when I wasn't talking." Buffy sat up straighter and tilted her head to the side. "Xander I think at the very least I owe you a dance. Would you do me the favor?"

Standing up and moving over to Buffy's side, Xander extended his arm and said "I just hope that you can handle me. I'm ready to get down tonight! I'm ready to do a little dance, make a little---"

Xander abruptly stopped as he realized what he was about to say. Avoiding Buffy's amused look he muttered "Don't you just love that K.C and the Sunshine Band?" Willow met Buffy's eyes before both girls erupted in laughter.

"Sure, sure...have a laugh at the Xan-man! As if my ego wasn't fragile enough!"

"Ooh Xander, we're sorry. Come on, we'll stop teasing." Linking her arm with his, Buffy said "We'll be back!"

"Don't mind me, I'll be fine. You two have a good time." Willow sat there drinking a soda as she watched her best friends dance. She was glad that Buffy seemed to be trying to get better, but Willow knew that Buffy had a long road ahead of her.

If only she could help her.

Unfortunately, no one could help Buffy. Angel was gone forever and the...thing that was walking with his body was pure evil. Eventually Buffy would have to stop him the way a Slayer does, but how would she gather the strength to slam a stake through the heart of the man she loves?

Even if his soul is no longer here, his body is still here. How will Buffy bring herself to end it? All Willow could do was sit there and wish that things could have gone differently.

Meanwhile, Buffy and Xander's one dance spilled over into another dance, this time a slow one. It wasn't anything like the one they had before. This one was a moment of pure friendship, without the lust or the desire to lash out. Buffy just laid her head on Xander's shoulder and allowed the rhythm of the music to guide her.

Xander held his friend and although she didn't say anything, he could feel that she was trying to forget. Trying to forget the events of the past few weeks. Trying to forget his most favorite of all vamps---Dead Boy.

Even though Xander had never wanted them together, he would never have hoped or wished for things to turn out like this. And not just because of Angel turning bad and being the most dangerous thing to hit the streets since Manson, but because of what it did to Buffy.

As crazy as it sounded to himself, if Xander had the power, he would give Angel back to Buffy. If only to make her happy again. I'm hopelessly in love with her and I have about as much of a chance with Buffy as the Undead Psycho. I'm crazy, pure and simple. Xander just shook his head and clutched his friend closer to himself.

Taking a sip from her drink, Willow slightly swayed to the music and let her eyes casually drift around the Bronze. Her gaze slid past one figure before careening back to him. Willow's eyes widened and she almost choked on her soda as she saw him.

Angelus.

He was standing in the shadows near the back of the club, completely dressed in black like the sinister creature that he was, with his arm around a pretty blond. However, he was not even looking down at the girl's upturned face.

Instead he was glaring out at the dance floor.

Moving her line of sight to what he was staring at, Willow saw just what she wasn't hoping to see: Buffy and Xander.

Wringing her hands, Willow was torn between sitting where she was and keeping an eye on Angel or yanking Buffy and Xander apart. Angel so looked capable of killing them both just for dancing together.

Angel and Xander never really got along, but at least they could be somewhat civilized, but now---Angel didn't seem like the tolerant type anymore. Taking a deep breath, Willow's mind debated on what to do.

Continuing to stare back and forth between both sides of the Bronze, she made up her mind to tell Buffy that Angel was here. The more seconds that had passed, the more coldly enraged he seemed to get. By the expression on his face, Willow expected him to rip Xander to pieces at any moment.

The thought of Xander-limbs scattering on the floor caused Willow to hop out of her chair. Taking a last glance at Angel, she saw that he was now looking at her. She felt her stomach drop to the floor; she could feel the menace eminating from him.

Staring at him she felt like an animal caught in the headlights. As if he knew exactly what she was feeling, Angel smirked at her. All the while keeping his gaze on her, he leaned his head down to the girl's, whispered something in her ear before giving her a kiss on her temple, and then threw Willow a lascivious wink.

Willow's eyes followed their exit out of the Bronze as she seemingly stood paralyzed. "What's wrong? Why are you just standing there?" Xander's voice snapped her out of her trance-like state.

Whirling around she gasped "Buffy! It was him! He was standing right over there---"

Buffy's stomach tightened up with tension. He was here. Tonight was finally going to be the night. Willing serenity to fill her, she threw a quick prayer up to God. "Willow you saw Angel?"

"Yeah, not the good Angel but the bad one! Well, obviously not the good one because if it was then I wouldn't be hypervenilating like this. Oh I'm sorry! Of course you know that it's Angelus because..."

Willow, you're not really making the situation any better here" Xander warned in an effort to stop her floundering.

Quickly scanning the Bronze Buffy asked "Where did you see him?"

Pointing in the direction of the far-side of the club, Willow explained "He was over there but he left."

Returning her gaze back to her friend, Buffy questioned "How long ago? Did he just leave now?" Seeing Willow nod her head, she said "Alright, I guess I have to start patrol a little early tonight."

