a letter from a friend
what's odd about this whole thing is that this is chas' ex girlfriend, erin, and we have become friends. i am glad that they are ex's because then she can tell me some things that i should know that he never tells me!
Erin,
I have it now. I can use his too, if worse comes to worse.
(her cell phone number.)
Last night I wanted a little nookie and he denied me...three times in a row...not to mention at least a week before that in a row. i've been feeling pretty self doubting anyway, and then that doesn't help, but he just doesn't understand. so he gets up (i'm on the phone to my friend josie, who is a] drunk off her ass and b] bragging up her boyfriend in bed) and yells at me "sorry i'm not bill fucking superman in bed" blah blah blah. this makes me cry because i was never once comparing them, but he could hear josie's end of the conversation as well as what i was saying. well, he is leaving and i said "i am NOT coming out there after you" and he said "fine then" and slammed the door. here is actually where i cry, sorry, forgot that point before...hehe. well, i express to josie how i want to leave and she just is oblivious to me wanting to come over there, ya know? but i have no car, mine is up on a jack in his garage out back and he's pissed at me now too, so there goes using his car or the truck for that matter. so i feel trapped...as i do every day. about three hours later, i call back over to josie's and talk to bill, her fiancee, and he says to come over and we can drink, because i mentioned i wanted to get drunk. well, after a little hesitation from me (just because josie gets jealous, well, thinks bills going to put the moves on me and i wanted her along, but she was passed out, so he didn't wake her up, but you know how it is if your friend is nervous for you to be alone with someone, that instantly makes you nervous), bill said he was going to run to the store and buy some beer and stuff (since the hard liquor places were closed), but by the time he got there, it was 2:01, so he couldn't buy anything, so that sort of put a damper on it. he offered me some of josie's mixture, sunny delight and vodka, granted, it doesn't taste too bad, it smelled horrible. but we are sitting there watching wow, women of wrestling, and he goes to bed. i call chas, in a moment of weakness, and start talking to him. then all of a sudden, i am hearing things i didn't want to hear from josie's room. then she comes stumbling out into the living room and i asked her "was it good," etc...anyway, to make a long story short, then chas agrees to come get me, it was a mutual decision, i can't sleep without him, he can't sleep without me and that is the only way he is completely dependant upon me. he CAN cook for himself and do laundry, etc, but when it comes to sleeping, he can't without me (while i am dependent on him for everything pretty much anymore). we go to the grocery store and he buys me some vegetable soup because i wanted some. he got a big can so he could eat some too, then only took like 3 bites, so there is still this like half a container of soup in the fridge. then he starts trying to have sex with me, which started this whole fight in the first place, ya know? at this point, i really don't WANT to so much, but i obviously know how it feels, so why would i reject him as he had done to me so many times?
Anyway, that pretty much wraps up my story. This whole escapade went from like 10 or 11 to 5:30. It was a long day yesterday, that's for sure. Then today I couldn't sleep in, even, so whatta day!!
Love
Emily
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