Turning away, she was brought up short when she felt Willow's hand clutch her forearm. Meeting her friend's worried gaze, she was about to reassure her when she heard "Buffy...he wasn't alone. There was a girl with him. I-I think he's going to hurt her."

Not even by a flicker of an eyelid did Buffy show her pain and anxiety over hearing those words. It's only because Angel is killing again she assured herself. It's not because he's with someone other than me.

"I'm going to stop him. Don't worry Will, I'll call you tonight."

"Promise?"

Smiling slightly, Buffy emphatically stated "Promise." Meeting Xander's own worried gaze she instructed "Take Willow home, but both you be careful. Did you bring your stakes---"

"We brought the whole arsenal of demon-repellant: stakes, crosses, holy water, garlic for good measure, we're covered." The forced joviality left his voice and turned serious. "Hey, Buffy...be careful."

"I will be." Reaching over she gave both of them an impromptu hug, before pulling away. Taking a deep breath she smiled at them and turned away.

Without taking very much time, she rushed through the throng of teen-agers and reached the outside of the club. Looking around her, Buffy tried to pick up the slightest sense of where Angel could have taken his victim.

After a few moments she instinctually felt that Angel wasn't near the Bronze anymore. Her legs quickly walked away from the club and soon she found herself at the entrance of the cememtary. Because of her heightened sense of hearing she soon heard the high-pitched giggles that told her Angel and his 'date' were there in the cemetary.

At the moment, Angelus was holding the pretty blond by the waist and smiling down in her face. Her inane chattering was enough to make him want to rip her throat out just to shut her up. Pickings were rather slim though that night, so he had to make this one last.

Angelus spoke when necessary, but as to what he was saying, he had no idea what it was.

The girl must have liked it because she kept on giggling and rubbing herself against him like a bitch in heat. He found that his mind was on other things that night.

As they were the night before that.

And the night before that.

He was pretty much ignoring everything the silly creature was saying until he heard one word. "What did you say?" Angelus silkily asked.

Running her fingers down his velvet-covered chest, the nameless girl cooed "I thought you were with that girl Buffy. Don't you think she would get mad if she knew you were here with me?"

Buffy.

Angel's darling. His bitch.

Just the thought of her made him long to snap her neck. Just the thought of her made him long to fuck her to death. Just the thought of her made him long to just fuck her.

And all just the fucking thought of her.

Angered by the unwanted feelings of arousal he felt for the Slayer-bitch, Angelus was going to make sure that this girl would suffer for bringing up HER name. Focusing his attention to his pretty meal he replied "Oh I am still with Buffy."

In ways that sicken me, but that I will surely sever.

Confusedly she asked "You are?" A frown wrinkled her brow as she pulled away from him. She had always seen him at the Bronze and had always wanted him, but he had never paid any attention to anyone else---before.

Tonight, she thought that he had to be free and that she was why she had a chance with him. Hearing that he was still with Buffy did not sit well with her at all. Unless he had something else in mind...

Pulling her back to him, he wickedly said "You see, what is your name again?"

Offended she huffed before she answered "Jennifer."

"Ah, Jennifer. You see Jenny, my Buffy and I have been on the outs now for a few weeks. To tell you the truth, I still feel very strongly for her, but she doesn't return my feelings anymore. She killed my heart, so that it doesn't even beat anymore." Hanging his head down, he appeared to be the perfect picture of someone tragically in love.

As if on cue, Jennifer touched his shoulder and replied "If she can't love you anymore, then she doesn't deserve you."

Hiding his triumphant grin, Angelus soulfully looked up and said "I knew you would understand me. When I saw you standing there all by yourself, you know what I felt?"

Seeing that shook her head, he ferverently said "I felt that you were different. I thought that you were someone who I could BE with. Not just one girl for one night, but as my one and only. I could feel that you wouldn't be like my Buffy."

Coyly smiling she asked "Really? You think that you could care for me like you care for her?"

"Of course. I picked you, didn't I?"

"Could you care for me more than you care for her?"

"Possibly."

"Could you forget about her and love me?"

"Consider it done." Leaning down, he crushed her soft mouth beneath his. He could see and smell that she was becoming aroused. Knowing human nature as he did, he knew that the surest way to seduce this girl was to stroke her ego.

Jenny was the kind of girl that needed to take what others had, it was in her nature to try to steal whatever it was that she wanted, especially emotions. What she wanted tonight was to steal the affections of a boyfriend. Unfortunately for her, she picked the wrong boyfriend.

After a few seconds, Jennifer linked her arms around his neck and moaned into his mouth. Humans are so fucking predictable! It's a wonder they didn't get wiped off this miserable planet eons ago. Lifting his head, Angelus hynotically gazed into her wide, brown eyes and asked "Have you ever got naked in a cemetary, Jenny? Have you ever danced under the moonlight?" Lowering his voice to the merest whisper he asked "Have you ever given yourself up to the night?"

Before Jennifer could answer, a dry voice spoke from a few feet away. "I don't think there's going to be any nakedness going on between you two. Sorry, but that means that the moonlight and the giving of oneself are kinda out too."

Not even sounding surprised Angelus jovially said "Slayer! I was wondering how long you were going to stand there before you said something. Actually I was kinda hoping that maybe you'd join in."

With a startled gasp, Jennifer guiltily pulled away from Angelus. Stammering she explained "I-I thought t-that y-you two w-weren't together---" She abruptly stopped when she felt his hand rest on her shoulder. Emboldened by his touch she drew up and nastily said "I don't think that it's any of your business what we're doing. You have some nerve, you know that?"

Crossing her arms in front of her, Buffy kept staring at Angelus' smug countenance. Without taking her eyes off him, she asked "Why do you say that?"

"You're sick because you can't love someone like him. If he were mine, I wouldn't ever let him go!" Remembering his words, she purred "Oh, but you see, he IS mine now. He's dumping you for me!"

Pinning him with a challenging stare Buffy cooly said "That's funny. I didn't even know that he could dump me, since we're not exactly together anymore. So Angel, are you going to let go of her the nice way, or am I going to have to make it painful for you?"

Idly caressing the blond's shoulder, he took his time before answering. Finally he said "Oh Buff, haven't you got it yet? Haven't you figured out that you can't make me do anything? However...I might let her go, but that depends on you."

"Meaning?"

"I don't know if I feel like giving her up. What will you give me in return?"

"Umm...let me think...oh, I got it! How about NOTHING!" Her voice became menacing as she ordered "Let her go Angel. Now." Staring back at her for a few seconds, Angelus' mouth broke into an evil grin. "I could rip her throat out right here and then what would you do? Try to kill me? But then it would be too late for poor old Jenny here." Shaking his head in mock sorrow, he waited for her next move.

Shifting her body slightly, Buffy glanced at the girl and ordered "Move away from him...Now!"

Stubbornly Jennifer clung to her would-be murderer. His comment about killing her couldn't have been literal. He was just making his point that he couldn't be kept away from her. "No! Why don't you leave? Go away! Don't you see that he doesn't want you anymore?"

Chuckling, Angelus said "Ooh it seems like we're at a stalemate Slayer. She doesn't want to be rescued, what are you going to do?" Since he was standing behind her, Jennifer had no idea that he had just morphed.

Buffy knew that if Angel chose to attack the girl, she would not be able to get to them in time. With a slight edge of desperation in her voice she said "What to do you want Angel? Do you want to fight, is that it? Do you want to see if you can take me?"

Crudely he said "I can take you anyway and anytime babe. Oh, you mean fight you! I kinda didn't hear that part since a fight with you wouldn't be much of a fight." Angelus stood there for a few seconds, seemingly deep in thought, before he shrugged. "Why the hell not? I could always do with another Slayer-notch on my belt."

Warily Buffy again ordered "Move away from him now!"

"No! Angel wants me with him---" All of a sudden Jennifer felt a strong push that left her sprawled on the ground. While she lay there dazedly she heard Angel say "Are you deaf? Didn't you hear her say to get away from me?" Picking herself up she turned to face him, stared at him for a second, and then abruptly started screaming.

Morphing back to human, Angelus impatiently snarled "Oh will you just shut the fuck up and get the hell out of here!" Staring between Buffy and Angel in disbelief, she began shaking her head from side to side, before scurrying away.

The incident that night in the cemetary would haunt her for years; never again did she allow herself to get picked up by a stranger. Crazily enough, at least to her rational mind, she was also haunted to the day she died, at the ripe age of eighty-six, by the inexplicable wish to have gone through with the dark promises of dancing naked in the moonlight...

After the girl ran out of the cemetary, Buffy completely focused her attention on Angelus. On the surface she knew that she appeared completely in control and as detached as he was. Internally, her emotions were in a jumble. When she had first seen the two together, she couldn't stop the immediate feeling of betrayal. It hurt to see him with someone other than her, even though she knew that it wasn't Angel.

Now, she was going to have to fight him. Fight the demon Angelus who had deceitfully stolen Angel's body. She was going to have to kill him. She was going to have to drive a stake through him.

She was going to have to watch his body explode into ash.

She was going to have to watch that ash float and scatter to the winds, never to be seen again.

It hurt so badly! God give her the strength to do what she HAD to do.

Angelus' thoughts were no less troubled. It drove him insane to have this mortal consume his every murderous thought. He knew that he would see her at the Bronze. For reasons that he couldn't explain to himself, he had wanted to see her.

What he hadn't wanted to see was Buffy dancing with that jerk-off Xander. He had seen her sitting at the table with her little friends. He had seen her staring wistfully at the couple that so reminded her of them both. Yes, he could see her transparent thoughts written all over her face.

He had seen it all.

What he hadn't seen was her getting up to dance with that puke. That annoying fluff of a human had dragged his attention away from Buffy so that when he looked up again, he saw her out there with him.

He had felt such an indescribable rage overtake him that he almost leapt onto the dance floor to kill them both. It enflamed him that he even cared who she danced with or even fucked. At that thought his fury grew almost unbearble. As much as it disgusted him, he didn't want anyone to touch Angel's love because...

He wanted her to be his whore, before he destroyed her.

And those feelings were completely unacceptable to him.

He knew she would follow him here. He had been sure that Buffy's little red-head friend would run and tell.

Now he was going to have to kill the Slayer. He would not let her sully his thoughts any longer. If they didn't finish things tonight, he WOULD finish them. It could be quick and brutal or it could be drawn out and insanely painful, but he would drive Buffy out of his being regardless of cost.

Seeing her drop into her fighting stance, Angelus took a few steps forward and growled low in his throat. "Ladies first Buff. Come on, I'll let you throw the first blow."

"Don't do me any favors Angel." Buffy tensely watched him for the slightest movement.

"No favor. Just don't want you to think I'm not a gentleman." All of a sudden his fist shot out and would've clipped Buffy in the jaw if it wasn't for her lightening quick reflexes.

The battle had begun.

Each threw fierce blows but neither seemed to be able to solidly connect. For several minutes they fought with deadly intent, but no one was able to give ground. Finally he did a roundhouse kick just as she was about to throw an uppercut. It caught her right on the side and knocked her flat on her back to the ground.

"What's the matter Buff? A little off on your game?" Angelus snidely asked as he lifted a leg to stomp her on the chest. Just before his boot connected with her chest, Buffy grabbed his foot, twisted, and threw him to the ground.

"It doesn't seem to be my game that's off Angel." Her foot connected with his ribs as she forcefully kicked him when he attempted to get up. Angelus grunted but then he flew off the ground with vampiric speed and smashed his fist on the side of her head.

Miraculously Buffy didn't fall, but only slightly stumbled before shaking it off and posturing herself defensively. Goading him she spat "Is that the best you can do demon? No wonder your kind is so easy to dust."

His eyes darting to find any vulnerability in her stance, Angelus softly growled "I wouldn't be so confident just yet Slayer. I'm going to so love watching you die."

"Well I plan on living for a long time Angel. You however only have a few minutes, if even that, left." Buffy felt her chest tighten with unwilling pain. This was going to be it. She had always heard that before one dies their life flashes before their eyes. She now knew that it was true.

Only it wasn't just her life that flashed and burned brightly in her psyche. It was the life she had with Angel. It was THEIR life that was going to die.

Forever.

Buffy thought that she was doing a good job with hiding her true emotions from him. She thought she was handling her grief just fine. She thought she was burying it so deeply that it would never be able to escape. She believed that she would keep and nurture that grief until she drew her last breath.

And no one would know.

However, she couldn't hide it well enough from a creature like him. Angelus saw it all.

He absorbed the tremendous energy of sadness that flowed from his enemy. He greedily stood there and drank it all in. Her misery was her weakness, even if she didn't yet know it. Her love was her vulnerability.

Her love for Angel was her mortal wound.

He couldn't best her physically, yet. But if he exploited her emotions, then he could best her.

It was too tempting.

He shouldn't do it. He should end it all right here. Even if that meant taking the chance that he would lose and she would stake him. Surely that would preferable to perpetuating his already rampant obsession.

No, he would not do it.

Better that the bitch die or that he die. No fucking way was he going to waste his time with feeding his dirty obsession with a worthless human.

God help me, I have to do this. If you're listening, please---I need your help Buffy desperately prayed. Not even a whisper of divine intervention in the form of silent words came to Buffy.

Instead, the more Buffy looked at Angelus, the more she was able to look past the murderous glint in his eyes. She was able to see the ghost of an image; the gentleness of Angel started transposing himself with the image in front of her.

The more she stared at him, the more that time seemed to slow down. The less real her situation seemed. This cannot be happening. Mentally she scrambled Maybe I can cure him. Maybe I can bring Angel back.

"Lover, you seem awfully confused. Anything I can do to help you?" Angelus gratingly asked.

"Thanks, but no thanks."

"Aww, come on Buff. Let me at least take a stab at it." coming out of his defensive crouch, he seemingly pondered the situation. "I bet you're thinking of...um...could it be? No, not him...let's see...oh yes, I bet you're thinking of..." he paused dramatically,"...ANGEL!"

"And this matters to you because?" Buffy sarcastically snapped.

Grinning he shrugged. "Well, Angel is a man who is dear to my heart, oh wait...that's right, I don't have one. Screw it! I guess I'll tell you the truth. I love to see a gorgeous girl like yourself in agony. What can I say? It just makes my night."

Emotionlessly Buffy stated "I'm not in agony. I'm not in grief. So don't flatter yourself in thinking that you consume my thoughts because you don't."

"Ooh! A little testy are we? I never said anything about consuming your thoughts. Since you brought it up though, it must be true. Thank you Slayer, I'm glad to know that you can still think of me. Especially after I took over your boyfriend's body, destroyed your love, etc., etc."

"You may have taken over his body, but you will NEVER destroy our love. Our love is eternal. Wherever Angel is at, I know that he still feels it just as strongly as I do. Nothing you can do, nothing you can say will ever change that."

Throwing back his head Angelus gave a shout of laughter. Mimicking her he said "'Nothing you can do, nothing you can say will ever change that.' How dramatic! Oh you humans! I tell you, your kind definitely can do much more than provide a meal. At times, like now, you humans provide first-class entertainment! Buffy, what makes you think that I care about your 'great love'?"

Turning his own words against him, she shrugged her shoulders and said "I never brought up my love for Angel, you did. So since you brought it up, you must think about it alot. Which tells me that it must bother you. Why is that?"

The amusement left his face as her barb struck closer to home than she would ever imagine it would. He DID think about the love Angel and herself shared and it bothered him. He just didn't know why...

Fury burning brightly in his dark eyes, he began to pace. "It doesn't bother me. Why would it ever bother me? Why would I care what you two had? Do you honestly think that one piece of ass is worth more than five minutes thought?"

Seeing that she had him on the defense she said "Sounds like it bothers you to me. In fact I bet you do think about it alot. I bet you can remember what happened between Angel and I when we made love. I bet you can remember every detail, and I would even bet that it drives you crazy that it didn't happen to you."

Angelus stopped his pacing and pinned her with a hateful glare. "As a matter of fact I do remember everything. Do you want to know what I remember? I remember an insipid virgin who didn't know one end of a cock from another. I remember an ice-queen who had even less movement than a corpse. I remember a Slayer that had to have been the worse lay that Angel and I had EVER had. No wonder he left; he didn't leave because of one grand, true moment of happiness. He left because you bored him to death!"

While his words slashed at her self-confidence, Buffy did not allow it to show. She buried it inside of her, she placed her pain deep within, along with all of the other pain. "Nice try Angelus, but it's not going to work. You forget that I was there. I know what Angel and I felt for each other."

The fact that his statements didn't seem to affect Buffy and the fact that she steadfastly believed in her love with that pansy irritated Angelus beyond measure. Needling her he pityingly said "Sure Buff, convince yourself anyway you can. Convince yourself as to why he left. But tell me this: why do you think that it was so easy for me to come back? Especially at that particular moment. Gypsy curse or not, it was so easy for me to take control again. Don't you find that a bit odd?"

Coolly staring at his mock-innocent expression, Buffy simply stated "Angel had no choice. I know that if there was any chance he could come back, he would."

Arching his brows, Angelus whistled. Amusedly studying her remote expression, he commented "You really do want to believe that, don't you? You really believe that your love is all-powerful. You believe that eventually Angel will come back. You're probably going to try to get that gypsy or your little Willow to bring him back."

Walking away from her with his arms outstretched Angelus stopped when he was about fifteen feet away. Looking over his shoulder his voice dripped with annoying charm. "I'll do you another favor."

"Like what? Let me stake you real easy? Walk out into the sun?"

Grinning wickedly Angelus said "Nah, not that kind of favor. Even though you know that I would do just about anything for you Slayer, I kinda like my body in a solid substance and as much as it shames me to admit it, my skin's too delicate for daylight. You know, with the U.V rays and all. No, the favor I'm going to do for you is this: I'll give Angel a chance."

Tersely Buffy asked "Excuse me? A chance for what?"

"What do you think? A chance to come back. If your love is as strong as you say it is, he should have no problem coming back. I'll relax the control I have on this plane, and see if he shows."

Buffy felt her heart beat in slow, heavy thuds. "Why would you do that? Because you're such a nice demon, right?" He was probably bullshitting her, but what if?

"Why would I do it? That is the question, isn't it?" He was silent for several moments before mysteriously saying "I guess that's just going to have to be my little secret, won't it?"

Buffy didn't bother to respond as she awaited his next move. "I see all that doubt Buffy. Don't blame you though. I bet he doesn't even show. Why bother coming back? I'm sure he's having a grand old time floating on a cloud strumming a harp, or something as equally dull---"

All of a sudden his body shook violently and he dropped to his knees. Groaning Angelus could only get out a surprised "What the hell?" before the pain cut his words short. Flinging his head back he gave a great roar before collapsing on the ground.

Buffy stared in shock before cautiously approaching his fallen figure. When she was about five feet away, she saw him stir so she abruptly stopped.

"Buffy---" Angel softly called. It was him. Buffy quickly ran and dropped to her knees. Turning him over, she ran her hand over his face as he blinked several times and tried to focus on her. "Buffy? W-what are we doing here?"

Tears running down her face she whispered "Angel?"

Confusedly looking at the grief and joy on her face, he reached a shaky hand up to wipe the tears from her face. "Hey, why are you crying?" Sitting up he enveloped her into his strong embrace. "Ssh, baby. Please don't cry anymore. It's going to be alright, I promise."

Clutching him tightly Buffy felt the sobs catch in her throat. "I can't believe it's really you. I've missed you so much! I love you so much!"

"I love you too. I don't know what's happened, but please, I hate to see you cry. Please don't cry anymore." Pulling back from her, he held her face in his hands and leaned forward to kiss her. Their mouths gently touched. Angel flicked his tongue and traced the outline of her lips before she willingly opened her mouth to let him in.

Breaking their kiss, Angel touched each of her salty tears with his lips and then kissed each delicate eyelid. When she opened her eyes, Buffy stared into his dark, peaceful gaze. She felt herself get slowly drawn into him. She never wanted him to leave her again. Voicing her thoughts out loud she pleaded "Angel...please don't ever leave me."

Without saying a word, his mouth again touched hers to meet in a kiss. It started the same as the one before, yet quickly turned voracious. Holding her to him with one arm, Angel let his other hand follow the curves exposed by her very short baby-blue dress. "Oh, Buff you feel so good..." he breathed before he began to kiss her neck.

Buffy's senses were drowning in his touch. When he pinched her nipple, she softly moaned into his mouth. His hand soon moved down to the hem of her dress before sliding underneath to touch the juncture between her legs. When his fingers encountered the wetness that seeped on her panties, he growled with pleasure.

Abruptly ripping them off of her, his fingers delved and sank into her warmth. Buffy's cry of apprehension soon turned into soft breathy pants when his fingers began to rhythmically move in and out of her. "Angel..."

"Do you love me Buffy?" he darkly spoke in her ear.

"Um...yes..."

"Always?"

"Yes...forever...oh,yes..." Buffy could feel the strange tension take her body as his fingers moved faster and faster. Clutching his arm, she writhed in ecstasy. When his thumb began to press down and rotate on her little nub, Buffy's eyes opened to meet the tight and drawn features of his beautiful face before glazing over as the first wave of her orgasm overtook her.

It felt so good. There was nothing in the world like it. For the second time in her life, Buffy had an orgasm. It was frightening, yet exhiliarating and only her beloved Angel could give her this feeling.

She didn't really exactly understand how or why Angel was back, but at this moment her hatred for Angelus slipped a little bit because he had stepped aside long enough for Angel to come back.

Falling limply against him, she nuzzled his neck as he stroked her hip. "Did that feel good, Buff?"

As the fog of her desire broke, she felt a sliver of apprenhension run down her spine. Angel never called her Buff. That was the second time he had said it. Focusing on his face, she no longer saw the gentle, soulful eyes of Angel but instead saw the malicious, soulless eyes of Angelus.

Before she could leap out of his treacherous embrace, his mouth brutally closed over hers for a few seconds. Even through the harshness of his kiss, Buffy felt a traitorous spark flare within.

Abruptly letting her go Angelus stood up and walked away to lean against a tombstone. Seeing that she was already up and staring at him with barely-concealed hatred in her eyes, he condescendingly advised "You really should be more careful in the future lover. When you go against an opponent, you should learn to conceal all of your thoughts. All I had to was mention Angel and poof! all your thoughts were right there for me to read. But don't beat yourself up too much about it, most wouldn't be able to see it, but since I get off on misery I make it my business to see these things."

He wasn't willing to let it go at that. "I deserve an award for that performance! Man, I totally fooled you! You would think that you know the difference between the man you love and me...I guess your love isn't as strong as you think it is."

Feeling the sickness twist her stomack in vicious knots Buffy couldn't believe how easily she had been taken in. He had been able to fool her because she had wanted to believe so badly that her Angel had come back. Staring at his hateful arrogant face she succinctly said "My love for Angel is unbreakable. Something like you would never know it or understand it."

Cockily grinning at her "Oh, you can keep your love Slayer. I don't want it. All I wanted from you, I've already had." Bringing his hand up to his face Angelus closed his eyes as if savoring the aroma of a scent. "I have your cum all over my fingers and I do have to tell you Buff, it smells soo good."

Internally recoiling from his words Buffy once again assumed her emotionless mask. "You may have me over your fingers, but it was never for you. When I felt your fingers, I was feeling Angel's. It was his name that I was calling. Never yours. You can't make me feel any shame, because you don't have the power. Everything that you think I gave to you, I gave to Angel."

Unwillingly Angelus felt each of Buffy's words strike him. Peering into her face, he could read absolutely nothing of her emotions. It enflamed him that she could coolly state that she would never feel HIM. That all she would ever feel was Angel.

It enflamed him even more that he had a raging hard-on because of her. Damn bitch! Why didn't he end it when she was helpless in his arms? Why didn't he just tear into her throat? Or better yet, her heart?

Why did he have to hold her against him?

Staring at her he felt his being teeter on the brink of demonic rage. No, he was not going to entertain thoughts of keeping her alive. FUCK! She thought she was too good for him! Fuck her!

It outraged him beyond words that it even bothered him.

He was just going to have to kill her. Straightening up he purposely advanced towards her while saying "Enough small-talk. Playtime is over Slayer. It's time for you to be reunited with your true love."

Pulling a long, thick silver hairping from her upswept hair Buffy clutched it in her hand tightly. It wasn't a stake, but it would get the job done. "I agree, let's cut the talk out. And I think it's time for you to be reunited with the rest of your kind---in hell."

Angelus' fist shot out and connected with her shoulder. Buffy held in her cry of pain while her other fist cleanly connected with his jaw. She quickly sent both of her fists into his throat, causing him to stumble back. Before she could land another blow, he brutally backhanded her. He lunged towards her, but she deftly side-stepped him and kicked him squarely in the back. Angelus abruptly fell upon his hands and knees, barely missing a tombstone.

Determinely reaching him Buffy's fist tightened around her chop-stick hairpin. This was going to be it. She had to do it. She could think about it later. Give me the strength Lord.

Hearing her come up from behind him, Angelus morphed into his 'game' face. This was going to be it. He had to do it. When he was pretending to be Angel, he had become too involved. He had become her lover, if only for a few moments.

That was totally unacceptable.

No, she had intruded on his thoughts one too many times. Now her scent, her elixer was apart of him. Before he could remember the scent she left with Angel, but it was like a ghost of a memory. Now, it was deeply imprinted upon him.

He just had to see her as another kill. Get ready for it boy.

Simultaneously Buffy and Angelus both made their move to deliver the killing blow to the other. Buffy had her 'stake' pulled back and ready to plunge, while Angelus' fangs were ready to pierce and tear the delicate flesh of her neck.

Simultaneously both hesitated at the exact same moment.

Buffy's pin was poised right over his heart while Angelus had her clutched in his deadly arms with his fangs posed right over her neck. If they hadn't hesitated, both would have instantly died.

The realization dawned on both of them at the exact same moment.

Tensely they stood there, in a travesty of a lover's embrace, neither of them willing to move in case the other decided to attack. Finally Angelus warily spoke. "It seems we're at another stalemate."

"So it seems."

"What should we do about it?"

"You could move your fangs from my neck and let me do my job."

"Not likely. How about you move your delightful instrument of death from my chest?"

"Not going to happen. The minute I do, you eat me. No way."

"I'd love to eat you Slayer---" Hearing where he was going Buffy pressed her pin against him but then she felt the sharp prick of him against her neck. Dragging in a shaky breath Buffy eased the pressure from her pin and Angelus eased the pressure from her neck.

They both stood that way for several minutes. Buffy could feel the slow trickle of a solitary bead of sweat run down between her breasts as she thought of her next move. Every way she thought about it, she was screwed.

Angelus could not understand why he had hesitated. After all his back talk, he hedged. He had been a millisecond away from tearing into her neck, when something stopped him. Strange...

Tamping down his self-anger, Angelus focused on the present moment: getting the Slayer to ease off his chest.

The only thing he needed to think about was how to get out of the present predicament. Taking a gamble, Angelus morphed back into his human visage and slowly pulled back. Holding his hands up in a gesture of peace, he said "I won't attack if you won't. Deal?"

Warily staring him down Buffy said "I don't see a need for a deal. Why not end it now? That way I can go home and I can send you home."

Chuckling Angelus put his hands down and put them in his pockets. Rocking back on his heels he sighed. "Slayer...Slayer...why the hurry? We can finish this another time, another way."

"Excuse me for not buying it, but you seemed more than eager to end it a few minutes ago."

Enigmatically smiling Angelus smoothly replied "I had a change of...heart. Until later Lover." And just like that, he was gone.

Buffy stood there for a few seconds, not quite understanding what happened. With a puzzled frown she turned away and made her way home, keeping her senses on full alert just in case Angelus was up to another trick.

Seeing that the lights in the living room were still on she looked down at her wristwatch. Damn! She was late. Seeing that she still had the pin in her hand, Buffy quickly twisted her hair and stuck the pin through it. Looking down at the condition of her dress, she saw that it didn't look too bad but if her mom looked at it too closely...

Seeing no hope for it, Buffy quickly walked through the door to find her mother sleeping in a chair with a blanket wrapped around her. As soon as the door closed her mother startled and blearily looked around the room. When she saw Buffy, she sat up straighter and fixed her daughter with a stern stare.

"Buffy have you any idea what time it is?"

"Mom I'm sorry. I know that I'm late---"

Joyce angrily broke in with, "You know what time your curfew is Buffy! Why can't you meet it? Don't you know that I worry when you come home late?"

Contritely Buffy apologized. "I know that you worry and I'm sorry Mom."

Shaking her head Joyce said "Your sorry isn't going to cut it. You've been late one too many times! I'm sorry Buffy but you're grounded. That means no going out to the Bronze, the mall, or over to Willow's. For a week you are to be at this home immediately after school."

Weakly Buffy said "But Mom, I get tutored after school..."

Running her hand through her hair, Buffy's mother thought about it for a second and then relented---slightly. "Alright, you can stay for your tutoring after school but immediately after that---I want you home."

Already Buffy was feeling a little guilty for the upcoming week because she knew she would have to sneak out of the house. Nodding her head Buffy apologized again. "I'm sorry Mom."

Standing up her mother came over to her and gave her a tight hug. Pulling back she smoothed Buffy's hair back and said "Oh honey, I know you're sorry. I do this because I love you and I want to keep you safe. You're only seventeen Buffy. Seventeen. Why the rush to grow up so fast?"

Seeing her mother's worried and wistful eyes, Buffy wanted to say "I don't want to grow up at all. I want to be a little girl forever! I want to go to sleep-overs and go to the mall, and have my biggest dilemma be whether I should go out with John from the swim team or Chris from the basketball squad."

Feeling the heaviness of her private burden Buffy wished she could tell her mother everything. She wished she could tell her about the slaying, the battles with demons, Angel...

All of a sudden, Buffy could feel herself begin to crack. Giving her mother a kiss on the cheek, she murmured "Goodnight" before fleeing up the stairs, leaving her mother to stand there with a troubled expression on her face. Once she reached her room, she closed and locked the door before standing back against it.

No, don't let it come out. Get control of yourself Buffy. It will pass.

The harder she tried to control herself, the more impossible it became. She couldn't keep the agony of Angel's loss from overwhelming her. She couldn't keep the rage and self-hatred from choking her.

Digging her fists into her eyes, she tried to hold it back. She tried to hold back her guilt and disillusionment. All these weeks she had been able to basically be a shell. She had been able to keep the majority of her emotions under close lock.

Now it was all disintegrating.

Angel. A sob rose out of her. Angel. He was gone. Oh God, he was gone. Another sob broke free from her lips. He was never coming back. He would never be able to walk her home. He would never be her confidant. He would never be her protector again.

More sobs unleashed themselves from her body. Pressing a hand tightly against her mouth, Buffy knew she had never felt any pain greater than what she was feeling now. Even when she realized that Angel was gone, she hadn't felt this intense agony. She hadn't let herself.

Now, her grief was pouring out of her. Her body shook from the overwhelming loss. Her love, her life, was gone. Never would he hold her gently and tell her that he loved her. Never would he make love to her again.

Unwillingly Buffy thought about what had happened in the cemetary. She remembered the feeling of rapture that Angelus was able to stir from her. Even though she thought he was Angel, that still didn't explain why he was able to arouse a tiny part of her again just by kissing her.

Buffy immediately became consummed by guilt and disgust. She never would have believed that she could feel anything but hatred and contempt for Angelus. To know that he was able to arouse her body, was a blow to everything that she had believed about herself. Her tears ran down her face as she thought of how the sacred memory of her first love-making experience now had a tainted edge.

She could not forget what had happened. Inexplicably the two memories had now become joined in her memory. If she thought of Angel with her, looming over her and arching into her, she now also thought of Angelus stroking her. Making her cum.

Even now, she could feel an invisible imprint on her body.

Gathering a hold of her emotions, Buffy was able to calm herself and resume her emotionless masquerade.

Looking on her bed, she saw a perfect red rose and a note. Walking over to it, she looked at it in confusion before picking up the note. In bold, masculine writing it said:

The window.

Rushing over to the window, Buffy ripped the frilly curtains open and looked outside. She didn't see him. Slowly closing them again, Buffy wondered if he had seen her cry. She hoped he hadn't. She couldn't let it happen again.

Any of it.

As she got ready for bed, she suddenly remembered to call Willow. Dialing the number Buffy clutched the phone and hoped she didn't get Willow in trouble for calling so late. The phone picked up on the first ring. "Hello?!"

"Hi Willow, it's me."

"Buffy! Are you okay?" her voice worriedly asked.

Wanly smiling the Slayer replied "I'm fine. Willow? I-I'm really tired. Can we talk tommorow?"

Even though she was bursting with questions, Willow just said "Um, sure. We'll talk tomorrow. 'Nite Buffy."

"'Nite Will." Putting the phone down, Buffy opened her dresser and pulled out some pajamas. Unzipping her dress, she warily looked towards the window before pulling her dress down. Blankly she realized that her panties were gone. She then remembered.

Feeling her flesh crawl with what surely must be disgust, she grabbed a robe and headed for her bathroom. She would stay under the nozzle until she washed every trace of the monster off of her.

Outside, Angelus watched Buffy leave the room. His eyes glittered with unfulfilled desire. Rubbing his thumb against his forefinger, he felt the soft cotton of Buffy's torn panties. Her scent wafted around him, like a heady perfume.

Soon my darling. Soon.

Angelus' lips curved into an angelic smile and he nimbly hopped down from the ledge and headed for home.